Why is she scared of commitment??

[WiLL]

Ok, i really hope you guys/girls can help, because i'm desperate for answers....

 

I was with this girl for 10 months, and i thought everything was great. I thought she was DEFINATELY the one. I was completely and totally in love with her, and she felt the same with me.

 

It was the best relationship I've ever been in, and she felt the same way. (Before our relationship, her longest was not even 2 months!! ). We got along like the best of friends, we never had a fight, we had countless conversations on the phone (some for 4 hours or more at a time), and we always made each other laugh.

 

We are also both very compatible with each other, in every aspect that i can think of....we are both very physically attracted to each other, we both love each other very much, and we both value our conversations and our friendship.

 

Sounds great, right? Well, despite all of this, she broke up with me over a month ago. She claimed that she didn't want to be in a relationship because she felt tied down. We were both very upset about it, but she felt it was for the best. I was completely heartbroken and, not to mention, a total wreck for a 2 weeks(not sleeping, eating, the whole 9 yards). I was confused, and i felt betrayed. I would ask myself, "Why would she do this? We had such a great relationship together." It just didn't make any sense to me.

 

Well, after a while of not talking, we started speaking on the phone again. Since that time (about 2 weeks after the breakup), we have remained good friends, still having good conversations on the phone. But i couldn't help but to bring it up on the phone the other day. And it turns out, that after our 10 month anniversary, she panicked -- she's afraid of commitment. She also said that if she were to be in a relationship with ANYONE, it would most definately be me. So, i know it's not because of another guy.

 

Now, I have a "Mr. Fix-it" personality, and i'm very optimistic. So, before giving up on things, i always try to make them better. This time, I just don't know what to do.

 

SHE also wants to know why she's afraid of commitment, and she said she's willing to work on this with me. Please help me!! I love this girl so much, and i couldn't imagine my life without her.

 

How can she learn not to be afraid of long-term relationships? If i can find the answer to this, my life can be whole again!!! I would REALLY appreciate any advice you can give me.

[Cici]

Well, sometimes fear of committment is a sign of emotional immaturity. That is to say, she will not fear committment when she is finally ready to commit. It would be easier to help if I knew how old she was. A 21 yr. old afraid to commit is much different form a 35 yr. old!

 

She should seek counseling if she truly wants to change. Her fear of committment could stem from anything: from adolescent sexual assault to childhood molestation. Perhaps her parents had a rocky relationship or she was physically abused. Maybe she just lacks direction in her life or fears the control you would have over her. Maybe she has a mood or anxiety disorder. All of these issues should be addressed by a liscenced phsycologist or psychiatrist. Not all of these issues require medication.

 

Good luck.

Ok, i really hope you guys/girls can help, because i'm desperate for answers.... I was with this girl for 10 months, and i thought everything was great. I thought she was DEFINATELY the one. I was completely and totally in love with her, and she felt the same with me.

 

It was the best relationship I've ever been in, and she felt the same way. (Before our relationship, her longest was not even 2 months!! ). We got along like the best of friends, we never had a fight, we had countless conversations on the phone (some for 4 hours or more at a time), and we always made each other laugh. We are also both very compatible with each other, in every aspect that i can think of....we are both very physically attracted to each other, we both love each other very much, and we both value our conversations and our friendship. Sounds great, right? Well, despite all of this, she broke up with me over a month ago. She claimed that she didn't want to be in a relationship because she felt tied down. We were both very upset about it, but she felt it was for the best. I was completely heartbroken and, not to mention, a total wreck for a 2 weeks(not sleeping, eating, the whole 9 yards). I was confused, and i felt betrayed. I would ask myself, "Why would she do this? We had such a great relationship together." It just didn't make any sense to me. Well, after a while of not talking, we started speaking on the phone again. Since that time (about 2 weeks after the breakup), we have remained good friends, still having good conversations on the phone. But i couldn't help but to bring it up on the phone the other day. And it turns out, that after our 10 month anniversary, she panicked -- she's afraid of commitment. She also said that if she were to be in a relationship with ANYONE, it would most definately be me. So, i know it's not because of another guy. Now, I have a "Mr. Fix-it" personality, and i'm very optimistic. So, before giving up on things, i always try to make them better. This time, I just don't know what to do. SHE also wants to know why she's afraid of commitment, and she said she's willing to work on this with me. Please help me!! I love this girl so much, and i couldn't imagine my life without her. How can she learn not to be afraid of long-term relationships? If i can find the answer to this, my life can be whole again!!! I would REALLY appreciate any advice you can give me.

[lisa]

i'm not sure why she is scared of commitment,but i really do know what you are going through because my boyfriend of 1 year just broke up with me three weeks ago.we talked for the first week but nothing sense then. he told me that he's not happy anymore(he says i make him happy though), he said he can't find his heart. now isn't that just really strange!!! i need some help trying to figure out what to do as well. sorry i couldn't be any help, but if anybody can help me to i will be really greatful. what's going on with him? why did he really break things off(if it's not another girl?

[LISA]

Hi Lisa I'm another Lisa and to make things less confusing I'll sign on with all caps. I only lurk here one in a while so I won't be posting much.

I don't know if this will help either you or the guy with the girlfriend who won't committ, but I'll try.

 

I have the same fear of committment. I am at 3 months now in a relationship with someone who I know is falling in love with me. I really like him, but I am so afraid to committ to anything permanent and my fear stems from the idea that if I make myself vulnerable (and that happens when you commit) then I may get hurt myself. Certainly I don't know that that is your boyfriends problem or the other guys girlfriends problem but it could be. Some people apper to let others close to them, but there is this magic invisible line that doesn't let them all the way in. This is a protective mechanism to avoid being hurt. I know it sounds stupid, but some people are just afraid of total intimacy. the both of you can try to reassure your mates, and don't pressure them for declarations of love. Try to make them comfortable in the relationship without putting pressure on them. People can feel love for others without expressing it.

 

I wish both of you luck, I know myself how painful this can be.