Hmm, what's my ex up to?

[whichwayisup]

Is she still checking your website as of late?

 

Man, don't remind him. out of sight, out of mind...

 

Happily engaged women should not be checking up on their ex's. Maybe it is time to block her?

 

Yes. Bingo! It is NONE of her business what you do, or put on your blog. Make it private by invitation only. Let EVERYONE you know and trust, join as a member with a password so she cannot read about you and your life. It's creepy and she's snoopin (cyber stalkin') ...

 

I tell ya, I don't EVER want any of my ex's following me around, online or offline. MY LIFE is just that. MY life.

 

CG - She is NOT part of your daily life anymore, so think about changing your website so only invited people can read it.

 

you wouldn't put up with her sneaking around behind bushes IRL, right? Going through your garbage, sifting through your mail outside....Think of it in those terms - What she is doing online IS more or less the same thing. Anyway, I think you know where I'm going with this......

[whichwayisup]

Don't even check to see if she's checked.

 

He can't help it now, it's become a habit for him to check...He's gotta change the site so she can't peak into wtf goes on his life. It's none her business!

[whichwayisup]

Can anyone tell me how it would be a bad idea?

 

*stays silent* hehe...

 

Read my other two previous posts...

 

ONLY good can of you blocking her and changing your site so she can't read about you and your life. And yes, block her email, block her on your instant messenger too. There is NO reason to have her on your list or in your life.

[whichwayisup]

Doesn't that smack the least bit of being bitter? I guess to me it does. I don't care that she visits the site. I just want to know why she does it because if she is happily engaged there's no reason for it. Period.

 

It's called letting go and moving on Cali. Maybe if she did that to you, blocked you completely and CUT YOU out of her life forever in everyway possible, it would hurt you or come off as bitter...But to most, it's just letting go and moving on. She is your past and the more you hang on to little bits of her, she will always be on your mind at some level, preventing you from fully closing your heart and moving on to find someone else.

 

Remember she CHEATED on you. WHY do you even want someone like that checking out your life online, let alone you entertaining thoughts and worries that cutting her OUT of your life in everyway is mean and bitter?? WHO cares what she thinks and feels now? She is getting married to the man she CHEATED on you with. Hello!! I'm still surprised that you give her this much attention inside your head. Sorry to sound harsh buddy, but please, wake up, block her and make YOURSELF a promise to let all this go. IT just doesn't matter anymore.

[silentcharon]

wwiu's right. I have a blog also, and I know that my ex reads it frequently. I don't have the option of blocking him, and even if I did, I wouldn't. Why? Because I don't care.

 

You shouldn't either care whether your ex is checking your page or not. Mulling over the decision whether to block her or not is a waste of your time. Wondering why she's checking your page is a waste of your time, she's among millions of strangers who could stumble upon your page and read it.

 

I understand that it piques your curiousity, but wondering whether you should do something is ridicious.

[CaliGuy]

wwiu's right. I have a blog also, and I know that my ex reads it frequently. I don't have the option of blocking him, and even if I did, I wouldn't. Why? Because I don't care.

 

You shouldn't either care whether your ex is checking your page or not. Mulling over the decision whether to block her or not is a waste of your time. Wondering why she's checking your page is a waste of your time, she's among millions of strangers who could stumble upon your page and read it.

 

I understand that it piques your curiousity, but wondering whether you should do something is ridicious.

 

Remember, from the beginning I have stated that it's a public web site (well, accessible to the public). It's for my friends and family who want to know what's up with me and my racing. I had it long before I met the ex so I have no reason to change it.

 

The thought occured to block her but I didn't really care. I was just wondering why. Others think I should block her, but in reality what is the best I think is to just not check the logs.

 

It doesn't matter if she checks it or not. If I block her it would seem like she's getting to me. And so far, I haven't felt the "need" to block her.

 

As I said before, I haven't been sitting around waiting for her to come back nor do I think the web site visits are an indication she wants to reconcile. It just irked me that she would be recently engaged and behaving like this.

 

But then again, that's her behavior. She did it to me (wandering eyes) and it appears she is doing it to her fiance. At the very least she is emotionally cheating on him. At least that's the way I see it.

 

She hasn't changed much in that regard.

[WiseNitchie]

Yea caliguy that is emmotional cheating, and even he doesnt deserve that, i know i would consider it as cheating if my gf was worried or checking up on her ex.

 

Yea but block her, remember she lost all rights and priveleges and nwo she must live with her decision, if she doesnt want all of u dont give her any, so block her. I think u been very very kind, becuz i couldnt put up with anything that ur ex did to you. But just remember she owes u, u dont owe her anything.

 

She was the one who couldnt wait to move on and get you out of her life, she couldnt wait so much that she cheated on you. Now that shes out there make her stay out there, and dont let her snoop around on ur life.

 

I dont think ur a wuss or either do i think that your waiting around for ur ex to return, i think u just need to get more of a backbone.

 

But in teh end ull make a good decison regardless of what u do

[bendit]

Remember, from the beginning

As I said before, I haven't been sitting around waiting for her to come back nor do I think the web site visits are an indication she wants to reconcile. It just irked me that she would be recently engaged and behaving like this.

 

 

 

Never has one person been so obsessed about another person reading their website. why so obsessed? I know. You are indifferent. Is it Weird that she would read you site while she is engaged? I actually don't think its that odd. But I do think it odd for you to obsess about it on and on an on. Look at your thread. You are asking the same questions today that you asked two months ago and hundreds of posts ago. You are going around in a circle.

 

You are the one that can't let it go, not her. Why is it your "business" if she is emotionally or physically cheating on him? It Isn't. You should be long gone but you "aren't". There is a word for this and its codependence. Your focus is on something you have Zero control over. If I was the fiance I and I knew you were this obsessed it would really bother me.

 

Whose "site" will she be reading if she every decdied she wanted you back? Why you think she is some kind of "prize" is one of LS impenetrable mysteries.

[bendit]

He can't help it now, it's become a habit for him to check...He's gotta change the site so she can't peak into wtf goes on his life. It's none her business!

 

If Cali blocked her then he might lose contact with her. And that would be bad.

[silentcharon]

It just irked me that she would be recently engaged and behaving like this.

But then again, that's her behavior. She did it to me (wandering eyes) and it appears she is doing it to her fiance. At the very least she is emotionally cheating on him. At least that's the way I see it.

 

She hasn't changed much in that regard.

 

Why would it irk you in the first place? She cheated on you. If the website is all she'll ever have of you, let her. It's not your problem. Continue living up your life, and continue to write about it- that is really the best revenge you can do. Forget the no blocking nonsense, go ahead and continue checking the logs as you would usually. Revel in the fact that your website is all she will ever have of you, and move on. All she is doing is hurting herself and doing herself a major disservice. G'luck

[Art_Critic]

Maybe I might be backtracking on some of my advice here but maybe the best way to clear your life of her is to go ahead and contact her..

 

Honestly man...

 

I have been where you are ( well almost ) and the only way I was finally move on was to make contact and continue to make contact till I got the picture and got her out of my mind/life..I was infected with her and had the toughest time moving on even though she did.. I just kept making that contact until I got what I needed..

then I moved on and found someone else.

I look back on it and I'm not embarrassed about the things I did....If i didn't do them then I might be in your shoes now.. 3-4 years later still waiting..

 

Give me your input on how you think about contacting her

[whichwayisup]

CG, let me ask you this - Is this thread helping you or hindering you? It seems too, that some ask you questions after days of no replies, then you reply and talk about the ex again. I'm wondering if it might be easier for you to ask the mods/admin to close this thread. Especially if you're gonna stop looking at the logs that show the IP addy's...

[Member2]

I wonder how many other web pages and blogs she surfs during the day ?

 

Caliguy,

 

You believe that since she hits your blog that she still carries a torch for you ? You are wrong.

 

She is just surfing the internet, Hell, She probably surfs many pages during today, even other ex's

 

Move on Son,

[CaliGuy]

CG, let me ask you this - Is this thread helping you or hindering you? It seems too, that some ask you questions after days of no replies, then you reply and talk about the ex again. I'm wondering if it might be easier for you to ask the mods/admin to close this thread. Especially if you're gonna stop looking at the logs that show the IP addy's...

 

Some of the advice is helping.

 

Again, all I wanted was to know why she was doing it. I got a few honest, thoughtful answers mixed with a lot of conjecture and people "telling" me how I feel. I guess that is what bothers me the most.

 

I ask questions simply because of a desire to know. Sometimes I ask questions that can not be answered.

 

Because I ask questions it does not, in any way, mean that I am consumed. It's who I am by nature.

 

Some people will accept that, some will not.

 

But what I am tired of is being told how I feel. Unless someone is sitting in my shoes they can not say with absolute certainty how I feel.

 

It's not that I don't appreciate the advice. I do. And to those who have genuinely tried to answer the question, THANK YOU

[CaliGuy]

Give me your input on how you think about contacting her

 

I have no desire to contact her. And even if I did, what would be the purpose?

 

I don't need to hear from her to know it's over. She's wearing his engagement ring, that's enough for me.

 

Again, as I have repeated many times, I have a desire to know why she is acting this way. I am not, nor have I ever asked, "is this a sign she wants to reconcile?!"

 

Because even if she did want to, I would have a difficult time believing her. Enough that I don't think it would be worth it to go down that road again.

[Art_Critic]

I have no desire to contact her.

 

I don't need to hear from her to know it's over. She's wearing his engagement ring, that's enough for me.

 

Good......

[CaliGuy]

Good......

 

Dude, one day at a time.

 

This weekend I helped our mutual friend, the widow, move. The ex was supposed to be there to help but showed up late. Our friend asked me to stay until my ex showed up. I told her "I have to get going soon" (didn't want to be rude). She asked again "Please stay and hang out." I said I can wait a few.

 

1/2 hour still no ex. So I tell our friend "Hey I have to go. I have to be up early" and so I bail.

 

Ex showed up about 10 minutes later. My friend called me later and said "She seemed kinda bothered that you left before she showed up."

 

My reaction? Who cares?!

 

I wasn't there to see my ex. I was there to help a friend.

[IThinkIllGoToBoston]

how can you see the IP addresses that have looked at your page?

 

are there myspace trackers out there as well?

 

sorry if this has been covered on here already, I got impatient searching through the 11 pages :-P haha

 

if anyone could answer my ??s that'd be great! :-)

 

thanks loves!

[CaliGuy]

how can you see the IP addresses that have looked at your page?

 

are there myspace trackers out there as well?

 

sorry if this has been covered on here already, I got impatient searching through the 11 pages :-P haha

 

if anyone could answer my ??s that'd be great! :-)

 

thanks loves!

 

 

If you own a web site, just check the logs.

 

Yes, there are myspace trackers out there that work.

[daisydo]

CG

 

I look at my exboyfriend's website, look at pictures, etc.

 

Sometimes it is out of boredom and habit. Sometimes I will feel a little aching in my heart.. and I will just want to see his face.

 

I will even go back to a few older exboyfriend's and look at their myspace pages and pictures to see what they are up to.

 

As far as obsessively checking - i think if my most recent ex posted a blog every few days I would check quite a bit. I wouldn't want to - but part of me would just want to know what he was up to even if I didn't want to make any contact (which I don't).

 

When you've gone through something with someone - at times the feelings and memories will come in waves. Sometimes you will feel vulnerable.. sometimes you may feel regret because of something you did or said.. and in those times you will act differently. It is kind of like a drunk dial.. When your defenses are low - you will reach out to people you probably shouldn't.

 

I know when I am feeling particularly down or lonely.. I check his myspace and look at his pictures. Sometimes it has nothing to do specifically with him.. It just helps me to remember that once I was capable of feeling something really wonderful - and that good things ARE coming my way again.

 

I don't know if this helps you at all.. Good luck with everything.

[CaliGuy]

CG

 

I look at my exboyfriend's website, look at pictures, etc.

 

Sometimes it is out of boredom and habit. Sometimes I will feel a little aching in my heart.. and I will just want to see his face.

 

I will even go back to a few older exboyfriend's and look at their myspace pages and pictures to see what they are up to.

 

As far as obsessively checking - i think if my most recent ex posted a blog every few days I would check quite a bit. I wouldn't want to - but part of me would just want to know what he was up to even if I didn't want to make any contact (which I don't).

 

When you've gone through something with someone - at times the feelings and memories will come in waves. Sometimes you will feel vulnerable.. sometimes you may feel regret because of something you did or said.. and in those times you will act differently. It is kind of like a drunk dial.. When your defenses are low - you will reach out to people you probably shouldn't.

 

I know when I am feeling particularly down or lonely.. I check his myspace and look at his pictures. Sometimes it has nothing to do specifically with him.. It just helps me to remember that once I was capable of feeling something really wonderful - and that good things ARE coming my way again.

 

I don't know if this helps you at all.. Good luck with everything.

 

Thanks Daisy, I really appreciate your candid opinion.

[Johnny B]

CG - Would you entertain this hypothetical for me regarding your ex?

 

Lets just say that for some reason your ex decides to call you or perhaps an email asking, "Hey, how's it going, just want to see how you are."

 

My gut instinct tells me that you'll ignore for a week or two and then casually and cooly respond with something like, "Hey, everything is great. Thanks for asking."

 

Would that be accurate? What if she invites you out for a drink or coffee to catch up? Would you go?

 

Basically what I'm getting at is, not everyone is built the same. My guess is that your ex may never come back BUT if she did, I don't think it would be an all out, "I miss you. I was wrong. I want you back." etc type of deal. Some women/men yes... others no.

 

OR should we ONLY give our ex's a second chance if they come back to us in this manner? Should we NOT accept anything less than the all out profession of love and mistakes and missing us?

 

Maybe her MO is, I'm gonna see if I can open up the lines of communication first with him, then see if it can go somewhere. I just get that impression from your threads on here. I could be wrong and of course yes she's engaged so I understand that part of it.

 

But taking that into consideration... do you think she would completely break off her engagement BEFORE she came back to you? Or is it more likely that she'll test the waters first before going in?

 

If the latter is more likely, will you entertain it? I think you wouldn't based on the sound advice you've given everyone on this board for months, but how would you REALLY react.

 

Sorry, hypotheticals are bad, but my guess is that you have run this scenario in your head multiple times. In fact i think you may have gone through this before if I'm not mistaken and it didn't go very well, but a lot of time has passed, right?

 

She's obviously still somewhat of a focus in your life, albiet much less than she once was, but there is no doubt you still have a small flame left for her that may never die.

 

IF she presents herself to you in a way LESS than the all out.. I miss/love you.. want you back.. I'm an idiot speech..........

 

Will you try? I'd like to know more about how you think.

 

Thanks,

J

[Johnny B]

Oh and also, when you first came onto this board you were in no better shape than any of the rest of us. Now you are the voice of reason for so many... the Yoda of LS...

 

When did this happen for you? How long did that take? How did you finally overcome?

 

I think many of us would like to know; learn from you and follow in your footsteps.

 

Johnny

[CaliGuy]

CG - Would you entertain this hypothetical for me regarding your ex?

 

Lets just say that for some reason your ex decides to call you or perhaps an email asking, "Hey, how's it going, just want to see how you are."

 

My gut instinct tells me that you'll ignore for a week or two and then casually and cooly respond with something like, "Hey, everything is great. Thanks for asking."

 

Would that be accurate? What if she invites you out for a drink or coffee to catch up? Would you go?

 

Well I don't think that is ever going to happen. She's engaged, happy with her fiance and I am not sitting around waiting for her to come back. My guess is even if this did happen, I will be deep into another relationship and would have no reason to reply back to her at all.

 

I'm praying that will be the case.

 

But to answer your question, if she did ask, as long as she is still wearing his ring (whether I am single or not) the answer would be an emphatic NO. There's no reason for an engaged woman to hang out with her ex, period.

 

Basically what I'm getting at is, not everyone is built the same. My guess is that your ex may never come back BUT if she did, I don't think it would be an all out, "I miss you. I was wrong. I want you back." etc type of deal. Some women/men yes... others no.

 

No it wouldn't be. She'd have to have ended it with her fiance first and based on just what I know, if it did end, she would be deeply hurt and it would take her a long time to recover. Not just months, but at least a year or two. I will not wait around for her.

 

OR should we ONLY give our ex's a second chance if they come back to us in this manner? Should we NOT accept anything less than the all out profession of love and mistakes and missing us?

 

I guess I don't see how anything other than a complete admission they screwed up and want you back would suffice. Because in my case, how could I be sure the same thing wouldn't happen again? I don't and she couldn't give an assurance. I know how my ex works and she would never admit to screwing up nor would she beg or plead. If I didn't answer her back, if she was single, then she would try to communicate once or twice more then give up once she realizes I am not budging. Again, I can not ever see this happening. Her fiance would have to screw up ryoally for her to end things.

 

Maybe her MO is, I'm gonna see if I can open up the lines of communication first with him, then see if it can go somewhere. I just get that impression from your threads on here. I could be wrong and of course yes she's engaged so I understand that part of it.

 

Yes she is engaged and no, she really hasn't opened up any lines of communication so that's not even a thought on my brain right now. If she really wanted to talk to me she would have reached out by now, especially when she was making all those hits to my web site back in Jan/Feb.

 

But taking that into consideration... do you think she would completely break off her engagement BEFORE she came back to you? Or is it more likely that she'll test the waters first before going in?

 

I would not even consider hanging out with her as long as she is wearing his ring. It wouldn't be fair to anyone. She would probably not even tell me if she broke off the engagement or they split. Her family might tell me but she probably wouldn't. She would most likely ask me for some kind of silly favor to see me and then I would notice the ring is not there. And you know what, now that I think about it, if that did happen, I wouldn't even ask her about it. She'd have to tell me and then I would probably act like I don't care. I'd probably say "Oh, sorry it didn't work out..." and just remain silent.

 

If the latter is more likely, will you entertain it? I think you wouldn't based on the sound advice you've given everyone on this board for months, but how would you REALLY react.

 

Again, it's all about the ring. She's wearing his, not mine. That tells me all I need to know about who she wants to be with. If they had a problem, if she had real doubts about him she would have reached out to me by now. She wouldn't have accepted the ring. I think once she said yes to the engagement in my mind any chance of reconcillation was over. I haven't even pondered really the odds of her coming back. Like I said, she hasn't made an effort to reach out to me and even if she did, I would decline any chance to hang out (as I did last Saturday, I bailed before she got there).

 

Sorry, hypotheticals are bad, but my guess is that you have run this scenario in your head multiple times. In fact i think you may have gone through this before if I'm not mistaken and it didn't go very well, but a lot of time has passed, right?

 

Yep. The difference is she was single and not engaged so I was open to talking to her. My problem was I pressured her again, as I did the first time, to commit to a relationship. The second I did she high-tailed and ran. I learned my lesson big time. Patience is not only a virtue, it's mandatory in any relationship.

 

She's obviously still somewhat of a focus in your life, albiet much less than she once was, but there is no doubt you still have a small flame left for her that may never die.

 

I think when I meet the right woman for any leftover embers will be smoldered.

 

IF she presents herself to you in a way LESS than the all out.. I miss/love you.. want you back.. I'm an idiot speech..........

 

Will you try? I'd like to know more about how you think.

 

If she went all out.

If she was sincere.

If she wasn't wearing his ring.

If she was single again.

Maybe.

 

But I think hell has better odds of freezing over than for all of the above to happen.

 

Right now I'm just focused on being the best ME I can be. I'm focusing on self-improvement, enjoying my new job, looking forward to moving soon and one day meeting someone who is a great fit for me and me her.

 

My ex? At this point I'm resigned to the fact she's gone and I'm doing nothing to actively or inactively pursue her. She's gone and that's a fact that has settled in for some time. I guess I just wanted to know why she had a sudden interest in me but I will never find out the answer because I won't ask her and she isn't contacting me.

 

Case closed.

[CaliGuy]

Oh and also, when you first came onto this board you were in no better shape than any of the rest of us. Now you are the voice of reason for so many... the Yoda of LS...

 

When did this happen for you? How long did that take? How did you finally overcome?

 

I think many of us would like to know; learn from you and follow in your footsteps.

 

Johnny

 

I don't think I am the Yoda of LS. I've just learned a lot. Learning and putting into practice are two different things. Though I may know the right thing to do, my heart sometimes interferes with my brain's ability to DO the right thing.

 

In this case, I've been burned by her twice. The first time was her fault, the second was mine for not learning my lesson. I will not allow a third time and at the point in time, I can't even see it happening.

 

Moving forward, not backwards.

 

To answer your question, it took counseling, reading a lot of LS post, reading books to understand my behavior and then spending a lot of time in self-reflection. What I did wrong, what I did right and what areas I needed to improve upon.

 

In many ways this relationship was a God send. Though the pain was pretty high, it did teach me valuable lessons that will last me the rest of my life. It made me grow up, it made me become a man and best of all, I grew in my relationship with Christ.

 

To some on the outside, I may have seemed that I lost but in reality, what I have gained far exceeds anything I could have lost.