He cheated, broke up with me and came crawling back how do I trust him again?

[lovestrucklady]

My fiancee broke up with me 2 months ago and I didn't understand why he said he loved me but he wasn't in love with me. I was completely devastated. A month and a half later we went out together and he said he cheated on me with his ex wife on Christmas Night and that he felt so guilty he couldn't bear to be with me. Now he tells me he wants me back and he didn't realize how much he loved me until he almost lost me.

 

We are back into a relationship he wants to marry me and tomorrow he is getting my name tattooed acrossed his arm. He said he rather kill himself than to hurt me again. Should I believe what he is saying or will he cheat on me again?? We are moving in together on July 1st. Any advice on how to trust him again or will I ever be able to trust him again????

[Aloros]

Trust is a leap of faith. If he's honest and sincere, he should be doing anything and everything to gain back your trust. Make sure he is open and honest with you about everything from now on. You need to decide what he can do to help you regain trust, and he should do them. It will take time...and honestly, you may never regain that trust.

 

You've got to do what's right for you.

[Dadubwa]

Really sketchy hunny. I'd rethink this whole deal.

[BlueEyedSarah]

My fiancee broke up with me 2 months ago and I didn't understand why he said he loved me but he wasn't in love with me. I was completely devastated. A month and a half later we went out together and he said he cheated on me with his ex wife on Christmas Night and that he felt so guilty he couldn't bear to be with me. Now he tells me he wants me back and he didn't realize how much he loved me until he almost lost me.

 

We are back into a relationship he wants to marry me and tomorrow he is getting my name tattooed acrossed his arm. He said he rather kill himself than to hurt me again. Should I believe what he is saying or will he cheat on me again?? We are moving in together on July 1st. Any advice on how to trust him again or will I ever be able to trust him again????

I think thats a question only you can answer.

 

Don't rush back into the relationship if your not ready and can't trust him.

[Missy27]

My fiancee broke up with me 2 months ago and I didn't understand why he said he loved me but he wasn't in love with me. I was completely devastated. A month and a half later we went out together and he said he cheated on me with his ex wife on Christmas Night and that he felt so guilty he couldn't bear to be with me. Now he tells me he wants me back and he didn't realize how much he loved me until he almost lost me.

 

We are back into a relationship he wants to marry me and tomorrow he is getting my name tattooed acrossed his arm. He said he rather kill himself than to hurt me again. Should I believe what he is saying or will he cheat on me again?? We are moving in together on July 1st. Any advice on how to trust him again or will I ever be able to trust him again????

 

Well... Its difficult. I have been in your situation before and personally, I could not reinstate the relationship I had with my ex because I didn't feel that I could ever trust him again. Like another poster said, its all a matter of your own personal choices and how you feel you could deal with your SO's past mis demeanours.

 

When I found out that my Ex had a one night stand I was so devestated. I could not believe that he could or would do something like that to me. Especially since he had spent the two years that we had been together trying to convince me that he wasn't like other men and would never ever cheat on me because he wouldn't like it if I cheated on him

 

The problem was, I could never fully trust him again. No matter how hard I tried. I had spent two years with him gradually letting my guards down and inviting him into my life. When he decided to cheat, he mapped out his own destiny really. I made it clear to him at the beginning of our R that if he ever cheated on me I would dump his sorry backside without a second throught. It was in fairness, more difficult than I originally envisaged, just to chuck him and move on, but I stuck to my boundaries and to tihs day, I am glad that I did because I am now with a wonderful man who treats me 100 x better than my ex did

 

So... at the end of the day its your choice. But I DEFINITELY wouldn't rush into things if you do give your R another go. No engagement or moving in together for a while. Your BF needs to spend time regaining your trust and that might take a LONG time, depending on how much you both work at it. Whatever you decide, do what is right for YOU.

[EC]

I broke up with my bf for my ex bf because I thought my relationship with my bf had gotten stale and I thought I had something with my ex. I always had that 'what if' I needed to get out of my system.

 

The first two days I was with my ex and my bf ( well not at the time I had just left him) didn't answer my calls and said it was over forever I DIED!!!

 

I realized the relationship hadn't gotten stale it was just mature and real. I regretted ever leaving his side. I ran back to him fullforce.

 

Luckily he took me back and we are better than ever! But I realized in an instant he was for me and that my ex was OVER. But I guess I needed that experience to get the 'what if' out fo my system and Give honest Full love and attention to my bf.

 

I have the best bf in the world who understood this and we are ok now. But i did go through hell to get him back though. Every now and then he still has issues about it but we are working through it.

 

Maybe your fiance needed that 'what if' to stop haunting him and now he knows! Its your call.

[LakesideDream]

The "kill himself" statement is the red flag for me. That is pure attemp at manipulation on his part. He is threatening to make you responsible for his physical well being. Don't buy it.

 

There is no way that a manipulator like he is will participate in counciling, and submit himself fully to transparency. If trust is important to you, walk away. You will never be able to trust him.

 

Plus... my personal peeve..... he used the "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" ploy, very lame.

[Trialbyfire]

Only you know him and yourself well enough to make the call. Actions speak louder than words by far. If you want to make a go of it, try it but watch his actions. Make sure he provides you with all passwords and userids to anything that you need to make you feel a bit more secure about his future integrity. This includes access to his cell phone logs (bills), computer admin rights, webmail accounts and home phone bills, if individual calls are logged. If you state this upfront and he's unwilling, you know he won't be willing to go the extra mile if you commit to him again.

[lovestrucklady]

Well he went yesterday and got my name tattooed on his arm. I guess that means something right? He does feel bad and I truly believe he is sorry. He has gave me passwords to everything online and I look at his phone logs (which he doesn't erase).

 

I listen to his conversations with his ex and others. (they have a son together so he still talks to her). I love him so much but the thoughts of him with his ex haunt me on a daily basis I wish they would go away. Thanks for everyone's input it's much appreciated!!!!