NINChick Posted March 25, 2007 Share Posted March 25, 2007 Hello, I am new to the forums and I am in serious need of some advice. Here goes... A year ago my boyfriend started lying and sneaking out with a girl he worked with. His mom is kinda nosey and always told me what was going on. And when I would call him out on it he would just say "Whatever, I didn't go out last night." We kept fighting about it for a few weeks before we eventually broke up. While we were apart we stayed friends and spent a lot of time together. He always said that nothing was going on with him and this other girl and for some stupid reason I believed it. After a month we decided to get back together and the day after that while he was at work I was cleaning and I ended up finding a video tape of him and this girl having sex and I found IM chat logs of him talking dirty to her and all of this was while we were still together. Needless to say I was pissed off! He swore to me that it happened when we were broken up but the proof was right in front of me. After awhile I just let it go and forgave him. But now he is friends with this girls boyfriend and he is always over at their house. He also swears that this guy knows about what his girlfriend did but I have a hard time believing that this guy would be cool with my boyfriend if he knew what happened. Anyway, my problem really is that this girl is always calling, IM'ing, and emailing my boyfriend for no reason. And she knows that it pisses me off so sometimes she will even come up to us in public and flirt with him right infront of me. He always blows her off now but I feel like he only does that when I am around. He tells me that she just does it to piss me off and that it is in the past and I need to let it go and move on. But I just feel like if he talks to her it is pretty much saying that I am ok with what happened, but I'm not! I have asked him to stop talking to her completely, like not even a "Hi" and he says I am being way too paranoid. I have never hated someone as much as I hate her and all of this is just causing problems in my relationship. Am I wrong? Am I being too paranoid? Should it be ok for him to make small talk with her? Please help! Link to post Share on other sites
PinkShorts Posted March 25, 2007 Share Posted March 25, 2007 no i dont think you are wrong. he is a lying scumbag... too sneaky and secretive to trust. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted March 25, 2007 Share Posted March 25, 2007 Needless to say I was pissed off! He swore to me that it happened when we were broken up but the proof was right in front of me. After awhile I just let it go and forgave him. That's your problem. Even with proof right there in front of you, he lied and lied and lied, and you just forgave him. So yeah, now he thinks you'll keep forgiving him for anything and doesn't pay any attention when you tell him this girl is a problem for you. You can hate her all you like, but it is your BOYFRIEND who can shut her down if he wanted to. But he doesn't, regardless of how you feel. He allows her to flirt, and he allows you to feel insecure and jealous. HE is the one you should be mad at. Are you sure you really want to be with a guy who treats you like that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author NINChick Posted March 25, 2007 Author Share Posted March 25, 2007 We just fought about it again tonight and with tears in his eyes he apologized for everything and said he regrets it. He said he didn't know what he was thinking then and that he is serious about me and wanting to spend his life with me.*Sigh* I am just so confused! Truth is...aside form when we argue about this he makes me so happy! Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted March 25, 2007 Share Posted March 25, 2007 We just fought about it again tonight and with tears in his eyes he apologized for everything and said he regrets it. He said he didn't know what he was thinking then and that he is serious about me and wanting to spend his life with me.*Sigh* I am just so confused! Truth is...aside form when we argue about this he makes me so happy! Yes, but did he say he would stop talking to her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author NINChick Posted March 25, 2007 Author Share Posted March 25, 2007 He told me that he hasn't talked to her in a few weeks and he is not planning on it anytime soon. I am just not sure if that answer satisfies me. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted March 25, 2007 Share Posted March 25, 2007 Do you believe he hasn't talked to her? Will he show you his cell phone bills, IM logs, and email so you can see whether he really talked to her or not? If the answer "not planning on talking to her" doesn't satisfy you, why didn't you ask him to promise not to talk to her? He was crying and saying he wants to spend the rest of his life with you - why wouldn't he agree to not speaking to her anymore? Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted March 25, 2007 Share Posted March 25, 2007 Life is WAY to short to put yourself through this kind of drama. No guy (or gal) is worth putting up with lies about sex with others. Set yourself free... by getting him out of your system. Link to post Share on other sites
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