bendit Posted April 7, 2007 Share Posted April 7, 2007 it's a confused face. i put it there because I didn't understand why you were going to T. I don't know your story. I guess when it rains it pours. You NC with the X? or trying to be buds? I never insulted you. I was joking the hole time. I think you were a bit sensitive but I was just playing devil's advocate. I was grinning the whole time. honest. Link to post Share on other sites
bridget_jones Posted April 7, 2007 Share Posted April 7, 2007 Things are fine, I got a new job. Link to post Share on other sites
bendit Posted April 7, 2007 Share Posted April 7, 2007 ALL of you calm down. This isn't your thread to be fighting on, take it to PM mode or start your own thread and continue it there. LOL I'm so pathetic...... whichway nahhh..you're fine. you only average 534 posts a month. It looks like your record is, however, in jeopardy if, and this is a big if, Bridget can keep up her 700+ posts per month pace for two more years. Link to post Share on other sites
bendit Posted April 7, 2007 Share Posted April 7, 2007 Things are fine, I got a new job. cool! career change or same field? Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaliGuy Posted April 7, 2007 Author Share Posted April 7, 2007 cali I am preoccupied with helping others? you have 2,700+ posts and I have a little over 400 in almost two years. Of course you started a month before I did. But you also took like 9 months off (you know the lost months?). Let's just say when you are Here, you are prolific... regards Because my time is mostly spent helping others. If you read all 2700 of my post, you'll see that a majority of them contain advice for others. Your time is spent chastising and criticising me, a good majority of your 400 some odd post are directed right at me. Kind of sad, huh? I mean, I'm flattered you spend so much time on me, but for someone who has soooo much advice, shouldn't you spread your cheer around to others? It's about time, I'd say Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaliGuy Posted April 7, 2007 Author Share Posted April 7, 2007 ALL of you calm down. This isn't your thread to be fighting on, take it to PM mode or start your own thread and continue it there. Agreed. I'm still looking for more opinions on why she hid the ring but so far it seems to be either she is embarrassed about the size or didn't want to hurt my feelings (and we're way past that). WWIU, thanks again for chipping in your 2 cents, BTW. Link to post Share on other sites
bridget_jones Posted April 7, 2007 Share Posted April 7, 2007 cool! career change or same field? Same field. I'm moving to West coast. Link to post Share on other sites
bendit Posted April 7, 2007 Share Posted April 7, 2007 congrats on a major life chage. I did that at about your age, moving to east coast. Most of my family is spread out on the west coast. I think you will love it out there. Oh well we better not clutter up Cali's thread any more. take care Link to post Share on other sites
thecount Posted April 7, 2007 Share Posted April 7, 2007 Bendit, why are you so hell bent on discrediting Caliguy? Everyone has issues about something. He's helped me quite a bit. So I thank him for that. He's admited that he still love and cares about her. That's no secret, but you seem to be upset with him. why? Link to post Share on other sites
bridget_jones Posted April 7, 2007 Share Posted April 7, 2007 I think Bendit has had his say and was just ready to end it until you brought the issue up again. Hey Bendit, yeah, I'm moving to Oregon. I have a sister and her husband, I am close to the, too. I love the area. I'm kinda glad just to put everything behind me and start anew. Link to post Share on other sites
bendit Posted April 7, 2007 Share Posted April 7, 2007 I think Bendit has had his say and was just ready to end it until you brought the issue up again. Hey Bendit, yeah, I'm moving to Oregon. I have a sister and her husband, I am close to the, too. I love the area. I'm kinda glad just to put everything behind me and start anew. Bridge I spent some time in Salem in my youth and my parent grew up in Salem and Eugene and live in the Portland area today (retired). They love Oregon. Sounds like a great move for you, where you will have good support from family. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaliGuy Posted April 7, 2007 Author Share Posted April 7, 2007 Bendit, why are you so hell bent on discrediting Caliguy? Everyone has issues about something. He's helped me quite a bit. So I thank him for that. He's admited that he still love and cares about her. That's no secret, but you seem to be upset with him. why? It's ok count, it doesn't bother me at all. The original questions in the thread are still valid. Just because you're not with someone anymore and you know they may not be right for you does not mean you instantly stop loving or caring about them. Link to post Share on other sites
Faith2 Posted April 7, 2007 Share Posted April 7, 2007 Just because you're not with someone anymore and you know they may not be right for you does not mean you instantly stop loving or caring about them. This is true, especially when the love is deep. These past experiences of love shape our present and future lives. As Faulkner famously wrote: "The past is never dead. It's not even past." Link to post Share on other sites
thecount Posted April 7, 2007 Share Posted April 7, 2007 It's ok count, it doesn't bother me at all. The original questions in the thread are still valid. Just because you're not with someone anymore and you know they may not be right for you does not mean you instantly stop loving or caring about them. Cali, I hear you man. I still love and care for my ex too. I know she's not right for me. What I'm holding on too ,I just don't know. Trying to figure that out myself. Last I saw my ex I didn't like what I had seen. She just didn't look right. Maybe I'm just starting to notice behind that pretty face of hers, there's a mean person waiting to take advantage of what used to be her doormat again. NOT GOING TO LET IT HAPPEN. Link to post Share on other sites
suchislife Posted April 7, 2007 Share Posted April 7, 2007 Caliguy, You asked why she would hide the ring. Because she cares what you think. Could be the size, that she is confused about what she is doing, whatever, but I think the bottom line is that your opinion matters and she isn't comfortable with what she is doing. Hang in. The whole age/history thing on this thread is unimportant. It doesn't mean a thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaliGuy Posted April 7, 2007 Author Share Posted April 7, 2007 Caliguy, You asked why she would hide the ring. Because she cares what you think. Could be the size, that she is confused about what she is doing, whatever, but I think the bottom line is that your opinion matters and she isn't comfortable with what she is doing. Hang in. The whole age/history thing on this thread is unimportant. It doesn't mean a thing. Thanks! I think it's a combination of the two things. She is embarrassed about the ring (the band is large, the diamonds are very small) and she doesn't want to hurt my feelings. I say this because she lied about where she was going afterwards. Then I think "She already knows that I know she is engaged, why hide the ring or that she's spending time with her fiance?! DUH! That's what you do when you are engaged." That's what makes me believe she wanted me to think that maybe she was having doubts or something. I don't know. Not falling for it though. And I think the web site visit the other day was maybe because she was expecting me to contact her and I didn't. See, my overly-analytical brain at work again. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted April 7, 2007 Share Posted April 7, 2007 CG, Only you know if she would be that shallow to hide a ring because of the size. If that's the case I would feel sorry for any man who got involved with her. I hope you saw my last post on why I would hide it. Torn loyalties. I really wouldn't hide it for any other reason. Even if I knew it would hurt (which I would hate) in a way it would be some kind of closure that yes I've moved on and there is someone else and yes again I am in love . I don't mean an in your face cruel thing that so many people do to their exes. But if I was sure this is the man I love. I wouldn't hide that fact. Again if I was sure I would want you to know there was no chance. I am about the same age as you. If I was acting like her then I have doubts. Serious doubts. Link to post Share on other sites
Faith2 Posted April 7, 2007 Share Posted April 7, 2007 Honestly they look retarded on her. She was fine the way she was. Now she looks top heavy She is embarrassed about the ring (the band is large, the diamonds are very small) The boobs are too big, the diamonds are too small. Poor girl - her life is all out of proportion. Just kidding, CG. I indulge in a good amount of over-analyzing and ex-bashing myself. And yet... I still want him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaliGuy Posted April 7, 2007 Author Share Posted April 7, 2007 The boobs are too big, the diamonds are too small. Poor girl - her life is all out of proportion. Just kidding, CG. I indulge in a good amount of over-analyzing and ex-bashing myself. And yet... I still want him. Cursed, aren't we? The thing about love is it's just not a logical feeling. If it were, there would be no divorces or heartbreaks. The things in this life that give us the most pain are the things we do not understand. Yep, she went out of proportion the other direction but if it makes her happy then I'm happy for her. She's wanted them for a long time. As for the ring, FWIU, women could care less about the ring, just the fact that they have one is something most would show off to the world. Except of course, my ex! LOL Link to post Share on other sites
thecount Posted April 7, 2007 Share Posted April 7, 2007 My ex's friend had a ring that her husband had given her. She called it frozen spit. It was horrible, but the guy did the best he could for the time. He since got her a nice ring, about 2c's and a month later she cheated on him. Hell of a way to say thank you don't you think? Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaliGuy Posted April 7, 2007 Author Share Posted April 7, 2007 My ex's friend had a ring that her husband had given her. She called it frozen spit. It was horrible, but the guy did the best he could for the time. He since got her a nice ring, about 2c's and a month later she cheated on him. Hell of a way to say thank you don't you think? Aye. That sucks. If one equates love to the size of an engagement ring I have to question the sincerity of their heart. Well I have two theories. One is that she didn't want to hurt me, the other is that she was embarrassed about the ring. Neither of which said to me "Hey, I want you to pursue me." For that, I'd need a much clearer signal from her and she is the type to give signals in her own way. Like taking off the ring and emailing me. That's how she did it last time we broke up (minus the ring). She started emailing me about stupid things she could have found out on her own. Testing the waters so to speak. I think in person she was testing the waters a bit. Following me around, asking me a lot of questions, smiling a lot and making very deep eye contact. Oh she's interested in my life. But maybe just as a friend. Who knows. I've already told her I'm not interested in taking second place in her life. I told her that a long time ago. For me, it's all or nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted April 8, 2007 Share Posted April 8, 2007 The good part is I have maintained NC with her for about 6 months now. Life is good, and I am not bothered by this. Just curious more than anything else. Good! I remember reading your threads where you were cut up about how your previous ex (not sure if this is the same one) treated you. It was really cool to see how you got over that, sorted yourself out, and came out a stronger person. You know how these things work - draw away, establish independent happiness, and suddenly the ex gets curious and wants to know what you've got going on. Well, it's natural to wonder, I think. Living well is the best revenge Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted April 8, 2007 Share Posted April 8, 2007 why haven't you met the one? How many best friends do you have? It's not easy to find. Now add in the inherent differences between men and women, the need for sexual as well as personality compatibility, and it's long odds against finding a true soulmate. Most people's response is to "settle". They are the same people you read about getting divorced, cheated on (or cheating), arguing every week or two and too scared to quit. Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted April 8, 2007 Share Posted April 8, 2007 I am 38 and never married, I actually think there is MUCH more of a social stigma attached to that. I really don't think women think twice about a bachelor in his late 30s/early 40s. When I'm older I would much prefer to meet a late 30s/early 40s woman who had never been married, instead of a divorcee or single mother. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaliGuy Posted April 8, 2007 Author Share Posted April 8, 2007 How many best friends do you have? It's not easy to find. Now add in the inherent differences between men and women, the need for sexual as well as personality compatibility, and it's long odds against finding a true soulmate. Most people's response is to "settle". They are the same people you read about getting divorced, cheated on (or cheating), arguing every week or two and too scared to quit. Not willing to "settle" and "commitment phobia" are often misconstrued as being the same. I tend to disagree. As I said before, it's not like I haven't met someone I was fully ready to commit to. In my case, they were not ready to commit to me. Link to post Share on other sites
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