When push comes to shove!!

[outofdarkness]

He is so toxic for me and my family. The last couple of days have been hell. He thinks he is off the hook because he said I am sorry and that should clear his conscience. He came up to talk to H and I went in the house. did not so much as look at him. Now I am realizing everything he said was a lie and when he said he does not care enough he was being honest. I hate him for messing with my head for almost two years, bu it is not all his fault because I allowed it to happen. My daughters birthday party is next week, how do I handle that. I don't want to have anything to do with their family and I definately do not want to see either one of them. I feel bad for their daughter because she is innocent in all of this , but I feel if I let her in then just puts me in bad position with him. Should I invite her or not and if I do that would mean I would have to him or his wife. Any thoughts?

No, I would not invite the daughter or her parent's...She's young, she'll get over the fact that she was not invited to one party...It's not worth it to you to have so much stress over it if they attend. If they get angry, try to stay away from them at the same time. If you DO have to see them, be polite but distant...

 

Hope this has helped. It's just MY opinion, others may have a different perspective on the whole thing.

[whichwayisup]

She has to invite the daughter, she's a neighbour and plays with FF's kids all the time. You invite the daughter but not her parents. It's a KID birthday party, parents shouldn't be invited, nor should they expect to be invited.

 

FF, you are right, it's not the kids fault and in all honesty, they shouldn't have to suffer for your and MM's choice in having an affair that has ended. You two are the adults here, so (sorry to sound harsh, but I gotta say it) deal with it. Imagine how that kid is going to feel if you don't invite her? What is your daughter going to think? She probably knows about the bday coming up anyway, and if she sits at home, sees all the kids wandering into your house with presents, it will really hurt her feelings....

 

I know this isn't easy on you, all I can say is, just keep staying strong and really start pushing yourself in NOT figuring out MM, his thoughts/feelings. It just doesn't matter anymore.......It's over and done with, try your best to go on.

 

The other option is to move.

[outofdarkness]

She has to invite the daughter, she's a neighbour and plays with FF's kids all the time. You invite the daughter but not her parents. It's a KID birthday party, parents shouldn't be invited, nor should they expect to be invited.

 

FF, you are right, it's not the kids fault and in all honesty, they shouldn't have to suffer for your and MM's choice in having an affair that has ended. You two are the adults here, so (sorry to sound harsh, but I gotta say it) deal with it. Imagine how that kid is going to feel if you don't invite her? What is your daughter going to think? She probably knows about the bday coming up anyway, and if she sits at home, sees all the kids wandering into your house with presents, it will really hurt her feelings....

 

I know this isn't easy on you, all I can say is, just keep staying strong and really start pushing yourself in NOT figuring out MM, his thoughts/feelings. It just doesn't matter anymore.......It's over and done with, try your best to go on.

 

The other option is to move.

yeah, you are right...the kids should not have to suffer b/c of the A...Forgot about them being neighbors...It is a kid's B day party, but I know when mine were little, the parent's often came and hung out..This is especially true in closer neighborhood...I sympathize with the plight. Mabey have the B day party elsewhere??? Like one of those rest. just for kids...Can't name a name, but you prob. know the places...This would enable you to invite the child and chances would not be as great if it were not at your home that the parent's would attend? Is it too late to change the location if that is a possibility??

[forbidden fruit]

yeah, you are right...the kids should not have to suffer b/c of the A...Forgot about them being neighbors...It is a kid's B day party, but I know when mine were little, the parent's often came and hung out..This is especially true in closer neighborhood...I sympathize with the plight. Mabey have the B day party elsewhere??? Like one of those rest. just for kids...Can't name a name, but you prob. know the places...This would enable you to invite the child and chances would not be as great if it were not at your home that the parent's would attend? Is it too late to change the location if that is a possibility??

 

I have decided to invite the daughter, but after that he is no longer part of my life. I had to invite her because my H was asking me why i would not invite her. So to keep it okay for the kids I am going to suck it up. I have so much rage towards him. He thought we were moving and his W told me we just thought it was because of me and him fighting so much. Is she that clueless. Why would I be fighting with him if were just neighbors even my my H is questioning all my emotions. Maybe she knows and does not want to deal with it which is even more pathetic because if it is not me it will be someone else. Well I am glad he is not problem anymore. What do I do with all this rage. Do I send him one final e-mail. His apology was s pathetic and once again I am left with words and no action. I also want to run over and tell her everything, but that will hurt the kids. I want to him to suffer like I have had and I know he is not!!!

[whichwayisup]

NO. Do not send him an email FF. If you do, he'll think you're pathetic and it will just feed his ego even more. If you chase him (that is how he will look at it, even if you send him one final email) you'll be making a fool of yourself.

 

Join a gym, focus that energy into something positive. Stop wasting your energy on a MM who doesn't respect you.

 

Remember, if you run over there and tell her, she's going to turn around and go to your husband. You're just as much to blame with the affair as he is, so be prepared for that...I don't mean to sound harsh, but you say one thing, do another - Then post back that you and the MM had another 'talk' and 'try' to be friends. And yes, it will hurt the kids.

 

Also, you say his wife doesn't want to deal with it, well, hate to say it, but your husband too, is clueless and in the dark...

[whichwayisup]

I am glad that the daughter is invited. It would have been wrong not to invite her.

 

You and the MM created the situation and all the kids shouldn't have to suffer for it.

 

Be strong and just get through the day, focus on your daughters party and forget all about the crap that is going on with the MM.

[outofdarkness]

I have decided to invite the daughter, but after that he is no longer part of my life. I had to invite her because my H was asking me why i would not invite her. So to keep it okay for the kids I am going to suck it up. I have so much rage towards him. He thought we were moving and his W told me we just thought it was because of me and him fighting so much. Is she that clueless. Why would I be fighting with him if were just neighbors even my my H is questioning all my emotions. Maybe she knows and does not want to deal with it which is even more pathetic because if it is not me it will be someone else. Well I am glad he is not problem anymore. What do I do with all this rage. Do I send him one final e-mail. His apology was s pathetic and once again I am left with words and no action. I also want to run over and tell her everything, but that will hurt the kids. I want to him to suffer like I have had and I know he is not!!!

can't type much...sliced my finger last nite baking cookies doe my daughter..no. don't tell her, take care of yourself...cool down b/f making any major decisions. you'd be hurting w and kids more then mm if yo told. if u need closure, again..wait and writ HIM a letter to work add? DON'T e mail..nothing ever goes away on comp...

[Meaplus3]

I have decided to invite the daughter, but after that he is no longer part of my life. I had to invite her because my H was asking me why i would not invite her. So to keep it okay for the kids I am going to suck it up. I have so much rage towards him. He thought we were moving and his W told me we just thought it was because of me and him fighting so much. Is she that clueless. Why would I be fighting with him if were just neighbors even my my H is questioning all my emotions. Maybe she knows and does not want to deal with it which is even more pathetic because if it is not me it will be someone else. Well I am glad he is not problem anymore. What do I do with all this rage. Do I send him one final e-mail. His apology was s pathetic and once again I am left with words and no action. I also want to run over and tell her everything, but that will hurt the kids. I want to him to suffer like I have had and I know he is not!!!

 

 

I also want to run over and tell her everything, but that will hurt the kids. I want to him to suffer like I have had and I know he is not!!!

 

NO running over there FF! You know that I was at that point awhile back and came to the conclusion that it would be a very wrong thing to do. Think about how much pain you would cause to his Children and W. For me I just could not do that. I love his children very much and while his W was never really a friend she is still a nice person. I have come to the conclusion that if the MM I was invlolved with continues his way's, than he will be caught on his own by his wife and have plenty of explaining to do, that will be his payback. I feel for you FF, I really do!

 

AP

[forbidden fruit]

I also want to run over and tell her everything, but that will hurt the kids. I want to him to suffer like I have had and I know he is not!!!

 

NO running over there FF! You know that I was at that point awhile back and came to the conclusion that it would be a very wrong thing to do. Think about how much pain you would cause to his Children and W. For me I just could not do that. I love his children very much and while his W was never really a friend she is still a nice person. I have come to the conclusion that if the MM I was invlolved with continues his way's, than he will be caught on his own by his wife and have plenty of explaining to do, that will be his payback. I feel for you FF, I really do!

 

AP

 

What is so hard about this whole thing is I am pretty good right now because he has been at work and I don't have to see him so that makes NC easy, but when I look back at the last two years i think he lied about everything. I have so much hurt and disappoinment. I will never let anyone do this to me again and now i know what is a narcissist!! Boy you really can't win you can only live and hope that one day he will get what is coming to him. I want to beleive in some type of Karma for him, I am sure this is mine for having a A because I would not to wish this kind of pain on anybody. I guess this is what i deserve. I know I am not suppossed to care but it will be easier for me to move on if I know he is suffering just a little bit. He is going away next week like I was just a blip in his life. I bet he thinks I am going to cave, but if I replay is outburst toward me and all the bad things he said it outweighs the good and I can push on. Day 8 NC!!

[Meaplus3]

Look at your first Post FF.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t101459/

 

I will look at mine.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=725340#post725340

 

These neighborhood affairs are not good. I just wish I never got involved. Hope the best for you and me.

 

AP

[forbidden fruit]

What is so hard about this whole thing is I am pretty good right now because he has been at work and I don't have to see him so that makes NC easy, but when I look back at the last two years i think he lied about everything. I have so much hurt and disappoinment. I will never let anyone do this to me again and now i know what is a narcissist!! Boy you really can't win you can only live and hope that one day he will get what is coming to him. I want to beleive in some type of Karma for him, I am sure this is mine for having a A because I would not to wish this kind of pain on anybody. I guess this is what i deserve. I know I am not suppossed to care but it will be easier for me to move on if I know he is suffering just a little bit. He is going away next week like I was just a blip in his life. I bet he thinks I am going to cave, but if I replay is outburst toward me and all the bad things he said it outweighs the good and I can push on. Day 8 NC!!

 

Day 9 and while I have been busy I cannot stop thnking about him. I keep replaying in my mind that last two years and I can't stop crying. I feel like I don't know what was the truth and what was a lie. Today he was home from work and just knowing he is home makes me uncomfortable. When does all the hurt go away?

[Meaplus3]

Day 9 and while I have been busy I cannot stop thnking about him. I keep replaying in my mind that last two years and I can't stop crying. I feel like I don't know what was the truth and what was a lie. Today he was home from work and just knowing he is home makes me uncomfortable. When does all the hurt go away?

 

 

FF, I'm not sure the hurt ever goes away, but I do know that feeling's fade with time and NC. Forget any postive's with MM, think about the thing's he has done to cause you to hurt. By doing this it help's you to realize that there is more bad than good to the situation and it will make MM much less appealing.

 

AP:)

[whichwayisup]

Day 9 and while I have been busy I cannot stop thnking about him. I keep replaying in my mind that last two years and I can't stop crying. I feel like I don't know what was the truth and what was a lie. Today he was home from work and just knowing he is home makes me uncomfortable. When does all the hurt go away?

 

FF, you're crying over a married man who doesn't respect you. You're crying over someone who isn't who you "want" him to be. He's fantasy, not the person you've built him up to be in your head. The reality is, he's married, he's a cheater and loves the attention you give him. I really wish you'd see that, accept that and make the choice (as hard as it may be to do) to just stop thinking of him and not cry over him anymore. He is NOT worth your tears.

 

You have children and a husband to think about FF...Start putting them first and focus all your energy on them.

 

You know the truth, it's staring at you in the face. You're just unwilling to accept it and see things as they are....

[forbidden fruit]

FF, you're crying over a married man who doesn't respect you. You're crying over someone who isn't who you "want" him to be. He's fantasy, not the person you've built him up to be in your head. The reality is, he's married, he's a cheater and loves the attention you give him. I really wish you'd see that, accept that and make the choice (as hard as it may be to do) to just stop thinking of him and not cry over him anymore. He is NOT worth your tears.

 

You have children and a husband to think about FF...Start putting them first and focus all your energy on them.

 

You know the truth, it's staring at you in the face. You're just unwilling to accept it and see things as they are....

 

Well, it has been two weeks of NC and so far so good. He has been on vacation and working and I have started my own business and it is doing great. Putting all of my energy into my work instead of my xmm is so freeing. I am starting to feel like I am healing and everyday I am not in contact with him is a day that my wound heals a little more.

 

Granted he did come to my daughter's b-day and I think I did remarkably well given the circumstances. I had all my friends there for support. Of course he was his typical self trying to get me to bite with all these sexual innuendos, but I never gave him eye contact.

 

My friend said it just killed him that you did not respond. His wife left the party, but he stayed until the end. He was the last person to leave. It was so weird to see him and all I could think of honestly was everything we have done and all that we have been through.

 

It all came flooding back to me after ignoring it for two weeks, I figure if I can keep staying away from him I will get to the point I just won't care. i wish it was today, but I am way better than I was two weeks ago.

 

I think he can sense I am better and my friends seem to think he will be back pursuing, but hopefully by that time I will be strong enough to deal with it. I am dealing with my marriage and boy is that hard. I am not sure what I want from my H but I am taking one day at a time . It is so uncomfortable to watch my h talk to my xmm words cannot even describe it. I think everyone has their time when they have had enough and my came two weeks ago, but that does not negate the fact that losing someone who once met so much to you is not hard. Everyday is a fight between my heart and brain and thank god my brain is finally winning after almost two long years. So I guess what I am saying is there is light at the end of the tunnel and time is your best friend!! Stay strong

[whichwayisup]

Of course he was his typical self trying to get me to bite with all these sexual innuendos

 

First I have comment on this - EWWWWWWWWWW! He acted like that during your young daughters bday party with everyone around?? WTF. What a pig!!

 

And, good for you that you handled it well!

 

You should be proud of yourself - You've kept busy and you've focussed on other things rather than on him. Yes, him being on holidays has helped, but don't you feel better? Like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders?

 

You'll get there, and do more ignoring him, making yourself care less and less, look at him as pathetic and one day you seriously will look at him and wonder wtf you saw in him to begin with. To be honest, I think you'll get there faster than you think - Just keep the 'gross factor' about him going. I mean, what MAN gives off sexual energy at a child's bday party??? Yuk!!

[forbidden fruit]

First I have comment on this - EWWWWWWWWWW! He acted like that during your young daughters bday party with everyone around?? WTF. What a pig!!

 

And, good for you that you handled it well!

 

You should be proud of yourself - You've kept busy and you've focussed on other things rather than on him. Yes, him being on holidays has helped, but don't you feel better? Like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders?

 

You'll get there, and do more ignoring him, making yourself care less and less, look at him as pathetic and one day you seriously will look at him and wonder wtf you saw in him to begin with. To be honest, I think you'll get there faster than you think - Just keep the 'gross factor' about him going. I mean, what MAN gives off sexual energy at a child's bday party???

 

Oh you wouldn't believe this there was a divorced dad there and he came up to me and said too bad your married!! Double gross and I did not even say two words to this other guy, but my xmm heard him and started to get territorial-wtf!!!