Just a friend...need advise!

[fairydustdreams]

Ok..so I'm brand new to this site...first post and everything. In desperation I am reaching out to, well, anyone. My best friend in the whole world is a man that I've known since the 5th grade. We became really close when we were 15 years old. A year later he moved to New York and eventually we drifted. At the start of the new year I found him back here in CA and we've been inseperable ever since. When we were teenagers he lived with my mom and I, times are always hard at his house, and while I really liked him as more than a friend, nothing ever happened (well once I was really sad after losing a family member and he held me all night, I tried to kiss him passionately but he turned away, it was never brought up). So he's not been seeing anyone for 1 year, myself, not for a little longer and we spend every waking (and sleeping) free moment together hand in hand cheek to chest (he is about 8 inches taller than me). We tell each other we love one another, no longer able to live life without the other, he'll come by with only 5 minutes just to hug me and kiss me on the cheek and tell me that he absolutely adores me and that I am wonderful. I can't find the courage to actually tell him that I love him in an I can't picture myself with anyone else but you because you are everything I could ever want/need and yet you still surprise me and I want to be your everything. He asked me to move in with him at the end of summer...I don't know that I can...I'd love to be that close with him, but I couldn't take seeing him share his bed with any other should he choose not to be with me. I'm so confused because I would never risk losing his friendship and I'm so happy with what we have, I love what we have, it's basically a relationship without titles and sex (which really confuses the hell out of me) but I feel like I need to know if this is ever going to turn into something. Should I talk to him about this? Should I just keep my mouth closed and be grateful for what I have? Where do I go from here? Any advise is welcome and appreciated. Thanks for the wisdom.

[Bamboot]

"Should I talk to him about this?"

 

It's the only way you're gonna find out. It's wonderful that you're greatful for what you have together, but you also have the right to know "what" you have together. It sounds pretty obvious to me, you both love each other, seems like a no brainer. If he respects you and loves you like you say he does, he'll respect and appreciate your question, cause, chances are, he's just as confused as you are. Communication goes a long way.

 

Good luck.

[fairydustdreams]

Thank you Bamboot! It's strange how simple it all seems after reading your post. I get so caught up in the fear of rejection that I overlook how much he does love and respect me, and that he still would even if I asked what appeared to him to be a silly question. I appreciate your words! Thanks.

[quankanne]

sounds like y'all have the best basis there is for a romantic relationship: you were first friends.

 

it sounds like your guy is comfortable in his feelings of love for you, so I think you should trust your feelings for him and go for it. Tell him how much you care. If you're too shy to say the words, a card or note is a wonderful way to get through that first declaration of love.

 

good luck – he sounds like a sweetie!

q

[fairydustdreams]

q...thanks for the advise, I do actually tend to go through what I call word vomit where I get so nervous I'll talk someone's ear off dancing around the issue but never actually saying what I had intended...it's dreadfully embarrassing. I like the idea of the card...I've gotten more cards from him than anyone else I know! And he is such a sweetie...most people assume the worst of him because he's quiet and has a bit of that bad boy image about him, but I always tell him that I get the very best of him. Nobody would ever know that he's 3 months away from getting his BS in Medical Science...(he's so smart and any simple ailment I have he's right there to take care of me) and that he writes beautiful poetry. He's an amazing man, I'm so lucky just to know him.

 

Anyway, enough with my heart's endless flutter...I start talking about him and I can't stop! Does anyone have any great ideas on how to get this proposed card to him? Should I mail it to him, or let him read it in front of me? Should I leave it in his truck for him to find on his way home? Thanks to all the ideas.