Do I have a right to tell him not to go?

[Guest]

I've been with my boyfriend for 4 months. We have a great relationship and really care about each other.

 

He has this girl friend that he met before me, we will call her Suzy. Suzy and my bf seemed to of had a pretty close friendship before me, and really its his only close opposite-sex friend. She's very pretty too. Since my bf and I have been dating, he hasn't really hung out with Suzy or talked to her. There was one occasion where they did hang out though, and that was when my bf and I had only been together for a couple of weeks.

 

When they hung out that time, he had told me he was going to the bar with his friend Simon. He never mentioned Suzy's name. The next day after they hung out, he mentioned he got a bad haircut. I told him not to go back to the place that cut it and he goes "oh, no, my friend Suzy did it last night at the apartment, and she was kinda drunk when she did it too" and I was just like uhh what? made me jealous he was with a girl, both drunk, in an apartment...what the hell?

 

I dont even know if his other friend ever even went. but I did not interrogate him about Suzy because I didn't want to start a fight this early on in the relationship. Even though he went on to tell me that he showed her pictures of me, and talked all about me-- I thought it was so wrong though that he never mentioned hanging out with her, and wondered if he ever would have mentioned her if it wasn't for the bad haircut.

 

SO. Since then, she has been posting alllll over his Myspace page. ASking him out to the bars on Sat nights, trying to make plans with him. By the way, I am not old enough to go to the bars so it makes it an awkward situation. The first time she asked him to hang out, he made plans with me instead, which I was glad for.

 

However, she's asked him to go to the bar again! My bf just now (3 months later) told me she has a boyfriend and "not to sweat it", but he also said Suzy and her bf are "on and off" and on her Myspace it says she is "looking for a nice genuine guy". Hmm, my bf is a nice genuine guy...

 

So anyways, bottom line is my boyfriend admitted to me that he would "freak out" if I were going to the bar with guys he didn't know. But he "feels bad for ignoring Suzy for the past 3 months" --wtf? Like, he's had THREE MONTHS to introduce me and Suzy. Not to mention, when you get serious about someone, that tends to happen-- you dont hang out with opposite sex friends AS MUCH like u do when your single...

 

I told him I'd be really upset if he went to the bar saturday for the simple reason that I do not know this girl! ANd from the way she keeps trying to hang out with him, it comes off as she likes him (as more than a friend). He swears nothing has ever happened between them (even though they partied at his apt. all summer before he knew me and they slept int he same room/bed..weird..suuure nothing happened).

 

SO MY QUESTION IS... do I have a right to tell him not to go? I don't want to be controlling, but really, how fair is that to me after he outright told me he'd freak out if he was in my shoes?? I feel like if he does go he'd be putting Suzy's feelings over mine...

 

Am I wrong or right? Please help me and tell me what you think!!!!

[LoveLace]

Don't try to make him feel that he can or can't go based on your permission. Just let him know that if he goes, you will probably be upset by it. Tell him it makes you uncomfortable because you get the impression that this girl wants him, weather she has a boyfriend or not.

 

Ask if your boyfriend if its possible for he and his friends to organize their night of drinking to take place in an establishment (like a bar & grill, or restaurant) where you are allowed inside, you just can't drink obviously. That way, you can meet and hang out with his friends too. If he has some kind of excuse that implies you still can't possibly participate, I'd question why. If Suzy considers your BF just a good "friend", she should be inviting you along for these social gatherings, too. If an under-age person is in the group, it isn't that hard to organize. Offer to organize it yourself, even.

 

So say it went this way and you went along with him and his friends to a place for food and drink, and Suzy just doesn't appear to be having that good of a time, or she heavily flirts with your BF right in front of you, or she appears disappointed that your there, or she is EXTRA nice to you to the point that it feels fake....all indicates she is jealous.

[EC]

I agree. Its been three months and if hes serious about you He should introduce you to her if you indeed have nothing to worry about.

 

Myspace ruins lives lol Thats my motto. But have you talked to him about it? Have you told him it bothers you?

 

Has he said that he is going without you to the bar to hang with her?

 

IMO I think before you waste all this energy getting all mad and angry and jealous just talk to him like you would a friend and voice your concerns.

 

Then after you can talk about meeting her or going somewhere that you can all go together.

 

If he disagrees then you know something is up.

[Guest]

Thanks for the replies!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Well, thats the thing. He has said "oh my friend suzy moves into her apt on ___ we can party there now too" etc soooo I guess introducing us isnt a problem but that has yet to happen.

 

ALSO-- get this. Last night we were hanging out watching movies and she texted him asking what he was doing. I completely trust him because he doesn't hide his phone and it seems he gets annoyed and he told her he was with me. and she texted back "OH. Well, call me later. If you want." and my bf goes: "oh man, I think shes trying to start stuff." because of her little attitude in the text.

 

So now I really wonder what her intentions are with my bf.

 

And EC I asked him if he was going to go and he keeps saying, "I dont know." Which really pisses me off hes even considering going... BECAUSE:

 

Neither of us have jobs at the moment, and I do odd jobs to get cash from my parents. ANd so I swear over the past maybe 3 weeks I have handed him over AT LEAST 100.00 dollars probably more for food, alcohol, GAS IN HIS TRUCK!!, bowling, gym fee, and other stuff. Like I pay for a lot of the things we do together. We also live a 1/2 hr from each other and I'd say 90% of the time I drive out his way (4 days a week)

 

so for him to find cash to go out to the bar with another chick is just bogus in my opinion-- dont you think?????? like take me to a movie or something jeez!!!!!

 

Im going to talk to him tonight I think.