Guest Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 So I a cowoker and I began flirting heavily and it led to a wonderful three month fling....however the intensity of the attraction led to her pulling back. A LOT. We were both rebounds but the connection that we made transcended the typical rebound thing. We both feel that there are genuine feelings for each other and of everyhing that makes a relationship great, friendship, respect, lust, attraction, it's all there. Waht she says is that I am perfect and that she would be crazy to let me go and would be heartbroken if she were to lose me. However she says that she needs to find herself, and just do HERSELF for a while and wants to make sure that what she feels for me is in fact the real thing. I'v heard this before. Not you it's me. But this feels diffrent. I do beleive that she has deep feelings for me, but I also believe that she is conflicted in the sense that she doesn't have a good sense of her own Identity. This is attributed mostly to her past realationship, where she lived "only for him" or someting liek that. NOt a good relationship. On again off again for the better part of 4 years. So then I come along and treat her liek every woman deserves to be treated (like a queen). And now she is wondering if this is the real deal or not I think. So waht does one do. Currently we are not really seeing each other regulary and this has been going on for about a month. I dont want to distance myself from this becasue it has been that wonderful, but I do want to know if she has intentions of following through with her finding her sense of self. Any advice would be great. Thanks
the_pope Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 Thats odd, I could have written this post. Well, she hasn't said about finding herself, but I think it is near. The one piece of advice I can give you is to back right off. If she wants you, you'll know about it. Until then, it is just a gut wrenching waiting game, and a sad one. I'm there with you buddy.
EC Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 It could be one of two things... 1- A rebound usually doesnt last long and once you get what you need out of it you back off. Usual time for a rebound 3 months. 2- Maybe she is a bit scared. I know whats its like to have lived 4 years completely 'for him'. To then have him leave you or you have to leave and your left empty and lost. You sort of do loose your idenity. I then found someone great right after and I went along with it because it felt great and he treated me wonderful. And yes the feeling went above and beyond anything but at that time I just wasnt ready for it. I needed to spend time with me and get to know who I was again so that I could offer this person and the relationship what it needed. You understand? If she needs some time the best thing you can do is let her have it. When she is ready she will return..its up to you if you want to wait.
DanielMadr Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 If she really thinks you are perfect, then she is nuts. Or she doesnt think you are perfect, she is ONLY saying it. Talk is cheap. Run Forrest Run!
Erik Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 So then I come along and treat her liek every woman deserves to be treated (like a queen). That's the problem. If you treat her like a queen, she'll be convinced only a king is good enough for her. And last time I checked, America had no kings.
DanielMadr Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 That's the problem. If you treat her like a queen, she'll be convinced only a king is good enough for her. And last time I checked, America had no kings. 'I have seen women fall in love with men who shin them. But I never saw a woman fall in love with man due to the poetry.'
Guest Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 EC... hmm excellent advice. To add some wrinkles... I am pretty sure that she is now back in contact with the ex, at least on a somewhat basis. I dont know if this is permanent. When we met they were broken up for the 'last time'. Now it seems as if he is again back in the picture. I have no problem giving a woman her space to find herself and reconnect, but if that means going back to the ex, then I just can't seem to reconcile that. She has told me that she would be crazy to back to him and if it was between me and him it would be me in a heartbeat. But she claims that it's not between me and him, it's between me and her own head. So do you think she could just be simply killing time with the ex....maybe just usng him for whatever it is that she needs right now, companionship, sex, dunno. I dont want to give up on this but the more I think about it the more it seems that that is the only option that i ahve left. Thanks again in advance
EC Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 EC... hmm excellent advice. To add some wrinkles... I am pretty sure that she is now back in contact with the ex, at least on a somewhat basis. I dont know if this is permanent. When we met they were broken up for the 'last time'. Now it seems as if he is again back in the picture. I have no problem giving a woman her space to find herself and reconnect, but if that means going back to the ex, then I just can't seem to reconcile that. She has told me that she would be crazy to back to him and if it was between me and him it would be me in a heartbeat. But she claims that it's not between me and him, it's between me and her own head. So do you think she could just be simply killing time with the ex....maybe just usng him for whatever it is that she needs right now, companionship, sex, dunno. I dont want to give up on this but the more I think about it the more it seems that that is the only option that i ahve left. Thanks again in advance Take it from me who has been there...When you want to be with someone..there is no one or anything that can stop you or get in the way from being with that person. If she wanted you, why kill time with him? Can't she get all of those things from you? If shes is scared and needs time alone then ok but being with someone else is not going to help you identify yourself. The problems with these situations are that when you are in a relationship like that and you 'live life for them' it kills you that they do not do the same for you. Even after the breakup some girls are obsessed with getting those guys in the palm of their hand because they never really had them you know? She obviously still has issues with him and if you stick around your going to ride a long rollercoaster of waiting and what ifs. Shes young..I think your ready for a bit more than she can provide right now. I think shes using her time to 'find herself' as a way of checking out things with him for 'the last time' . I would say let it go for now. You already know this though.
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