Ladywithafan Posted March 27, 2007 Share Posted March 27, 2007 I am dropping off my bf of eight years at his parents house at 6 p.m. I came home at lunch, after having premonition that something bad was going down at home....lo & behold, my sixth sense was right on. I opened the door to find my bf naked, his friend with his pants off & his gf with her pants off...and everyone had a pipe in their hand. You could probably hear me a mile away.....I told everyone to get their clothes & get out the door....I told my bf I was calling his father. still naked, he went in the bedroom to get away from me.... 5 min. later, the doorbell rang....It was his father....isn't karma a b*tch (i didn't even have to call).... I let him see his son naked on the bed with a pipe....maybe that will get his parents to realize this isn't just a relapse...this a step down the stairs to rock bottom.... I have to move out of my town & over to the next and I am not taking the bf with me....it's time to stop enabling....and this is not going to be easy. but its' got to happen for my own survival...nothing is changing..... I will not stay for the talk as this is between him & his mother & father. they both know my side, now they can hear his explanation. enough is enough Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted March 27, 2007 Share Posted March 27, 2007 Hey ladywithafan So sorry to hear about what happened. Glad you found the strength to get out for once and for all. REmember some of that great advice you gave to clearwater? Maybe we need to give some back to you. Stay strong, you have done the right thing, its not your problem anymore. You are a good lady. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ladywithafan Posted March 29, 2007 Author Share Posted March 29, 2007 Hey ladywithafan So sorry to hear about what happened. Glad you found the strength to get out for once and for all. REmember some of that great advice you gave to clearwater? Maybe we need to give some back to you. Stay strong, you have done the right thing, its not your problem anymore. You are a good lady. Sometimes its easier to give others advice than take your own! My bf still does not get what I've been saying. His parents are tired & washing their hands of the situation. they do not want him living with them. I am not comfortable with him living with me & the continuation of the drug. eight years is a long time. like a marriage...that's why I told clearwater to get out while she has little time invested in the great timeline of a relationship with a crack abuser. I can't tell anymore if my bf is mean because god made him that way or its the drugs or a combination thereof. It almost doesn't matter at this point because, point blank, he's an arrogant ******* when he comes down. Maybe the drugs just enhance the arrogance. I'm tired of his comments about my habits. I've held the same job since 2004, gone from $10/hr to $14 this year, car's paid for, pay rent & bills on time....while he, in his reality quit another job this year, sold his car for a couple of rocks last year, and had no money.... I've enabled way to well....he does not know how to take care of himself, apparently.... Thank you for your kind words but I am wishing I did not have to give an ultimatum to a person who's brain is missing matter due to cocaine and may not realize that when I say, "no, you must choose between me & the pipe" the pipe has your mouth around it more than your mouth is around me...." that I mean either the pipe goes or he does stay with me. I'm afraid of giving up hope on him but forget to do for myself.... LUckily...I have some friends who can help me get my mojo back....the future remains to be seen. I am going to look at a little apartment in hopes of a fresh start. My friends do not want to see my bf move with me. I can't have him continuing his addiction at yet, another new home...my choices are: ? do not tell him where I"m going, he can still call the cell phone, however, no big deal. he keeps his own place & I keep my own place he goes to rehab he dies he goes to prison I become so happy without him that I can't believe it.... I can relax and not hide my purse, keys, atm..... I definitely have gone insane from his addiction, moreso I think than him... when this all goes down, I have set myself up in april to be busy....reg job in daytime & filmfestival work at night time...that will take up april....he may be gone & I want to be moved out of where I am....too many memories if he's not there....and somewhere where he hasn't been so I don't associate my home with him....what a mental nightmare. I am beside myself & feel very similar to my divorce, I missed my xhusband when he was with his girlfriend & cried for him yet screamed & was miserable when he was home with me....but when I got out of the situation, I got light.....and felt a million times better...I need to get to that spot now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ladywithafan Posted April 13, 2007 Author Share Posted April 13, 2007 I have found the apt. of my dreams! Signed the lease yesterday and will be moving next month. Told my bf last night that due to his inability to be responsible, he will not be moving with me. I'd like to see what the next six months brings for him on his own....and then I will reassess the situation. It's not like we're breaking up but he will not be allowed to know where I live. I want some peace & not have to worry who's in my home while I'm not. I'm done with everything that goes along with this game, and am laying down my hand. I've smoked enough to know when conditions are condusive to a forrest fire and he really shouldn't be playing with matches right now....I"m seeing the forest for the trees! Yes, it will be very hard...go read my story on this site...but...for it's time....I have some very good friends who will be there for me. And, there will be no memories of him or drugs in my new place which will make it much easier to deal with.... I'll keep you all posted! Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 I'm proud of you for making this choice, Lady. You knew this consequence would ultimately come into play, I think. You were just trying to delay the inevitable. I hope that you continue to stay strong. Keep up the good work. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ladywithafan Posted April 18, 2007 Author Share Posted April 18, 2007 ...in assuming that the bf hit rock bottom....because He had been doint weekly cleaning for a unit renter of mine at my place of employment. The renter left, and left behind a box of checks....now what do you think occured? 3 checks got written & cashed, in the total of over $1K.... I have been working my film festival. He told me about this last sunday night. Monday morning I "FLEW" into work, sat down my boss & spilled the story. Luckily, everytime he had cleaned, the renters had been in the unit so he had never been left alone until the final cleaning, of which, I had to get a key to let him in to clean. WRONG MOVE I had to tell the assistant to the owner of the company what happened, my bf called the renters and told them what he did...supposedly, they do not want to press charges, they do not want me to lose my job & they want him to seek professional help.... well...isn't it about freakin' time? And, anyone who's reading this should read like one of my first posts about my experience with this drug and loving an addict...it just doesn't work.... ok...so, I am not getting fired....I am moving out in the next week....and am trying to see who will take him in .... homeless, with no $ for treatment...I"m thinking of calling that intervention show, He now wants to go to rehab....to learn about his disease & how to handle it....oh my god....what does it really take? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ladywithafan Posted May 10, 2007 Author Share Posted May 10, 2007 My boyfriend has been in rehab now for two weeks. These have been the best two weeks of this year for me!!!!! I moved, I got rid of anything that had crack memories, gave furniture away to people who needed it....I haven't even had time to unpack I've been having so much fun! Again, it is wonderful to be able to put $ in a drawer, go out & come back & its still there. I don't have to HIDE anything. No one is nagging me for $20. WOW!!! He's in a christian based program that lasts between 9-12 mo....goes to work every day & once a certain amount is saved, he can look for a job on his own. I have decided that when he finishes the program, if it happens, then he will go through "my program" next....He will not live with me for at least another 9-12 months. I want to see his responsiblity factor once out of rehab...then, we'll talk (I love being alone)! I'd love to hear from anyone with a loved one who completed a christian program and stayed clean or close to it. Does it work? Is it luck of the draw? Can they being talking all this religion so soon or is it really just "jailhouse/rehab talk? Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted May 11, 2007 Share Posted May 11, 2007 What does he offer you that makes you willing to put your life on hold for at least a year to see if maybe he can pull it together? Good on you for helping him I guess, but I'd be more concerned about number 1 and getting myself a new, healthy relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ladywithafan Posted May 11, 2007 Author Share Posted May 11, 2007 What does he offer you that makes you willing to put your life on hold for at least a year to see if maybe he can pull it together? Good on you for helping him I guess, but I'd be more concerned about number 1 and getting myself a new, healthy relationship. First of all, my life is not on hold for him. I just finished a run with the 2007 Film Festival in my town, I go out & do things with my girlfriends and/or myself, I've joined a local gym and gee...if you call that "on hold"...uh, I don't think so... My life was "on hold" for the past two years...waiting, hoping he would stop the smoke clouds.... I have made the change. What I meant in my above post is that he is following his program and I am following mine. When he's completed his, if I'm not already on another plane of life, and I feel like dealing with him, he will have to follow my rules. No one ever understands the compexities of relationships and what they offer the participating individuals...that's private. Link to post Share on other sites
Jade 02 Posted May 18, 2007 Share Posted May 18, 2007 CONDRADULATIONS!!!! Lady Oh what a feeling,to be free from that stuff. I too was on that for years,and its been 2 years for me,even a little longer now. I can buy food,buy gas,and pay bills. Just look out for yourself. That is some evil stuff. Congradulations again my friend. Link to post Share on other sites
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