It's All About My Love - I Need Advice or Help

[dyne]

It's All About My Love

 

Thanks for visiting this page.

I am looking for help or advise from anyone in this world for a problem I face, my life is stuck at a point and I am confused…. Yes it’s all about Love. It might take you time to read it all but please do... maybe you are the one I am looking for.

 

I am a guy from India in love with a girl from Poland, and we have this relationship since over three years now. I would try to make it all not too long but if you are going to read ahead please believe this.

 

We met through Internet and it started with an email a day and within 15 days 2 or 3 emails a day and we became best friends it was way back in 1999. For 6 months we were just very best friends and somehow it happened that we both expressed our love the same day reluctantly, I was thinking I might loose her as my best friend and she thought same but anyway we got even close.

 

When I had met her my life was stuck I was depressed not wanting to live and if I live today it because of her. I had left studies I was not working or anything. So it happened this way that unknowingly I changed to be a more confident and with positive attitude, I wanted to live now and achieve so much so I can be with her. We even decided whoever succeeds first then the other could move, I mean like if she succeeded then I could move to any country she would be in or if I succeeded first she could move with me.

 

Things were all fine I went to other city to study further in Travel & Tourism. I did very well but soon after exams I returned home in Sept 2000 it all changed in a night.

 

Until this time her family did not know about our relationship they just thought we are friends, but when one day they came to know about it in Sept 2000 things changed so much that… my life is stuck since then at almost same point…

 

We were writing until this day so many times a day even 5-6 times once a week we chatted on Internet for whole night 6-8 hours continuously there was no problem with anything and all was a we had planned.

 

But after this she couldn’t write to me from any other place except while being at work… it was very hard for me… and she had fights with her family because of me. She lost all my letters and other things I sent to her by post including my pictures. On my side I had to complete another short course in ticketing which was for a week but after this I couldn’t go back I was so sick and unwell I had to take sleeping pills and other medicine to reduce blood pressure and calm my heart.

 

Anyway she decided to leave and go to other city and by January in beginning she was having new job in a new place. By this time she had changed quite much all this affected her a lot, she loved me but being afraid all the time as to what would happen, it was all sadness and we had very little to be happy about.

 

Being in new place she started to feel lonely as she never stayed away from her family before. She started to feel angry on me as to why because of me she left everything when I am not with her there. She did loved me still but… it was just I could feel her unhappiness from everything she wrote.

 

Around this time I got few job offers to work in other city but I didn’t take them because I wanted to go to Poland and meet her, especially knowing she feels alone there. Then February came and by this time I managed to get her back somehow when I could also send my pictures again.

 

By end of February I had already arranged money for travel to Poland and we were dreaming so much… I called to Polish Embassy to find details about Visa… and I was simply told to get only three photographs and my passport. When I asked the days it is open I was told whole week except of Saturday and Sunday, I went to Embassy all the way 200 km on my motorcycle and it was Wednesday… on reaching there I find that on Wednesday too it is closed… I was just shocked but anyway I had a friend there and I stayed with him for the night.

 

Next day in morning I went there and I was told I also need to get travel insurance and certificates from my college or place I work and from my parents too…. even though I am adult. I was also told to arrange invitation from Poland.

 

Anyway I didn’t loose heart but now I found that she was not employed legally by her employer there… and for this reason she couldn’t get me a proper invitation. But we thought that we could arrange it somehow through her friend etc. She used to visit back her family every weekend… so one day in March it happened this way that she was offered a temporary job of translator for 20 days for which she was being paid very well, it was back in her home place.

 

By this time her family thought I am not in her life now completely as I never used to call etc when she was with them on weekends. So when she was offered this job I was not prepared for it at all and I was really shocked when she told me she want to take it… I just knew its going to be awful for me, but she told me that she wants to earn so that she can be back here and could rent apartment and arrange invitation for me.

 

I believed her for this and though I had lots of fights but somehow I agreed. I survived those 20 days worried everyday that she must have lost this other job for sure as she didn’t tell her employer anything and simply returned to stay.

 

My worst fears came true… she didn’t go back to other city being afraid what would this employer say etc… also those thoughts were again there in her mind about being lonely… when I can’t be with her. Anyway to cut it short it was May end by now and she stayed there. We were writing emails but only when no one was at her home etc and since January 2001 no one knows that I am in her life still.

 

All this time I couldn’t work I couldn’t study further being tensed and worried and just hoping that next month she would leave and I would go to see her… and I also couldn’t take a job knowing I couldn’t get holidays for at least six months in beginning.

 

Meanwhile she took other temporary works there itself which I didn’t want her to take… just fearing of loosing her.

Anyway she looked at few places but didn’t get any job and then this September 11 happened after which whole economy and business etc crashed… and companies were even leaving the employees they had.

 

We loved each other more though had more fights too… and I always felt that I am not so close to her as before September 2002… So December came and then January and so on… finally in around March one day she said she found about Dubai and wants to go there to get a job etc and she would do it all in September this year. She also said that in July August she would go to Sweden with her parents etc for around a month to collect berries to earn enough money for ticket to Dubai and live there for few days.

 

This time I asked her if she can plan for Sweden with me… and this way we could meet too and same time she could earn and even I could earn. I made her agree somehow.

And then in May I really… did everything… I had to show account statement from bank that I have enough money etc… and though in my normal savings I didn’t have much but in fixed deposits I had so I got them cashed and deposited that money too in my savings account, and I borrowed money from a friend and just I managed with enough money for 20 days stay in Sweden.

 

I prepared all Itinerary for places I would go, I got travel insurance and all the documents. So to cut it all short I applied for visa and I was asked that I should send an account statement for last four months and not just for a week. And after they get it they would process my visa. I was given date of May 21 to collect my passport. Anyway I sent them the account statement for 4 months and even proof that I had fixed deposits.

In the meanwhile I also found about air ticket costs etc and on May 21st I took money with me to buy air ticket too. I told her even that I would call her after I get visa to ask for date I should get ticket for.

 

That day on May 21 this year… while going I had problems with car… anyway I was given time of 16:00 to 17:00 hours and I managed to reach Embassy by 16:45. I went and I was asked to wait and this guy at reception was searching for my passport in a whole bundle… I thought I must have got the visa and that’s why he is searching. Anyway I waited there and around 17:30 I was given my passport with a letter in it.

 

I opened the passport and saw a stamp on the first page of Swedish Embassy… I was sooooo excited that I got visa… I went outside reached to my car and then I opened this letter and I was shocked… my heart just broke…

 

It was written in it that… I have not been granted visa and their decision is based on consideration of my age, my marital status and other documents I provided. I just felt… broken… I didn’t know what to do where to go… because I gave them every document they wanted every information they asked me and still they wrote in that letter that I could apply again if I give further information…

 

Anyway… I decided to ask them again what information they need etc and I sent them letter by post requesting them details. I accepted this somehow and my girlfriend helped with it… but in fact she lost confidence too… that I could get visa for anywhere…

I know my social condition is not good I mean I am not working… I can’t do anything about my age I am 22 and I can’t change it, I can’t change my marital status…

 

So finally after 1.5 months of all this I get a reply to my email from embassy saying the same thing again that if I can provide further information I can apply again with a fresh application. Again they didn’t say at all what further information they want…

This stamp they put in passport is to show that I applied there in Swedish embassy for visa but was refused… I worry for that so much that any other country embassy would doubt seeing that stamp…

 

I thought that I could apply again and this I can get return air ticket too in advance to prove that I would be back to India and won’t hide in Sweden… but she refused saying its late now and she is now going there with her parents… I couldn’t do anything…

 

Finally she was there around end of July but she couldn’t earn as they went late and all berries etc had dried or finished since the climate was hotter that year. Meanwhile when she was there I had another crisis… I went to this other city to look for job for myself… but I couldn’t find…

 

Anyway she returned and this time really started looking for jobs again and one day she saw advertisement in local paper about training for tour company in Cyprus and after that they would select whom they would offer job. She applied for this and went for training last month on November 21st.

 

It was wonderful experience for her she saw so many places etc and finally last Wednesday on December 4 the best this happened she has been offered job to work in Egypt from end of March or beginning of April next year. She returned to Poland on 5th.

 

We both are very happy about this… and for some reason positive things happen after sooooooo long time. The only thing is she won’t be at one place for more than 6 months like 6 months in Egypt then somewhere else.

 

She asked me now to find someway to be in Egypt… she said it just once… on Wednesday but now when I try to write about it she doesn’t replies except that she is so excited to go there and very happy…

 

I am just feeling this way that she is unconfident that I would be there even… and I myself too unconfident…

Now what I need help or advise is as to what should I do…

I want to do something in life for both of us so that we can be together. She doesn’t wants to come to India and live here… and I am in such a position that I can’t go abroad without anyone’s help in getting me work abroad or visa. I can apply in Egyptian Embassy… but just I am so afraid to get another refusal stamp… besides this I want to be able to live with her for sometime.

I want to get work in Middle East or Egypt even or any main country in Europe or even America…

 

If I start with something here in India itself now then I have no chance of seeing her in near future… and besides when I know she doesn’t wants to come to India I am not motivated at all to do something here… I don’t know what else I can do…

The fact remains that we love her very much and we are very close once again though in different way, I mean now having been through so much nothing can take us apart emotionally and on our hearts…

 

Just this distance… in miles I want to remove it, I am fed up of it now and I am confused what to do about it… just if I could meet her for even a week it would bring so much strength to both of us… but I don’t know how… its really so hard for now.

 

I have professional education in from IATA-UFTA from Montreal Canada in Travel and Tourism which includes airline ticketing and being a travel agent.

Besides I have lots of interest in mechanical things though I don’t have education in those… I have knowledge about computers in hardware and software too. In fact I have survived these years with computer only…

 

If anyone can advise me or help me you are most welcome. I don't need money etc. but real advise or help and I am ready to give anymore details too like my name etc. etc.

I just look for an angel who can guide me.

 

Just please don’t reply to this making fun of it all… or asking me to leave my girlfriend etc… all I wrote is 100% true and there is no question now that we could leave each other… I just wish sometimes I was a bird I wouldn’t need any visas to fly over borders which men have made…

 

You can write whenever you feel like or see this.

 

I have all the emails we exchanged since October 2000, they are in thousands now and letters from her since beginning of our relationship. I had emails from previously too but in Sept 2000 so much bad luck was with me that my computers hard disk too crashed…

 

I kept it for two three months to get data recovered even it was in guarantee I didn’t give it and bought a new one but then in October that year computer spoiled and I was short of money so had to give that hard disk…

[midori]

it seems like whatever happens, the two of you have been positive influences in each others' lives. You've motivated each other to achieve things that you weren't sure you could do. Even if the relationship fails, you're both better off for having known each other, and that is great.

 

I can't advise you about getting work in Egypt, or anywhere else. I can say that it seems like your girlfriend is making her job her priority, and there's nothing wrong with that. It's good to be realistic about where you want to live and what you want to do. You too must decide what your priority is. If circumstances require that your first priority is work, then so be it. You'll have to see if your relationship can survive with you in India and she elsewhere.

 

If you feel that the relationship is your first priority then you're going to have to do whatever you can to be where your gf is. The prospect of being turned down by the Egyptian government won't put you off, you'll apply anyway, because it's so important. That's up to you. You figure out what you're willing to do for the relationship, what is realistic for you. Your gf must do the same. You might want to consider whether each of you are equally willing to compromise and sacrifice for the relationship. If not, then perhaps the relationship isn't as important to one of you as it is to the other.

 

Good luck!

[dyne]

Thanks for your reply.

 

Our priorities are each other only.

 

I know she goes to Egypt for work planning to be with me, she wouldn't leave Poland otherwise.

 

We discussed many times previously if we should go separate ways and in fact this happened when we told each other about our love too knowing we would have to face problems. We knew it would be all hell like sometimes and I promised to be with her during all that and I was and I am still… sometimes it hurts me little that all those things made her change little somehow but anyways I accept it and I don't blame her and I know once we meet we are going to be very strong.

 

There is no question of leaving now and I know she wouldn't leave Poland if it wasn't me.

 

I hope something positive happens.