dropdeadlegs Posted March 28, 2007 Share Posted March 28, 2007 Okay, I can buy that. I asked because my BF is a bit of a cuddler, at least in the early stages of sleep. I accept it, but tend to roll over to really get some rest. I think he has different issues from many men due to his history. When he would ask "where are going?" if I left the bed in the middle of the night, it was strange to me at first. Upon learning that his mother died when he was 10, it made more sense. His sister took over the mother role, and she died in his early twenties. That left nothing but men in his immediate world, and they didn't cuddle or stroke him in the way that a woman does. I think he fears abandonment by women in that he was, in a sense, abandoned, albeit not by choice, by the most important women on his life. I asked because I am happy in my relationship and don't consider him psycho and definitely not gay. He hasn't responded in that way if I leave to go to the bathroom in quite some time, and I assume he no longer worries that I am actually "leaving." Isn't psychology interesting? Link to post Share on other sites
dropdeadlegs Posted March 28, 2007 Share Posted March 28, 2007 And yes, even Tarzan probably likes cuddling from time to time; I'm not saying the guy is playing, but it sounds phony with all the girlie-stuff. My take is, that he's deliberately trying to act in a way he thinks women likes. I agree that the situation the OP described sounds like a man that was saying the right things, and making the right moves, in an act to portray himself in a way she would desire. Link to post Share on other sites
CrossRhodes Posted March 28, 2007 Share Posted March 28, 2007 And yes, even Tarzan probably likes cuddling from time to time; I'm not saying the guy is playing, but it sounds phony with all the girlie-stuff. My take is, that he's deliberately trying to act in a way he thinks women likes. That's possible. I didn't read it that way myself. What I saw in the OP's story was a genuine guy who had commitment issues. I wonder if that story is a Rorschach test for us LSers? Link to post Share on other sites
Author funkify Posted March 28, 2007 Author Share Posted March 28, 2007 That's possible. I didn't read it that way myself. What I saw in the OP's story was a genuine guy who had commitment issues. I wonder if that story is a Rorschach test for us LSers? Well maybe it was just bad timing...he did just have a relationship breakup before we started seeing each other. Link to post Share on other sites
Vagabond Loner Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 Just keep in mind there good guys don't exist, only decent guys. Link to post Share on other sites
sunshinegirl Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 Hi funkify, I relate very much to what you've gone through. First of all, I'm really sorry. It must feel a bit like a rug was pulled out from under you. AND, I hope you can be a bit encouraged by my story. A few years ago I had a very very similar situation - met a guy who just blew every other man I'd dated out of the water. I also thought "ah! that's why I dated those other guys - to prepare me for him!" While not a perfect human being, he was everything I had ever wanted in a mate and more. We had an amazing time together - it was very much like how you described your relationship with your guy. Then, five months later, my guy more or less changed his mind about me and dumped me. I was completely devastated. I had so many unanswered questions - many of which had to do with my judgment - how could I have been so wrong? Was all of it fake? a joke? a ruse? If you want the details, you can look up my threads from 2005 - they're all about him. Let me just say it took me F O R E V E R to get over him. Over a year, probably closer to a year and a half. And now I'm dating someone who, on paper, looks like a bad match for me. (The 2005 ex had been perfect - perfect! - on paper.) Yet my current BF and I really work. And emotionally I am taking things much slower. I was head over heels for 2005 guy within the first month of dating - and we were in a long distance relationship to boot! I've learned to slow down my emotional attachments... which today are developing at a healthy pace with my BF. Anyhow, sorry to ramble, but I do hope to encourage you a bit to realize that while this sucks and it does make you question your judgment (if not sanity), you will recover just fine. Your judgment isn't actually broken; you will take this experience and fine-tune that judgment when you eventually re-enter the dating pool. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
FleshNBones Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 So what I guess what I'm saying is find yourself a Marine that belives in traditional values, honor, integrity ~ a smart one ~ a officer that has deep religious convictions! LtGen Zinni is a damn good example, (Gogglle him) of what you're looking for. Damn good man! Damn good man!I see. Is it a coincidence I need the credentials of a high-ranking military officer to qualify? No profession or social group has a monopoly on character. Link to post Share on other sites
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