Meaplus3 Posted March 25, 2007 Share Posted March 25, 2007 I would love to know why a man think's he can verably abuse his wife and expect her to love him? AP:( Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted March 25, 2007 Share Posted March 25, 2007 Verbal abusers hate themselves which is why they take it out on they who love them. It's a wicked web. Are you married to this loser? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meaplus3 Posted March 25, 2007 Author Share Posted March 25, 2007 Verbal abusers hate themselves which is why they take it out on they who love them. It's a wicked web. Are you married to this loser? YES! Have been for far to long! So sad I guess? He is now seeking help for his actions's, we shall see. All I know is that if he can not learn how to deal with his anger issues, I an done! New life on the Horizan! AP:) Link to post Share on other sites
pricillia Posted March 25, 2007 Share Posted March 25, 2007 I don't understand it either... I have come to terms that I am being verbally abused my MM.. It is not a fun ride to be on. He often gets angry if I word something that is not to his liking. I am sorry that you are going through this and hope the best for you. He is doing this because it is a weakness within himself not you. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted March 25, 2007 Share Posted March 25, 2007 To both of you...just remember they are making a choice to say nasty things to you. You, too, have a choice. You can choose to get them out of your life. Link to post Share on other sites
LaughMachine Posted March 25, 2007 Share Posted March 25, 2007 I know alot of people have insecurities and take them out on those they love. But a wise person would overcome those insecure thoughts of themselves and woulden't risk hurting their loved ones. Verbal abuse is the worst kind of abuse. It hits you straight to the heart and can sometimes change your way of thinking if the abuse is that critical. Your beautiful man don't let a man tie you down and hurt you like this. Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted March 25, 2007 Share Posted March 25, 2007 YES! Have been for far to long! So sad I guess? He is now seeking help for his actions's, we shall see. All I know is that if he can not learn how to deal with his anger issues, I an done! New life on the Horizan! AP:) I try to ignore it... kinda an "I'm rubber your glue" attitued!!! BUT what kills me is that if I even remark that what he is doing is abusive he gets defensive and is mad at me!!!!!! Last night after drinking and throwing out lots of ugly demeaning assaults, he said, "I know you don't love me, I know who I am." WTF??? I said, yes, and everyone else does too. (OK, so I know better, should have remained silent) He hasn't spoken to me since!!! He's angry at me!! So I'm getting the silent treatment! Which is much much better than the "let me abuse you" treatment. Ofcourse he was up early and in church this morning so I assume he has been forgiven for his transgressions! I can't believe that your H has admitted a problem. The only way to keep peace around my house is for him NEVER to be held accountable or reminded of his actions. He can't face himself!!!! He deserves love of family and the people he's hurt because HE believes himself to be all important and if anyone complains well that hurts his little feelings. AWWWW! ARRRGGGGGHHHH! I was told the other day that he finally figured out what is wrong with our marriage, it's that all of my friends are single. Well, yeah, who wants to hang around people in real marriages, thats just a hurtful reminder. So if I give up my friends then he won't be abusive any more, everything will be fine, or easier on him I guess! Sometimes I wonder if he can hear himself??? OK, if I have no friends or 100, married or not, you're still a psycho, nutcase, alcoholic, abusing, narcissist, sex addict...but as long as you don't have to "look in the mirror" it will all be just fine! Sorry for the hijack, venting...... Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted March 25, 2007 Share Posted March 25, 2007 you're still a psycho, nutcase, alcoholic, abusing, narcissist, sex addict...but as long as you don't have to "look in the mirror" it will all be just fine! Sorry for the hijack, venting...... Silent treatment is abusive too. I don't understand why you stay with him. Don't you think you deserve someone better...like an emotionally healthy YOU! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meaplus3 Posted March 25, 2007 Author Share Posted March 25, 2007 I try to ignore it... kinda an "I'm rubber your glue" attitued!!! BUT what kills me is that if I even remark that what he is doing is abusive he gets defensive and is mad at me!!!!!! Last night after drinking and throwing out lots of ugly demeaning assaults, he said, "I know you don't love me, I know who I am." WTF??? I said, yes, and everyone else does too. (OK, so I know better, should have remained silent) He hasn't spoken to me since!!! He's angry at me!! So I'm getting the silent treatment! Which is much much better than the "let me abuse you" treatment. Ofcourse he was up early and in church this morning so I assume he has been forgiven for his transgressions! I can't believe that your H has admitted a problem. The only way to keep peace around my house is for him NEVER to be held accountable or reminded of his actions. He can't face himself!!!! He deserves love of family and the people he's hurt because HE believes himself to be all important and if anyone complains well that hurts his little feelings. AWWWW! ARRRGGGGGHHHH! I was told the other day that he finally figured out what is wrong with our marriage, it's that all of my friends are single. Well, yeah, who wants to hang around people in real marriages, thats just a hurtful reminder. So if I give up my friends then he won't be abusive any more, everything will be fine, or easier on him I guess! Sometimes I wonder if he can hear himself??? OK, if I have no friends or 100, married or not, you're still a psycho, nutcase, alcoholic, abusing, narcissist, sex addict...but as long as you don't have to "look in the mirror" it will all be just fine! Sorry for the hijack, venting...... I feel for you! It must be very hard that he won't even admit to it. In my marriage his anger has always been the biggest issue. He would go through times when he could be sweet as pie and then change like night and day. It's been going on for so long now that I wonder if he can manage his anger? It seems to me that it's to much of his personality, and if that's the case, I am not sure if it's healthy for me and my children to live like this. AP:) Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted March 25, 2007 Share Posted March 25, 2007 I stay because him having unsupervised time with my children is UNEXCEPTABLE!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted March 25, 2007 Share Posted March 25, 2007 I stay because him having unsupervised time with my children is UNEXCEPTABLE!!!!! Do you have boys? Girls? Raising them in that house is unacceptable IMO. You're setting your daughter up to be with abusive men. And you're raising your son to be an abusive man. Verbal abuse is domestic abuse. Domestic abuse is a cycle. The pattern will continue unless you break the cycle of abuse. Do you see that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meaplus3 Posted March 25, 2007 Author Share Posted March 25, 2007 Do you have boys? Girls? Raising them in that house is unacceptable IMO. You're setting your daughter up to be with abusive men. And you're raising your son to be an abusive man. Verbal abuse is domestic abuse. Domestic abuse is a cycle. The pattern will continue unless you break the cycle of abuse. Do you see that? This is Exactly Right on! That's why in my case If this anger management does not help my H then I will have NO choice but to move on. My Children come first, and I will not watch them become involved with an abuser or become one themselves, It would break my heart. AP Link to post Share on other sites
pricillia Posted March 25, 2007 Share Posted March 25, 2007 I stay because him having unsupervised time with my children is UNEXCEPTABLE!!!!! Wow this situation seems like a catch 22 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted March 25, 2007 Share Posted March 25, 2007 Wow this situation seems like a catch 22 No it's really not. Some would see it as one to make an excuse but really it's not a catch 22 at all. It's merely a matter of limiting the exposure the children have with this man. Yes he's their dad. Yes he'll always be their dad. Yes he will get unsupervised visitation providing he has an interest in seeing them. But that's what happens when women choose to make losers the fathers of their children. And I don't mean to sound cruel. I am in that category too. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted April 4, 2007 Share Posted April 4, 2007 I am in a similar situation. My fiance is verbally and emotionally abusive towards me. I went to couples counseling (by myself because he refused) and the counselor told me that his abusiveness was the problem in our relationship. He tells me that I am over-emotional and that I push his buttons. I have probably been called every name in the book by him. His abuse lead me to stray outside of our relationship and he found out so now he piles that mistake on top of all the other things that he blames me for. It has gotten so bad lately that our 2 year doesn't even want to be around us when we are together because anything I says triggers a fight. I don't know what to do anymore. I have tried everything; ingnoring him when he gets like that, crying, showing no emotion what-so-ever, fighting back. Nothing works. He was diagnosed with depression and anxiety about a year ago and refuses to take the medication (because he can't drink alcohol when he does). When he was taking the RX he was a totally different person. He was the man that I fell in love with years ago, but now money issues, our son, career problems, along with having to live with his parents have all been compounded. I feel like I should stay because of son, and because i know the person that he could be if wanted, but nothing has changed in over a year. He has even stooped as low as telling me that our son was a mistke and that he wishes we had never had him. That hurt! I never thought that he would ever go there,but he did. Now I feel like he doesn't want either of us and I am afraid that if I leave that he will not have anything to do with our son because of me. I really don't know what to do. Any advice? Link to post Share on other sites
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