A Problem With Trust.....

[slidensidewayz]

As i sit and read this I feel it relates alot to what I'm going through.

 

Me and my fiance or in the last 2 weeks x-fiance have alot of trust issues. She works for a police department and there is an officer who started there a year ago that came out in August and said he had fallen in love with my fiance'.

 

Prior to this we had hung out with his roomate (who also works there) and there never seemed to be a problem. We were having some issues before all of this arose and she had decided to postpone the wedding due to the problems. Things got bad when his roomate would called on day an said "give the guy a chance" and my fiance replied "I can't I'm engaged" Before she found out this guy liked her she had always talked to him and he knew all of our business.

 

But the real kick in the balls came when she had toold me she thought about dating him (this was about 3 months ago) Shortly after this she told me she had a talk with him and told him nothing will ever happen and he also confronted me and said he was not going to interfere that they were friends and he wanted her to be happy. I asked her to cut her social ties with him and she did not so I asked again and she said she did. She had also wanted to remain friends with these people and be able to socialize with them and i said please dont until we straighten things out and she has not been out with them.

 

I understand they work together and there has to be communication but I have a huge problem with him even being around. She said 3 months ago she wanted to move out so she could really see if this is what she wanted but she never did.

 

Thing were going ok until a few weeks ago when I flipped out over her going to breakfast with another women that works there and only because I was going to ask her to breakfast. Anytime she goes out to the mall, store or where ever whether it be alone or she says she is going with this other woman its in the back of my head that she is seeing him. This only happens once a week or every 2 weeks. She knows that I dont trust her and 2 weeks ago she moved back to her parents house after calling off the engagement altogether.

 

We have spent many nights together having dinner watching a movie or shopping but things just dont feel right since she has moved out. About a week ago she had said "she is pretty sure this is what she wants " ( meaning being with me and getting married) and that she is over all her thoughts of being with him.

 

Friday when we spoke we had a disagreement and she said things have not really changed in 3 months and she feels that they never will so I told her " thats all I needed to hear and hung up and have not heard from her since.

 

It kills me to sit here and wonder about her but I know I have to let her come back to me. But I just want to know if I am blind to what she is doing (she swears up and down nothing has ever happened or ever will happen between them) Is she playing games or am i just to damn jealous? All I need is for somebody to tell me shes not screwing me over

 

Editor's note: This post refers back to Topic: Guy and Girl friends while in Relationship. It was split into its own thread.

[Tony T]

Trust is like virginity. Once compromised it can never be regained.

 

You simply don't trust this woman and you are correct to let her go, heal from the relationship, and move on to other things. No other factors matter. Even if she had absolutely nothing to do with any other man, the fact that you will always drive yourself nuts everytime she goes out alone is enough reason to terminate the relationship.

 

Now, if you have trust issues with every lady you date, then you've got some serious self esteem issues that must be addressed and cleared up before you can ever have a satisfactory relationship.

 

On the face of it, getting pissed because she made plans with another lady is crazy. But obviously you suspected that may be a cover story for a rendevous with this other guy. Lack of trust rears its ugly head.

 

So, right now you need to stay away from your ex and have nothing more to do with her...as a favor to her as well as yourself. Write her off. Nobody wants to be with someone and live on eggshells because they aren't trusted. And you should never want to be with anybody you don't trust.

 

Again, if you have issues of jealousy and lack of trust with women in general...get professional help now or you will live a very lonely and miserable life. You can also read books on self esteem, jealousy, confidence, etc.

 

You also need to start working harder on attracting women to yourself who are trustworthy...those whose behavior is such that they enable you to place a great deal of trust in them.

 

Good luck to you!!!