moredeborah Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 So, I'd like to get others opinions on this: I already have had a BF for 1.5 years and we are in love. So I was out last night with some girlfriends and this guy was eyeing me... and it had occured to me that he was in this band that's on the radio (won't tell who!). Anyway we eyed each other for a little while and he finally made his move and talked to me. Basically small talk but then he said I was really cute and wanted to buy me a drink. That's when I broke it to him that I had a boyfriend. He was disappointed but cool and I said that I was sorry but I really wanted to talk to him so I did. What's the protocol with this? Should I tell my BF that this happened? Because in all honesty, I thought he was cute too and I liked flirting with him and we spent the rest of the night eyeing each other. Is that cheating? My girlfriends said that I didn't do anything wrong, but I feel like I did. This happens often (talking to/flirting with guys, but still letting them know I have a BF) and I don't know if I'm being a bad girlfriend or not. Your thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
ash519 Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 Well, lets see. If your bf met some hot famous girl and flirted and drank with her all night would you mind? BUT BEING HONEST!!! How can you walk away from a cute famous guy, kudos for not being tempted to do more. I wouldnt do more either but i bet in my head it would be a little (very little) struggle. You can either tell your bf nothing, or be like "You will never guess who i was talking to last night...." That way he knows he got you a drink and chatted, but doesnt know about the flirting etc. He will most likely just be glad nothing happend and that is where it ended. Link to post Share on other sites
Aloros Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 It's not cheating, but you have to be very careful. It's good that you told him right away that you had a bf, but you must consider how you would feel if your bf had been acting in the same manner when you weren't around. Would you be comfortable with that? Would you be comfortable acting in the same manner if he was there? Be honest. Do you flirt because you like the attention? Are you missing that attention from your boyfriend? I generally use the rule that I don't do anything I wouldn't do if my boyfriend were there in the room. Link to post Share on other sites
justagirlforever Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 I think there is absolutely nothing wrong with what you did. You didn't do anything wrong and were completely honest with this guy that you were in a relationship. Now if you stood there all night chatting to him (under false pretences and not making the other guy aware that you were in a relationship) it would be very different. Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean that you should exclude yourself from any male contact. And vice versa. Link to post Share on other sites
1DeadB Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 So, I'd like to get others opinions on this: I already have had a BF for 1.5 years and we are in love. So I was out last night with some girlfriends and this guy was eyeing me... and it had occured to me that he was in this band that's on the radio (won't tell who!). Anyway we eyed each other for a little while and he finally made his move and talked to me. Basically small talk but then he said I was really cute and wanted to buy me a drink. That's when I broke it to him that I had a boyfriend. He was disappointed but cool and I said that I was sorry but I really wanted to talk to him so I did. What's the protocol with this? Should I tell my BF that this happened? Because in all honesty, I thought he was cute too and I liked flirting with him and we spent the rest of the night eyeing each other. Is that cheating? My girlfriends said that I didn't do anything wrong, but I feel like I did. This happens often (talking to/flirting with guys, but still letting them know I have a BF) and I don't know if I'm being a bad girlfriend or not. Your thoughts? The only thing your doing wrong is feeling guilty. You can tell him this celebrity flirted with you, but telling him you flirted because you feel guilty is admitting that you think there is something wrong with it. Or...you are afraid of how he will react. Just be honest; with him and yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
mikey2strikes Posted March 30, 2007 Share Posted March 30, 2007 [FONT=Times New Roman]Care to know an interesting fact that could be related to this endeavour? When looking at nature, in general. When it comes to relations between male and female there mostly just to reproduce which could be why you feel guilty. Subliminally attracting a male means the same to humans as it does to animals. To mate. Which causes uneasiness with your lifestyle. Which brings about another interesting fact, which will explain why you did it in the first place. Again looking at nature, the female accumulates men, asking them to impress her, she then chooses the best offspring. Women will sit until they gather a few males, then chose. Where as men, will focus upon one woman, trying to drive her over. Then when he has what he wanted, he’ll move on. The moving on part does not entirely apply in our way of living. A man may now be able to pursue a hobby now he has secured that part of his life. In the same respect, women will/may still accumulate males, but it doesn’t mean she’s going to leave her partner if a ‘better’ man comes along.[/FONT] Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted March 30, 2007 Share Posted March 30, 2007 Where is the consistancy here? Of course it's cheating. Follow my logic. An no physical "emotional affair" is cheating. A "cyber affair" without physical contact, is cheating. A physical one night stand, or encounter that lasts an hour is cheating. Obviously, a multi-hour, non physical, emotional encounter with a good looking, rich, famous stranger fife with sexual innuendo is also cheating. (he said dripping sarcasm). It's nothing less than a non physical "one night stand". I say her betrayed boyfriend should go "No contact" immediately, and seek individual counsiling to deal with the public betrayal he suffered. At some point if Moredebbie really wants to be a good GF they can do couples counsiling, and try again. Link to post Share on other sites
mike7070 Posted March 30, 2007 Share Posted March 30, 2007 Well if you want to find out whether it's cheating (over the line is more appropriate) or not, show your boyfriend your post and see what he thinks. I'd like to hear his reply. If you won't show him, that's probably a pretty good test as to whether you think it's over the line or not. Link to post Share on other sites
IWalkAlone Posted March 30, 2007 Share Posted March 30, 2007 It depends on the guy. Some guys will get an ego boost that a celebrity was interested in their girl. An insecure jealious guy might get mad at you. Doing the flirty eye-contact thing is not a crime, but it does go into the grey area. If he's the guy I described who'd get an ego boost, then it's OK, but if there's any insecurity or jealiousy issues, then it's dangerious. Link to post Share on other sites
Salicious Crumb Posted March 30, 2007 Share Posted March 30, 2007 So, I'd like to get others opinions on this: I already have had a BF for 1.5 years and we are in love. So I was out last night with some girlfriends and this guy was eyeing me... and it had occured to me that he was in this band that's on the radio (won't tell who!). Anyway we eyed each other for a little while and he finally made his move and talked to me. Basically small talk but then he said I was really cute and wanted to buy me a drink. That's when I broke it to him that I had a boyfriend. He was disappointed but cool and I said that I was sorry but I really wanted to talk to him so I did. What's the protocol with this? Should I tell my BF that this happened? Because in all honesty, I thought he was cute too and I liked flirting with him and we spent the rest of the night eyeing each other. Is that cheating? My girlfriends said that I didn't do anything wrong, but I feel like I did. This happens often (talking to/flirting with guys, but still letting them know I have a BF) and I don't know if I'm being a bad girlfriend or not. Your thoughts? Well..its not cheating...but if you are constantly flirting with other guys...I'm sorry, you are a bad girlfriend. You need to decide whether you want other guys or your bf. And if it is your bf you don't want to lose...going to bars/clubs and drinking with your friends with the temptation around and your willingness to disrespect him and flirt, then maybe going to clubs isn't such a hot idea. The choice is yours, but if you want to go to clubs and flirt with guys...maybe you should spare your bf and let him go before you DO end up doing more than flirting. Link to post Share on other sites
Salicious Crumb Posted March 30, 2007 Share Posted March 30, 2007 Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean that you should exclude yourself from any male contact. And vice versa. There isn't anything wrong with contact with the opposite sex if you are in a committed relationship. But contact with the opposite sex because you are highly attracted to them and flirting is very disrespectful to your SO. Link to post Share on other sites
Mythical Posted March 30, 2007 Share Posted March 30, 2007 Where is the consistancy here? Of course it's cheating. Follow my logic. An no physical "emotional affair" is cheating. A "cyber affair" without physical contact, is cheating. A physical one night stand, or encounter that lasts an hour is cheating. Obviously, a multi-hour, non physical, emotional encounter with a good looking, rich, famous stranger fife with sexual innuendo is also cheating. (he said dripping sarcasm). It's nothing less than a non physical "one night stand". I say her betrayed boyfriend should go "No contact" immediately, and seek individual counsiling to deal with the public betrayal he suffered. At some point if Moredebbie really wants to be a good GF they can do couples counsiling, and try again. A little overboard don't you think? Link to post Share on other sites
Mythical Posted March 30, 2007 Share Posted March 30, 2007 So what do you guys all consider flirting anywase? Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted March 30, 2007 Share Posted March 30, 2007 A little overboard don't you think? "Yes", he wrote. Still dripping sarcasm. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted April 2, 2007 Share Posted April 2, 2007 Not sure if my input helps but being a guy instead, I'm sort of in the same situation only in reverse: my girlfriend does the same thing when she goes out with her girlfriends and has a few drinks - and quite honestly I can't stand it. I don't know if I'm being over possessive or jealous of her getting attention and not me (I'm more of the introverted "stay at home" type, while she's the outgoing "lets party" type girl) but whatever it is, it sure doesn't make me comfortable knowing that while I'm busy working or doing something else important (like uni study) she goes out with friends and flirts with strange guys. What makes it worse for me is that she is *extremely* naive about how much she leads guys on, she has no idea whatsoever that by introducing herself and trying to make small talk with a person (of the opposite sex) is generally seen as a move to try and get to know that person in a romantic way - at least in the partying/club scene - where singles want to meet other singles. My thoughts are this: what is the reason you went out to that club/party anyway? If you went for the music - listen to music, If you went for the dancing - dance, If you went to catch up with friends - catch up with them, If you went for anything else - do that. But be honest with your BF because if you intentionally went out to go and flirt with other people, then thats cheating fair and square. If you go out with no intention of leading guys on and just want to have a fun time knowing that other people are interested in you, like other people here have said, I would not do anything that you wouldn't want your BF to see. Sure you can go out, and sure you can talk to people, but treat them like a guy friend that you've known for a few years instead? Think about it in reverse - how would you feel if he was eye'ing off some other girl while you were in the room? Uncomfortable I'm sure. Hope this helps Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted April 7, 2007 Share Posted April 7, 2007 Guest-are you kidding me.."she has no idea what she is doing is leading other guy's on.." I'm a woman and let me let you in on a secret-YES SHE DOES AND SHE LIKES IT. I have seen so many guys like you in a relationship with a flirty girl, and the only salvation that you repeat is "well she has no idea of her actions"....if you only knew. Anyways-at a certain point you have to ask yourself who cares if she knows or not, how is it making you feel? How is it impacting your thoughts of a future with her? If you are the type of guy who secretly gets a thrill of seeing other men respond to her flirtations, well that is your business and none of mine. But if you have to convince yourself of her innocent intentions just to make it through the night, please open your eyes. From a young age women realize we can do things like be upbeat, smile directly at a guy, lean against him while making a joke, just give off "good open vibes" and we know how men will respond. Some women need that, others decide they want to reserve that for one man only..... But please don't patronize her or yourself by letting her off the hook with that stereotype of innocence. She realizes, and is hoping you will let her get away with it for as long as you make excuses about what is really going on. Please men, never let me hear any of you repeat those dumb lines "but she didn't realize.." If she is over 16 or 17 she realizes, okay? Got it? Good. Link to post Share on other sites
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