unsafe Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 So my boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year. We've had our ups and downs but not because we don't get along or are unhappy in our relationship. Heres the deal. My boyfriend Slept with his brothers fiance a couple years back. Before I was ever in the picture. His brother's fiance told me about it and told me that when I came into the picture he stopped being friends with her. She was jealous and caused a lot of drama for us. I felt and feel this woman who is marrying his brother in a couple of months is into my man. His brother knows they slept together. His brother told him it was ok to sleep with her. I know this sounds bizzare. Now I know I know...character flaw. But I love my boyfriend. He is a great guy, he's great to me, we are so happy together. He said she is crazy and it never meant anythign to him but drunk sex that his brother egged him on to do. He swears he would never make that mistake again. Is this something I can get past. Its been almost a year and at times it still bothers me. She will obviously always be around since she is marrying his brother. He has distanced himself from them since she caused all the drama. But its still his family and his friends. I feel bad that he has to distance himself but at the same time is there really any other way for him to have a relationship without her trying to ruin it? I believe in my heart he doesn't want her. But what does that say about him that he would let his brother egg him on to sleep with his fiance? Are men just horny pigs and don't care and I should just caugh it up to him being young immature and stupid? or should I really take a look at this and think about spending the rest of my life with someone who would cross that line even if his brother said to do it, even though his brother is still marrying her and everyone says it was stupid, over with and we moved on from it? Any wise words? Link to post Share on other sites
moredeborah Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 It is always hard to know about someone's sexual history. It's really hard when the other person is going to be around a lot. I have a similar situation. By now I've gotten over it and when it does bother me, I remind myself of the crazy sexual things that I was involved in and how upset he would be and how I would want him to put it out of his mind. If this situation is not worth breaking up with him, I suggest trying to get over it as best you can. Link to post Share on other sites
Erik Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 Are men just horny pigs and don't care (...) Erhm... It's before your time anyway, so why bother? It's not like he did anything wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Author unsafe Posted March 22, 2007 Author Share Posted March 22, 2007 Thank you so much. I am going to just let it be his past. And as hard as it is to see her and know she actually has feelings for him. He is with me and wants me not her. So its really her problem now. Not mine!.. Thanks you so much for the wise words. Link to post Share on other sites
Erik Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 Glad to be of help. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 Did your bf move out of their apartment or is he still living with them? Link to post Share on other sites
Author unsafe Posted March 22, 2007 Author Share Posted March 22, 2007 He moved out a couple of months ago. we barely see them unless its family related. Link to post Share on other sites
1dw Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 Let the past stay in the past. It's your BF's brother's fiancee's problem, not yours. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 He moved out a couple of months ago. we barely see them unless its family related. Then it sounds like your bf is putting the past behind him. Since you've managed to stand it this long when he was living there, it should be much easier for you to let it go now. Actually, though, he worked with her, didn't he? Does he still work with her and see her there? Link to post Share on other sites
Author unsafe Posted March 22, 2007 Author Share Posted March 22, 2007 He does work with her still. But I have to trust him. Without Trust we have nothing. I know he isn't doing anything with her. I believe him that I'm the only one. Yes I'm sure she likes that she gets to still see him at work. But she doesn't call him or ask to hang out with him anymore. He said she has backed off and doesn't bother him anymore. He is looking for another job for many reasons. So hopefully he will get a new job soon as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author unsafe Posted March 22, 2007 Author Share Posted March 22, 2007 I mean he moved out for me and me and him. He knew how uncomfortable it made me for him to keep a woman he slept with close to him when she was still so into him. He said it was never like that for him. She was just his only friend. But she took it for more then it was worth. I mean if anyone was going to feel guilty it should be her. She cheated on her soon to be husband with his brother. I don't know how much more wrong you can get. But I guess to them it was "nothing". Link to post Share on other sites
Swingwithyou71 Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 Are you kidding me? You are worried because he slept with another woman BEFORE HE EVEN MET YOU. Yes it was his brothers fiance, but you even said it, HIS BROTHER SAID IT WAS OK TO SLEEP WITH HER????? So since he got some action before he knew you that his brother was ok with you are worried? Ever here of swingers? Ever hear of open relationships? If it does not bother his brother why should it bother you? Get over yourself and invite the girl over for a threesome or something. Link to post Share on other sites
radionovice9696 Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 So my boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year. We've had our ups and downs but not because we don't get along or are unhappy in our relationship. Heres the deal. My boyfriend Slept with his brothers fiance a couple years back. Before I was ever in the picture. His brother's fiance told me about it and told me that when I came into the picture he stopped being friends with her. She was jealous and caused a lot of drama for us. I felt and feel this woman who is marrying his brother in a couple of months is into my man. His brother knows they slept together. His brother told him it was ok to sleep with her. I know this sounds bizzare. Now I know I know...character flaw. But I love my boyfriend. He is a great guy, he's great to me, we are so happy together. He said she is crazy and it never meant anythign to him but drunk sex that his brother egged him on to do. He swears he would never make that mistake again. Is this something I can get past. Its been almost a year and at times it still bothers me. She will obviously always be around since she is marrying his brother. He has distanced himself from them since she caused all the drama. But its still his family and his friends. I feel bad that he has to distance himself but at the same time is there really any other way for him to have a relationship without her trying to ruin it? I believe in my heart he doesn't want her. But what does that say about him that he would let his brother egg him on to sleep with his fiance? Are men just horny pigs and don't care and I should just caugh it up to him being young immature and stupid? or should I really take a look at this and think about spending the rest of my life with someone who would cross that line even if his brother said to do it, even though his brother is still marrying her and everyone says it was stupid, over with and we moved on from it? Any wise words? u HAVE to get over it...this is ur drama...everyone has a past....sorry but truth hurts sometimes.... Link to post Share on other sites
1DeadB Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 I think you should talk to him. Have sex first. That will give you the upper hand, and he will be more understanding. Link to post Share on other sites
Swingwithyou71 Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 I think you should talk to him. Have sex first. That will give you the upper hand, and he will be more understanding. Is this the same advice you give everyone? I have seen this same advice at least twice today lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author unsafe Posted March 22, 2007 Author Share Posted March 22, 2007 We'll I know I have to get over it. THank you!!! It wasn't my drama until the fiance sat me down and told me all the details of my man ****ing her! Thank you very much! If someone did that to you in your family you'd have a hard time with it. If it was so in the past then why would she tell me and start problems with us. Getting crazy with us telling us to **** off and kicking me out of her house for no reason except he and I were going away together and she was jealous? Yes I agree I have to get over it for him and I. But for her this is her drama. She isn't over it or she would let it be and let me and him be. Stop trying to tell me that he is going to pick her over me and I have to deal with it. And him stand there and say no your crazy... Maybe they wanted to be swingers but I think she got a little to attached to my guy when he was suppose to only be sex. She told me she was jealous. Swingers are in it for the fun and varity. Not the love and attachement. And usually when you swing you dont' do it with a relative. That usually causes trouble in the long run. With that said yes I need to let it go and I am working on it. I just didnt' want to be the fool in la la land thinking this can work...when maybe I was wrong. PS..I'm not a swinger I can't share my lover like that...I'm human and jealous by nature. Plus he said he wouldn't share me. Link to post Share on other sites
1DeadB Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 And I'll say it again... I think you should talk to him. Have sex first. That will give you the upper hand. Gotta get the post count up! Link to post Share on other sites
Plokette Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 This all happened before your time, but this isn't like some college party gone wrong. These people are going to be in your life the rest of your life. It could be a non-event if you let it be, but you really do need to ask yourelf one vital question: Is this going to bother you the rest of your life when you see these people? If the answer is yes, that every time you see them this is going to spring into your mind then MOVE ON. It can only end badly for the 4 of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author unsafe Posted March 22, 2007 Author Share Posted March 22, 2007 Why do I need to talk to him? He and i have been over this over and over again. He said he loves me wants me nothing to do with her. I've just asked advise because knowing something in such intamiate details and having to see that person and know she wants your man is some what hard at times. He and I don't need to talk. I need to get over it!!!!! Sleeping with him first? Link to post Share on other sites
1DeadB Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 This all happened before your time, but this isn't like some college party gone wrong. These people are going to be in your life the rest of your life. It could be a non-event if you let it be, but you really do need to ask yourelf one vital question: Is this going to bother you the rest of your life when you see these people? If the answer is yes, that every time you see them this is going to spring into your mind then MOVE ON. It can only end badly for the 4 of you. That's heavy stuff Link to post Share on other sites
Swingwithyou71 Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 And I'll say it again... I think you should talk to him. Have sex first. That will give you the upper hand. Gotta get the post count up! You really give great advice. Sleeping with him first gets him to feel all lovey dovey and he will give into your wishes more easily. Link to post Share on other sites
1DeadB Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 You really give great advice. Sleeping with him first gets him to feel all lovey dovey and he will give into your wishes more easily. Doesn't it work for you? Link to post Share on other sites
radionovice9696 Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 Is this the same advice you give everyone? I have seen this same advice at least twice today lol you beat me to the punch...lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author unsafe Posted March 22, 2007 Author Share Posted March 22, 2007 That what you aren't getting. I'm not asking for anything from him. He moved out he and I are great. Things are great for he and I. He doesn't need to do anything more for me. I don't want to let this ruin us. My mind goes on its crazy ways and thinks up crazy senarios sometimes. But the truth is it was the past. They did it, its over with. They aren't going to do it again. My man has a woman he knows what he has done to his brother. I know his brother said it was ok, but when he brother woke up one day and realized his fiance is in love with his brother and kicking our his girlfriend because of her jealously, come on we are only human. So I will let them have the crazy, unhealthy relationship. They both cheated on each other. My man and I are faithful, happy and in love. I WON'T LET THE PAST GET ME DOWN. we all have a past I know I do to. He just isn't reminded of my past every holiday or weekend dinner with the family. So I have to just let it go, and let them live with what they've done. Link to post Share on other sites
1DeadB Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 That what you aren't getting. I'm not asking for anything from him. He moved out he and I are great. Things are great for he and I. He doesn't need to do anything more for me. I don't want to let this ruin us. My mind goes on its crazy ways and thinks up crazy senarios sometimes. But the truth is it was the past. They did it, its over with. They aren't going to do it again. My man has a woman he knows what he has done to his brother. I know his brother said it was ok, but when he brother woke up one day and realized his fiance is in love with his brother and kicking our his girlfriend because of her jealously, come on we are only human. I missed that. I didn't know she loved him. Now that's a different story...I don't know how , but it must be different. Anyone what to add anything? Kicking? Link to post Share on other sites
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