Need input

[jmmm]

my b/f and i got into a convo about strip clubs and he said he doesnt think going to one or getting lap dances are cheating b/c there is no exchange of fluid(i.e kissing, etc) He says its may be wrong to do but he doesnt think its cheating..it got me thinking does he even think its wrong or is he just saying that b/c if he didnt think its cheating or wrong then thats a big uh oh. I got mad and said i think it is b/c a b/f would be choosing that over me and its hurtful. We dropped the subject b/c we just got over an argument so it would have been a bad idea to start another.

 

My b/f has been to strip clubs in the past..i dont think he has been to one since i have been with him..more than a year together..maybe one night i always thought he might of because he wasnt so specific about where he went..he said they were going out to eat first..later on it made me think--is he goin to a bachelor party? but i dont really know...i texted my b/f eventually saying it might as well be cheating to me if a b/f is going to make the effort to watch some slutty girl dance. Its hurtful to me..my b/f writes back sayin thats all good but he doesnt need an arguement over something that never happened..i said i know but it seemed you were defending it in some way(he said where would i find time) rather than saying i know it would hurt you..he still never responded to that specifically and eventually it was dropped.

 

Do i drop this for now? I am with him most weekends and he doesnt go out to bars or whatever too often with out me...i feel like a lot of guys are soo perverted..sorry to say

[LakesideDream]

I get it! "Guys are so perverted" transilation=men are guilty of "thinking" or having an opinion on something, even though the offending thought hasn't led to an "infraction".

 

Your boyfriend is guilty of "something" that "might as well be cheating" because he has verbally defended the concept of going to a strip club or bachelor party.

 

My advice to your boyfriend. Move, change your phone number, block your e-mail accounts... in short dissappear as you are dancing with the devil.

 

Lady, you are truly the thought police. You should read George Orwell's 1984. You are one scary person.

[rainfall]

I get it! "Guys are so perverted" transilation=men are guilty of "thinking" or having an opinion on something, even though the offending thought hasn't led to an "infraction".

 

Your boyfriend is guilty of "something" that "might as well be cheating" because he has verbally defended the concept of going to a strip club or bachelor party.

 

My advice to your boyfriend. Move, change your phone number, block your e-mail accounts... in short dissappear as you are dancing with the devil.

 

Lady, you are truly the thought police. You should read George Orwell's 1984. You are one scary person.

 

I don't think it really makes her "scary" for being worried about this. However if they do have different opinons on the subject they should work it out now and come to an agreement. If they can't reach an agreement they probably shouldn't be together.

[Fiona]

...

Do i drop this for now? I am with him most weekends and he doesnt go out to bars or whatever too often with out me...i feel like a lot of guys are soo perverted..sorry to say

It's not 'perverted' between two consenting adults, I suppose it's called 'pleasure'.

 

I've been with my Shrekky awhile now. If he looks into the Victoria Secrets display case and says, 'that red teddy is cute', I'm secure enough to know he is picturing my (daytime) body in it. On occasion, I've bought it, and we've had a nice time (although my nightime body isn't what it used to be.)

 

Yes, dear, this has alot to do with you. If my Hubby says he's been fantasizing over lapdances, I'd learn how to perform one for him! If he gets turned on by a strip tease, then I think you better go out and buy some sexy lingerie! Learn some moves!

 

It works both ways. If you want him to come home at lunchtime with nylons over his head and a sock in his trousers, TELL HIM!

 

If you can't communicate, you are destined to fail. I hope you read his body better than you think you're reading his mind.

[Fiona]

Double posting, don't know how to delete it.

[1DeadB]

Fiona,

 

What are doing up so early?

 

Frank Zappa said the ugliest part of the body is the mind. The more I read here the more I believe it. I have never been to a place were insecurity is more prevailent. I keep telling everyone to run and find someone they are more compatible with. It appears that is not possible. Noone is compatible with some of the minds that post here!

[EC]

Just dropping issues is not helpful to a relationship. Nor is discussing it and not being open minded to the other persons thoughts.

 

Regardless of what you want to believe guys are guys and most of them like strip clubs. I agree with another poster that said if he likes strip teases but some outfits and learn a sexy dance for him. He woouldn't have a reason then.

Even still I believe sometimes guys need time to go out with other guys and just have a good time. And guys dont like being told they can't do or go somewhere. They might not even really want to go but the fact that your not letting them will make them want to run there.

 

I personally go with my bf to strip clubs and we wnjoy them together. That way im there..I can see how far things go and we have fun when we get home and he makes love to me.

 

Have you ever considered going?

 

If not then talk to him about it and see if you can come to an agreement. But just dropping it and leaving it floating in the air to 'avoid' conflict is not healthy. It will lead to more awkwardness.

[LittleWoman12]

my b/f and i got into a convo about strip clubs and he said he doesnt think going to one or getting lap dances are cheating b/c there is no exchange of fluid(i.e kissing, etc) He says its may be wrong to do but he doesnt think its cheating..it got me thinking does he even think its wrong or is he just saying that b/c if he didnt think its cheating or wrong then thats a big uh oh. I got mad and said i think it is b/c a b/f would be choosing that over me and its hurtful. We dropped the subject b/c we just got over an argument so it would have been a bad idea to start another.

 

My b/f has been to strip clubs in the past..i dont think he has been to one since i have been with him..more than a year together..maybe one night i always thought he might of because he wasnt so specific about where he went..he said they were going out to eat first..later on it made me think--is he goin to a bachelor party? but i dont really know...i texted my b/f eventually saying it might as well be cheating to me if a b/f is going to make the effort to watch some slutty girl dance. Its hurtful to me..my b/f writes back sayin thats all good but he doesnt need an arguement over something that never happened..i said i know but it seemed you were defending it in some way(he said where would i find time) rather than saying i know it would hurt you..he still never responded to that specifically and eventually it was dropped.

 

Do i drop this for now? I am with him most weekends and he doesnt go out to bars or whatever too often with out me...i feel like a lot of guys are soo perverted..sorry to say

So, if lapdances are not cheating becasue there is no exchange of fluids, than would seeing a prostitute be the same? Just as long as he uses a condom and doesn't kiss her? A lot of strip clubs offer "extras." I agree, buy him some sexy lingerie and peform for him. Maybe that'll keep him in the saddle. If not, tell him you want to join him at the strip club. See what he says.

[1DeadB]

So, if lapdances are not cheating becasue there is no exchange of fluids, than would seeing a prostitute be the same? Just as long as he uses a condom and doesn't kiss her? A lot of strip clubs offer "extras." I agree, buy him some sexy lingerie and peform for him. Maybe that'll keep him in the saddle. If not, tell him you want to join him at the strip club. See what he says.

 

You do know how to take things to the extreme. From the guys I know, they hang around longer if girls just don't talk so much. One guy said his wife was like a chicken in that every time she walked she made noise.

 

When he gets home, give him a beer, wear a short skirt and let him pat you on the ass and put dollars in your A cup.

 

Maybe he'll come home more often.

[BlueEyedSarah]

my b/f and i got into a convo about strip clubs and he said he doesnt think going to one or getting lap dances are cheating b/c there is no exchange of fluid(i.e kissing, etc) He says its may be wrong to do but he doesnt think its cheating..it got me thinking does he even think its wrong or is he just saying that b/c if he didnt think its cheating or wrong then thats a big uh oh. I got mad and said i think it is b/c a b/f would be choosing that over me and its hurtful. We dropped the subject b/c we just got over an argument so it would have been a bad idea to start another.

 

My b/f has been to strip clubs in the past..i dont think he has been to one since i have been with him..more than a year together..maybe one night i always thought he might of because he wasnt so specific about where he went..he said they were going out to eat first..later on it made me think--is he goin to a bachelor party? but i dont really know...i texted my b/f eventually saying it might as well be cheating to me if a b/f is going to make the effort to watch some slutty girl dance. Its hurtful to me..my b/f writes back sayin thats all good but he doesnt need an arguement over something that never happened..i said i know but it seemed you were defending it in some way(he said where would i find time) rather than saying i know it would hurt you..he still never responded to that specifically and eventually it was dropped.

 

Do i drop this for now? I am with him most weekends and he doesnt go out to bars or whatever too often with out me...i feel like a lot of guys are soo perverted..sorry to say

He has not done it to you, so I would just drop the conversation.

 

In my opinion I don't think a strip club and lap dance is cheating.

 

If on the other hand the guy asks for this chick who is giving him a lapdance phone number then yes that is going a bit too far toward cheating.

[1DeadB]

Jmmm,

 

Did you find a phone number?

[moredeborah]

There is nothing wrong with being bothered by your boyfriend going to strip clubs. On the other hand, there are those who think that going to strip clubs is okay.

 

Having said that, I don't think that obsessing over whether or not he went to a strip club is going to solve or help anything.

 

If you asked him if that's where he went and he said, no then you should believe him (unless he has a history of being dishonest).

 

You should tell him that going to strip clubs bothers you. You don't like having another girl on him. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. If he is angry about it, then you two need to come to some kind of compromise.

[1DeadB]

There is nothing wrong with being bothered by your boyfriend going to strip clubs. On the other hand, there are those who think that going to strip clubs is okay.

 

Having said that, I don't think that obsessing over whether or not he went to a strip club is going to solve or help anything.

 

If you asked him if that's where he went and he said, no then you should believe him (unless he has a history of being dishonest).

 

You should tell him that going to strip clubs bothers you. You don't like having another girl on him. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. If he is angry about it, then you two need to come to some kind of compromise.

 

If he always lies then don't ask.

 

How about, don't ask if you won't like the answer.