Groovy Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 Wasn't going to post, but my BF had his ex-wife sleep with different people through their 11 years marriage. We have dated about 5 months and I feel he fits me like a glove. But his jealousy scares me, especially when he just implies he would really hurt the person beyond any recovery and has (he claims). We have been friends for almost 2 years and I didn't realize how intense his baggage from his past could be. He is great, he loves to hold me when he sleeps, cooks for me, he keeps a clean house, takes care of me when I'm sick, is sucessful in his job, is a good father to his son, is very traditional and is respectable about my body and feelings. Really he just loves to take care of me and spoil me. But sometimes I feel frustrated, I'm not his ex wife and I don't need these damn threats that his jealousy has shown. He's on the defense so much sometimes I worry a misunderstanding could be blown out of control. We have said I love you to each other and I believe we do, but how can I address this issue and keep it under reign? Link to post Share on other sites
moredeborah Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 When something is happening in my relationship that makes me unhappy I always go with the honesty is the best policy. Just tell him how you feel and see where it goes. You must also understand that it will take him awhile to adjust for you. This seems like something both of you will have to work on for him. Link to post Share on other sites
justagirlforever Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 Jealousy = insecurity. Intense jealousy = intense insecurity and also low self-esteem. Red flag to me and personally would run a million miles. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Groovy Posted March 26, 2007 Author Share Posted March 26, 2007 I told him he sounded like a redneck psycho white trash. I suppose I should of just told him I'm not his ex wife. I'm usually a great communicator but I feel like he would rather drop hints and create this atmosphere. He is low on self esteem, his wife cheated on him for 11 years of marraige. I cared about him as a friend before. I know I can't change him and I'm not here to. I'd just like to be a friend and try to handle all the good and bad we all have. I certainly don't want to lose all we have because of it and would like to make an attempt, but my eyes are open to something I may not want to be a part despite everything else. Link to post Share on other sites
Erik Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 Your BF is spoiling you. Tell him not to be such a damned housewife and you frustrations will evaporate. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Groovy Posted March 26, 2007 Author Share Posted March 26, 2007 Erik, now why would a girl want to do that? Link to post Share on other sites
1DeadB Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 When something is happening in my relationship that makes me unhappy I always go with the honesty is the best policy. Just tell him how you feel and see where it goes. You must also understand that it will take him awhile to adjust for you. This seems like something both of you will have to work on for him. Then why do you have problems with telling you guy about flirting? Link to post Share on other sites
1DeadB Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 Jealousy = insecurity. Intense jealousy = intense insecurity and also low self-esteem. Red flag to me and personally would run a million miles. Yes, I agree. There are too many men to settle for one that wants you on a leash. Link to post Share on other sites
Erik Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 Erik, now why would a girl want to do that? Any girl would love a housewife, but not at the cost of a lover. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 You are not his ex wife and he is wrong for treating you as such. Nobody should ever have to suffer for what their partner went through in another relationship. I would have a talk with him and tell him that this jealousy has to go and he has to trust you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Groovy Posted March 26, 2007 Author Share Posted March 26, 2007 I'm not on a leash and right now he's words are idle chatter in the background that annoy me and get on my nerves. I do my own thing and sometimes get angry. I guess if I ever find myself there I need to leave, it's simple. Obviously I'm posting because I'm thinking I could end up there and I'm really not that kind of girl. And I'd like to use my judgement of when that time comes to get out. We haven't really had a serious discussion of how it makes me feel and how it jeopardizes everything and I need to. It would be the fair thing to do. I just hate that part of the relationship when the dirty laundry starts to get aired and you decide if you are still into them, because it's risk. We just had our first fight about a big issue and I wondered if we would still talk and have good times after. Thank God we did. I guess I've realized I' like to ignore the problem and there will come a time where I need to talk about things he won't like. It may end things but so will this jealousy. Thanks guys.... I love Loveshack! Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 Anybody that would talk about hurting somebody has issues. To me somebody who would betray me in that fashion is not worth my time and effort and potentially giving up my freedom. I would just wash my hands clean of them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Groovy Posted March 26, 2007 Author Share Posted March 26, 2007 I agree he has issues. If we didn't know each before and I didn't have an awareness of his life I'd leave. But it's harder with a friend and someone everything else works. The bare minimum I need to do is tell him if it continues I will have to leave. Link to post Share on other sites
LittleWoman12 Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 Wasn't going to post, but my BF had his ex-wife sleep with different people through their 11 years marriage. We have dated about 5 months and I feel he fits me like a glove. But his jealousy scares me, especially when he just implies he would really hurt the person beyond any recovery and has (he claims). We have been friends for almost 2 years and I didn't realize how intense his baggage from his past could be. He is great, he loves to hold me when he sleeps, cooks for me, he keeps a clean house, takes care of me when I'm sick, is sucessful in his job, is a good father to his son, is very traditional and is respectable about my body and feelings. Really he just loves to take care of me and spoil me. But sometimes I feel frustrated, I'm not his ex wife and I don't need these damn threats that his jealousy has shown. He's on the defense so much sometimes I worry a misunderstanding could be blown out of control. We have said I love you to each other and I believe we do, but how can I address this issue and keep it under reign?Why are you crying so much? You said your BF HAD his ex sleep with several different women. Did he do the same to you? Do you have to sleep with several other men? What's your point? If you don't like his style, kick him to the curb or just f***ing leave him. Drop off the face of the earth. Stop your whining! Link to post Share on other sites
1DeadB Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 Why are you crying so much? You said your BF HAD his ex sleep with several different women. Did he do the same to you? Do you have to sleep with several other men? What's your point? If you don't like his style, kick him to the curb or just f***ing leave him. Drop off the face of the earth. Stop your whining! I second that! Sometimes I think the women here need to grow balls. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Groovy Posted March 26, 2007 Author Share Posted March 26, 2007 Wow, speak of issues! LittleWomen12 what is your problem? People come here to discuss issues, if you don't want that please do us all a favor an leave the board. I don't se any crying here, just a bitch on the board who really has too many issues in her head to listen to anyone and offer any thoughtful input. Have a good day:bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
1DeadB Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 Wow, speak of issues! LittleWomen12 what is your problem? People come here to discuss issues, if you don't want that please do us all a favor an leave the board. I don't se any crying here, just a bitch on the board who really has too many issues in her head to listen to anyone and offer any thoughtful input. Have a good day:bunny: She's asking about something that is't even real. Like she's looking for ideas to write in a soap opera. Link to post Share on other sites
LittleWoman12 Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 Wow, speak of issues! LittleWomen12 what is your problem? People come here to discuss issues, if you don't want that please do us all a favor an leave the board. I don't se any crying here, just a bitch on the board who really has too many issues in her head to listen to anyone and offer any thoughtful input. Have a good day:bunny:My problem is YOU! Maybe you have issues. What a nice response to a member of the board! Isn't this the USA? I have the RIGHT to say what I want. If YOU don't like it that don't read it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Groovy Posted March 26, 2007 Author Share Posted March 26, 2007 You two sound like 2 women who really haven't been in a relationhip with no ability to hang in through any kind of issue who like to get bitchy for no reason. Grow some balls?... thanks I'm happy with my pussy and enjoy it. I'm guessing you two aren't getting laid in any kind of permanent relationship with your attitude toward people. If you are I'm surprised and feel bad for whoever is with you. I'd say sorry my post was like a soap opera but I'm not because I'm not posting for your pleasure, imagine that? Talk about drama, take a look in the mirror. You've managed to create most of it in this post. Now that someone like you is posting I think it's time for me to do something else because you are worthless to me with your words and I'd suggest you do something else than hijack a post. Thanks for everyone else who is at Loveshack.... Link to post Share on other sites
1DeadB Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 You two sound like 2 women who really haven't been in a relationhip with no ability to hang in through any kind of issue who like to get bitchy for no reason. Grow some balls?... thanks I'm happy with my pussy and enjoy it. I'm guessing you two aren't getting laid in any kind of permanent relationship with your attitude toward people. If you are I'm surprised and feel bad for whoever is with you. I'd say sorry my post was like a soap opera but I'm not because I'm not posting for your pleasure, imagine that? Talk about drama, take a look in the mirror. You've managed to create most of it in this post. Now that someone like you is posting I think it's time for me to do something else because you are worthless to me with your words and I'd suggest you do something else than hijack a post. Thanks for everyone else who is at Loveshack.... I'll see you in another thead! Link to post Share on other sites
LittleWoman12 Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 You two sound like 2 women who really haven't been in a relationhip with no ability to hang in through any kind of issue who like to get bitchy for no reason. Grow some balls?... thanks I'm happy with my pussy and enjoy it. I'm guessing you two aren't getting laid in any kind of permanent relationship with your attitude toward people. If you are I'm surprised and feel bad for whoever is with you. I'd say sorry my post was like a soap opera but I'm not because I'm not posting for your pleasure, imagine that? Talk about drama, take a look in the mirror. You've managed to create most of it in this post. Now that someone like you is posting I think it's time for me to do something else because you are worthless to me with your words and I'd suggest you do something else than hijack a post. Thanks for everyone else who is at Loveshack.... If you took your head out of your ass, you would have read my post in the other thread about my realtionship with my hubby and two wonderful children. So, STFU! Link to post Share on other sites
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