Mamamomo Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 Ok so I know that my boyfriend looks at porn and I have come to accept it. But the other day I came home from work early and I found that he had looked at porn on the internet while watching our 4 month old son. I was so upset so I asked him where the baby was when he was doing this, he said the baby was on the bed watching a movie. I just don't think that its ok to do that. I told him I didn't want him doing that anymore and he said ok but it just makes think if he does this all the time while I'm at work. Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 My bf is addicted to porn and I have accepted it as well. Though I hate it and it hurts! But I never thought to worry about the future and just reading your post I thought wow what if its like that. Him watching it while alone bored with a baby? lol Oh no not cool. Did you already tell him that wasnt cool? Imagine the baby falls off the bad or chokes suddenly or anything!?@ and hes sitting there cock in hand wtf lol? Sorry I just get emotional about it. Yea I suggest you tell him that you know he watches it, you accept it, but that while with the baby his attention should be on the baby not porn! Link to post Share on other sites
Erik Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 I'd be more worried that he let a toddler watch television. Link to post Share on other sites
outofdarkness Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 Ok so I know that my boyfriend looks at porn and I have come to accept it. But the other day I came home from work early and I found that he had looked at porn on the internet while watching our 4 month old son. I was so upset so I asked him where the baby was when he was doing this, he said the baby was on the bed watching a movie. I just don't think that its ok to do that. I told him I didn't want him doing that anymore and he said ok but it just makes think if he does this all the time while I'm at work. NO!! It's not ok..My H, who is a sex addict did this with out babies and I had NO Idea. On the nights when it was his turn to get up for a diaper change or feeding, I just assumed that he WAS doing these things. Turns out, he was doing his thing on the comp...etc...and letting the baby cry..Wonder what sort of long term effects these actions have on kids??? Do you have a couple of days??? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mamamomo Posted March 24, 2007 Author Share Posted March 24, 2007 He was really doing that??? How did you approach to to tell him that it wasn't ok him doing these things?? It just really upsets me because I have to work but now I worry the whole time I'm there. Link to post Share on other sites
outofdarkness Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 He was really doing that??? How did you approach to to tell him that it wasn't ok him doing these things?? It just really upsets me because I have to work but now I worry the whole time I'm there. I didn't find out until two years ago...It all came out that he was cheating and an addict...His main OW wrote me a letter..and it all came out in the days following...The part about when the kids were babies came up finally, in couples therapy...It was part of the healing process for him to come clean w/ himself and me...I had NO idea that any of this was going on! I trusted him completely...AND I was convinced that anything out of the ordinary was because I was doing something wrong as a parent... Link to post Share on other sites
Bobster999 Posted April 4, 2007 Share Posted April 4, 2007 Attention all women: Stop being so paranoid about porn---it is just something that guys do. Take a chill pill. Link to post Share on other sites
outofdarkness Posted April 4, 2007 Share Posted April 4, 2007 Attention all women: Stop being so paranoid about porn---it is just something that guys do. Take a chill pill. ok...but it makes me personally feel like i'm missing something or not good enough that he would have to look at porn..plus, it degrades women IMO...and i already took my chill pill..lol Link to post Share on other sites
LoveLace Posted April 4, 2007 Share Posted April 4, 2007 Attention all women: Stop being so paranoid about porn---it is just something that guys do. Take a chill pill. I think most of us women accept that guys like to look at porn, and a LOT, but if you can't stop looking at it long enough to watch your kid, then YOU need to take a chill pill!! It's just not something you should do while simaltaneously being a parent...for gosh sakes... Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted April 5, 2007 Share Posted April 5, 2007 What do you guys mean when you say your bf is ADDICTED to porn? Do all your bfs actually have addictions or do they just watch more porn than you think they should? As for the watching the child while watching porn thing that's wrong and could even be considered abuse and neglect, if the child was in the same room and could see the porn even worse. Link to post Share on other sites
Dadaal Posted April 5, 2007 Share Posted April 5, 2007 I think porn addiction is common nowdays. I would like to know if there is a possiblity of setting up a security company that checks on husbands and wives who are glued to comp...while one of them is absent? Is there a way for ISP ( Internet service providers ) to control your online presence and your preference? Is it a legal to watch porn? Any clues? Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted April 5, 2007 Share Posted April 5, 2007 I think porn addiction is common nowdays. I would like to know if there is a possiblity of setting up a security company that checks on husbands and wives who are glued to comp...while one of them is absent? Is there a way for ISP ( Internet service providers ) to control your online presence and your preference? Is it a legal to watch porn? Any clues? There are many ways to spy on what your SO is doing online. Did you mean is illegal to watch porn? It's legal, provided the people in the porn are of legal age. Link to post Share on other sites
searchingforanswers Posted April 12, 2007 Share Posted April 12, 2007 Mamamomo, how are you and your SO coping with the porn use? As a man who is looking at his habits of porn and sex I will tell you that it's easy to believe you don't have a problem. I am coming to terms with the role pornography has played in my life and how it contributed to the damage and ultimate ending of my last relationship. My ex-fiance and I were very adventurous and I always assumed that she was OK with the fact that I enjoyed porn. She acted like she didn't mind, we even watched together once and she told me she liked hardcore porn herself. What I never realized was that because of our adventurous nature we often lacked physical intimacy. I never thought I had an addiction because I THOUGHT I only looked at it when i was bored. I never chose it over a person. I've recently realized that I do have an addiction and porn was a comforting stabilizer that I used to combat stress. While it is easy to rationalize porn as blowing off steam it actually inhibits real bonds from forming. I haven't stopped yet, but I have recognized that I do have a problem that I would like to control. I understand your concerns regarding your bf and his interest in pornography. I don't know if what I shared has given you any helpful insight, but I thought it might be worth sharing. While I do think it is something that can be controlled together if you are willing to stick around, I imagine it could be a very painful process especially if he doesn't recognize his problem and is unwilling to address it. Link to post Share on other sites
cn283 Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 Mamamomo, how are you and your SO coping with the porn use? As a man who is looking at his habits of porn and sex I will tell you that it's easy to believe you don't have a problem. I am coming to terms with the role pornography has played in my life and how it contributed to the damage and ultimate ending of my last relationship. My ex-fiance and I were very adventurous and I always assumed that she was OK with the fact that I enjoyed porn. She acted like she didn't mind, we even watched together once and she told me she liked hardcore porn herself. What I never realized was that because of our adventurous nature we often lacked physical intimacy. I never thought I had an addiction because I THOUGHT I only looked at it when i was bored. I never chose it over a person. I've recently realized that I do have an addiction and porn was a comforting stabilizer that I used to combat stress. While it is easy to rationalize porn as blowing off steam it actually inhibits real bonds from forming. I haven't stopped yet, but I have recognized that I do have a problem that I would like to control. I understand your concerns regarding your bf and his interest in pornography. I don't know if what I shared has given you any helpful insight, but I thought it might be worth sharing. While I do think it is something that can be controlled together if you are willing to stick around, I imagine it could be a very painful process especially if he doesn't recognize his problem and is unwilling to address it. wow, its nice to hear a guy come to terms with it. good luck with everything your going through. Link to post Share on other sites
outofdarkness Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 I think porn addiction is common nowdays. I would like to know if there is a possiblity of setting up a security company that checks on husbands and wives who are glued to comp...while one of them is absent? Is there a way for ISP ( Internet service providers ) to control your online presence and your preference? Is it a legal to watch porn? Any clues? Yes, it's legal to watch porn as long as it's not underage...Re: Is there a way to control online presence, etc., Yes, there are many programs that enable you to monitor and control what goes on as far as the comp..Most internet providers have parental controls, but this can also be used for adults! Check online to see what options you have w/ your provider. Also, there are some programs that enable you to see what goes on as far as comp. use..I have spectorsoft, but there are other out there as well... There is a fine line there as far as being addicted to porn and just watching it too much. There has been much research into addictions; any addiction, being genetic. So...If you are predisposed to this sort of thing, there is a bigger chance that you will develop an addiction. There are plenty of people that can do all of these things in moderation and do not reach the addictive stage...This applies to any addiction. Only you BF would know for sure whether or not his life has become unmanageable due to the porn. Addicts are very good liars and extremely good at covering their tracks. Watch, listen and wait...You will soon know whether or not he has a true addiction.. Link to post Share on other sites
outofdarkness Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 What do you guys mean when you say your bf is ADDICTED to porn? Do all your bfs actually have addictions or do they just watch more porn than you think they should? As for the watching the child while watching porn thing that's wrong and could even be considered abuse and neglect, if the child was in the same room and could see the porn even worse. Yeah...it's very wrong to watch porn or even communicate in any sexual way when children are present...Yes, it would be considered abusive..Even after the person has been into porn, etc., there is a certain "feel" to the atmosphere around the home that children pick up on very easily, and the act out in ways that you don't necessarily associate w/ any sort of addiction..Many times, someone else gets blamed for any problems that the child may have as a result of this sort of behavior simply b/c the addict is so very good at covering their tracks. I would give anything if I could go back in time and get up every night w/ my babies..I had NO idea that my H was communicating online..and whatever else he was watching, doing...In looking back, I see so clearly that all of the signs were there, but I totally trusted him...It's so easy for family, physicians, even clergy to blame the mother if the H or BF seems to be so perfect in every way...This happens so often.. Link to post Share on other sites
someone2 Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 Attention all women: Stop being so paranoid about porn---it is just something that guys do. Take a chill pill. Sorry to burst your bubble, but this is just not true. This is similar to pathological liars saying "everybody lies. chill!". There is a difference between watching porn, and being addicted to the degree of men ignoring their kids. This is just wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
eraforevermore Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 Ok so I know that my boyfriend looks at porn and I have come to accept it. But the other day I came home from work early and I found that he had looked at porn on the internet while watching our 4 month old son. I was so upset so I asked him where the baby was when he was doing this, he said the baby was on the bed watching a movie. I just don't think that its ok to do that. I told him I didn't want him doing that anymore and he said ok but it just makes think if he does this all the time while I'm at work. Sounds more like your issue than his.You gonna tell me that you two NEVER have sex while your child is in the home?so he was doing by himself no biggie.I'm sure you are aware of your child when you are not right beside him right so in turn I'm sure your H was aware of him as well,where I would NEVER condone doing in the pressance of the chid,taking a time out to pull the gollie is not a bad thing if you are alone in another room.If he is doing for long spaces of time like an hour or more then there IS a problem but if he justs pops out to pop one off then I'd say don't sweat it. What ever happens ...good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 I just don't understand why so many women say..yes my husband watches porn all the time..and it hurts..but I've accepted it.. what?? To me it is NOT ok. It's sad! To me ..as a woman if you do that..you are being WAAY overly submissive. Ok so um so are you truly ok with your husband/fiance/boyfriend fantasizing about having sex with PAris Hilton instead of you?? I'm just tired of women giving in and saying oh well if it keeps him happy... Link to post Share on other sites
cn283 Posted April 24, 2007 Share Posted April 24, 2007 I think its time these kind of relationships end...If your a woman and you don't like porn and your SO does, get out of the relationship and vice versa. Why stay with someone that causes you constant frustration? Link to post Share on other sites
Bobster999 Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 Sorry to burst your bubble, but this is just not true. This is similar to pathological liars saying "everybody lies. chill!". There is a difference between watching porn, and being addicted to the degree of men ignoring their kids. This is just wrong. Puhlease! Kids get too much attention these days anyways. Link to post Share on other sites
Bobster999 Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 I think its time these kind of relationships end...If your a woman and you don't like porn and your SO does, get out of the relationship and vice versa. Why stay with someone that causes you constant frustration? There's a smart comment---sure, every woman whose husband is into porn should run right out and get divorce. You women should stop acting like babies! Link to post Share on other sites
searchingforanswers Posted April 28, 2007 Share Posted April 28, 2007 Bobster, Yes, porn can be enjoyed responsibly and even be used to enhance sex. However, as a guy who suffers from an addiction to porn and has lost a relationship becuase of it, I have to tell you that you are over-simplifying the issue. I wish my ex had been more direct in telling me about her discomfort with our sex life. I would have been more open about a desire to change my behavior. She was vague and I didn't know how porn was ruining my relationship until it was too late. I always thought I just liked porn because of a high libido and a penchant for kink. But I learned that whenever I became really stressed out I would seek out porn. My partner was aware, but I never thought it was a problem and she never told me she had an issue with it. Maybe she was embarassed. I know I was. If porn takes the place of, or interferes with, reality then it's a problem. I still struggle to maintain a distance from porn and it is VERY VERY difficult. The best I can do is be aware of what triggers the abuse of porn. If a woman indicates that it bothers her you need to take it seriously. Link to post Share on other sites
cn283 Posted April 28, 2007 Share Posted April 28, 2007 There's a smart comment---sure, every woman whose husband is into porn should run right out and get divorce. You women should stop acting like babies! I think you misunderstood me. If there is something you disagree with THAT strongly with someone your in a relationship with, why would you continue to torture yourself. The married women shouldn't have gotten married to guys with morals that differ that greatly from there's. Would a vegan go out with Ted Nudget? Would an Evangelical Christian marry a Atheist? These are extreme examples I know, but seriously looking at a totally selfish perspective people need to ask "am I happy?" "am I ok with this" because that's the only way a relationship is going to last. Link to post Share on other sites
outofdarkness Posted April 28, 2007 Share Posted April 28, 2007 I just don't understand why so many women say..yes my husband watches porn all the time..and it hurts..but I've accepted it.. what?? To me it is NOT ok. It's sad! To me ..as a woman if you do that..you are being WAAY overly submissive. Ok so um so are you truly ok with your husband/fiance/boyfriend fantasizing about having sex with PAris Hilton instead of you?? I'm just tired of women giving in and saying oh well if it keeps him happy... Yes, TOTALLY agree with this post...Porn is NOT good for ANY R...IMO Link to post Share on other sites
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