Second Chance? Who knows

[Guest]

Here's my story:

 

My ex girl and I went out for 4 years throughout college. We basically lived together. She was my first love and a great person to spend my time with. Our lives started to go in different directions once we graduated, but we still tried to make it work and have fun. The distance definitely got in the way and then eventually feelings started to change. My ex actually was the first to admit her feelings changed and said she fell out of love with me. Our problem was communication at this point and instead of trying to work on the issues we "both agreed" to break up.

 

Well I wanted to keep fighting for us because I still loved her, but she seemed very distant at this point. I never begged, but I definitely voiced my opinion on what it means to love someone and obviously she didn't anymore. Well I found out she started dating her ex boyfriend from highschool not too soon after. The guy is better looking, has money and lives closer so they hit it off and who knows what goes on from there. I'm not sure if this is a rebound since she wasn't in love with me anymore. After a month of my stupid e-mails stating that she shouldn't settle and take some time to find out who she is(which she wasn't having one bit), I decided to let her go. It has been a tough 2 months of NC, but I was online the other day and saw her away message about trusting people(which I assumed was about her new boyfriend). So I decided to comment that she should trust herself and hopefully people are treating her well. The next day she decided to IM me. She said she tried calling me days before and my phone was off(which it was). I am thinking she either saw my profile pics and saw I am temporarily living in Cali, or I was talking to some new/old girls, or she was just bored, who the hell knows.

 

Anyways, we didn't say much except what I was doing in CA, what she was doing, we laughed at some jokes, and I kept it pretty genuine. What made it weird is she was the one who brought up emotions. Right off the bat she admitted that she wanted to call me so many times but felt like she shouldn't. She also went on to say that she was worried we would never talk again and it's hard losing her best friend (which I said months ago, der), and that she "misses me..." I basically took this with a grain of salt. The only form of emotion I showed was I told her it was good to hear from her and if she's in Cali during Spring Break hit me up at cuz I am living right on the beach with my buddies. I tried not to dwell too much in my head on what she said, but obviously that isn't easy. I do know that she is still talking/dating/vaca whatever with this guy so it definitely makes me confused. I am not sure if others would look at this as a start to a Second Chance, but I gotta figure that she's trying to string me along, or she sees that I am moving on, or she truly does miss me which I highly doubt.

 

Either way I have learned that giving people space to take whatever paths they feel are in their best interest will will help them learn what they want and who they are. The best thing about NC is helping myself realize many things about the person I want to fight for. What sucks in my situation is that there are still questions about what could have been. I just gotta keep battling on and hope someone jumps on the ride for the long run.

 

 

Thanks for listening/reading

[CaliGuy]

As long as she is dating someone else and contacting you, she's only making sure that her "back up plan" is in place should things fail with this guy. If I were you, I'd make myself scarce. Don't answer her calls and if you do call her, make once every 3-4 calls and make it short.

 

Don't answer every email either.

 

Prove to her that you've got a life that doesn't include her and that you're moving on.

 

The longer she knows you are hooked, the less likely she is to break it off with the current guy and consider you.

[Guest]

As long as she is dating someone else and contacting you, she's only making sure that her "back up plan" is in place should things fail with this guy. If I were you, I'd make myself scarce. Don't answer her calls and if you do call her, make once every 3-4 calls and make it short.

 

Don't answer every email either.

 

Prove to her that you've got a life that doesn't include her and that you're moving on.

 

The longer she knows you are hooked, the less likely she is to break it off with the current guy and consider you.

 

 

 

I actually haven't tried to contact her except that one time. I don't think she would even consider getting back together. I almost feel it was a sympathy move on her part to boost her ego especially if I were to say I missed her. It's pretty damn unattractive to hear this from her when I know she's still dating this guy and currently on vacation with him.

 

I didn't know it is possible for the Dumper to be so confusing, I thought they usually know what they want. I am thinking this is a rebound that's gonna blow up in her face and when she realizes she doesn't "need" anyone, I'm already gone.

 

Thank you for the advice CaliGuy. Good luck with your endeavors.