I'm being replaced

[polywog]

It wasn't fruitless... it did bear fruit..it is all part of taking care of yourself and looking out for number 1...

 

you gained by placing the call....you are taking the power he had over you back...

 

Well, read the post I wrote while you were kind enough to reply! I am so petty, and maybe a jerk!

[Art_Critic]

...........

[RecordProducer]

1. Buy some good ice cream and put laxative in it. Leave it in the freezer before you depart. Are they gonna trash a "fully closed" package? No.

 

2. Print a medical template and fill it with test results:

 

HIV: positive

Siphilis: positive

Hepatits A: negative

Hepatitis B: positive

Hepatitis C: negative

Blood pressure: within limits

 

By the time he has the chance to explain, she will be out of the house.

 

3. Send a copy of a "document" that obliges him to pay child support for his three children from his previous marriage for the last seven years, which would be exactly... what sum?... $49,685?

 

4. Take a picture of the girl and make a photo montage of her head and some porn model. Send the pictures to her boss, your ex, her parents, and just about anyone you can think of (drive around and put the pics in people's mailboxes).

[polywog]

1. Buy some good ice cream and put laxative in it. Leave it in the freezer before you depart. Are they gonna trash a "fully closed" package? No.

 

2. Print a medical template and fill it with test results:

 

HIV: positive

Siphilis: positive

Hepatits A: negative

Hepatitis B: positive

Hepatitis C: negative

Blood pressure: within limits

 

By the time he has the chance to explain, she will be out of the house.

 

3. Send a copy of a "document" that obliges him to pay child support for his three children from his previous marriage for the last seven years, which would be exactly... what sum?... $49,685?

 

4. Take a picture of the girl and make a photo montage of her head and some porn model. Send the pictures to her boss, your ex, her parents, and just about anyone you can think of (drive around and put the pics in people's mailboxes).

 

:lmao: :bunny:

 

Wicked, wicked evil!!! Love it! Endorphins flowing into brain as I LMAO!!!

[AHIWON]

....forgot to mention that there was a large, dead, rotted, mutiliated-by-seagulls dolphin on the beach! But the dog did not even care , so I missed my chance for the smelly dead dolphin revenge scheme. Next time.

 

There's a severely injured right whale swimming around here (documented by scientists & in the local news) I hope it doesn't die , but if it does, may my dog roll in its rotten corpse.

 

ROTFLMAO! Now while you are waiting for your dead whale to come in, there are always subscriptions to gay mag's and publications. Get some. Some of the seamstress and sewing stuff too. Not just to his address but to friends and family in his name. You just need the addresses. Soon enough he will have enough sympathy from folks who think he needs emotional support for coming out of the closet that he will be steaming. They will just see it as denial. Will take a while to live that down. Even when it's over, there will still be enough leftovers to turn into a long term ribbing from everyone he knows for many years to come.

 

Hope the dog gets to sport his/her favorite fragrance in front of the gaylord. Perhaps Elton John likes "beached whale at midnight" too!

[polywog]

ROTFLMAO! Now while you are waiting for your dead whale to come in, there are always subscriptions to gay mag's and publications. Get some. Some of the seamstress and sewing stuff too. Not just to his address but to friends and family in his name. You just need the addresses. Soon enough he will have enough sympathy from folks who think he needs emotional support for coming out of the closet that he will be steaming. They will just see it as denial. Will take a while to live that down. Even when it's over, there will still be enough leftovers to turn into a long term ribbing from everyone he knows for many years to come.

 

Hope the dog gets to sport his/her favorite fragrance in front of the gaylord. Perhaps Elton John likes "beached whale at midnight" too!

 

:lmao:

 

Brilliant! Endorphin shot again, whew, thanks...keep those ideas coming...

[dropdeadlegs]

Oh no!

 

I think YOU should get Leo for the first few weeks. YOU are losing so much more than he is in this break up and move. YOU need your best friend.

 

He has the house. He has the garden. He will have lots of cash from the sale of the cab company.

 

You should at least have Leo for comfort.

[polywog]

Hi DDL,

Maybe I should have the dog. I just feel as if my new temporary digs are not the best situation for him right now. It's a basement apartment, and I'd hate to leave him alone there when I go places where I can't bring a dog. The ex's home is big, and Leo has his own dog door to go into the big yard anytime he likes. The ex is almost always home, so Leo would always have someone who loves him around. I don't know. Maybe just cut out this idea of avoiding this place altogether for a few weeks and just take Leo when it's convenient.

[Liz]

Hi All,

For those of you who haven't read my threads, the summary:

SO ends 9yr LTR beaks up with me in Jan., I have lived with him in his home (which I made into a real home after his years here as a batchelor with roomates, kind of a party house crash pad) for 8 years, and am devastated and am doing my best to move out and on, holding onto hope more than I realize until the very end. Plan to be out of here soon, leaving the house (most of the furniture etc is mine) has been hard for me. Emotionally and finacially, etc. It's the biggest test of my life, really.

 

My ex's reason for being unhappy & breaking it up is that I am "too fat": I weigh 120 and am 5'4", yes... it's bizzare and warped. An am attractive by anyone's standards but his. Yes, I should see that he's not good enough for me, but I loved him and it's not so simple.

 

Found out last week that he is seeing someone else and was surprised, and that she's sort of a sweet, simple childlike woman with lots of bagage, that people who know her think it won't last, etc. She's a flakey, lost-soul type, they say, but I would like to think she's an OK person Nevertheless, he seems to have been living with her in her rooming house while I'm still in the home and reports are that he's "smitten". Fair enough, he's moved on. Yucky news for me, though.

 

He told me, when I asked him, his what will happen here, that after I move out he plans to have room mates, probably people who work for him (he has a cab company).

 

OK, this morning I went into the garage to find something and found loads of bags and luggage in there. Of course I peeked in, and they are hers. Clothes, make-up, etc. It gave me a picture that she's thinner than me, probably the reason the SO is with her, and also that he obviously plans to have her move in. I heard he started seeing her right after he broke up with me, BTW.

 

Well, geez, it's just such a blow. I made this place a wonderful home for us, and now some other lover is just waiting for my stuff to be gone so she can move in. I don't blame her, or even him because he's moving on, but what an awful discovery, that I can just be repalced here in his life and home that I made for us. After less than 3 months.

 

The bigger part of me just thinks, well fine... that's life, I truly loved him and would like to see him happy in his new life. Maybe it's the "real thing" for him and a chance at a new good life for her (sounds like she deserves that after hard times). But the idea that I could be replaced in his home so quickly is just harder than hard to fathom.

 

Plus, that I am just so pushed-out so soon, when I am still trying to come to terms with losing something I thought was forever. Can't believe that he found someone he wants to live/be with so quickly.

 

Geez, does it hurt.

 

You are obviously still in shock. You sound so light about it all. This isn't a light insult, it's a vicious attack on your very soul!! He's an uncaring selfish pig to discard you so easily. The other woman is in for hell on earth, and you know it.

 

Of course you feel a sense of relief, but you're going to feel a lot of things before you're really over it. My prayers are with you.

 

My exN is already playing games with his new love, just about three months into their relationship, by going around telling people that he still "has feelings" for me and "still loves" me. His brand of 'love' was pure torture, and I'm not flattered or fooled! He pulled that bull on me early on in our relationship...he just talked on and on and on about his ex, she talked her, he tried to create drama with her and used me as an object toward that end. He doesn't get another chance to use me ever again. I can see clearly now.

 

Clarity is what is needed. EXPECT the devil to raise his ugly head again and again, most probably when you are starting to get a grip and feel stronger within yourself. BE PREPARED! Don't let him hurt you by believing anything he says...do yourself a favor and NEVER talk to him or have ANY contact with him again whatsoever. Let the house go, let the past go, let all the illusions about him go. He's NOT having a good life with the new woman, he's still the same mess he's always been, but now he's just inflicting his insanity on a new victim.

 

Be well and enjoy being the navigator of your own ship and creating your new life!

[polywog]

This is kind of "dear diary" again, just need to write...

 

Earlier today the ex's brother (we've always been pals) came over to borrow some tools. It's the first time I've seen him since the break-up because he's been away. He and ex chatted for a while, then ex discreetly left as I began to talk to bro amidst the packing in the living room.

 

We had a great chat. He told me that in his opinion, ex has never loved anyone. Ex has done the same thing to other women, all of the serious ones it turns out. The bro is in a marriage that is loveless; his wife is cold to him and acts very much the way that ex does, not facing feelings, refusing to communicate, etc.

 

They are not ending the marriage, maybe because they are Catholic, but I happen to know that the bro is having an affair (with none-other than my ex's book keeper who I've mentioned and characterised in earlier posts). It's noteworthy to me that all of the siblings of this family are either unable to love, whether it's not loving their partner or choosing a partner who won't love them back. Damaged! Of course, look what I have done... same thing by being with ex!

 

The talk did heal me a bit. Shed some light, I reckon. Which leads to this revelation:

 

I lost my father when I was 5 in a car accident. It was devastating, and gave me a huge fear of intimacy, I realized as I grew up. I was always in relationships almost non-stop from age 18 on, with only one longinsh (for me, about a year) break right before I fell in love with the ex.

 

I am having to come to terms with the fact that I have avoided a real, true, emotionally intimate relationship! I always was either distant myself, or have chosen unavailable (emotionally) men... like the ex, I am realizing. I should know better than this, but I equated all that great sex with intimacy when it is really only an element of that.

 

Huge, huge fears of being left and abandonned, by a real true love, on account of the (suddeny) dead dad. I've dealt with this in therapy in the past, & thought I was over that, but it's still ongoing like an onion being peeled.

 

Maybe next time I'll be brave and take the leap, into real love, I hope!

 

[dropdeadlegs]

Hi DDL,

Maybe I should have the dog. I just feel as if my new temporary digs are not the best situation for him right now. It's a basement apartment, and I'd hate to leave him alone there when I go places where I can't bring a dog. The ex's home is big, and Leo has his own dog door to go into the big yard anytime he likes. The ex is almost always home, so Leo would always have someone who loves him around. I don't know. Maybe just cut out this idea of avoiding this place altogether for a few weeks and just take Leo when it's convenient.

You're still using your head when many (like me) would be using our hearts.

 

It's great that you are thinking about Leo's needs over your own. It's unselfish, and I consider myself a selfish being in my own world. I'm not proud of that, but I am selfish in so many ways...still.

 

Carry on. You're doing what's right, as you should.

[polywog]

You're still using your head when many (like me) would be using our hearts.

 

It's great that you are thinking about Leo's needs over your own. It's unselfish, and I consider myself a selfish being in my own world. I'm not proud of that, but I am selfish in so many ways...still.

 

Carry on. You're doing what's right, as you should.

 

The needs of dogs supercede the needs of humans! They are really better than humans, IMHO! Just worried that he won't get the right food, tho....

 

Maybe "God"(dog spelled backwards) will weigh in, as "He" has on other threads.....

 

god, it's me polywog are you out there....

[polywog]

Wow. Today I woke up paralized with grief. It's like once I seem to be moving forward, another layer of grief and pain gets uncovered like raw spot.

 

I did something a few nights ago that probably opened up the raw wound. Feeling strong, even a little cocky, and against better judgement, I propositioned my ex while I was at the house, and we spent the night together... something we have not done, nor have I even attempted, since the break up. It's not something I'd ever even thought of putting myself through, in fact, til the moment I did it.

 

It didn't feel wrong, and I didn't think that I wanted to "win him back". It was lovely, and tender. As I lay next to him as he slept, I thought "it's as if nothing ever changed". It was so familiar.

 

In the morning we got up, after making love again, and just made coffee and sat around talking and reading the paper as if it was all normal. Then we went about our days.

 

But it wasn't normal. We've split, he's broken up with me. I have to come to terms with the fact that I was trying to prove something. That I'm just so great for him that he'll see that he can't live without me. But he is. He asked not to do that again last night. At first I didn't think I really cared, but I still love him, and so want him to want me back. I mean, here I have made all these strides, and I know I shouldnt have done what I did, but I am experiencing some new, deep wave of desperate feelings. I hate it.

[Storyrider]

This is really hard. Poly, I can completely see how you got swept up in the moment. I'm sure it felt really good to relive how things used to be and forget all the conflict. I can see myself doing the same thing.

 

And now you are dealing with the aftermath. You did open up a wound. But you are human. Sometimes the school of hard knocks doesn't work until we bloody ourselves up a bit. I wouldn't look at this as anything more than part of the process. Maybe it was something you had to do, to learn that you can't go back? Soon you'll be moving forward again as you were before.

 

Hope this doesn't sound too trite and rambling.

[polywog]

This is really hard. Poly, I can completely see how you got swept up in the moment. I'm sure it felt really good to relive how things used to be and forget all the conflict. I can see myself doing the same thing.

 

And now you are dealing with the aftermath. You did open up a wound. But you are human. Sometimes the school of hard knocks doesn't work until we bloody ourselves up a bit. I wouldn't look at this as anything more than part of the process. Maybe it was something you had to do, to learn that you can't go back? Soon you'll be moving forward again as you were before.

 

Hope this doesn't sound too trite and rambling.

 

Hey, Story..thanks. No, you never sound trite and rambling. You were spot on with what you said. I'm still not "moved out" yet tho stuff is getting boxed and packed, and have spent some nights here because my new temp place is unheated and it's been too cold. I'll know that things will be so much different when I'm out of here.

[Member2]

Maybe "God"(dog spelled backwards) will weigh in, as "He" has on other threads.....

 

PW, You will be just fine.. We have all been thru heartbreaks and I'm no different.

 

Just keep moving forward as there is no going back.

 

Nothing wrong with the 2 steps forward 1 step back way of moving on and remember that you can't do anything wrong while healing.. we are all human

[Trialbyfire]

we are all human

Well, no Sir, you are not...

 

polywog, I'm sorry I've steered away from this thread because your emotions have mirrored mine lately. The strong desire of wanting back something that isn't real. Having that last moment with someone you care about doesn't make it wrong. It's a coping mechanism. You have to cauterize before you can heal. Good luck.

[polywog]

Well, no Sir, you are not...

 

I was going to say the same thing to God. BTW, God, thanks for the sympathy and spiritual boost. Maybe I'll start believing in you again!

 

polywog, I'm sorry I've steered away from this thread because your emotions have mirrored mine lately. The strong desire of wanting back something that isn't real. Having that last moment with someone you care about doesn't make it wrong. It's a coping mechanism. You have to cauterize before you can heal. Good luck.

 

Well put, that "cauterize" thing! That's really what it was, & you gave me some clarity. Ouch. Cauterizing is fun, but dang, it hurts.

 

I'm sorry you're going through IT, too. Don't it suck? But it's the human condition, I guess.

 

Anywho, thanks for a great post, I'm grateful. (Pun intended). Here's to healing, and better days ahead for us both, and any other pained soul who has been lurking here! (Clinking champagne glasses in a toast....)

 

PS- the cat in your avatar looks like my dear puss!

[pricillia]

Poly, in spite of all this crap-you have an amazingly great attitude.

 

His loss completely. What an idiot.

 

My hope is that you get over this quickly and be very happy.

 

CG... I love the avatar! I used to watch that all the time.

 

 

 

He is making excuses so he does not have to feel guilty... ie like the fat excuse. You made a home for the two of you and he did not appreciate you, I know it hurts, I know that you will find better then the likes of him.

[polywog]

He is making excuses so he does not have to feel guilty... ie like the fat excuse. You made a home for the two of you and he did not appreciate you, I know it hurts, I know that you will find better then the likes of him.

 

Thanks, P.

 

Yes, I'll get over the loving him part eventually, I know I will, can't wait. And I know that I'll love again, someone who'll love me back. When I'm ready.

 

There is that thing we all go through...I've seen it on post after post here on LS, "How could he not love me??? Maybe I'm in that "bargaining" phase of grief. Where I think I'm moving on, but keep in the back of my heart (which has a different pace than my head) the disbelief that he can watch me leave and not have a huge revelation, that he can't possibly let me go. That his life here will be horrible and empty without me. That he loves me after all. It's impossible not to have that thought as I leave. And I just have to bite the bullet, and move on while my poor broken heart has these desperate, inevitable, thoughts.

 

I have other complex brutal feelings as well. I'm having the hardest time giving up the dream life I thought I had here. Not just him, the life in this little corner of paradise (how I always thought of it). I've posted this lament before, but it feels different each time because I'm at a new part of the passage as time passes. I keep wishing that this feeling will stop, because this is the most crushing of all. I suppose that I lack confidence in my ability to make this for myself, I feel like a 1950s helpless housewife and I'm ashamed of my helpless feelings.

 

I'm not fishing for sympathy here, I've recieved a lot of encouraging posts and it's been priceless. I'm writing this stuff, well, because I just need to.

My LS dear diary.

[Trialbyfire]

Well put, that "cauterize" thing! That's really what it was, & you gave me some clarity. Ouch. Cauterizing is fun, but dang, it hurts.

 

I'm sorry you're going through IT, too. Don't it suck? But it's the human condition, I guess.

 

Anywho, thanks for a great post, I'm grateful. (Pun intended). Here's to healing, and better days ahead for us both, and any other pained soul who has been lurking here! (Clinking champagne glasses in a toast....)

 

PS- the cat in your avatar looks like my dear puss!

Thanks pw. You're a nice person who deserves better.

 

Yes, it does suck but I don't want him back the way he is. He's been dragging his heels over the divorce situation, begging his way back continuously but I can't live with no trust and no respect.

 

Cheers back to you. Mmmmm...Moet et Chandon. J'adore le bon champagne.

 

Kitties rock.

[polywog]

Thanks pw. You're a nice person who deserves better. [/QOUTE]

 

Thanks...you too!

 

Yes, it does suck but I don't want him back the way he is. He's been dragging his heels over the divorce situation, begging his way back continuously but I can't live with no trust and no respect.

 

Ick. Trust and respect is the least you deserve! Do you have thread on this that I can read?

 

Cheers back to you. Mmmmm...Moet et Chandon. J'adore le bon champagne.

 

Yes...Moet...my fave... I have been known to splurge on some from time to time!

 

Kitties rock.

 

You betcha! Dogs, too. Pets... better than humans!

[Trialbyfire]

Ick. Trust and respect is the least you deserve! Do you have thread on this that I can read?

 

You betcha! Dogs, too. Pets... better than humans!

No, not fully. In a nutshell, he was a serial cheater who managed to fool everyone including his own family, his long-time friends, our circle of friends and of course, myself. Previous to the discovery of his duality, we had what people called the "perfect marriage" and were the "perfect couple", not so much that we were so great individually but together seemed to mesh in every way possible. His self-professed only reasoning was that he was addicted to the "hunt and the kill". Sad and sick to throw away so much for so little return.

 

The mirror between your relationship and mine that I see is that we both want what we thought we had and the sadness surrounding what might have been and what will not be.

 

I completely agree. Pets are awesome. Setter/retriever cross?

[polywog]

No, not fully. In a nutshell, he was a serial cheater who managed to fool everyone including his own family, his long-time friends, our circle of friends and of course, myself. Previous to the discovery of his duality, we had what people called the "perfect marriage" and were the "perfect couple", not so much that we were so great individually but together seemed to mesh in every way possible. His self-professed only reasoning was that he was addicted to the "hunt and the kill". Sad and sick to throw away so much for so little return.

 

The mirror between your relationship and mine that I see is that we both want what we thought we had and the sadness surrounding what might have been and what will not be.

 

I completely agree. Pets are awesome. Setter/retriever cross?

 

Full blooded Golden Retriever, but a very old fashioned type. Big head, blocky, bigger than the breed standard.

 

Your marriage.... geez, sounds too familiar! I was married (not to the current ex) several years ago, and everyone thought it was the perfect marriage, just like you described yours.

 

We were both these young accomplished artists, had a big presence in the community, were always together, people idealized us and envied us.

 

What no one saw, and I did not share with anyone, was that he was a self-centered bully and narcissist. He was (is?) very charming and funny, but I have realized over the years that he had addiction problems that he kept well-hidden, and undoubtedly cheated on me. If not physically, then at least EAs. This I know now, but I had no problems with him having female friends so I naively didn't see.

 

I've since learned that he complained about our marriage to them, and god knows what to win their adoration. He was a bottomless pit of need, my love was inadequate I couldn't "love him enough". So of course, he felt justified in his "conquests". It's telling that he stopped wearing his wedding ring a few years into our marriage, the excuse being that it was "uncomfortable" Yeah....!

 

Our marriage ended, his choice, though it was so sh*tty at that point that it was sort of mutual. People were just freaked out that the "perfect couple" were splitting! I actually had people coming up to me crying about how it shook their faith in marriage, etc.! People see what they want to see, I realized very quickly.

 

Well, we separated and he moved down to NYC for a while, temporarily he said, stringing me along by sending letters, calling, keeping hope alive, etc. A mutual friend, (a woman who it turns out he'd flirted with), told me when I talked about how he seemed to want to get back together that he was seeing someone already, and had started seeing her as soon as he went there. This was a much younger woman who had worked for him when she was 15, and who always turned up from time to time in town over the years. I used to tease him about how she obviously had a crush on him! For all I know, he'd been keeping some sort of contact with her over the years! And she was waiting in the wings!

 

I let him know I knew, and moved on with my life, hurt and disgusted. He eventually moved in with her and he would call me all the time from their apartment, until I found out that he was keeping the calls secret from her, and that she was worried that he was calling me. That was it.

 

They married shortly after that (we divorced within a year) and are still married, though I can tell that the same sh*t is going on in their marriage. They always seem miserable when I see them together, and mutual acquaintences confirm this. I like her, and feel frustrated that she has to deal with it, but she chose it. He tried the "geographical cure" as therapists call it, which never works.

 

Ya live and ya learn. I hope, at least!

[Trialbyfire]

Full blooded Golden Retriever, but a very old fashioned type. Big head, blocky, bigger than the breed standard.

 

Your marriage.... geez, sounds too familiar! I was married (not to the current ex) several years ago, and everyone thought it was the perfect marriage, just like you described yours.

 

We were both these young accomplished artists, had a big presence in the community, were always together, people idealized us and envied us.

 

What no one saw, and I did not share with anyone, was that he was a self-centered bully and narcissist. He was (is?) very charming and funny, but I have realized over the years that he had addiction problems that he kept well-hidden, and undoubtedly cheated on me. If not physically, then at least EAs. This I know now, but I had no problems with him having female friends so I naively didn't see.

 

I've since learned that he complained about our marriage to them, and god knows what to win their adoration. He was a bottomless pit of need, my love was inadequate I couldn't "love him enough". So of course, he felt justified in his "conquests". It's telling that he stopped wearing his wedding ring a few years into our marriage, the excuse being that it was "uncomfortable" Yeah....!

 

Our marriage ended, his choice, though it was so sh*tty at that point that it was sort of mutual. People were just freaked out that the "perfect couple" were splitting! I actually had people coming up to me crying about how it shook their faith in marriage, etc.! People see what they want to see, I realized very quickly.

 

Well, we separated and he moved down to NYC for a while, temporarily he said, stringing me along by sending letters, calling, keeping hope alive, etc. A mutual friend, (a woman who it turns out he'd flirted with), told me when I talked about how he seemed to want to get back together that he was seeing someone already, and had started seeing her as soon as he went there. This was a much younger woman who had worked for him when she was 15, and who always turned up from time to time in town over the years. I used to tease him about how she obviously had a crush on him! For all I know, he'd been keeping some sort of contact with her over the years! And she was waiting in the wings!

 

I let him know I knew, and moved on with my life, hurt and disgusted. He eventually moved in with her and he would call me all the time from their apartment, until I found out that he was keeping the calls secret from her, and that she was worried that he was calling me. That was it.

 

They married shortly after that (we divorced within a year) and are still married, though I can tell that the same sh*t is going on in their marriage. They always seem miserable when I see them together, and mutual acquaintences confirm this. I like her, and feel frustrated that she has to deal with it, but she chose it. He tried the "geographical cure" as therapists call it, which never works.

 

Ya live and ya learn. I hope, at least!

I threw in the setter portion because of the red in his fur. Perhaps that's my monitor or the lighting in the pic. He's a big boy but I'll bet he's one big bowl of mush. His expression is so friendly.

 

Wow, speaking of mirrors...although some of his went from EAs to PAs. You have to wonder how because our sex life was amazing. Busy boy. I've got to give him credit for his stamina...ick...

 

Yup, I will survive (Gloria Gaynor, 1978. ) and so will you.