MM conversation...sneaky much?

[chill chic]

Ok...this is about that MM that I had posted about before. long story short..I met him while I worked at the hospital, he came in to sell medicine, we'd flirt whenever he'd come to the office, but I couldn't do much because I was with an ex. my friend got his card for me (just in case) lol. and she told me he didn't have a wedding ring on. BUT I didn't contact him. fast forward to 2 years later, I contact him through his card and through myspace, now he's married, just got married apparently, and we've been talking on the phone, messaging, and even met up last saturday. but what I need to know is what he really wants out of me, and if I'm leading him on? how do I handle this?

SORRY THIS IS SO LONG, I apologize

 

 

 

guy :If I told her I was going to meet up with friends after the wedding for drinks, she wouldn't care, and I wouldn't be lying. If you don't feel comfortable I understand. It's up to you. Just call me if you want me to meet up with you. I've got some guy buddies I might call and see if they would want to head up there too.

me:yah...true, ok well it might just be me & her. so whatever you want to do is fine. you make me nervous though (situation) but it's cool for now...

guy: as i said, i don't want to cause you any headaches. if you call, great, if you don't i understand.

me: hope you're having a good day. I still want to be friends if that's cool, or especially talk business, or even investing too, because I want to start that really soon, so it'd be cool to get advice about that. anyway, did I look the same as your remember? lol or what?

guy: yes, you are still just as cute as i remember. i would have soooo gotten in so much trouble in the car that night if you would have let me lol but i wouldn't want to do anything to upset you or make you mad. i would love to help you out with your business. let me know when you would like to get together again sometime.

me: yah I know, and I didn't want to put you in that situation either, although the hug & the kiss was nice lol. well what were you thinking of doing? You wouldn't have made me mad, it's not that I wouldn't have let you, I wouldn't want to get you in trouble is the thing. thanks that you're willing to help me out with business stuff! and I'm free whenever to meet up again, so text me or message me whenever you want, I guess I'm more available than you are =P so let me know. or I'll let you know.

guy: I can get together whenever. if you want to do lunch thursday or friday let me know. what would i have done in the car?? lol pretty much anything you would have wanted me to do. i wasn't worried about getting in trouble. the only way that would happen is if you ever told. i didn't think you would do that.

me: yah probably friday would work well, because I believe I actually get off work at like 1pm, so I could meet up with you then, I'll have to check my schedule but I believe I do, so I'll let you know. hmm...about the car thing, well I could just imagine what we would've done =P and no seriously I would keep everything between us, and plus I wouldn't know anyone to tell. and the same goes for you, I guess, like if somehow she figured it out, or your friends hinted at her or something, who knows, just don't mention my name k. sneaky stuff. lol and you're ok with anything? it wouldn't make things weird between you & your wife, like I mean your feelings and everything.

nite nite,

guy: as i said before, i really regret never getting the chance to have gotten to know you better, go out on dates, etc. it's too late for me to be able to offer a relationship or anything. but if you need a little affection, i'm there for you. god knows i don't get any affection at home. maybe friday afternoon we could get together after you get off. just let me know.

me: yah I know it's too late for anything like that, and I do regret not making anything of it at the time, we were kinda in a tough spot even at that moment, but something could've worked out. and I don't want to be the person to mess up a good thing you have going. so...with that said, I think we should just stick with being business buddies, and a good friend, that involves nothing more than just a hug here & there. I thought about it, and I'm just ready to settle down with someone and then make things happen like that. I was just in that kind of relationship where all we did was just have fun, and it wasn't a good situation as far as emotions were concerned. so I guess I can't get caught up in that sorta mess again. I'm 26 and I need to start looking for good steady relationships, not anything on the side anymore. I know when the alcohol takes over, it gets a lil sketchy of course, but I think it's best for both of us. I'm sorry I can't be that person for you, but I've been through it, I don't know if you have or not (strictly just sexual) but it's rough let me tell you) so be careful with that if you ever choose to do something like that. and if you ever need someone to talk to about things, I'm your girl, and I would love to be good friends with you. You're smart and know the business ropes so it would be fun to talk about those things =) I hope this wasn't too long, and I hope you're ok with everything that I said, and hopefully we can still meet up on Friday. Let me know after all I've said k.

me again:I'm just confused I think...sorry for being so complicated =( I've just been under alot of stress lately because what I'm doing career-wise is a big step for me, so I'm under alot of pressure. I'll have to start studying for the life insurance exam, maybe you could help me study? lol. oh by the way, that same night, I drunk dialed that old dude lol at 3 am his time, so yah I was pretty gone that night I think. not too too bad but I was getting there, so who knows what would've happened if I was even more drunk lol.

(continuation): in continuation of my longer message...I wouldn't want anything to happen accidental if ya know what I mean, you know how that goes...so it's better to be safe than sorry ya know

guy: wow, that's a lot of messages. don't worry about anything happening to mess things up on my end. i wouldn't want that to happen either. if we ever get too drunk and "accidentally" kiss again i woudln't be too upset with that. other than that, we'll just have to try and behave ourselves. i would love to help you business wise. just let me know what you would like help with and when you want to get together.

 

the only reason why I messaged him again in the same day was because I forgot to mention something important. anyway...I've never been in this type of situation before like I said. so...does it seem like he's being REALLY sneaky? is all he want is sex from me obviously? how should I go about this? PLEASE HELP!!

[TaylorOneal]

So I have been in this situation, and I would say its clear he is trying to be super sauve and feel you out. See how far he can take it and still be "classy" about his cheating. I would also have to say you may have led him on a little and then backed up due to guilt or lack of desire for the "DRAMA" and guilt that would later follow.

 

Thhe thing for you to think about is, can you really be "friends" with this guy without overflowing sexual chemistry and if not maybe you should just blunt cut and dry end all sorts of communication with him. If you decide later on the friendship is important to you then maybe you could approach later and tell him you felt it was to overwhelming and you need a cool down.

 

You know I have been the other woman and I have been cheated on and I believe you kinda reap what you sew. So always keep in your mind somewhere you dont really want to have this done to you when you do settle down with a man who you believe to be one thing and is something completely different. But thats just my 2 cents

[Momma1015]

Personally to me it seems like your leading him on and messing with his head. In one message you say you'll let him do whatever he wants to you and than in the next one you say you ONLY want to be friends and nothing past that.

I think if you REALLY don't want to ruin his relationship than you'll make yourself clear that it's STRICTLY business and stand your ground with that decision.

[LucreziaBorgia]

it's too late for me to be able to offer a relationship or anything. but if you need a little affection, i'm there for you.

 

This translates to:

 

"I want to have sex with you behind my wife's back, and never have to worry about ever being in an actual relationship with you."

 

if you ever need someone to talk to about things, I'm your girl, and I would love to be good friends with you.

 

He reads this as:

 

"Yes, eventually I will let you sleep with me so all you need to do is try a little harder."

 

I know your intentions aren't to go in that direction, but you can't control how he reads things into what you say. You have presented this guy with an open door and a challenge to go through it - and you aren't even aware of that. Be prepared for this guy to really make an effort now.

[PoshPrincess]

All I can say is, don't get involved! Knock it on the head now while you still can unless you think you can handle a 'no strings' R. Would you really want anything more with a man who cheats on his W after only being married to her for a short time?

 

You KNOW you're treading a fine line by being friends. As you say, drinking can lead to something more. We all lose our inhibitions when we've had a drink and things that aren't a good idea seem like a great idea after a few too many! I've been there. Yes, you ARE giving him mixed signals but then it doesn't sound like he needs too much encouragement anyway. I think you know that it's pretty likely this will become more than a EA if you continue seeing each other.

 

The rest is up to you. Lots of luck.

[whichwayisup]

guy :If I told her I was going to meet up with friends after the wedding for drinks, she wouldn't care, and I wouldn't be lying. If you don't feel comfortable I understand. It's up to you. Just call me if you want me to meet up with you. I've got some guy buddies I might call and see if they would want to head up there too.

 

Ofcourse his wife wouldn't care, she trusts him. Last thing on her mind would be him hooking up with another woman, especially if he says he's meeting up with the guys after the wedding. Don't go!!

 

me:yah...true, ok well it might just be me & her. so whatever you want to do is fine. you make me nervous though (situation) but it's cool for now...

 

You are feeding his ego, but saying it's cool for now...Telling him he's making you nervous definately gives him the interest and desire to take it to the next level.

 

guy: as i said, i don't want to cause you any headaches. if you call, great, if you don't i understand.

 

Reverse pyschology...Put the owness on you, like the choice is ALL yours, and not his. He's being aloof on purpose.

 

me: hope you're having a good day. I still want to be friends if that's cool, or especially talk business, or even investing too, because I want to start that really soon, so it'd be cool to get advice about that. anyway, did I look the same as your remember? lol or what?

 

Who cares if he's having a good day?? The fact you're discussing the 'friendship' just shows the frame of mind you're in. Don't talk about it at all. You owe him no explanation!! Stop explaining yourself. And, you're flirty.

 

guy: yes, you are still just as cute as i remember. i would have soooo gotten in so much trouble in the car that night if you would have let me lol but i wouldn't want to do anything to upset you or make you mad. i would love to help you out with your business. let me know when you would like to get together again sometime.

 

So, he picks up on the flirty cue - gives you a flirty back, commenting on how cute you are.... Then the passive agressive "I wouldn't want to do anything to make you upset/mad...." I think you get the idea here what I'm saying?? He's opening the door wider, on a non business like manner. It's too friendly for someone who is married. The red flags are flappin in the wind here!

 

me: yah I know, and I didn't want to put you in that situation either, although the hug & the kiss was nice lol. well what were you thinking of doing? You wouldn't have made me mad, it's not that I wouldn't have let you, I wouldn't want to get you in trouble is the thing. thanks that you're willing to help me out with business stuff! and I'm free whenever to meet up again, so text me or message me whenever you want, I guess I'm more available than you are =P so let me know. or I'll let you know.

 

Discussing the hug/kiss is again, opening the door, feeling things out for the future. STOP playing/flirting/having that bit of fun with him. Yes, he is flirting back, but DO you really want the reputation at work that you go for married guys knowingly??? Re-read all your responses to what he says to you.

 

guy: I can get together whenever. if you want to do lunch thursday or friday let me know. what would i have done in the car?? lol pretty much anything you would have wanted me to do. i wasn't worried about getting in trouble. the only way that would happen is if you ever told. i didn't think you would do that.

me: yah probably friday would work well, because I believe I actually get off work at like 1pm, so I could meet up with you then, I'll have to check my schedule but I believe I do, so I'll let you know. hmm...about the car thing, well I could just imagine what we would've done =P and no seriously I would keep everything between us, and plus I wouldn't know anyone to tell. and the same goes for you, I guess, like if somehow she figured it out, or your friends hinted at her or something, who knows, just don't mention my name k. sneaky stuff. lol and you're ok with anything? it wouldn't make things weird between you & your wife, like I mean your feelings and everything.

nite nite,

guy: as i said before, i really regret never getting the chance to have gotten to know you better, go out on dates, etc. it's too late for me to be able to offer a relationship or anything. but if you need a little affection, i'm there for you. god knows i don't get any affection at home. maybe friday afternoon we could get together after you get off. just let me know.

me: yah I know it's too late for anything like that, and I do regret not making anything of it at the time, we were kinda in a tough spot even at that moment, but something could've worked out. and I don't want to be the person to mess up a good thing you have going. so...with that said, I think we should just stick with being business buddies, and a good friend, that involves nothing more than just a hug here & there. I thought about it, and I'm just ready to settle down with someone and then make things happen like that. I was just in that kind of relationship where all we did was just have fun, and it wasn't a good situation as far as emotions were concerned. so I guess I can't get caught up in that sorta mess again. I'm 26 and I need to start looking for good steady relationships, not anything on the side anymore. I know when the alcohol takes over, it gets a lil sketchy of course, but I think it's best for both of us. I'm sorry I can't be that person for you, but I've been through it, I don't know if you have or not (strictly just sexual) but it's rough let me tell you) so be careful with that if you ever choose to do something like that. and if you ever need someone to talk to about things, I'm your girl, and I would love to be good friends with you. You're smart and know the business ropes so it would be fun to talk about those things =) I hope this wasn't too long, and I hope you're ok with everything that I said, and hopefully we can still meet up on Friday. Let me know after all I've said k.

me again:I'm just confused I think...sorry for being so complicated =( I've just been under alot of stress lately because what I'm doing career-wise is a big step for me, so I'm under alot of pressure. I'll have to start studying for the life insurance exam, maybe you could help me study? lol. oh by the way, that same night, I drunk dialed that old dude lol at 3 am his time, so yah I was pretty gone that night I think. not too too bad but I was getting there, so who knows what would've happened if I was even more drunk lol.

(continuation): in continuation of my longer message...I wouldn't want anything to happen accidental if ya know what I mean, you know how that goes...so it's better to be safe than sorry ya know

guy: wow, that's a lot of messages. don't worry about anything happening to mess things up on my end. i wouldn't want that to happen either. if we ever get too drunk and "accidentally" kiss again i woudln't be too upset with that. other than that, we'll just have to try and behave ourselves. i would love to help you business wise. just let me know what you would like help with and when you want to get together.

 

All the same convo, this ALL is inappropriate conversation to have with him. You know this. I hope.

 

What do you really want to happen? What do you think WILL happen if you continue talking to him like you are now? Please, don't play "I have no clue" about men. You're giving him signals and he's picking up on them, BIG TIME.

 

IF you don't stop this, you'll end up in bed with him and help him cheat on his wife and family. The choice is yours.

[a4a]

How would you feel if your husband and a woman were pulling this crap behind your back?

 

And he is no prize obviously.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

And he is no prize obviously

 

Exactly, so you two probably deserve each other.

[outofdarkness]

Hi...Yes, in my opinion you ARE leading him on and playing w/ fire I might add. If you all spend much more time together, especially if drinks are involved, you will find yourself in a full blown A...NOT GOOD. You still have time to walk away and cut contact. PLEASE do this for yourself!! If he is communicating w/ you w/out his W's knowledge, he is in my book, cheating...Do you really want to spend the best years of your life w/ someone like this? You are young and have so much time to meet the right person and be happy. You will never be # 1 with this MM. Are you ready to settle for second best?

 

Also, business is business, yes, but there are SOOO many office A's that go on and most end up in disaster...My opinion is that it's bad to ever mix business w/ romance...Think about yourself and your own career. What would this do to your future? It would most likely interfere w/ you goals, etc...

 

Cut contact w/ him..If he emails or texts, block him. No need for even any closure, since you all never really got as far as a full blown physical A..Good luck to you and hope you keep us updated...

[TheDiva]

Q: but what I need to know is what he really wants out of me....

 

A: guy:as i said before, i really regret never getting the chance to have gotten to know you better, go out on dates, etc. it's too late for me to be able to offer a relationship or anything. but if you need a little affection, i'm there for you. god knows i don't get any affection at home. maybe friday afternoon we could get together after you get off. just let me know.

 

Can it be MORE CLEAR what he wants out of you? He told you exactly. And WTF! how many newlywed people, married by choice, don't have affection IE: SEX?

 

 

and if I'm leading him on? In a word YES.

 

 

how do I handle this?

 

Take the hint from your screen name and CHILL CHIC! WALK away now. That probably won't happen because you seem to be into him. But think about this for a moment.

 

If you start a Full blown PA with him, you will have absolutely no quarter when the A ends. Meaning you will be 100% accountable for your actions. He is already making it your choice. Choose the path that leads away from him...

 

does it seem like he's being REALLY sneaky?

 

Actually he seems to be perfectly honest, he wants sex, not a relationship with you. Can you really handle that?

 

is all he want is sex from me obviously? how should I go about this?

 

SEE ABOVE, anything else is going to turn your life upside down, and you WILL fall out of that secure seat on the rollercoaster when it goes upside down. He won't be very off he mark when he tells the BW that you chased after him either...think hard before leaping on the cliff.

[Izzar]

They're both feeding each others egos. Not a good situation.

Sneaky on both sides.

Maybe you should just end it now? Ya think.

[chill chic]

Thank everyone for your replies. I'm not going to be treated with disrespect anymore, especially concerning sex. I want to find guy to have a steady relationship with, get to know him, then start thinking about all the sex stuff. So...I'm quitting contact with this guy, I mean what the hell would I get out of it anyway? I'd rather get love & affection from someone that is genuinely into me, and wants to have a real relationship with me. I've just been in a rut of what seems like losers so I need to take a deep breath and start looking in the RIGHT places. It's a good lesson to learn, but sometimes I find myself learning the hard way...always

[whichwayisup]

Well, be glad that you came here and shared your situation. You now know what sort of man he is, to flirt and make it seem like he is available when he's not at all.

 

You deserve better, not table scraps from some MM.

[PoshPrincess]

Well, be glad that you came here and shared your situation. You now know what sort of man he is, to flirt and make it seem like he is available when he's not at all.

 

You deserve better, not table scraps from some MM.

 

Well said WWIU!

 

Chillchic, he doesn't deserve you and you certainly deserve better! Keep up the good work.

[chill chic]

oh geez...he just messaged me to tell me that his wife is having a girls only party at their house & that he'll be on his own, probably going to the casino. he must be really desperate...the casino must have a hotel

[Art_Critic]

You know he is married..and that he wants to deceive his wife..

 

At this point if you continue contact with him you will be openly trying to have an affair with a married man.

 

Tell him that you are sorry but he is married and you don't go there.

[whichwayisup]

oh geez...he just messaged me to tell me that his wife is having a girls only party at their house & that he'll be on his own, probably going to the casino. he must be really desperate...the casino must have a hotel

 

And what did you say in your reply back to him?

[puddleofmud]

"If I told her I was going to meet up with friends after the wedding for drinks, she wouldn't care, and I wouldn't be lying."

 

I would hope this would be all you need: this guy is experienced as he is well able to tell himself that a LIE is not at all a lie as a half-truth allows him to do/justify whatever he wants. Wow! What a great guy!

[chill chic]

"If I told her I was going to meet up with friends after the wedding for drinks, she wouldn't care, and I wouldn't be lying."

 

I would hope this would be all you need: this guy is experienced as he is well able to tell himself that a LIE is not at all a lie as a half-truth allows him to do/justify whatever he wants. Wow! What a great guy!

 

yah I'm going to tell him that it's just a little too late..tough luck he got married..that's not my fault! I'm still single & can do whatever I want...but not with a MM.

[outofdarkness]

They're both feeding each others egos. Not a good situation.

Sneaky on both sides.

Maybe you should just end it now? Ya think.

thread hi jack...That picture from The Exorcist never ceases to scare the hell out of me. I remember being a young girl and crying at the commercial. I still get scared even when the more "tame" version comes on the tube...

[StaringContest]

It's pretty clear. He wants to bone you, no strings attached and he wants you to keep your mouth shut about it so his wife doesn't find out.

 

At the beginning of your convo, you sounded willing. Then you switched it up on him. Seems like he's still holding out hope that that something "accidental" you mentioned might happen.

 

If you don't want to be f*ck buddies, stop talking to this guy. It'll end one of two ways: 1. Once he figures out you're not gonna bang him, he'll disappear. 2. You'll drink too much one night and he'll "make the most of it".

[StaringContest]

yah I'm going to tell him that it's just a little too late..tough luck he got married..that's not my fault! I'm still single & can do whatever I want...but not with a MM.

 

Good for you.

[puddleofmud]

yah I'm going to tell him that it's just a little too late..tough luck he got married..that's not my fault! I'm still single & can do whatever I want...but not with a MM.

 

But, yet, and again! Why "tell" him anything?

Why would you care what he thinks?

[chill chic]

since I last talked to him, which was last thursday, I have been trying to maintain NC with him, like he'll message me but I don't write back or I'll keep it short, with no emotions/feelings or anything. But the last message I sent to him was Saturday because he asked me what I was doing that night and I said "I'll see what I'm doing" but I didn't call, text or message him since then.

Now today, he sends me an email saying this:

"miss me yet? i wish i could have ran into ya this weekend. i needed another kiss :-("

 

Ha right...

so how should I respond, I guess I don't want to ignore him because he's a friend, but then again, I don't want to lead him on, so what do I do? I want to tell him that I'll only mess with a married guy if he's married to me. But what should I do? He obviously still wants affection from me even after I've blown him off. Like I said though I'd rather keep it as friends, could that work?

[Art_Critic]

And he is no prize obviously.

 

What part of this are you missing ?

 

If you are still talking to him then you want to reel him in.. Why ?