Hmm, what's my ex up to?

[CaliGuy]

Why did you post this thread in "Second Chances"?

 

I didn't see where else it would fit.

[whichwayisup]

Then someone else asked, why is it in second chances? Or did you mean to post it in the Coping sections?

 

You know yourself, and maybe we're all wrong...I just hope focussing on her so much in the past few days hasn't brought on some past feelings that you already worked through...That's all.

[2sunny]

I didn't see where else it would fit.

 

COPING? perhaps would be more appropriate.

 

admit it - you are not over her AT ALL!

[CaliGuy]

CG-

 

Come on! Haven't you moved on past wondering by now?

 

I guess if you're in my shoes, no

 

Get over yourself and the doubt and wondering and wanting stage.

 

Not sure what you mean by this.

 

You dated for 2 years - I was married for 20 years - and I don't do the thought processes that you do even though I loved him so much and would have (at the time) laid down my life for him.

BUT -

He cheated - and so did your gal.

 

So - end of fairytale story - MOVE ON! and quit pondering this - it's killing your opportunities to move forward in a positive direction.

 

Actually it's not as I am dating and happy. Again, this was just more out of curiosity than anything else. So far only one person has really answered the question with a concrete example.

 

And that's really all I was looking for. I wasn't looking for justification to go back to being upset over her or to contact. Simply to find out why someone who's happily engaged might stalk an ex over the web.

 

Thanks for the feedback though.

[CaliGuy]

COPING? perhaps would be more appropriate.

 

admit it - you are not over her AT ALL!

 

Again, this isn't about whether I am over her or not. The question was WHY was she visiting my site.

 

If I thought I was having trouble coping over this I would have posted it there. You and a few others seem to want to focus on the negative aspects of it and that's fine, it's your right.

 

That isn't why I posed the question and so far the one's who are so apt to TELL me how I feel are the one's not addressing the question.

 

*scratches head*

[whichwayisup]

You can only remove someone who has removed you first. In other words, she can see me when I am online but I can not see her.

 

So, who cares if she sees you online? Atleast when YOU are online you won't see her. If I were you, I'd delete her from your list. There's no need to keep her on there....

 

True, but this account is special as it has my mom's contact on there and she passed away in Nov of 05. I don't want to delete that account. Yes, I can make another.

 

Ah, I understand. Sorry for your loss....

I am pretty sentimental about stuff like that too, my dad died in 1993 and there are things of his I still have and can never get rid of. Some of the stuff I have is real dumb but I like to look at it sometimes.

[CaliGuy]

Then someone else asked, why is it in second chances? Or did you mean to post it in the Coping sections?

 

You know yourself, and maybe we're all wrong...I just hope focussing on her so much in the past few days hasn't brought on some past feelings that you already worked through...That's all.

 

Nope. Hasn't effected me nearly as much as a few others seem convinced of. I guess reading something online and talking to someone in person makes all the difference in the world.

 

I didn't think I had anything to cope with. I posted it in second chances because to me at least, her stalking me was some kind of indication SHE had regrets. Otherwise, why so many visits to the web site?

 

Anyway, I'm getting a big chuckle out of all of this because I think it's funny other people are telling me how I feel instead of asking me.

 

And yet still, only one person really addressed the question with an example.

[whichwayisup]

Simply to find out why someone who's happily engaged might stalk an ex over the web.

 

Bottomline then, cuz she's just curious. Nothing more, nothing less. How's that...

Some things are best left alone and this might be one of them..ya know??

[2sunny]

Again, this isn't about whether I am over her or not. The question was WHY was she visiting my site.

 

If I thought I was having trouble coping over this I would have posted it there. You and a few others seem to want to focus on the negative aspects of it and that's fine, it's your right.

 

That isn't why I posed the question and so far the one's who are so apt to TELL me how I feel are the one's not addressing the question.

 

*scratches head*

 

Okay - then i guess i am not going to address trying to help you move FORWARD anymore. Mainly because - at this stage of the game you really don't need to wonder why.

 

See CG - we gals do stupid things all the time... hormones come into play - men would never understand or make sense of any of it.

 

That is why men are so much easier than women (generally) - they usually dont' "overthink" things that are random - women do.

 

You could still be asking yourself WHY 20 years from now - but it really is so unproductive for yourself and the next gal may date.

 

Sorry if it seems harsh - just trying to point you in a positive direction - for your own best interest.

 

And okay then - how do you feel about now?

[Faith2]

Again, the question was why would my ex, who is engaged, stalk my web site.

 

If my world-traveling ex had maintained a website at the time when I was engaged to the new guy, I would definitely have visited it... and often. The thing is, I was NOT happily engaged. But it took me several months to fully realize this and break off the engagement. I'm glad I broke it off, even though I never got back together with the traveling ex.

 

I'm not trying to introduce some false-hope scenario for you, CG. But rather, I'm just answering your original question, from this female's experience. Hope it helps...somehow.

[CaliGuy]

Okay - then i guess i am not going to address trying to help you move FORWARD anymore. Mainly because - at this stage of the game you really don't need to wonder why.

 

See CG - we gals do stupid things all the time... hormones come into play - men would never understand or make sense of any of it.

 

That is why men are so much easier than women (generally) - they usually dont' "overthink" things that are random - women do.

 

You could still be asking yourself WHY 20 years from now - but it really is so unproductive for yourself and the next gal may date.

 

Sorry if it seems harsh - just trying to point you in a positive direction - for your own best interest.

 

And okay then - how do you feel about now?

 

 

Not harsh at all and I appreciate your feedback. Again, I have speculated on my own, just wanted to see if I was in the right ball park.

 

I may never know and it's just as well.

[CaliGuy]

If my world-traveling ex had maintained a website at the time when I was engaged to the new guy, I would definitely have visited it... and often. The thing is, I was NOT happily engaged. But it took me several months to fully realize this and break off the engagement. I'm glad I broke it off, even though I never got back together with the traveling ex.

 

I'm not trying to introduce some false-hope scenario for you, CG. But rather, I'm just answering your original question, from this female's experience. Hope it helps...somehow.

 

And I appreciated the feedback. That's what I was looking for. Some real world experience with why someone engaged would spend so much time on an ex's web site. I realize there could be a multitude of reasons. From just general curiosity to deep regret.

 

Bottom line is she never contacted me so whatever was bothering her must have been resolved. The site visits have stopped and that's a good thing.

[2sunny]

I may never know and it's just as well.

 

This is the part that keeps you in the same place and mindset... if you continue down this path - you will never get over her and give a potential "good prospect" a great chance with an open heart.

[Yamaha]

Thinking about a women that is engaged to another man and who cheated on you is a waste of time and makes you look desperate. Even if are still in love with her the fact of the other two items mentioned above should make you have NO desire to question her motives. You look like a man who is still a doormat for a women who is engaged to another.

 

Isn't this being a nice guy, holding a torch for a women who you shouldn't want back. You need to think about what your doing to yourself.

[whichwayisup]

Thinking about a women that is engaged to another man and who cheated on you is a waste of time and makes you look desperate. Even if are still in love with her the fact of the other two items mentioned above should make you have NO desire to question her motives. You look like a man who is still a doormat for a women who is engaged to another.

 

Isn't this being a nice guy, holding a torch for a women who you shouldn't want back. You need to think about what your doing to yourself.

 

Wow, that's an excellent reply Yammy! This is the best and most useful reply on CG's thread yet.

[CaliGuy]

This is the part that keeps you in the same place and mindset... if you continue down this path - you will never get over her and give a potential "good prospect" a great chance with an open heart.

 

I guess the point still remains. I had started nothing with her. It's only when I noticed all the hits that I wondered what was going on.

 

Again, I am NOT wondering if she is coming back. Haven't in a long time. I was wondering WHY she was doing it.

 

That is all.

 

 

Thinking about a women that is engaged to another man and who cheated on you is a waste of time and makes you look desperate. Even if are still in love with her the fact of the other two items mentioned above should make you have NO desire to question her motives. You look like a man who is still a doormat for a women who is engaged to another.

 

Isn't this being a nice guy, holding a torch for a women who you shouldn't want back. You need to think about what your doing to yourself.

 

Not holding a torch. Read the above reply. I came to ask a question, I did in any fashion say I was holding any torch of hope.

 

Cheers.

[Yamaha]

Wow, that's an excellent reply Yammy! This is the best and most useful reply on CG's thread yet.

 

Thanks, Which Way. It's to bad he's wasting time on someone who doesn't deserve him but I guess we all have our own torches to bear.

 

 

Cheers:)

[Art_Critic]

I think Cali has been honest with his feelings.. he has said he still loves her..

 

Nothing wrong with being honest about how you feel..

I think she was just checking on ya Cali.. She is engaged but you were a part of her life and you will most likely be on her mind for years to come..

 

I think the only way you will truly move on is when you find someone that turns your crank..

I held a torch for an ex for way too long myself..I think we all have at one time or another..

Me finally moving on had more to do with finding someone who I connected with than with closure..

Occasionally I still have memories that crop up.. but the fact that she she never loved me is a very blaring light ..

 

I simply moved on by dating.. dating.. and more dating.. until I found someone who tripped my trigger again.

 

You will too CaliGuy.. when you want too !!!

 

By the way... 117 replies and 8 pages over a few hits to a web page.. Whew

.. See you really do care and really haven't moved on.. otherwise this thread would never had been posted..

[CaliGuy]

Not holding a torch. Read the above reply. I came to ask a question, I did in any fashion say I was holding any torch of hope.

 

Cheers.

 

Err, DID NOT

[CaliGuy]

I think Cali has been honest with his feelings.. he has said he still loves her..

 

Nothing wrong with being honest about how you feel..

I think she was just checking on ya Cali.. She is engaged but you were a part of her life and you will most likely be on her mind for years to come..

 

I think the only way you will truly move on is when you find someone that turns your crank..

I held a torch for an ex for way too long myself..I think we all have at one time or another..

Me finally moving on had more to do with finding someone who I connected with than with closure..

Occasionally I still have memories that crop up.. but the fact that she she never loved me is a very blaring light ..

 

I simply moved on by dating.. dating.. and more dating.. until I found someone who tripped my trigger again.

 

You will too CaliGuy.. when you want too !!!

 

Thanks. And yes I have been dating. So far I haven't met anyone that has lit a spark but that doesn't mean I won't. It will just take time.

 

I've been honest with my feelings, yes. Does that mean I am ready to rush back to her or am holding a candle? I can't say that I am. Again, if I had not noticed the web site hits I wouldn't have even given her a second thought.

 

way... 117 replies and 8 pages over a few hits to a web page.. Whew

.. See you really do care and really haven't moved on.. otherwise this thread would never had been posted..

 

Most of the replies are TELLING me how I feel instead of asking But that's ok. I know people want to help. It's just better when they listen to what I am saying I feel instead of telling me how I feel.

 

I care that she was looking at the site, yes, but more along the lines of why she is, not for an excuse to contact her or to try again.

 

Just wanted to figure out what had her curiosity piqued and since it's stopped now, it doesn't matter.

[whichwayisup]

Err, DID NOT

 

You sure? I mean, first posting this in second chances, and now a forgotten important word that changes the whole meaning of what you meant.....

 

Anyway, you know yourself - Just hope that you aren't in any sort of denial.

[Art_Critic]

since it's stopped now, it doesn't matter.

 

It will pick up again sometime.... She won't just stop.. that is why you have to not let it get to you...

 

You can ban her ip's though.. if you so choose too ..

I wouldn't but it is a possiblity

[CaliGuy]

It will pick up again sometime.... She won't just stop.. that is why you have to not let it get to you...

 

You can ban her ip's though.. if you so choose too ..

I wouldn't but it is a possiblity

 

I thought about banning her, but that would be immature. It's a public web site (albeit for my friends and family who follow my racing).

 

Seriously, if it was one or two visits a month I could understand. 20 a month for two straight months? Something was up.

[Faith2]

Face it, CG... since you are considered the Master of NC on this forum, it's no wonder your thread has sparked so much interest.

 

I, for one, am in awe of the thoughtful and honest self-examination you've done here.

[CaliGuy]

Face it, CG... since you are considered the Master of NC on this forum, it's no wonder your thread has sparked so much interest.

 

Thanks but I didn't give myself that title. I just hold firm the belief that if someone really wants you, they will do anything to have you. And that means they will break NC. In her case, she didn't.

 

I, for one, am in awe of the thoughtful and honest self-examination you've done here.

 

Thank you. It's just a matter of being honest with one's self. Lying to myself (or to others) serves no purpose.

 

Yep, I am really curious why she was looking but only she can give me the answer. I did want some feedback from women who had done something similar just to see what the mindset was. As I said, I just think she was having doubts about her fiance but has since put that notion to rest.

 

(That or he caught her looking at my site and flipped out on her - heh)