Procrastination. I'll do it later...

[Storyrider]

I have amazing goals and dreams but I can't seem to take the steps required to reach them.

 

I know I'm not the only one. Sometimes it seems like I'm just a reactive amoeba seeking pleasure and avoiding pain. In the short term it is comfy and fun, and in the long term I'm just undermining myself.

 

I'm always putting out fires. Then when I do get chunks of time I could use to be productive and move forward in my life, I find myself on LS. And I tell myself I deserve this time to relax because of all the rushing around I've been doing earlier in the day, and the crying children, and the being a waitress in my own home, etc.

 

Shame at disappointing others seems to be the only thing that motivates me much. I find that the things I must do to keep our household going make me feel resentful, and I do them resentfully, and shoddily.

 

But I also have things I want to accomplish for myself, like writing fiction and finding a part time job. And still I avoid, procrastinate, anything rather than working toward what is truly meaningful.

 

So what is up with this?

[amaysngrace]

To everything there is a season.

 

This is the time to chill. Not the time to accomplish.

 

Learn to be okay with that.

 

The time to accomplish will come.

[princessa]

I have a reply in mind but I'll type it up later

[Erik]

You are human, I'm afraid. For the love of money, I wrote a few romantic short stories for womens weeklies, it pays well - we're talking a hundred bucks an hour, real money. But since I had the first ones published, I've not been able to write one line.

[princessa]

Actually I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I have the same problem. I think that what people like us lack is discipline and organization. I've heard that it helps to set up yearly/weekly goals, and then break them down into a schedule that will allow you to track your progress towards these goals. The sheer fact that you're able to track something becomes an instant motivator. I am learning this right now as we speak with dieting through calorie counting. I've always dismissed the idea in the past, thinking that it would be a pain and I'd never be able to stick with it (you know, live in the moment and eat what you feel like right now type of mentality). Looking at my weekly journal is motivating, because I am able to see how much I have progressed so far, and how I'm moving in the right direction to reach my goals (for my own vanity but whatever ). And when I slip back, I am motivated to go back on track because I know that ultimately I am doing this for myself, so it becomes an interesting challenge which I want to win for my own interests.

 

I think the same principle applies to greater goals in life. Divide, set up a way to track the progress, and conquer. I don't know how it's possible to track the greater goals in life.. I imagine for looking for a job, you'd set a goal of say 15 applications per week for yourself. Honestly I had a plan to do that but I've yet to implement it .... It's easier said than done. I also think that a major factor is to include a bit of these "necessary" activities in your daily routine so that you become used to thinking about these goals every day and doing something about it. It takes a bit of time to make it a habit, but once you're used to it, it becomes easier and more fun. As far as I am concerned, I think I'm able to get started and get going, but I always find it extremely difficult to finish projects. It's like once the conquering rush is over and I know that I am able to finish it and can visualize myself doing it, I lose my motivation to actually execute or something. It's strange, really.

[magichands]

Then when I do get chunks of time I could use to be productive and move forward in my life, I find myself on LS. And I tell myself I deserve this time to relax

For me, LS is work. Hard work. So many people to help, and so little time. But I give willingly, and without expectation of gratitude or reward. Well, maybe in the next life.

[polywog]

I have amazing goals and dreams but I can't seem to take the steps required to reach them.

 

I know I'm not the only one. Sometimes it seems like I'm just a reactive amoeba seeking pleasure and avoiding pain. In the short term it is comfy and fun, and in the long term I'm just undermining myself.

 

I'm always putting out fires. Then when I do get chunks of time I could use to be productive and move forward in my life, I find myself on LS. And I tell myself I deserve this time to relax because of all the rushing around I've been doing earlier in the day, and the crying children, and the being a waitress in my own home, etc.

 

Shame at disappointing others seems to be the only thing that motivates me much. I find that the things I must do to keep our household going make me feel resentful, and I do them resentfully, and shoddily.

 

But I also have things I want to accomplish for myself, like writing fiction and finding a part time job. And still I avoid, procrastinate, anything rather than working toward what is truly meaningful.

 

So what is up with this?

 

Wow Story. I so relate. You know what's up with me, I think, because I know you've read my heartbreak posts. I don't have kids, and my exSO was not demanding, Yet this home that I'm leaving (and that you know I love) became a comfy form of procrastinating from my real vocation as an artist. My garden became my canvas and my seeds and bulbs my paint. Cooking, too, fed my creative self (pun intended;) )

 

It was such a pleasure that it numbed the drive to do what I am meant to do. But not enough to make me stop avoiding my creative work/vocation.

 

I actually used to have this experience of the day ending and me feeling awful that I hadn't painted, yet having some warped pleasure in "getting away with it" for another day, and that "tomorrow I'll go to my studio, really, I must", and so forth. For several years now.

 

I am fortunate to have a gallery and shows that I have to produce for so I have deadlines that create panic and get my butt in gear from time to time, but the momentum never lasted, despite my thinking it would. (Until the next deadline.)

 

Procrastinating our dreams makes sense, really. When we're alone creating something or deciding what we truly want, we are faced with only ourselves, with our drive,..no kids, partners, homes, or mundane tasks to attend to and exert ourselves toward. It is truly awesome in every sense of the word: (from some online dictionary)

 

"A mixed emotion of reverence, respect, dread, and wonder inspired by authority, genius, great beauty, sublimity, or might: We felt awe when contemplating the works of Bach. The observers were in awe of the destructive power of the new weapon."

 

We worry whether we're up to it. We are afraid we might dredge up something we don't want to know or see. We compare ourselves to every great (or famous) artist or writer sanctified by history (forgetting all the geniuses who never got acknowledged, many of them women) and worry we can't measure up. We are scared of failure and maybe even success, because success could rock our comfy boat.

 

All this heady blather I've posted might be what's holding you up.

 

I shall dispense more practical advice upon request.

[polywog]

For me, LS is work. Hard work. So many people to help, and so little time. But I give willingly, and without expectation of gratitude or reward. Well, maybe in the next life.

 

Magic, what's with this avatar? What's all that glittery confusing stuff in the air? What's that white thing? Why, why is mr. wrinkled pink skinned elephant gone??? (I hate change)

[Storyrider]

Princessa, I agree with your advice about planning and goal setting. Of course, I would have to psyche myself up to take the time and energy. I'm so stubborn these days that I would rather forget something at the store than take the time to make a shopping list! It is just too boring.

 

I actually used to have this experience of the day ending and me feeling awful that I hadn't painted, yet having some warped pleasure in "getting away with it" for another day, and that "tomorrow I'll go to my studio, really, I must", and so forth. For several years now.

 

Yeah, that sounds very familiar. Reminds me of the old Pink Floyd song:

 

"And you run and you run to catch up with the sun but its sinking. Racing around, to come up behind you again. The sun is the same in a relative way but you're older, shorter of breath and one day closer to death."

 

Very depressing.

 

Procrastinating our dreams makes sense, really. When we're alone creating something or deciding what we truly want, we are faced with only ourselves, with our drive,..no kids, partners, homes, or mundane tasks to attend to and exert ourselves toward. It is truly awesome in every sense of the word: (from some online dictionary)

 

"A mixed emotion of reverence, respect, dread, and wonder inspired by authority, genius, great beauty, sublimity, or might: We felt awe when contemplating the works of Bach. The observers were in awe of the destructive power of the new weapon."

 

Well said. This is part of it with the deep stuff, like writing my fiction. But with other stuff, I don't know. For example, I want to look nice, and I want my children to look nice, but I never want to do laundry. Or I do it and then it ends up in a pile on the chair for a few days, and then company is coming so it gets stuffed into a laundry basket and hopelessly wrinkled.

 

Lately, I haven't even been that worried about it. It is almost like I'm resigned to being like this. That is new. It used to be I would still procrastinate but then beat myself up over it. Now it almost feels like I've given up fighting against my faults and weaknesses and agreed to become this person, simply to avoid the internal struggle.

 

I shall dispense more practical advice upon request.

 

Practical things would be great. Some things I already know about:

 

--I try to link fun with work, like listen to music or book on tape while doing housework. Watch TV while folding laundry, etc.

--I try to reward myself for work, but this requires that I delay gratification, which takes self-discipline.

--I exploit my laziness by making bad stuff too hard to do. Like, brush my teeth right after dinner so I won't eat Oreos at ten PM (or I'd have to brush again).

 

Thanks to everyone for the empathy. I'm curious to know how others handle procrastination, or just to commiserate.

 

Erik, is your magazine story online so we can read it?

[Poboy]

if you have a dreams , goals .. .write it down

pin it up somewhere where you see it regularly.

chart out a step wise journey towards that goal...

start of immediately just to give that momentum. once you start you will know if it is achievable or not ... should you continue or do something else.

make changes , additions deletions depending on how things go and your surroundings.

go slowly and build up ...

 

i did all this and saw changes around me for the good . most important thing i realised ... dream big , do it bigger

 

there is a lot of material online to understand more about this...

[magichands]

go slowly and build up ...

Give your goals plenty of foreplay.

[allina]

I find myself on LS. And I tell myself I deserve this time to relax

 

I can relate to this a ton. For example today, I was on LS off and on all day. I was studying and working from home, I could have done much more without all those LS breaks I took.

[dropdeadlegs]

I soooo commisserate. Every day I look at my living room carpet and think "today is the day I will steam clean it." It looks great when I do, yet I can't muster the energy, or better yet, the motovation.

 

You have what I call SAHM syndrome. Or Scarlett O'Hara syndrome - "Tomorrow is another day."

 

When I work, I think about all the things I could be doing at home. When I don't work, I don't want to do any of those things I was thinking about. I don't enjoy doing those things, although when they have been accomplished I do feel satisfaction. If I worked I would still have the responsibility of laundry, dishes, and general house cleaning. Did I mention lawn mowing? Don't think I did. These chores would consume my weekends, so having all week to accomplish them should be easy, right? No. It just doesn't seem to work that way.

 

I know I could never be self employed because I am much better at managing my time on another's schedule. I manage to clean my BF's place weekly, because I commit myself to doing so verbally. If I say I will be there Tuesday, I will be there. I always look at my place (not filthy, but needs help) and wonder how I can justify cleaning his place before my own. Yet the difference lies in that his place will remain clean for a week, and mine is a constant work in progress. Kids create that. He lives alone, other than on weekends.

 

Take laundry, for instance. Unless your family strips down, there will be more by day's end. Laundry and dishes are never really done, only temporarily done. It's frustrating to only feel like you are keeping up, at best.

 

Oh, I'm so tired and ready for bed, but I have put myself on a self imposed schedule where sleep will be accomplished once the kids go to school because I stayed up all night. Only 1 hour and 15 minutes to go. I'll make it.

 

Just woke up kid #1. Kids #2 and 3 need to wake up in 30 minutes. At 7:45, I will be free to sleep.

 

I'm regretting that nap between 9 and 10 pm.

 

This was nonsense, right?

[polywog]

For practical advice on keeping up with the housework (and life in general) there is a website I LOVE called flylady.net

 

It's kind of cutsie looking, but the technique and encouragement is absoluty the best. I speak as one who has used her tecniques (or a try to, most of the time, and they work).

[princessa]

For practical advice on keeping up with the housework (and life in general) there is a website I LOVE called flylady.net

 

 

HAhahah thanks for this, it's hilarious. Nothing like a big fat "GO SHINE YOUR SINK" in your face at 9 in the morning

[dropdeadlegs]

For practical advice on keeping up with the housework (and life in general) there is a website I LOVE called flylady.net

 

It's kind of cutsie looking, but the technique and encouragement is absoluty the best. I speak as one who has used her tecniques (or a try to, most of the time, and they work).

flylady does have good techniques. I have trouble with putting on my face and shoes, and the 27 fling boogie, or whatever it's called (it's been years since I visited her site) but the routines are good even when modified to a degree. I don't often shin my sink. Maybe if it had the capability to shine I would do it.

 

overall I still give flylady a thumbs up.

[Storyrider]

For practical advice on keeping up with the housework (and life in general) there is a website I LOVE called flylady.net

 

It's kind of cutsie looking, but the technique and encouragement is absoluty the best. I speak as one who has used her tecniques (or a try to, most of the time, and they work).

 

flylady does have good techniques. I have trouble with putting on my face and shoes, and the 27 fling boogie, or whatever it's called (it's been years since I visited her site) but the routines are good even when modified to a degree. I don't often shin my sink. Maybe if it had the capability to shine I would do it.

 

overall I still give flylady a thumbs up.

 

I have seen her. That is a good idea. Maybe I will use her, at least to give myself a boost. Actually just writing about this and forcing myself to think about it has helped.

 

Last night I made myself start a to do list between posts (mostly about beer and Johan's sexual preferences--the posts that is, not the to do list. haha).

 

Tiny baby steps.

 

Also, my kids are on spring break so I haven't had to drive them all over kingdom come this week. I feel so much more relaxed and calm! I was feeling a little bit insane there for a while.

 

Also, I have a part-time job prospect in the works! I just heard from them yesterday. I will keep you guys posted.

[RecordProducer]

Wow, Storyrider, you described ME 100% in your post. I want to read all the replies, but I'll post first. I have some ideas that might help you - and me. I think we have to work on getting our butts motivated and not just whine about it. Enthusiasm doesn't come from the sky. Also, think about this: you seek motivation on the inside, but part of the problem is that the external conditions affect you internally. I bet your husband doesn't support your writing full-heartedly. He might say he supports it, but he doesn't really give a damn. You need immediate motivation - distant goals are not good enough to warm up our engines. Check this link: http://www.appleone.com/Core/0307/Twentyways.aspx.

 

Think about these questions: what motivates you and what kills your motivation? How do you feel when you're motivated, what part of the brain is active, what traits of your personality are triggered and excited when you have the enthusiasm to do something? Who would be most happy if you succeeded? Do you believe that you can succeed? Who else believes in you?

 

I think the main problem is that our curent lifestyle is a million years away from what we want. So our goals seem like unrealistic vague dreams and not like something that can happen tommorrow. So we leave it for after tomorrow. We need to visualize our achievement and at this point we can't do it. We look in the mirror and we see a house-wife, not a writer/businesswoman/artist/successful person. And it seems like failure is guaranteed. It takes effort to try and energy to involve effort - and we don't have the energy when we don't take things seriously.

 

One trick is to find immediate motivation and set short-term goals. For example: I want to have the draft of the project done in two weeks so I can show it to XY. Or: I need 10 pages of this finished by Saturday. Make a schedule and a clear plan of your activities by using numbers.

 

Think of your success and how it WILL come because you will do your best.

 

Use a trick that I use with cleaning: when my kids didn't want to clean their room, I told them "Clean only for 15 minutes! At 8:15 PM you're done cleaning no matter how messy it is." They loved the idea. Guess what! They started cleaning immediately and finished cleaning after 40 minutes. The room was completely clean! The psychology behind it is: they needed to be pushed. Decide that you will work on your project for only 15 minutes per day. If you're bored, stop. But I bet most of the time, you will get carried on and continue.

 

Free your mind of all the thoughts that drag you down. All negativity should be let out and you should stay alone with your dreams in your head. Only then you will be fully focused on your goals and not partially living in the misery that discourages your brain to shine.

 

Don't tell anyone who mgiht be unsupportive about your plans. Talk to people who genuinely believe in you and want you to succeed. Tell them to set a small task for you (like homework). E.g. you and I could do it. You could send me one chapter of your book by the end of this month. I will expect it from you so you better not disappoint me!

 

I could send you my projects, too so we can motivate each other. We don't have to comment each other's work. That's irrelevant and actually undesirable, unless we understand each other's work and are competent to give constructive advice and ideas.

 

Wow! Life seems easier now. If you don't want to do this with me, I'll find someone else, you're not obligated.

[Storyrider]

Don't tell anyone who mgiht be unsupportive about your plans. Talk to people who genuinely believe in you and want you to succeed. Tell them to set a small task for you (like homework). E.g. you and I could do it. You could send me one chapter of your book by the end of this month. I will expect it from you so you better not disappoint me!

 

I could send you my projects, too so we can motivate each other. We don't have to comment each other's work. That's irrelevant and actually undesirable, unless we understand each other's work and are competent to give constructive advice and ideas.

 

Wow! Life seems easier now. If you don't want to do this with me, I'll find someone else, you're not obligated.

 

That would be awesome, RP!!! I would do it in a heartbeat. I wonder if there is anyone else on this site who would want to join us? I can think of at least two other aspiring writers on here.

 

One thing--I just heard today from a company looking for someone (me) to write some online user documentation. It would be 20 hours per week at first, so I probably couldn't write fiction during that time. However, it is still great news, as I can use my mind and make money, which we need! I will post on here whether I get the job. If I do, we could implement our plan after things slow down, more into May probably.

 

Here is a sign of how desperate I am for adult interaction. Do you know which part of the job I am looking forward to the most? The meetings! One of my secret loves is to be a fly on the wall when super-smart geeks talk. Especially super-smart male geeks. And when they argue, that is even better.

 

Thanks for the other great advice too, RP. I will check the link you posted.

[polywog]

flylady does have good techniques. I have trouble with putting on my face and shoes, and the 27 fling boogie, or whatever it's called (it's been years since I visited her site) but the routines are good even when modified to a degree. I don't often shin my sink. Maybe if it had the capability to shine I would do it.

 

overall I still give flylady a thumbs up.

 

 

Yeah, I don't wear make up except under duress and I'm not into the "lace-up shoe" thing, either, but it's a pretty good site, even tho it's a little too cute and right wing-ish seeming. I just take what works. Sometimes.

[RecordProducer]

That would be awesome, RP!!! I would do it in a heartbeat. I wonder if there is anyone else on this site who would want to join us? I can think of at least two other aspiring writers on here.

Support groups for lazy house-wives addicted to LS? OMG, we are disgusting!

 

One thing--I just heard today from a company looking for someone (me) to write some online user documentation. It would be 20 hours per week at first, so I probably couldn't write fiction during that time. However, it is still great news, as I can use my mind and make money, which we need! I will post on here whether I get the job. If I do, we could implement our plan after things slow down, more into May probably.

Good luck and it would be great for your inspiration if you work. You can do more in 5 minutes when you're happy and motivated than in 5 months when you are drowning in monotony.

 

Here is a sign of how desperate I am for adult interaction.

I think this is the answer to our problem. If you met some great-looking publisher who read a few pages you wrote and told you he was eager to read the whole book when it's finished, how long do you think it would take you to write it? I think 3-4 weeks top (before editing it, just typing what comes to your mind). And you would be most efficient because of your inspiration.

 

Did you try to answer the questions? I will try to do it now, maybe it will help us a little bit (if nothing else, we wrote a book about how to find motivation to write a book! ) Actually my project is not related to writing, although I do want to write a book some day about my life, but that's not my plan now. I'll PM you about my work.

Do you know which part of the job I am looking forward to the most? The meetings! One of my secret loves is to be a fly on the wall when super-smart geeks talk. Especially super-smart male geeks. And when they argue, that is even better.

You need excitement in your life, just like 99% of us.

[RecordProducer]

what motivates you? I realized that what motivates me is CHALLENGE. When I am not sure that I can do something, but I want to try and I want to impress somebody. When I worked with this producer, he would send me an instrumental and ask me to make up some melody on it. I so wanted to explore the depth of my talent, to set new limits, I was eager to see myself what I could compose. Then I would ant to show him how fast I was. Then I would make up a melody, write lyrics, and record all the gazillion vocals in only a couple days. The more I liked the music he'd send me the more inspiration I had... of course.

 

what kills your motivation? Everyday shyt, lack of sleep, distraction by husband and kids, feeling in the air that he is not supportive (because I know he wants me to sit at home and be available for him, not for others), having no one around me who genuinely encourages me (not only because it's the right thing to say), having no one to tell me "What the hell are you waiting for?! You belong in the world of successful people, not in the kitchen!" - my husband is sending me a silent mental message that's exactly the opposite of this. I know it when he doesn't ask me about my projects, when he is not interested to see/hear them after they're finished, he says absolutely nothing when I talk about my career goals, he puts me down most of the time about my ideas, he is completely disinterested in my professional plans... and when I call him on that, he says "On the contrary, I think you'd be good at whatever you choose!" I can feel the blood speeding up out of happiness when I hear that, because I know he means it. I know he would rather say that I would suck, but he can't so he keeps it generalized to "whatever I would do" as in "yah, whateveeeerrrrrr...:rolleyes:"

 

Of course, I understand him. For him, to let an 18 years younger woman enter the business world, be appreciated and paid by someone, busy, communicate with men, meeting new people... is like for you or me having Brad Pitt as a husband and let him go make a movie far away from us, for 6 months with Scarlet Johanson. I am exaggerating, of course, for the sake of making this fun, but he IS afraid of me getting a life outside this marriage, putting him lower on the priority list, and finally - meeting someone more interesting and younger than him.

 

He suggested that I work freelance from home so we can travel. Part of my desire to work was to get the f*ck out of the house, hellooooo! But he wants to keep me IN the house. Today he saw me browsing friendship sites and first he called them dating sites, but when he saw that I didn't react, he said that's not how I make friends, that I should find real people outside. Yet when I asked HOW I would find them, he didn't know the answer. I invited my kids' friends parents to our house last Saturday and he got all upset about it. I mean, I am all alone here with his ass holes of a family crapping on me, I try to meet someone new and he is actually against it?!?! As in that's wrong?

 

My whole point of writing this was that I feel inhibited by him. I see myself through his eyes, I guess. Shame on me for letting him do it. I don't blame him, he is not doing it for any other reason, but because he wants to keep me and is insecure about himself and me. But it's my job to take care of my psyche and preserve my identity. Ultimately, he is helping me with that hidden antagonism, because it everything was peachy, I would totally lose myself in him. This way, I am being reminded that I am alone in this and I have to do something. Storyrider, do you think you could be experiencing a similar thing because you're married, too?

 

How do you feel when you're motivated, what part of the brain is active, what traits of your personality are triggered and excited when you have the enthusiasm to do something? I think fast and I love to come up with a new idea. If I have to maneuver around the same elements for a long time, I lose interest. The challenge makes me focused, creative, and energetic. That would be adrenaline?

Who would be most happy if you succeeded? My mom, but also my dad and the rest of my family would be very excited. My MIL would be very glad and some internet friends, as well.

 

Do you believe that you can succeed? I believe that I can. I believe that if your work is at least equally good as the rest of the work in your field and you're persistent and have something fresh to offer, you can succeed. I would define success as the maximum that you can achieve. And I think we all feel out maximum very strongly. I know my maximum is DEFINITELY, ABSO-FREAKIN-LUTELY NOT to be a house-wife.

 

Who else believes in you? My mom - always.

 

Wow, this was long. Sorry.

[tragicglands]

Wow, this was long. Sorry.

Overachiever.

[Storyrider]

what motivates you? When I read really great writing, especially fiction, I get incredibly excited and motivated. The trick is to stop reading and start writing.

 

what kills your motivation? Crying children. Outside I am trying to be comforting, say the right words, but I have to admit that in my head I am often screaming "Shut up! Shut up!" It saps my creativity, my imagination, my emotions. And having to wipe their butts, give them milk, listen to them bicker, and hear them say, "Mom, mom, mom, mom" fifty times a day. I can't think. I can't dream. I can't complete a thought. (I know they need me, and I won't regret it long term. I know. I know.)

 

Also, people who think and speak in cliches, people who talk and talk with nothing to say but I have to be polite and listen.

 

Finally, just knowing how hard it is to get published.

 

How do you feel when you're motivated, what part of the brain is active, what traits of your personality are triggered and excited when you have the enthusiasm to do something? I feel sharp and focused in my brain, like I've just had three cups of coffee (and actually having the coffee does help) but also dreamy enough to imagine scenarios and characters. I dream of people at night who I seem to know intimately, but I've never seen them before. The right words come to me. It is fun, like playing.

 

Do you believe that you can succeed? I believe in my skills and ability and that I could write something interesting enough for people to want to read. I have doubts about having the discipline to push myself hard enough, and I have doubts about handling the business end of sending manuscripts out, finding an agent, etc.

 

Who else believes in you? Although he doesn't necessarily understand what motivates me and excites me, and he doesn't share my tastes in many things aesthetic and artistic, my husband really does believe in my writing ability. I think he doubts my discipline, as do I, but he has reason to. Yet he does want me to succeed. But of course taking care of the kids comes first. And he doesn't make enough money for me to hire a sitter or a maid, and he's very thrifty so we don't do those things.

 

I don't know if anyone believes in my ability to get published, but lots of people seem to like my writing. There is a big jump to get from one to the other though.

[RecordProducer]

Finally, just knowing how hard it is to get published.

Maybe the secret is to do it for US, not for the reard. Having a few pieces of art is NOT something that you will consider a waste of time even if you don't succeed ever. After all, what's success? Making money? If that's the case then start WORKING on your commercial book. But if you want to write and have fun then accept THAT as a reward. I think without the idea of the scary publishing business hanging above your head, you'd be much more productive. When I created music just for myself (didn't even play it to friends), I used every single moment to play, compose, and sing. When it became a life goal, it became an obligation, and my motivation was suffocated.

 

I feel sharp and focused in my brain, like I've just had three cups of coffee (and actually having the coffee does help) but also dreamy enough to imagine scenarios and characters.

Start imagining your story in your head... if you get carried on, start writing it.

I believe in my skills and ability and that I could write something interesting enough for people to want to read.

This is the most critical part, because you don't have control over it.

 

I have doubts about having the discipline to push myself hard enough

This you can change. Don't expect to know exactly what to do at this moment. As you start knocking on doors, some will open and then others... and others...

 

, and I have doubts about handling the business end of sending manuscripts out, finding an agent, etc.

This is something that you will learn, but it will help if you go on writers' forums and ask how things are being done. Just knowing that there is an answer that you will discover and apply will give you more faith. If others can do it, you can, too. You can self-publish your book through some agency (pay for printing it and get it marketted). It can't compare to the big publishers, but you can run your own marketing campaign. Now that's a challenge!

 

 

Who else believes in you? Although he doesn't necessarily understand what motivates me and excites me, and he doesn't share my tastes in many things aesthetic and artistic, my husband really does believe in my writing ability. I think he doubts my discipline, as do I, but he has reason to. Yet he does want me to succeed. But of course taking care of the kids comes first. And he doesn't make enough money for me to hire a sitter or a maid, and he's very thrifty so we don't do those things.

Oh, my husband absolutely loves my music, he has listened to my songs a million times and played them to everyone, but he is not encouraging me about my music career and completely "forgot" about my songs after I moved in with him. He still claims that he is my biggest fan.

 

I don't know if anyone believes in my ability to get published, but lots of people seem to like my writing. There is a big jump to get from one to the other though.

That's great.