Anyone care to sheed some light on this?

[cr8sea]

Ive seen a lot of post regarding "does he/she regret it?" "is he/she ever coming back?"

Now, we all know what goes on in the minds of a dumpee..."Why?!, but how?! is there someone else?! is he/she cheating?! did he/she lied?" you know the usual...However, I really wonder what goes thru the mind of a dumper. As in, how hard is it really to break up with someone? How fast do dumpers move on? Do they think about the dumpees at all? Do they ever think about coming back? if so, what holds them back or what makes them go for it? Im sure im not the only one wondering...so if you have ever been a dumper, would you sheed a light on this? The more responses the better! that way we (or I) get a feel about what the general consensus might be.

THANKS A LOOOOOT

From a curious dumpee

[CaliGuy]

Ive seen a lot of post regarding "does he/she regret it?" "is he/she ever coming back?"

Now, we all know what goes on in the minds of a dumpee..."Why?!, but how?! is there someone else?! is he/she cheating?! did he/she lied?" you know the usual...However, I really wonder what goes thru the mind of a dumper. As in, how hard is it really to break up with someone? How fast do dumpers move on? Do they think about the dumpees at all? Do they ever think about coming back? if so, what holds them back or what makes them go for it? Im sure im not the only one wondering...so if you have ever been a dumper, would you sheed a light on this? The more responses the better! that way we (or I) get a feel about what the general consensus might be.

THANKS A LOOOOOT

From a curious dumpee

 

Most dumpers mentally check out of a relationship far sooner than when the deed is done.

 

In many cases they already have someone lined up they are interested in so the dumpee, as time wears on, becomes a nusiance in their mind. When the bomb in finally droppped, the only one surprised is the dumpee.

 

So while the dumpee is left wondering "why?" the dumper has moved on to someone that fascinates them and has caught their attention. If the dumper made a mistake, that's when you'll see NC working when Mr or Ms "Wonderful" turns out not to be so great.

 

And if that doesn't happen, as it doesn't in many cases, well a lot of us (myself included) wonder for a long time what we did wrong.

 

Really it comes down to picking the wrong person FOR US.

 

As I've been told 1000 times: "Why waste your time on someone that doesn't want to be with you?" I have yet to come up with a valid answer to that question (though it's really rhetorical).

[Faith2]

I've been the dumper many times, but I have NEVER had anyone else waiting in the wings. One relationship at a time for me.

 

By the time I break up, I'm thoroughly fed up with the relationship. I've never looked back, no regrets. I've never done a "nice" breakup - it's been either "It's over - we're through!" in the heat of an argument, or else I do a cold-hearted walk. About half of the dumpees have contacted me. I only took one back, then broke it off again.

 

In a couple of cases I looked up an ex years later, just out of curiosity. Both times, I said to myself afterward, "Whew! What was I thinking!"

 

These days, though, I am the heart-broken dumpee. Maybe it's karma payback. Now I really do know how much it hurts.

[What?]

In my last experience, I was the dumper. I was SO into this girl, it made my head spin. I hadn't gone out with her but for a few months. I thought we shared the same chemistry, she looked at me in a way that was unseen before (have had 2 LTRs over 4 years +). She said so much by not having to say anything. I was falling for her in every way, and very fast, but I was not afraid of that even though it isn't in my character to act that way.

 

She said she wanted "a patient man." I said I would move at her pace, go out when she wanted to. 2 weeks pass and she didn't talk with me. I got to thinking that she was just stringing me along, because if she felt the same way as I did, why hold back? It is so defeating. So I dropped her. She got upset. I honestly didn't think that she would react that way. The bottom line is the communication was lacking.

 

I regret what I did even though she would have destroyed me. What I think happened in my deal was that the girl got dumped because she was too afraid of losing out on what could have been something magical. I don't date that often and had nothing waiting in the wings. I was afraid of getting wrecked, which ended up happening anyway.

 

To be honest with you, I still don't know what happened. I was ready to be vulnerable because I thought she was all that. Communication is key, because it leads to trust. Those 2 are imperitive to any relationship. The dumper was willing to take a shot. If you communicate, yeah, I think reconciliation is probable. It is usually a misunderstanding.

[Ssheena]

I have been both the dumpee and dumper. Most of the time when I make the decision to dump someone - that's it. No going back etc. I have reached the end of my rope with them. I feel a sense of relief. My last bf (who just dumped me) I had broken up with a couple of times already and I was a mess after I did. I was very upset and wanted him back. I still don't know why I didn't just call it quits the first time instead of going back and forth. I thought about him all the time.

 

I also think I treated him so badly (I just couldn't hide the fact I thought he was a stupid idiot), that I forced him into dumping me, which is something I need to look at about myself.

 

I guess it would depend on how the ending was and in what frame of mind the dumper was, whether or not they have another interest lined up, and what kind of person they really are. Jumping from one relationship right into another is super easy, they can just transfer all their feelings onto the new person.

 

Sorry you are feeling bad.