Hmm, what's my ex up to?

[2ndIINone]

she still has a right to visit which websites she pleases.

no, she's not allowed.... cause I said so.

 

actually*L*, she shouldn't be looking at any guys profiles on the internet.... for God's sake, she's gettin' married.

 

Cali is soooooooooooo much better off.

[bridget_jones]

this woman still has CALIGUY by the balls...

 

this is what happens to "nice guy"

 

Well I think we have all been in Caliguy's situation, where we gave our all in a relationship and our heads were left spinning when they left us. it's hard for anyone to let go. I'm not like that, I am attracted to the nice qualities in a man, guys who treat me like crap are the ones I dump.

[bridget_jones]

actually*L*, she shouldn't be looking at any guys profiles on the internet.... for God's sake, she's gettin' married.

.

 

What does the "L" refer to?

 

You may be correct about her looking up guys profiles on the Internet, but it is not for him to judge or worry about. If she's disrespecting her fiance, then that's their problem, not Caliguy's.

[CaliGuy]

So when does the new job start?

 

It already has. I am commuting three days a week to SD and working from home two. I am actively looking for a new place.

[CaliGuy]

C'mon... you can't BS a BS'er... you mean you aren't getting SOME kinda satisfaction knowing she's hittin' your page???

 

No, because it brings up more questions than answers and opens old wounds. I would prefer that she never visit the site at all then visit it often and say nothing.

 

Letting her know you see her hittin' your page in a confident... " You keep hitting my page... Is there something you wanna tell me?" or "GET OFF MY PAGE!" is not a reaction that'll make her think you're sweatin' her..... if anything it may stop her from viewing the page. Unless of course, you WANT her to keep hitting it.

 

It means I would be admitting to her that I am keeping tabs on her. Something I wouldn't want her to know and something that I really shouldn't be doing. The thing that sparked it was the repeat visits. I wanted to know who it was and was sorry to find out when I did.

 

Like I said earlier, if you would have acknowledged her last week with a cool, calm Hello (I'm happy without you) attitude would've done more justice then ignoring her... she probably thinks you're afraid to talk to her and still bitter about the breakup.

 

As I said before, I did not fully realize it was her until after she walked by.

[CaliGuy]

The thing is, he doesn't know 100% for sure if it's her. IT could very well be her future hubby, checking out the site.

 

The hits from her work at definitely her. The hits from home I know for the most part are her because he was at the same place I was and she wasn't there on a particular day. We share a common hobby (him and I) so we're both at the same place once a month. Last month during that time there were hits from her home so it could not have been him. However, the others I am not completely sure of.

 

Don't do or say anything. ANY sort of reaction is just going to cause something to happen and after all that CG has been through, he doesn't need her back in his life, even as a friend or a casual aquaintance.

 

I've already made it clear to her that being friends is not an option.

 

Feeling and looking indifferent is the way to go. There is no point of them even saying hello.

 

The opposite of love is indifference, not hate. I don't hate her, I just showed that I was indifferent. Me not speaking to her when I saw her doesn't mean that I hate her. If I had made it a point to say hello she would have taken that as I was trying to spark up some interest (possibly). By not saying anything, I have kept my dignity in place.

[CaliGuy]

Agreed. No response is the best response.

 

Otherwise it just invites more BS into your life by them knowing that they're getting to you. Name calling would be a great way to let somebody know that they're getting to you.

 

Amen and that is the primary reason I have said nothing to her about it or acknowledged her when I saw her. To do so would be to say "you own me."

 

It's best to ignore it completely and let her internalize it. Like I said before, he may actually be doing her a favor in this regard.

 

If anything it shows her that I am moving on with life without her and that she is free to make whatever decisions she wants without me interfering. The last thing I want to do is be held accountable for interfering with her relationship.

 

Name calling and making demands is just stooping to her level.

 

Agreed.

[CaliGuy]

Shouldn't being the key word here.... but.... BUT, he does care. Hell, started a thread about it. And hasn't gotten an answer yet.... soooo, if he wants to know why she's hitting the page... I simply suggested that he asks her. Otherwise, he spends the next few years, tracking logs and 'wondering'.

 

Guess what? 15 months later, this girl still has him 'guessing'

 

Or he can delete the page, tracker, toss the pc out the second floor window, whatever it takes.

 

I just want some general opinions on the issue, perferably from someone who has dumped someone then stalked them on their web site

 

I have never had any intention of asking her what the visits were about. Ever. I know that will cause more problems than it will solve. As I said, the visits have slowed down a lot and my guess is that she must have resolved whatever issue was bothering her. I guess I was looking for confirmation on that.

[CaliGuy]

I know.

 

He'll truely move on, in his heart and mind once he stops checking her IP on his site and doesn't think of her at all.

 

I honestly don't think she's intensely checking out the site, having doubts of getting married....How can he know she's having doubts of getting married?

 

That's just it, WWIU. I know her and I know that her personality is one that tends to regret decisions she has made after the fact. Like perhaps saying yes to a marriage proposal when she wasn't 100% sure.

 

I think she might have had some doubts and maybe the visits to the site were an indication. But as I said, the visits have slowed down immensely and I think perhaps that period of doubt is over.

 

My contention has always been "If you're seriously happy and excited about getting married, why would you even bother to visit and ex's web site at all?"

 

Do you see the confusion here? She's supposed to be happily engaged. I know if I was engaged the LAST THING ON EARTH I would do is visit my ex's web site and spend an inornate amount of time poking around there.

 

I'd be too darned happy with my S/O to waste time on the past.

[CaliGuy]

Cali~ come back... Whichway and I can't pick your brain without ya....

 

Easy big guy. I was at Church

[Yamaha]

when I saw her last Sunday she was still wearing his ring.

 

Care to explain?

 

If you didn't know it was her for sure until you passed by why did you know of the above mentioned tidbit???

[CaliGuy]

Care to explain?

 

If you didn't know it was her for sure until you passed by why did you know of the above mentioned tidbit???

 

I said I wasn't positive it was her. I suspected but it wasn't until after I saw them together later that I was positive.

 

I always look for rings. Never know who is available

[Kamille]

You asked earlier how often I check my ex's webpage, which is actually a myspace account. I often get the urge while on LS everytime a myspace discussion is happening. So I would say I actually get the urge once or twice a week.

 

I've recently figured out that I can find out if he has modified his account by doing a people search, so I actually don't have to go on the page anymore. That's slowed me down to once or twice a month. But I still do the people search about once a week (I don't actually feel like doing one right now, which I guess is a good sign.)

 

I guess in a way it's an old habit I have a hard time quitting. He left me to go back to his ex and back then I wanted to find out if they were 'in a relationship'. Things didn't work out between them, but for some reason, every once in awhile I want to go see if he is seeing someone. It's part of the fun things I do while surfing the web. That, and checking my horoscope.

 

I am over him (probably to the same level that you are over your ex) but I am not really seeing anyone else - a few dates here and there, nothing serious. I am most certainly not engaged and I doubt that if I were I would still be checking his myspace.

 

You are right that it is puzzling. And if you think she checked it because she was having doubts then that is most likely it.

 

I do think she probably doesn't realize that you could still be tracking her though.

[CaliGuy]

You asked earlier how often I check my ex's webpage, which is actually a myspace account. I often get the urge while on LS everytime a myspace discussion is happening. So I would say I actually get the urge once or twice a week.

 

I've recently figured out that I can find out if he has modified his account by doing a people search, so I actually don't have to go on the page anymore. That's slowed me down to once or twice a month. But I still do the people search about once a week (I don't actually feel like doing one right now, which I guess is a good sign.)

 

I guess in a way it's an old habit I have a hard time quitting. He left me to go back to his ex and back then I wanted to find out if they were 'in a relationship'. Things didn't work out between them, but for some reason, every once in awhile I want to go see if he is seeing someone. It's part of the fun things I do while surfing the web. That, and checking my horoscope.

 

I am over him (probably to the same level that you are over your ex) but I am not really seeing anyone else - a few dates here and there, nothing serious. I am most certainly not engaged and I doubt that if I were I would still be checking his myspace.

 

You are right that it is puzzling. And if you think she checked it because she was having doubts then that is most likely it.

 

I do think she probably doesn't realize that you could still be tracking her though.

 

I don't think she knows that I can track her. If she did she probably wouldn't do it.

 

The difference between our situations though is you are the dumpee checking in on him while she is the dumper checking in on me (all the while she in engaged).

[underpants]

Awe, Cali...

 

Stinks, the angst (however small it may be) of the knowlege of an ex.

 

The thing is, is yes, she is checking up on you. That's all. No hidden meaning. Because she is not big enough to acknowlege that guilt, apoligize for it and put it to rest. Gosh...things might be resolved then. Apparently, no one wants that. (wait... that might be my issue?).

 

All I am trying to say is that ...Cali. You are a great, handsome, deep soul. Not just my opinion (other posts prove this). She simply has not got he fortitiude to make it right in the most elemental of ways. Sad, but not your issue. So she sneaks to check. Yes, you could post a whole pletora of things to insight her, but you are smart enough to see a step ahead and evaluate that this is not a game you want to play.

 

I don't know, I just had to respond because I'm torn. I find it cowardly to 'check up' without 'fixing it' first. Just seems....immature/whatever to me.

 

Don't worry, you are a catch, and you know this. I think she may regret it a little and this is her best 'reaction/mixed with/guilt/mixed with not wanting to take a real gamble. This is not the conviction/commitment that ultimately we all seek. Truth.

 

You are a good egg Cali. Come move to South Cali, so I can give you a run for your soul.

 

Look a there, another offer, why are you still thinking of silly girl who didn't know better and can't make things right? Come down south.

 

Ego better now?

 

ps...Note to self... Cali....first guy I ever hit on on LoveShack...I might be ready to move on, ahh Spring.

[CaliGuy]

Awe, Cali...

 

Stinks, the angst (however small it may be) of the knowlege of an ex.

 

The thing is, is yes, she is checking up on you. That's all. No hidden meaning. Because she is not big enough to acknowlege that guilt, apoligize for it and put it to rest. Gosh...things might be resolved then. Apparently, no one wants that. (wait... that might be my issue?).

 

All I am trying to say is that ...Cali. You are a great, handsome, deep soul. Not just my opinion (other posts prove this). She simply has not got he fortitiude to make it right in the most elemental of ways. Sad, but not your issue. So she sneaks to check. Yes, you could post a whole pletora of things to insight her, but you are smart enough to see a step ahead and evaluate that this is not a game you want to play.

 

I don't know, I just had to respond because I'm torn. I find it cowardly to 'check up' without 'fixing it' first. Just seems....immature/whatever to me.

 

Don't worry, you are a catch, and you know this. I think she may regret it a little and this is her best 'reaction/mixed with/guilt/mixed with not wanting to take a real gamble. This is not the conviction/commitment that ultimately we all seek. Truth.

 

You are a good egg Cali. Come move to South Cali, so I can give you a run for your soul.

 

Look a there, another offer, why are you still thinking of silly girl who didn't know better and can't make things right? Come down south.

 

Ego better now?

 

ps...Note to self... Cali....first guy I ever hit on on LoveShack...I might be ready to move on, ahh Spring.

 

Thank you, Underpants That made my day.

 

I think you're right as far as my reaction. I could have jumped at the knowledge she was checking up on me. Heck, I could have sent a copy of the logs to her fiance. Boy, wouldn't that just have made him happy to know how often she was checking up on me.

 

But it's not a game I want to play and I have much more integrity than that. If she was truly regretful/remorseful she would have made an effort to contact me. I do believe that if she was having regrets about the fiance that she may feel her past actions have burned a bridge. And to some degree, she's right.

 

I'd have a hard time trusting her. How could I ever be sure she wouldn't repeat behaviors of the past? I don't know. That's why I haven't made an effort to contact her. Not because I am full of pride or am trying to make a point.

 

It's because I know that I didn't deserve the kind of treatment she gave me. That if she wanted to make things right she would stand up and admit her faults and apologize for her behavior. But she won't because she is too proud (or simply that the visits mean nothing, she just wanted to see what was new in my life, sometimes twice a day, lol).

 

Either way, I'm not making any first moves. I did all the chasing for a long time and feel that I am at the point in my life where if she was to come back, she'd have to chase and chase hard.

 

I will not allow myself to be taken for granted again in that manner.

 

Nor will I allow this bad experience to change me into a jerk.

 

If anything, it's made me mature immensely. As painful as it was, I needed this experience badly to make me grow up!

[stubbornbutnice]

As a women who has done what your X is doing I would say she's missing you at least in some form...Of course I don't know your X and can't speak for her all I can do is describe when I did the same thing.

 

My xboyfriend and I were pretty much no contact, we had moved on, and I was seeing someone new. I knew he missed me from time to time and so did I but we were not speaking to each other. Well I got engaged. I was happy and loved who I was with but also it made me think about my X and what might have been with him. Was I doing the right thing? Should we have tried to work it out? (I broke up with him because he was not trustworthy) Would I get over him once I was married? I loved the man who proposed but I did not love him the same way. It was more of a "safe" relationship after a really passionate one which really hurt me.

 

I started checking up on the x... I would casually find out through mutual friends, look at different things online that allowed me to keep tabs. I really think that if the information that I obtained had shown him in a favorable light I might have gone back to him. However, even though he told friends that he really missed me and wished he hadn't screwed us up, he was as much a player as ever. So I stayed with my new SO... we never did work out though.

 

I don't know what to tell you about your x... I just thought since you asked for a female opinion from someone who's been there. IMO women who are "curious" aren't jsut looking around... volume does matter and the fact that she is looking so often is no different then if she were walking around with her cell phone in her hand waiting for your call. It's essentially the same, she's hanging on every word (in this case typed). I'm the same way when I really focus on something. It's almost like she gets to have the relationship with you without having to worry about your rejection, or abandoning her "new" life.

 

Again... I could be full of it:o ... but you asked so I answered.

[Nanachu]

Hi Caliguy,

 

I just want to comment that I am so happy and impressed how many people in this world care about you and need your help. You helped many of us here. I have never posted a question to you, but I certainly got tons of help from your past posts.

 

I am currently going through LC with my ex. He has not completely come back to me with serious thinking about what he has done to me. But, he has been crazy contacting me using many many unbelievable excuses to get a response from me. I am healing and also waiting for me to completely ready to get back to me.

 

Well, please have a night and know that you are a very important person in this forum!

[johan]

This is a lot of posts and discussion regarding someone you say you're indifferent about. I'd question whether you're being honest with us and yourself about what she means to you.

[Guest]

The funny thing about the visits is several times she visited exactly 12 hours apart. She's just eccentric like that. I personally think she wanted me to know she was there.

 

Page one and

 

 

I don't think she knows that I can track her. If she did she probably wouldn't do it.

QUOTE]

 

Which one is it? Am I the only one who can see that you aren't over her??

[CaliGuy]

As a women who has done what your X is doing I would say she's missing you at least in some form...Of course I don't know your X and can't speak for her all I can do is describe when I did the same thing.

 

My xboyfriend and I were pretty much no contact, we had moved on, and I was seeing someone new. I knew he missed me from time to time and so did I but we were not speaking to each other. Well I got engaged. I was happy and loved who I was with but also it made me think about my X and what might have been with him. Was I doing the right thing? Should we have tried to work it out? (I broke up with him because he was not trustworthy) Would I get over him once I was married? I loved the man who proposed but I did not love him the same way. It was more of a "safe" relationship after a really passionate one which really hurt me.

 

I started checking up on the x... I would casually find out through mutual friends, look at different things online that allowed me to keep tabs. I really think that if the information that I obtained had shown him in a favorable light I might have gone back to him. However, even though he told friends that he really missed me and wished he hadn't screwed us up, he was as much a player as ever. So I stayed with my new SO... we never did work out though.

 

I don't know what to tell you about your x... I just thought since you asked for a female opinion from someone who's been there. IMO women who are "curious" aren't jsut looking around... volume does matter and the fact that she is looking so often is no different then if she were walking around with her cell phone in her hand waiting for your call. It's essentially the same, she's hanging on every word (in this case typed). I'm the same way when I really focus on something. It's almost like she gets to have the relationship with you without having to worry about your rejection, or abandoning her "new" life.

 

Again... I could be full of it:o ... but you asked so I answered.

 

Wow, that's something I hadn't considered. I do think she misses something about "us" and whether she is making the right decision or not. As for how I look in light of her, I think much better. At least with my blogs (which the site is for my family) they've all said I sound happy and that I am enjoying life. And I am.

 

I was also thinking she might be checking in to see if I am dating anyone. And I have been on dates but she knows me well enough to know I don't talk about that stuff online.

 

She's a Christian and so and I and my faith is showing in my life, not just my web site. Maybe that's what she sees that is sparking the interest. Just how much my faith as grown? I dunno.

 

Either way, thanks for the feedback. That's something I need to chew on.

[CaliGuy]

Hi Caliguy,

 

I just want to comment that I am so happy and impressed how many people in this world care about you and need your help. You helped many of us here. I have never posted a question to you, but I certainly got tons of help from your past posts.

 

I am currently going through LC with my ex. He has not completely come back to me with serious thinking about what he has done to me. But, he has been crazy contacting me using many many unbelievable excuses to get a response from me. I am healing and also waiting for me to completely ready to get back to me.

 

Well, please have a night and know that you are a very important person in this forum!

 

Thanks I appreciate the kind words.

 

As for your ex and LC, I would cut down the contact with him. As I've always said, if they really want to be with you, neither hell nor high water would stop them.

[CaliGuy]

This is a lot of posts and discussion regarding someone you say you're indifferent about. I'd question whether you're being honest with us and yourself about what she means to you.

 

Do I still care about her? Of course.

Do I still love her? I think so.

 

The point is I wanted some opinions on what she could be up to and what that means. And I've also stated that since she has made no efforts to contact me that it probably means nothing.

 

I wouldn't say I am completely indifferent, for that would not be true. But my life is going to go on with or without her. And I am doing nothing to try and manipulate the outcome.

[amaysngrace]

Do I still care about her? Of course.

Do I still love her? I think so.

 

The point is I wanted some opinions on what she could be up to and what that means. And I've also stated that since she has made no efforts to contact me that it probably means nothing.

 

I wouldn't say I am completely indifferent, for that would not be true. But my life is going to go on with or without her. And I am doing nothing to try and manipulate the outcome.

 

I think you're very honest and that's to be admired. I also think you've grown from the whole experience, you said you have, and that's huge IMO.

 

You're moving on in life. A new job, a new home and keeping yourself happy doing the things you love means you're moving forward.

 

It's okay to introspect to see things clearly. It brings awareness. Don't let anyone get to you who is trying to knock you off the path you're on.

 

You don't need to justify yourself to anyone. Just stay true to you. XO

[LittleWoman12]

I was just looking at the logs from my web site and noticed my ex had visited my site some 15 times in January and 20 times in February. Only 5 times so far this month so it appears to be slowing down (GOOD!)

 

I have no plans to contact her - I just think it's odd that she got engaged this past December and for the next two months she pretty much stalked me on my web site. I figure if she wanted to talk she would contact me.

 

The funny thing about the visits is several times she visited exactly 12 hours apart. She's just eccentric like that. I personally think she wanted me to know she was there.

 

The good part is I have maintained NC with her for about 6 months now. Life is good, and I am not bothered by this. Just curious more than anything else. My guess is she was having some doubts about her decision but now has come to peace with it.

 

Either way, NC from me. Life's going to good right now to mess it up by going backwards.

 

How's everyone doing, BTW!?

Your website? Are you a porn star? Maybe she enjoys seeing you perform in the sack with other girls?