Hopeful, Scared,

[princessjulieanne]

Its a totally bizarre situation and I'll try to explain as quickly as possible. I had been seeing a guy for 7 months, things were better than I had ever experienced before and I trusted him with my whole heart. When he suddenly lost his job and went through a major career change, he started to pull away, make plans, cancel, not return calls etc. We never did actually break up but just kinda went separate ways. Around Christmas he came for dinner, it was nice casual, friendly kiss goodbye but he did go home...In early January he did call out of the blue and we planned to meet for a coffee, problems with his car, meeting cancelled. I had tried throughout to be as supportive as I could without smothering him over his career issues but was shut out.

 

Nows the problem, yesterday I received an email from him, he seemed very upbeat and happier than he has in almost a year. He asked when I would be home this week so he could give me a call....I don't know what to do. When it was good it was a girl's dream but in essence I didn't even get the courtesy of a "break up" just a disappearance...any advice or thoughts would be welcomed.

[bubbafranks]

Well, it's understandable that when he went through that rough patch with his job maybe he was sad/depressed for awhile and became distant because of that. It would have been nice however to see you guys communicate better on what was going on. It seems weird that after 7 months of relationship "bliss" you guys could go your separate ways without really talking about what was going on with him at the time. If he had been happy with you and your relationship this would have been a great opportunity for you to support him through that rough patch.

 

Given his erratic behavior and playing devil's advocate, are you sure that there is no-one else involved? I think you should probably sit down with him and discuss how you feel. Let him know that you need better communication from him if he expects to have a relationship in the future. See how he reacts to this...Otherwise you may always be wondering if he may just dissapear again on you again the next time he has crisis in his life. That's just not fair to you.

[princessjulieanne]

Thanks Bubba for the devils advocate, always good to have an outside opinion. I am 99.999 percent sure there isn't or wasn't another woman. From the first conversation it was made very clear by both of us that cheating was a deal breaker...and until this job loss he was all I could have ever hoped for but never dared to.

 

I tried so hard to be supportive and get him to talk, but that seemed to make him close up even more. This resulted in my getting very emotional and weepy which in fairness probably didn't help the situation. So I allowed to distance for his sake and for mine but still tried to keep the lines open in case he needed a friend. Money is a big thing for him, not to be rich but to be comfortable and not worry about paying bills. I've always been the type not to want a lot of wine and dinning and fair is fair, like to pay on ocassion as well so it wasn't that.

 

It just seems now that things are back on track he wants to try the dating thing again...I'm scared, but your advice did help as I have decided should things resume I'll have to be very honest and say that should things get bad again we need to talk not just ignore the situation. Brave talk for such a frightened gal at the moment.

[frd150]

Hey Princess,

 

Bubba is right. My situation has a few simularities to yours except i am sort on the other end.

 

*See Lonely regretful hurting should of done more under the coping section. Sorry could not get the link to work but check it out.

 

It has only been a couple of months me. And the time apart has tought me alot about our relationship with her and with people in general. IMO The key is to communicate on both sides.

 

I would give anything to have my girl in the same mindset as you.

 

Do not rush, take it slow and make sure you guys communicate.

 

Best wishes.