Its been a year...

[Daizy21]

Hi everyone,

 

I'm new here.

 

I know this is pretty long, but there are some details that play an important part in my decision making here....

 

 

My situation is pretty complicated, yet simple....

 

I met a guy from work about a year ago. We're both pretty young. I'm 19, and he's 21... At the time, I was involved in a relationship of about 1 year, and he had just gotten out of a 4 year relationship, with a kid.

 

We were both completely honest right off the bat about our current situations. He told me that he was not looking for anything serious, and I explained that I was trying to get out of the mess I was in with my current boyfriend. What I mean by this is.... I was afraid to leave my bf because I had such an emotional attachment and such low self esteem that I felt like I needed him. But at the same time, my friends and family were begging me to get away from him because he is bipolar, and he had a few episodes of violent behaivor with the cops involved.

 

I started seeing the guy I met from work...and having sex with him. I'm not exactly sure what motivated me to do it, but I think I found it as an escape from my boyfriend, maybe even possibly a way to take out hidden anger against him and get back at him. I'm ashamed that I automatically decided to have sex with this guy, before I got to know him. But I am also aware that I had very low self esteem, partly because I let my boyfriend break into my thoughts and manipulate my feelings.

 

Though I didn't respect myself much at the time, the guy I was seeing listened to me and didn't treat me like dirt. He was very supportive and helpful in convincing me to get away from my boyfriend, though he was still careful not to send mixed signals. He told me that I "deserve better" and that he would prove that to me. He told me I was beautiful like he really meant it.

 

I also talked with him about his ex and their situation. I tried not to ask many questions, in case it made him uncomfortable... I just let him talk. He explained to me that the mother of his child was playing a lot of games with him. She had a new boyfriend, yet at the same time she was still contacting him, holding him by a string. For whatever reason, her parents hated him. (I think it has something to do with the fact that he informed her parents that she had been abusing drugs, and they took it as a complete lie) So she used that factor as her excuse not to be with him, or let him see his daughter. He was very hurt by this, and extremely stressed out as he was fighting to see his child.

 

For about 2 months we met up every week or so. There were times when we just hung out and watched a movie together, and there were times when we just had sex and went to sleep. I could be myself with him, without really trying. I was very relaxed, giving him his space, which I think he appreciated...

 

During these 2 months, I was gaining a lot of confidence and I think it showed. My boyfriend started showing me more respect, and began to straighten up. Soon enough he was apologizing for everything in the past almost every day and doing anything he could to make up for it. Unfortunately, I had already made up my mind that I couldn't be with him. I was hiding our relationship from my father, and I was involved with another guy.

 

So I worked up the courage to break up with my boyfriend. It didn't go as I had planned. Instead of it being a mental relief, it struck me with extreme guilt as my low self esteem set in again.

 

I wanted to do everything I could to not run back to him. Time passed and I tried very hard to stay strong.

 

I regret that I didn't distance myself from my new guy, as I knew I was extremely emotional. I knew that I was not in the right state of mind to begin a new relationship. And I knew that it was the right time for us, even if he wanted one.

 

So all in all things took a turn for the worst - I told him that I had broken up with my boyfriend. He was happy for me, of course... I didn't want to scare him off so I acted very casual and ignored his calls for a week or so. When I called him back he told me that he assumed that I needed some space for a while, and I agreed... I gave him a call about a week later, and he invited me to a party at his apartment. I ended up going over there, to overhear that he had a one night stand with a girl a few nights before.

 

 

So basically, I freaked out. I tried not to let it show at first... I stayed at the party and acted like everything was fine. But later on, I got very, very drunk (something I would normally never do). We started talking and I began to cry. I could tell that he felt bad. He told me truly had fallen for me, but that he and I both knew that we couldn't be together right now. Our conversation eventually led to an arguement where I told him that I "only used him to get back at my boyfriend". He sound so hurt as he questioned me "USED ME?!" I didn't even mean what I said, and I know it was very immature. After I said that, he didn't want to talk to me anymore, and we fell asleep in his bed (at his own party).

 

The next day, He came to visit me at work. He told me that he meant everything he said (half of what I don't remember). He asked me if I was ok. He was very nice to me.

 

But by a few days later he began to break contact with me. When I saw him at work, he stopped to say hi and told me to call him. I would try to call him, but he never answered his phone. One day at work, he was walking towards me with his friend and he shook his head and laughed at me. I tried to shake it off, but that only made me hurt more.

 

 

 

It has been about a year now. Over the summer, I tried to text him and talk to him...but all he did was ignore me. By fall, he was trying to contact me like crazy. I ignored every one of his calls. But very recently, I randomly met a girl who knows him as well. She is about my age, 19 as well and she seemed very nice. Well It turns out he met her a week after our big fight and they started dating. She said that he swept her right off her feet at first, but within a month things were awful.

 

He didn't have a job (he quit working at the place we worked together right after I found a new job and quit)... He totaled his car so she let him drive hers. He didn't have any money so she bought him food.... Then she told me that one day, out of nowhere he said he wasn't ready for a relationship and left her in the dust. After all that said, he had a new girlfriend two days later. I was honestly shocked when she told me all this. This was not the guy I knew!

 

 

So like I said, it has been about a year now.... He tried contacting me in the fall, and I ignored him. Around December, he called me and we had a long talk. I told him that I met his ex-girlfriend and said nothing more. Not seeming nervous at all, he explained to me that she wanted more in their relationship than he did, and he seemed completely honest with me. He also talked about how he felt bad that he had ignored me for so long, but that he knew that I needed some time to sort things out with myself.

 

And he was exactly right about that. I did need to sort things out with myself - and I have. I'm very happy with my life right now, and I feel great about myself. I have a lot of friends again and I'm doing great in college. I have a lot of guys interested in me because I have become confident in who I am.

 

 

 

He tried contacting me and asking me out every so often in December. I was very busy with school and work, so I always had to turn him down.

I found out that he is in one of my classes at school in January. He has been very nice, talking to me every day after class. He told me that he has been able to see his child and that the mother of his child and him are getting along ok now. I have tried to be supportive as he was with me. He asks me out every so often, but I have honestly been too busy and I am very reluctant if I should. He respects that, and is always nice about it.

 

I have had a lot more time on my hands lately, and I'd really like to go out with him and catch up. But I'm a little scared as to what games he might try to play. He hurt me before, even though I know he didn't mean to. And the stories I heard from his ex really changed my mind about him.

 

So I've asked my friends, and most of them have told me that I shouldn't go out with him, rather give him my time of day..... I'm just wondering what you guys think. Remember: I used to have self esteem problems...and he hasn't seen the "new" me yet. My friends are telling me that I should keep this in mind because he might be trying to use me or play with my emotions. They tell me that he doesn't respect me and that he is only trying to keep me close because he has issues....

 

But they also don't remember that I was the one who was cheating right in front of his eyes, and that I was that one who told him that I was "using him"..... I have also had someone tell me that he would "do anything to be back with the mother of his child" (which I already knew). And I have also heard from people who claim to know the mother of his child, that he treated her terribly years ago (cheating,etc.)

 

I feel like he has been a decent enough guy and that he truly has good intentions. Although he is irresponsible at times, he means well. I wouldn't even try to start a relationship with him, I just wouldn't mind having him back as a friend. I know that I would be happy with or without him... Even though he may not know it, I wouldn't smother him again and scare him away. I have a life of my own.

 

I would like to know if anyone has had an experience like this or if you have known someone like this.... From what I have told you, would you stay away from him or give him another chance if you were in my position?

 

So tell me what you think and THANK YOU for reading my long post