Bachelor Party Dry-#ucking...a Q for Men

[Crazy or Logical?]

So, here we go. I have fallen in love with a man and fallen out of trust. Over the course of my life, I've dated many men who treated me very well, unfortunately, I never truly loved them. Now I am dating a man with whom I have found a strong love. Here's the kicker...he's made a few bad choices over the last year that have collectively lost the trust I had in him.

 

Prior to his bachelor party, none of them included cheating; but, they did include lies involving women. I've tried to grow an understanding that people will make mistakes, including myself and have decided that love really is worth blurring the lines (in some cases) and working through problems. Even trust issues.

 

Now the Bachelor Party and how it pushed the "blurry" lines. My fiancee was laid out by a naked stripper, had syrup and chocolate poured all over him. She stradled his crotch and dry #ucked him, shoved her chest in his face, etc. He claims it is ok because he didn't hire her, and he didn't touch her back. (other than his dk and her psy with fabric in-between and her bare chest on his bare face.)

 

Now, my problem. Does a nude woman dry #ucking your fiancee not constitute cheating? Does it have to be actual intercourse to be considered infidelity? Let's complicate things a bit...he had promised me he'd never let a stripper touch him, nor would he give one even a dollar. So, not only has he been humped by a naked woman with her tties in his face; but, he broke his word to me as well. He knew I didn't like strippers at bachelor parties b/c I don't believe an engaged man should be getting his jollies from any naked woman other than myself...but I did not forbade him, I trusted him to handle himself appropriately.

 

So when he has already screwed things up and broken trust, promised no stripper would ever touch him, been dry #ucked a few weeks before the wedding...should I get over it or should I look for a man who respects me enough to say "sorry, no touching, I got a great lady at home who's all I need...why don't you do a little dance for my best man who's the one with the money" I'm trying to find the balance between understanding and respecting myself enough to feel I deserve a man who is strong enough and loving enough to draw appropriate lines. Not all men are pigs...am I right?

 

So, if you can give me some male perspective on this one...I'd appreciate it. By the way...did I mention I was sitting at home pregnant and not able to have a wild Bachelorette party...yet I sent him off and told him to have a fun night and drink a beer for me?

[rainfall]

Everyone has different ideas of what cheating is. Some people let their partner sleep with others and they are ok with it. However for some people (like myself) what happened would be considered cheating and I would kick his sorry butt out. However you just have to decide how it makes you feel that he did that and if you do consider it cheating if you are willing to forgive him.

[melodymatters]

The bachelor party wouldn't bother me. The chick was trying to make a buck and has NO interest in your fiance most likely. A guy in front of his friends, especially if they are all drinking, is unlikely to play the church lady and say " no touching tsk tsk"

 

BUT, you alluded to some other " bad choices" he made that caused you to lose trust in him. If you explain further you might find me backing you up on THAT front !

 

good luck !

[CATENZA]

I would just let it go.. Honestly, it was his bachlor party.. Most men do the same thing. My husband did! I don't know what was done to him exactly but I'm sure it was something similar to what ur SO did or worse. At least he told you the truth and was honest about it. But it behind you, enjoy ur wedding, marriage and child!

 

Actually, after u give birth, go out with ur girlfriends and have a "giving birth party!!!"

[Dadaal]

That's completely unacceptable !!! any women with strong feeling should end the relationship when her man who is involved in such parties. I am sure not if others will agree with me, but at least that's the rule I would put on. If you're married .. you are attached to someone for the rest of your life - you are not allowed to such reckless acts.

[rainfall]

The bachelor party wouldn't bother me. The chick was trying to make a buck and has NO interest in your fiance most likely. A guy in front of his friends, especially if they are all drinking, is unlikely to play the church lady and say " no touching tsk tsk"

 

BUT, you alluded to some other " bad choices" he made that caused you to lose trust in him. If you explain further you might find me backing you up on THAT front !

 

good luck !

 

I'm sorry but if a guy cares more about his friend's opinons then his fiance then he is a loser.

[bab]

This is a tough situation. Unfortunately you cannot ask us if it is cheating. That is something you have to define for yourself. For me, the actual action with the stripper would not be, assuming that it only happened on his bachellor party night. But, you have to decide for yourself, and you would definitely not be alone if you think it is. On the other hand the FACT that he said he would not participate in said actions but went against his word is what is would bother me more.

 

The real question is if this offence is enough to cause you to leave him. You say you are pregnant, and I assume it is with his child. If this was me and I believed that this was an isolated event, it would not be enough for me to break up my family. BUT, if you feel it is, you are not being unreasonable.

 

What are the other "bad choices"? The could be enough for me to leave. I understand that people get upset about cheating, but I feel it's ludicrous for women to endure so much crap which many times is far worse than a strip club. But I digress.

 

What does your gut tell you? That's where you will find the true answer.

[Mythical]

Hey,

 

I really don't think you have anything to worry about.

Like another poster said he was honest, he could have totally kept it from you to make all the ppl on here that say its "wrong" just to get them to be quiet.

Its a bachelor party, the girl giving the show doens't even car about the guys she's in for the money and again its a bachelor party!!

If you hade a guy shaking his "member" aropund you and you were just watching he was touching you etc you hade fun with it would you be cheating?

[rainfall]

Hey,

 

I really don't think you have anything to worry about.

Like another poster said he was honest, he could have totally kept it from you to make all the ppl on here that say its "wrong" just to get them to be quiet.

Its a bachelor party, the girl giving the show doens't even car about the guys she's in for the money and again its a bachelor party!!

If you hade a guy shaking his "member" aropund you and you were just watching he was touching you etc you hade fun with it would you be cheating?

 

I don't thinkn it is an issue of if the stripper cared about the guy. I think it that another women besides her was naked ON TOP OF HIM.

[melodymatters]

I think that IS at least a big part of the issue ! This is entertainment ! I used to perform in murder mysteries and often played the "slut", and I would sit on mens laps etc AS PART OF THE SHOW. Now, if he's in this postition with a woman he met in a bar , who might actually want to date or f*ck him, I would have a TOTALLY diff attitude.

 

I'm not saying she should be thrilled, but I find it highly understandable in the context of the tacky modern day " stripper" bachelor party.

[rainfall]

I think that IS at least a big part of the issue ! This is entertainment ! I used to perform in murder mysteries and often played the "slut", and I would sit on mens laps etc AS PART OF THE SHOW. Now, if he's in this postition with a woman he met in a bar , who might actually want to date or f*ck him, I would have a TOTALLY diff attitude.

 

I'm not saying she should be thrilled, but I find it highly understandable in the context of the tacky modern day " stripper" bachelor party.

 

I think is a man's fiance finds it wrong he should respect that whether it is for a bachelor party or not. I don't care if it is entertainment it is still cheating to me and many other people.

[O'Malley]

You can't have a good relationship with someone who puts his needs ahead of your feelings, his "bad choices". It has nothing to do with the stripper and everything to do with these women he's lied to you about in the past. He tells you one thing and does another.

 

Why get married to someone you obviously don't trust?

[a4a]

I think that IS at least a big part of the issue ! This is entertainment ! I used to perform in murder mysteries and often played the "slut", and I would sit on mens laps etc AS PART OF THE SHOW. Now, if he's in this postition with a woman he met in a bar , who might actually want to date or f*ck him, I would have a TOTALLY diff attitude.

 

I'm not saying she should be thrilled, but I find it highly understandable in the context of the tacky modern day " stripper" bachelor party.

 

Play that role and sit on my husbands lap and there will be a real murder to excite the audience members. :lmao:

 

If this behavior is a deal breaker you need to really think if this is the person you want to be with.

 

If my H did such a thing we certainly would not be married. I left that choice up to him, I said nothing about a B party to him. He turned it down on his own accord.

 

You have to have similar values to make it work. Neither pro or anti stripper posters can dictate what your values and deal breakers are.

[Salicious Crumb]

Now' date=' my problem. Does a nude woman dry #ucking your fiancee not constitute cheating?[/quote']

 

I wouldn't call it cheating directly as much as I would say it is highly disrespectful to you if you do not approve.

 

Does it have to be actual intercourse to be considered infidelity?

 

No...I consider kissing cheating...any emotional attachment brought about by attraction is cheating to me.

 

Let's complicate things a bit...he had promised me he'd never let a stripper touch him, nor would he give one even a dollar. So, not only has he been humped by a naked woman with her tties in his face; but, he broke his word to me as well.

 

Well he knew how you felt about it and did it anyway...he's not showing you much love or respect. If you love someone, you respect their feelings.

 

So when he has already screwed things up and broken trust, promised no stripper would ever touch him, been dry #ucked a few weeks before the wedding...should I get over it or should I look for a man who respects me enough

 

Well thats a hard call....he obviously broke his word and promise to you...what else is he going to lie about?

 

I'd lean towards finding someone who loves you enough to not want to hurt you like that.

 

 

Not all men are pigs...am I right?

 

You are right...I went to a bachelor party only once when I was single and didn't have a girlfriend...didn't get a lapdance...but I sure as hell wouldn't go to one or a strip club when I am committed to someone else.

 

Although now I'd say all bets are off being married to someone unfaithful. (not like I'd want to...the strip clubs are not my thing..never will be)

 

So, if you can give me some male perspective on this one...I'd appreciate it. By the way...did I mention I was sitting at home pregnant and not able to have a wild Bachelorette party...yet I sent him off and told him to have a fun night and drink a beer for me?

 

this guy is a jacktard.....dissed you when you were pregnant...the gall of some guys.

[lindya]

Now the Bachelor Party and how it pushed the "blurry" lines. My fiancee was laid out by a naked stripper' date=' had syrup and chocolate poured all over him. She stradled his crotch and dry #ucked him, shoved her chest in his face, etc. He claims it is ok because he didn't hire her, and he didn't touch her back. (other than his dk and her psy with fabric in-between and her bare chest on his bare face.)[/quote']

 

How did you find out about what went on at the bachelor party? Did he tell you, or did one of his friends?

 

Now, my problem. Does a nude woman dry #ucking your fiancee not constitute cheating?

 

This just sounds like traditional "humiliate the groom-to-be for his friends' entertainment and throw a stripper into the equation" stuff. It's pretty naff, but for a lot of people deliberate tackiness is an essential aspect of the stag or hen nights. I can't see how something like this equates with cheating.

[rainfall]

This just sounds like traditional "humiliate the groom-to-be for his friends' entertainment and throw a stripper into the equation" stuff. It's pretty naff, but for a lot of people deliberate tackiness is an essential aspect of the stag or hen nights. I can't see how something like this equates with cheating.

 

 

I am so glad none of my boyfriend's friends are this stupid to think something like this is OK. I personally can't see how under any circumstance for any reason this could be considered OK and just "normal."

If he wants to have a naked stranger rubbing herself all over him then he does not love me and would not be marrying me if this ever happened.

[Miss Jane]

I think you have to ask yourself if you can ever trust him. Sounds like there are a lot of questions in that area and my experience is that it is very hard to live with. I've been married for almost 23 years and my husband --for the first time since we've been married, went to a strip club and got a lap dance. I'm still so upset--I'm totally emotionally drained and even after over three months I've still sitting here crying about it by myself in my room because I can't believe after all these years, 22 years of marriage and a loyal wife (who probably should have left him during years of heavy drinking) he could so totally disrespect me and our marriage for a moment of weakness--3 minutes lusting over a naked teenager the same age as our younger daughter. That's what I get--where's the justice in that? He acted like it was totally no big deal and was turning it around on me like I was being such a bitch for making such a big deal out of it. My depth of hurt is so deep that I can barely stand it anymore. THe biggest part of this it that I don't think I can ever trust him again. How can you live with that in a marriage, day after day, for years? I found out several months after it happened because one of his friends "slipped" and mentioned it one night when we were out. Was not telling me the same as lying? I did post that thread awhile ago. Also, you might want to read some posts on the thread--pregnant and husband gets a lap dance. There was one response from a guy who said he was divorced and never told his wife about it, but had fallen to peer pressure and had a lap dance and couldn't get the girl out of his head and admitted he thinks it made him treat/look at his wife differently. Subsequently, he got divorced. That's what is freaking me out about my husband. I have a lot of demons these days--rage, frustration, sadness, feelings of betrayal, etc. As yourself==what can you live with?

[Dadubwa]

You need to have a serious talk with this guy.

 

Hey it was a bachlor party...no big deal, a stripper was there,...no suprise... she put her fun bags in his face, dry rode him....ew. it's all so gross, but it's also a 'bachlor party'. So strippers go there.

 

NOT COOL WHEN YOU TELL HIM 'NO STRIPPERS.'

 

Don't let his past actions constitute the future. Idk if marriage is the best idea right now (idk if you 2 are married already or are planning to)....but I think you guys need to spend more "getting to know me" time. It seems like he was some independence, seems like he doesn't want to be told what to do...."get him to know" that when you say something you mean it.

 

Don't let him do it again. It's not fair to you. And while you're at it...tell him "what if the shoe was on the other foot and I got grinded on by a guy???" and then go out and do it if you must! That'll show him just how much is stinks!

[Kristix]

All i am goingt o say, is that you know in your heart wether it feels right or not. To me personally I could never get over knowing that and seeing that image replay in my mind. Knowing how my husband disrespected not only me, but our relationship and marriage. NO WAY!

 

For all you others that seem to think that a bachelor party is "ok"....I hope your men never get private strippers and order a game called "feed the kitty" one of the more popular games requested at a bachelor party...

 

Yeah the one where the stripper is fully nude and lays the bachelor on his back, sticks a lolipop stick in his mouth and simulates sex over his face witht he lollipop going in and out of her...oh yes then after she is done he gets to suck on the lollipop, yummy! and then he comes home and kisses you. Don't be silly, these stupid parties are just a total slap in a girls face.

 

I wouldn't be able to deal with any of it.

[Miss Jane]

A

For all you others that seem to think that a bachelor party is "ok"....I hope your men never get private strippers and order a game called "feed the kitty" one of the more popular games requested at a bachelor party...

 

Yeah the one where the stripper is fully nude and lays the bachelor on his back, sticks a lolipop stick in his mouth and simulates sex over his face witht he lollipop going in and out of her...oh yes then after she is done he gets to suck on the lollipop, yummy! and then he comes home and kisses you. Don't be silly, these stupid parties are just a total slap in a girls face.

 

I wouldn't be able to deal with any of it.

 

 

That is totally disgusting! I don't know why they are even called "strippers" anymore. How far can all this "go" while men still think this behavior, done under the disguise of a bachelor party or strip club, is acceptable? There's just no excuse this kind of behavior from either party. I guess I should be glad that my husband only got a lapdance when I hear some of the other stuff that goes on. Wow, was I ever ignorant! I didn't realize what goes on. Before my husband went to a strip club last year--I actually thought they just went, sat, and watched girls strip off their clothes. I didn't realize they are all pushing the private lap dances, and whatever other services and or games. I've been so upset about the lap dance issue. I just found on an internet post, confirmation that the stripper my husband was with is still in high school! The same age as our younger daughter--it makes me want to puke. He won't talk to me about it. He had fought with me earlier when I suspected she was that young and I found out--just a few nights ago--that all along he was lying because his friend, who spent time talking to this stripper, told my husband she had said she was in high school. My husband is 50! His only response was, "who wants to look at 40 year old strippers?"

[CATENZA]

That is totally disgusting! I don't know why they are even called "strippers" anymore. How far can all this "go" while men still think this behavior, done under the disguise of a bachelor party or strip club, is acceptable? There's just no excuse this kind of behavior from either party. I guess I should be glad that my husband only got a lapdance when I hear some of the other stuff that goes on. Wow, was I ever ignorant! I didn't realize what goes on. Before my husband went to a strip club last year--I actually thought they just went, sat, and watched girls strip off their clothes. I didn't realize they are all pushing the private lap dances, and whatever other services and or games. I've been so upset about the lap dance issue. I just found on an internet post, confirmation that the stripper my husband was with is still in high school! The same age as our younger daughter--it makes me want to puke. He won't talk to me about it. He had fought with me earlier when I suspected she was that young and I found out--just a few nights ago--that all along he was lying because his friend, who spent time talking to this stripper, told my husband she had said she was in high school. My husband is 50! His only response was, "who wants to look at 40 year old strippers?"

 

Wow.. Ur husband isn't taking any consideration towards your feelings. If he knows you were hurt by it, he should feel BAD!

 

My husband isn't a saint but he with my situation relized I was upset and he apologised for hurting me. If my husband would of defended the lying for going to a SC, I would for sure cut his D!ck off!

[mental_traveller]

Breaking his word is the big deal here. If he hadn't made that promise, then the "dry f*cking" (exaggeration btw - no different to a Chippendale thrusting his crotch at a woman's face) would not be a deal-breaker IMO. Inappropriate yes, but hardly signifying true cheating. But since he promised that, this is a pretty bad mis-step. It's your call whether it's enough to break things off, since it is almost certainly a one-off thing. It is kind of a tradition in many male circles to have the groom get a stripper all over him. It's more representative of peer pressure and male group attitudes, than any indication of his true feelings towards you. But since you discussed it and he promised not to do that, then yeah it's now an issue.

 

I don't think this is black & white. It's more a matter of what you can forgive and what you can learn to live with.

[Ariadne]

Hi,

 

he has already screwed things up and broken trust, promised no stripper would ever touch him, been dry #ucked a few weeks before the wedding...should I get over it or should I look for a man who respects me enough

 

I think you definitely go look for another man.

 

You wouldn't make this one happy, since you already don't trust him even though it's not granted.

 

You are off to an ugly start in this marriage. You can't even see clear.

 

Ariadne

[Enema]

I like how Rainfall's first post expounds on the virtues of everyone having their own opinion and needing to work out for themselves what is and isn't appropriate.

 

Then... whenever someone poses a view that perhaps this situation might be ok, she jumps on them with bared claws.

 

Can I TIVO this somehow?

[rainfall]

I like how Rainfall's first post expounds on the virtues of everyone having their own opinion and needing to work out for themselves what is and isn't appropriate.

 

Then... whenever someone poses a view that perhaps this situation might be ok, she jumps on them with bared claws.

 

Can I TIVO this somehow?

 

 

My responses were to the fact the people seem to feel that it is ok for a man to get a stripper because his friends want him to even though his fiancee doesn't. I forgot who said it but someone said how it is for the friend's entertainment.

People need to decide as a couple what they will accept into their relationship. It can't be the groom deciding strippers are ok with out eveb asking about how his SO feels. I will never for any reason allow some naked skank to rub all over my man whether she is a stripper or some randomn chick.

 

Bared claws though? Wow I thought most of my respnses were in respons to my relationship and how there is no second way to view it for me it is cheating no questions asked.