He's worried about the age gap

[Victorianne]

Please help,

 

I've fallen head over heels in love with a guy who is 16 years older than me. We started off working together and while on a works night out we slept together. Afterwards everything managed to get back to normal and when he left we became very close as friends. I told him i loved him and he said he loved me too but that we could never be together because of the difference in our ages. I'm 18 and he's 34. He's in the middle of getting divorced and feels that we could never make it. he's worried about how my friends will react and how my family would take it. I really love him, and we get on so well together and I know it could work, he's even said i'm his perfect woman but the only thing thats stopping us is my age. Please help, what can i do?

[Tony T]

There's not a whole lot you can do. He has obviously made the decision, for how, that you are too young for him.

 

I think time is definitely on your side. This is a VERY BAD time to get involved with him. You never, ever want to start something with somebody who's in the middle of a divorce. This is a very painful and difficult time for him and even if he's the one who asked for the divorce, if he's any kind of human at all it will take him some time to heal from the end of his marriage.

 

Be his good friend for a while. Clearly show him that you are far more mature than the average 18 year old, that you understand what he is going through, etc. Don't try to be there for his support, however, because he will end up associating you with this nasty time in his life.

 

If you get involved with him now, it's likely you would only be a transitional or healing relationship for him and those don't usualy last very long. Again, you don't ever want to start something with someone you really care about when they are in the process of a divorce or break-up.

 

Be his good friend, show him that you can be a nice, considerate person, and it's likely that when he's ready he will see you and the situation differently.

 

Frankly, I see absolutely no problem in your age differences on the face of it. If the two of you are compatible and you are above-average in maturity and both of you share similar interests and goals, you should be able to have a very nice relationship.

 

The only problem I do see is that when he's 100, you will be 84 and it's very likely he'll dump you for a 30 year old. But those are the breaks, honey!

[HokeyReligions]

Tony is right about being his friend now, not his lover. It just wouldn't last that way.

 

A lot of people talk about the age difference not being such a big deal - but you really gotta think about it.

 

My husband is older than I am. When I was ready to have children - he felt he was too old. When I wanted to be young and active, he was applying ben-gay and ice packs. Granted, not everyone's health is going to deteriorate at the same rate, but we do slow down as we get older. Because he slowed down, I did too so I could be with him and we could share things. I tried to push him but couldn't because I might have pushed him into an early grave.

 

So I got older faster than I probably would have if I had married someone closer to my own age. The age difference is less than 16 years. I don't have any regrets though -- just be prepared.