jealous of my own sister - they have everything in common

[imonyourside]

i don't know what to do, i've been dating a guy now for three years and i feel like i'm going crazy. i feel terrible because i'm a really jealous person and he already knows some of what i feel about him and my sister - that i am very jealous of her. she is older than me, closer to his age, and everything else in the ENTIRE WORLD it seems, they have in common. i've never felt so out of place and so in the way.

 

i feel like they were meant to be together or something and i am supposed to be the person to introduce them.

of course, i don't want that at all. and he doesn't know my reasoning for being so jealous, he just thinks i think shes prettier than me or something. he thinks i'm nuts, and maybe i am - but the real reason is they love the same shows, movies, some of the same music, interested in all the same things, both are intellectual , very intelligent. you have no idea how weird it is when i hang out with her one day and him the next and they talk to me about the same things...

 

i just feel so stupid and terrible. its driving me mad. breaking up with him crosses my mind so often just because of this. and its so stupid!

 

i've held off them meeting for so long. well, they did actually meet , but i've really tried my hardest to avoid letting them hang out. my sister is my best friend and i hang out with her a lot and my boyfriend i see all the time so it must seem odd that they've never really hung out. the first time they met it was really awkward for me because they just stood there smiling at eachother not saying a word. maybe it was all in my head but from that very moment and on its been driving me insane. its the worst feeling ever loving someone and dating them for so long only to realize your sister would probably be better off for him.

 

the second time they met, we actually went to a party but then i ruined it by getting overly-upset when i overheard her talking to him about me being a liar or something. basically she was talking **** about me to my boyfriend!!! i couldn't believe it, but i am aware i freaked out and ruined the night. i stormed out and left, then called my sister (i was her ride) and said i was leaving her there - maybe he could give her a ride home. she freaked and i turned around and let her in the car.

 

sorry for being so long, i really need some good advice here. thank you thank you

[whichwayisup]

You need to talk to your sister about this. She isn't going to steal your boyfriend.

 

Also, you really must have low self esteem and feel insecure to think that your boyfriend would be better off with your sister and not with you.

 

Has he given you any indication that he likes her, finds her more attractive?

 

Also, before this, when you were younger, (or even now) were you always jealous of your sister? You two are bestfriends, so why would she even think of stealing your boyfriend from you!! I'll add this, your boyfriend might find her pretty, but that doesn't mean anything! It doesn't mean that he wants her and is gonna dump you.

 

I hope this makes sense to you.

[norajane]

Why do you feel out of place and in the way when they hardly spend any time together?

 

And you have been with your bf for 3 years...you must have something strong between you! Is your relationship shaky in any way?

 

I could never imagine my sister trying to steal my bf. It just would never happen. She truly is my best friend. If you sister is your best friend, I doubt she would ever consider taking him away. Do you think you could bring this up with her and tell her how you feel?

[LoveLace]

I don't think you have anything to worry about, but I would be jealous too. Maybe you should tell them both how much this weighs on your mind. Especially your boyfriend. Maybe this would compel him to do something extra in order to prove that he is with you and only you, loves you and only you; has he done anything like that recently, cuz it might help?

 

But you shouldn't think that anyone else is better off with him than you are, obviously because he is with YOU, and he wouldn't be if he didn't want to be. He gets along well with your family and your best friend, and that's a good thing. Do you feel that you two are lacking common interests? Perhaps there is something specific about the relationship that you wish was better...

[imonyourside]

hey thanks for the replies.

 

no, nothing really lacking in our relationship. we get along well and hes always commenting on how we "click" so well. i've no doubt in my mind that he does love me and he wants our relationship to work.

 

HOWEVER,

my main reasoning for me not wanting them to hang out (which is near impossible because he always wants me to invite him when i go over to her house, which is another thing that makes me jealous because i don't know why its so important for him)

is that i know once they sit down and maybe get to talking they will realize how much they have in common.

my sister just told me shes hooked on some tv show, and now my boyfriend three days later says the EXACT same thing. my boyfriend and i watched this movie that i was iffy about but said okay because he really wanted to see it. i find out my sister JUST watched that movie. my boyfriend always says certain sayings and phrases that when i hang out with my sister, she says them too.

 

its just FREAKY and i'm going crazy.

my fear of telling my sister or my boyfriend how much they have in common is that they might realize what i've known all along.

 

its really scary for me and i know in the future i'm going to have to deal with it, i already told him i'd invite him to her birthday party in june. i'm just so scared they will see eachother in a different light.

and i don't think my sister would do that to me, nor my boyfriend.. but people can change , and who is stopping them from at least WANTING to see eachother more? i mean this really ****ing sucks.

 

i almost feel like i should just disappear and they'd probably meet at some point and then realize how great they could be. sigh

 

its so depressing

 

whichwayisup - no i haven't always been jealous of my sister. i know shes the smarter one, the thinner one, and i do think shes pretty but actually she was jealous of me at one point with her boyfriend (i guess sisters are alike). but she had a right to be jealous, her boyfriend was a piece of **** that tried to hit on me. the reason though that she was jealous was that me and him liked a lot of the same music and both played guitar, stupid **** like that .

 

and i realize people are going to have the same tastes and thats not really something you should base falling in love with someone, but its still , to me, an immediate conversation starter. its like they are the same people sometimes. its just really weird.