Cancer and Ex: How to Respond

[Penguin82]

Hi Everyone,

I've been reading here off and on for a while. Recently, my ex of almost two years ago emailed me to tell me he was recently diagnosed with cancer. This cancer has a very high survival rate and most people do not die from it. Hearing this piece of news, however, has really upset me and I am not sure how best to respond to him. I actually called him (after not speaking for almost two years... we did not break up amicably) right after I got the email and we chatted for a while. He wants us to be in closer contact, but I know that would be really bad for me since I still have strong feelings for him. He has a live-in girlfriend and I also have a boyfriend.

So, I guess I would like hear people's advice on whether or not to start being in better contact with him. On the one hand, I would like to be a decent person and support him during this difficult time. On the other hand, I am afraid that I will start really falling for him again if I get too involved. Should I just tell him that I don't think it's a good idea for us to be friends? Or be the better person and support him even though I know it won't be good for me?

Thanks in advance for any input!

Cheers..

PS We dated for about two years before we "took a break." During our break, he started dating someone else and eventually dumped me...but, he was my first serious relationship and we had some really great times together so I'm not totally over him. I guess I'm undecided about whether or not I want a 'second chance' with him...

[2ndIINone]

follow your heart.

[amaysngrace]

I would keep my distance. Let him know you're here for him, yes, and wish him all the best but I don't think you should be involved at all on a day to day basis with him.

 

I think when people hear the word cancer their first thought is death. Maybe he was trying to heal something left over from before.

 

You could simply email him telling him to call if he needs you for a ride or anything but he probably won't ever take you up on it. But if he does you'll be doing a nice thing for a guy who you once cared deeply about.

 

Sending 'thinking of you' cards or 'cope' cards would be nice of you too from time to time.

 

I'm sorry for your sadness.

[whichwayisup]

Tell him how sorry you are to hear that news, but don't get involved. He is your past not your present or future.

 

I think out of respect he felt the need to let you know. I mean, imagine how you'd feel if you found out through the grapevine?? Probably worse than you feel now.

 

Send him a card, wish him well and let him know to keep you informed of his health...

 

Tell your boyfriend what is going on too. Be upfront with him so he doesn't feel the ex is going to try to suck you back into his life.

[thecount]

Hearing anyone has cancer is sad, but when you hear that someone you love or loved has it. takes it to a whole new level of sadness. This unfortunatly I know about.

 

You say you have a boyfriend, Do you love him, or is this something new for you? Your ex has a live in g/f. That's a recipe for trouble. I wouldn't contact him too much. You have strong feelings for him, I'm affraid you'll get hurt again.

 

It's ok to be there for him if he needs your support. But try not to let it get out of hand. He has his live in g/f who I would guess will take care of him. He also has family and friends that will do the same.

 

This is a hard judgement call.

[quankanne]

let him know that he's in your thoughts, and that you hope that he recovers smoothly, then leave it at that. It's hard knowing where the line is with an ex, but both of you have moved on, you both have new love interests and you don't need to be worrying about "what if." I'm sure that if something happens, for better or worse, he'll keep you posted.