Is This Wrong?

[WondersOfMyFadedSoul]

I need advice so bad. I have a wonderful fiance who I love completely, but I'm attracted to women also, and he's not comfortable with that. I've been considering having a girlfriend and not letting him know about it. Am I totally wrong for this? I feel like I really need this.

[LoveLace]

By getting a girlfriend behind his back, especially knowing he's not comfortable with it, I think he and most others would consider that "cheating". If you want to date someone else, and he isn't cool with it, it isn't fair to him that you continue the relationship. It's no different than if you pursued this with another man as opposed to a woman. It's called "having your cake and eating it too". Many men I know would be totally fine, even extremely happy about this. But it doesn't sound like your fiance is one of those men. He wants you to feel satisfied by him and him only. If you are unable to meet that need for him, he won't be happy himself.

 

You can do what ever you want, of course, but why be in a relationship that you have to sneak around for in order to get some of your needs met.

[BlueEyedSarah]

I need advice so bad. I have a wonderful fiance who I love completely, but I'm attracted to women also, and he's not comfortable with that. I've been considering having a girlfriend and not letting him know about it. Am I totally wrong for this? I feel like I really need this.

You can consider it as just a day dream or fantasy but if you want to follow through with your plan then dump your current partner(as it is not fair to him if your still with him) and do your plan, but after you have had your fun with girls don't expect your guy to be wanting you back.

[reservoirdog1]

It's only okay if you're prepared to share your GF with your fiance/TBH. And that will involve telling him about your wants, BEFORE marrying him. To hide this from him until after you're married, and then spring it on him, is colossally unfair to him.

 

And, of course it would be totally wrong of you to simply get a piece on the side (girl or guy) and not tell him about it. Girl or guy, it's cheating, and there's no way around that. I'm surprised you even have to ask.

 

The rules don't magically change just because you'd be cheating with somebody of your own gender. How happy would you be to find out that your fiance/TBH had been banging another guy on the side?

[Bryanp]

Let me get this straight. You are engaged to your boyfriend and you want to know if it is acceptable for you to cheat on him behind his back with a girlfriend. If you have no problem cheating behind his back while you are engaged to him, what do you think this says about you? Either you have honesty and respect in your relationship or you do not. How do you think he would feel if he found out later that you were cheating on him and having sex with another woman behind his back while he was planning to marry you?

 

Apparently you seem to have no problem lying and cheating on him. How would you feel if he was lying and cheating on you behind your back? It really sounds like you have a broken moral compass. Lying is lying and cheating is cheating. What is it that you do not understand?

[Plokette]

You know it's cheating, or you wouldn't have started this thread with the fake naive "is this wrong?".

 

That's not really the question here.

 

The question is are you ready to get married to him, if truly "you need this".

 

Best and most honest scenario- tell your fiancee you need time to yourself, and call it off. Your choice if you want to tell him why. Go and sow your oats. If you find that that he is what you want and not women, then hope he will take you back.

 

or you may find you need both, then you can confront him with your need. if he is still not comfortable, he is not the man for you. They are out there, but beware the other baggage that may come with that attitude

 

You may find that there is NO man for you and you prefer women entirely. certainly then you have done the right thing

 

Finally, you can just forget the whole other woman thing and get married and HOPE you have noe regrets and don't resent him for it, oh yeah, and don't find yourself needing to CHEAT. I'm not puttimg my money on this option working out.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Not only is it unfair to your fiance, but it is unfair to the other woman as well. How do you intend to explain to her that you are going to be married while you f*ck her on the side? Do you think that because its a girl on girl thing that it is somehow "ok" to treat someone with that amount of disrespect?

 

There is nothing wrong with being bisexual, but cheating is cheating regardless of which sex you choose to do it with.

[LakesideDream]

Unbelievable. Change all the genders in the original post and this board would be going ballistic. Man is engaged to be married to a gal, but wants to keep a male lover on the side.... because they aren't sure.

 

To echo a hundred women on this board... Full Disclosure. Confess your sins to your finace. Totally honesty is the only possible course of action, followed by contrition and no contact!

 

Or, continue your carpet munching ways, go ahead and cheat on your finace, after all he's only a dirty, filthy, selfish male.

[Trialbyfire]

If you have gender identity issues, get them straightened out before you commit to any relationship. It sounds like your fiance is not comfortable with either your bisexuality or lesbianism.

 

Don't cheat. Your man deserves better than that. You've almost committed to a lifelong relationship with your fiance. I think you should split from this relationship now, get yourself sorted out as to what you are, then find someone who is comfortable with your form of sexuality.

[stillafool]

Why are you engaged to a man when it is a woman that you want?

[Sevenmack]

Umm. Yeah. End it with your fiance; you don't love him and don't want to be with him. Then start fresh with the woman you want. Or if you're a troll, go to another forum and have fun.