Hmm, what's my ex up to?

[Faith2]

On your website, do you talk about relocating to San Diego? Maybe her recent visit was looking for information about that. She might have been surprised to see you walk by, thinking that you had already moved to SD.

 

Another thought: She was cheating on you while living with you, and you said that you kicked her out. Maybe she feels like SHE is the dumpee...?

[CaliGuy]

On your website, do you talk about relocating to San Diego? Maybe her recent visit was looking for information about that. She might have been surprised to see you walk by, thinking that you had already moved to SD.

 

She knows I am moving but not to where. She does know I am not moving too far away. She also knew I would be at the same place she would be so that wasn't a suprise to her.

 

Another thought: She was cheating on you while living with you, and you said that you kicked her out. Maybe she feels like SHE is the dumpee...?

 

Yep (nothing past kissing). I'm not sure why she would feel like the dumper though. Especially if she is engaged to someone.

[CaliGuy]

I think you're very honest and that's to be admired. I also think you've grown from the whole experience, you said you have, and that's huge IMO.

 

You're moving on in life. A new job, a new home and keeping yourself happy doing the things you love means you're moving forward.

 

It's okay to introspect to see things clearly. It brings awareness. Don't let anyone get to you who is trying to knock you off the path you're on.

 

You don't need to justify yourself to anyone. Just stay true to you. XO

 

 

Thanks. And I am not worried about being justified by anyone. I am more or less trying to figure out what is going on.

 

I think I have a good idea I just wanted some other opinions as well.

[Faith2]

I'm not sure why she would feel like the dumper though. Especially if she is engaged to someone.

 

Typo? I think you meant to type "dumpee"...?

 

Anyway, my point being... you were the one who did the kicking-out, so in her mind she could be the dumpee. You see what I'm saying?

 

Being engaged wouldn't really affect that feeling.

[CaliGuy]

Typo? I think you meant to type "dumpee"...?

 

Anyway, my point being... you were the one who did the kicking-out, so in her mind she could be the dumpee. You see what I'm saying?

 

Being engaged wouldn't really affect that feeling.

 

Yes, dumpee.

 

She's engaged so to me that means she made the right choice for her.

 

Or did she?

[alphamale]

[Pyro]

I was just looking at the logs from my web site and noticed my ex had visited my site some 15 times in January and 20 times in February. Only 5 times so far this month so it appears to be slowing down (GOOD!)

 

I have no plans to contact her - I just think it's odd that she got engaged this past December and for the next two months she pretty much stalked me on my web site. I figure if she wanted to talk she would contact me.

 

The funny thing about the visits is several times she visited exactly 12 hours apart. She's just eccentric like that. I personally think she wanted me to know she was there.

 

The good part is I have maintained NC with her for about 6 months now. Life is good, and I am not bothered by this. Just curious more than anything else. My guess is she was having some doubts about her decision but now has come to peace with it.

 

Either way, NC from me. Life's going to good right now to mess it up by going backwards.

 

How's everyone doing, BTW!?

 

Just enjoy the attention that she is giving you. She must miss you to some extent.

[CaliGuy]

Just enjoy the attention that she is giving you. She must miss you to some extent.

 

I think so too. I also think that if she really missed me she'd make contact. But she didn't so I'm not worried about it.

 

Like I always say, if they really want to be with you neither hell nor high water would stop them from contacting you.

[Guest]

how funny cali guy i went out with this girl for 3 years she broke up with me 7 months ago (great relationship 0 drama just young) she cant go more than 2 weeks without texting something usually like hows ur dad doing or something lame like that i dont respond

 

today would have been 3 year anniversary and i probably would have given her a diamond cause she had told me u got 3 years or else ur wasting my time.

 

anyway she texted me today with

 

hey just want you to know i didnt forget what today is

 

lol im not replying to that ive had 3 months no contact now but she just wont let up with the mind games or whatever backburning me seeing if im still willing to respond. im not even worth a call so ur right if she really cares she would come find me.

[Pyro]

I think so too. I also think that if she really missed me she'd make contact. But she didn't so I'm not worried about it.

 

Like I always say, if they really want to be with you neither hell nor high water would stop them from contacting you.

 

You think she would? Maybe she is feeling shy or she thinks it would be too weird for her to contact you, so she is letting you know that she is around and is hoping that you will contact her.

[2ndIINone]

You think she would? Maybe she is feeling shy or she thinks it would be too weird for her to contact you, so she is letting you know that she is around and is hoping that you will contact her.

 

for what it's worth.... I was leaning towards this as well.

Some women (I've met a few) would do this... but not so much because they're shy, but because the don't wanna swallow their pride. Way too proud to admit that they were wrong... so then if YOU made the contact, the can have their guard up and be able to roll back onto you as if YOU contacted them.

 

Yea, memba my advice about calling her bluff with the website hits??? I changed my mind..... ignore her @ss!.

 

I had one particular ex... she'd break it off....weeks later, she'd drop some kinda 'hint' that she was lurking around... I'd act on it... and then she would throw it in my face as if I was bothering/pursuing her. So I'd walk away... then she'd come back strong! Cycle would evenutally repeat itself. hehee

[CaliGuy]

You think she would? Maybe she is feeling shy or she thinks it would be too weird for her to contact you, so she is letting you know that she is around and is hoping that you will contact her.

 

Well I know her pretty well and know that if she wanted to make contact, she would. Also remember that she is living with her fiance. She would most likely leave him first, wait a few months then contact me.

 

I think that for the most part she was just rehashing her thoughts out and decided she was making the best decision.

 

Trust me. If she was having dounts she would not hesistate to email or call me. That's just how she is. She did when we broke up the first time. She emailed me about some stupid stuff and that's how it started.

 

She is shy and slow to admit faults or wrongdoings, I do admit that. But she wouldn't admit them, she's just email me about something stupid.

[whichwayisup]

Well I know her pretty well and know that if she wanted to make contact, she would. Also remember that she is living with her fiance. She would most likely leave him first, wait a few months then contact me.

Are you sure about that? I mean, didn't she cheat on you?

 

I honestly think the last few posts are giving you hope, like she IS going to contact you...I could be wrong though. But, what I do know, sitting and talking about your ex like this, pondering her next move, why she's doing this or that, thinking/feeling IF she is having second thoughts about getting married (DO you know that for sure, or is that just an assumption?) really isn't serving you any good purpose. It's getting you thinking of her more and more...

 

Also, maybe it's time to stop checking whether or not she's surfing your website. What's the point in knowing if she is? She's engaged to be married to another man.

 

Don't waste anymore time on her, she's moved on...You need to as well.

[CaliGuy]

for what it's worth.... I was leaning towards this as well.

Some women (I've met a few) would do this... but not so much because they're shy, but because the don't wanna swallow their pride. Way too proud to admit that they were wrong... so then if YOU made the contact, the can have their guard up and be able to roll back onto you as if YOU contacted them.

 

Yea, memba my advice about calling her bluff with the website hits??? I changed my mind..... ignore her @ss!.

 

I had one particular ex... she'd break it off....weeks later, she'd drop some kinda 'hint' that she was lurking around... I'd act on it... and then she would throw it in my face as if I was bothering/pursuing her. So I'd walk away... then she'd come back strong! Cycle would evenutally repeat itself. hehee

 

Heh, if there is one thing I have learned, it's not to be on someone's string. Even if she contacted me I would not be apt to just take her right back. She has a lot of work to do to earn my trust and respect back.

 

And that isn't done over night.

[whichwayisup]

Heh, if there is one thing I have learned, it's not to be on someone's string. Even if she contacted me I would not be apt to just take her right back. She has a lot of work to do to earn my trust and respect back.

 

And that isn't done over night.

 

But even pondering this though isn't good. She's not coming back, she's engaged. Enough time has passed since you two have gone NC, so talking about the what if's (sorry don't mean to sound harsh) is kind of pointless...

[Faith2]

Forgive me, CaliGuy, but I'm still hung up on the ambiguous question of Who's the dumper/Who's the dumpee in your situation. Could be that both of you are in the dumpee zone, waiting for the other one to make the first move toward reconciliation.

 

I got engaged to a new guy after a breakup with the guy I truly loved (he went off to travel the world...without me). But to be honest, if my ex had come back from his travels and wanted me back, I would have dropped my fiance. Didn't happen, though. But what did happen is, I realized I wasn't truly in love with my fiance and I broke off the engagement.

[2sunny]

CG-

 

Come on! Haven't you moved on past wondering by now?

 

Get over yourself and the doubt and wondering and wanting stage.

 

You dated for 2 years - I was married for 20 years - and I don't do the thought processes that you do even though I loved him so much and would have (at the time) laid down my life for him.

 

BUT -

He cheated - and so did your gal.

 

So - end of fairytale story - MOVE ON! and quit pondering this - it's killing your opportunities to move forward in a positive direction.

[CaliGuy]

But even pondering this though isn't good. She's not coming back, she's engaged. Enough time has passed since you two have gone NC, so talking about the what if's (sorry don't mean to sound harsh) is kind of pointless...

 

Agreed.

 

That's why I wanted to get to the bottom of the web site visits. Had I not noticed them the other day I wouldn't even be thinking about this at all.

[2sunny]

Agreed.

 

That's why I wanted to get to the bottom of the web site visits. Had I not noticed them the other day I wouldn't even be thinking about this at all.

 

then don't think about it!

 

find someone who won't hurt you like she did.

[whichwayisup]

The thing is, YOU don't know if it is HER or HIM.

 

What does it matter? Maybe it's time to not check out the IP addresses who visit your website. Plus, it is possible that her IP has changed, some ISP's change their IP's once a month and the other IP addy's go back out into the public. For all you know it could be a googlebot or something.

 

Let it go. Honestly, if you don't you're gonna end up making contact and ASKING HER. Then, you'll regret it and be back to square one.

[CaliGuy]

Forgive me, CaliGuy, but I'm still hung up on the ambiguous question of Who's the dumper/Who's the dumpee in your situation. Could be that both of you are in the dumpee zone, waiting for the other one to make the first move toward reconciliation.

 

I got engaged to a new guy after a breakup with the guy I truly loved (he went off to travel the world...without me). But to be honest, if my ex had come back from his travels and wanted me back, I would have dropped my fiance. Didn't happen, though. But what did happen is, I realized I wasn't truly in love with my fiance and I broke off the engagement.

 

As long as she is engaged does it matter? Like I mentioned before, when I saw her a week ago Sunday she still had his ring on. She didn't look a bit unhappy to be with him.

 

I'm the dumpee as far as I know and she of course is engaged so at this point, unless she were to dump him any contact initiated by me would be seen as "clingy/needy".

 

Also remember she knows how to reach me. Phone, email and IM. She has not deleted me off her MSN (I'd delete her but it won't let me) but that could mean nothing as well.

 

It all comes down to the fact yes, she was poking around but did nothing about it.

 

So neither will I.

[Faith2]

Why did you post this thread in "Second Chances"?

[whichwayisup]

She has not deleted me off her MSN (I'd delete her but it won't let me)

 

Huh? What do you mean it won't let you? Look, if you really wanted her off your MSN list, you'd create another account and add all your contacts to the new account and not add her. Sorry but that sounds like an excuse, so you can see when she comes online....Even that is contact, even if you don't speak. It's like recently reading a thread by ratingsguy - He visuallly broke contact by driving by his ex's place.........NC is NC is NC.

 

Why did you post this thread in "Second Chances"?

 

Good question.

[CaliGuy]

The thing is, YOU don't know if it is HER or HIM.

 

In only a few looks, yes I do know it's him. The times she did not show up to the hobby we both attend, her fiance was there and I was getting hits on my site. So yes, I know it's her. I suspect the LAST view on the site from home was him. That may explain why he gave me a dirty look and would not look me in the eye.

 

What does it matter? Maybe it's time to not check out the IP addresses who visit your website. Plus, it is possible that her IP has changed, some ISP's change their IP's once a month and the other IP addy's go back out into the public. For all you know it could be a googlebot or something.

 

Considering my profession is in IT, I know the difference between a Googlebot and a regular IP address. I know for sure it's her. Especially when she views from work. Trust me on this, I'm 100% positive it's her. The ip hits from home match her emails (cable does not change IP if you do not shut the modem down) and the ip hits from work, well she is the only one there who knows my web site address or for that matter, would even care to look it up. No one else at her work knows me.

 

But you are right, it doesn't matter.

 

Let it go. Honestly, if you don't you're gonna end up making contact and ASKING HER. Then, you'll regret it and be back to square one.

 

The point of the thread wasn't "should I get back with my ex" it was a thread asking why someone might do that. The only reason the issue you mentioned has been touched is it was brought up by others, not me.

[CaliGuy]

Huh? What do you mean it won't let you?

 

You can only remove someone who has removed you first. In other words, she can see me when I am online but I can not see her.

 

Look, if you really wanted her off your MSN list, you'd create another account and add all your contacts to the new account and not add her.

 

True, but this account is special as it has my mom's contact on there and she passed away in Nov of 05. I don't want to delete that account. Yes, I can make another.

 

Sorry but that sounds like an excuse, so you can see when she comes online....Even that is contact, even if you don't speak. It's like recently reading a thread by ratingsguy - He visuallly broke contact by driving by his ex's place.........NC is NC is NC. Good question.

 

She's the one visiting my web site (essentially SHE is driving by my place). The only reason I looked is I noticed the number of hits. I like to know where they are coming from and it's neat information but in the end means nothing. The site is for my friends and family. Nothing more.

 

I'm not going to sit here and try and defend or justify anything to anyone. I know where I sit right now. Again, the question was why would my ex, who is engaged, stalk my web site.

 

I didn't ask if I should contact her. In fact, I've been adamantly opposed to it.