MM conversation...sneaky much?

[Art_Critic]

I don't want to lead him on, so what do I do?

 

Honesty..... tell him to bug off... that you only think of him as a friend..

[chill chic]

What part of this are you missing ?

 

If you are still talking to him then you want to reel him in.. Why ?

 

I cut contact on saturday, I know this is tuesday but it's a definite change since we used to talk everyday. I don't want anything physical with him. and the last time I saw him was the weekend before last.

[Art_Critic]

I cut contact on saturday, I know this is tuesday but it's a definite change since we used to talk everyday. I don't want anything physical with him. and the last time I saw him was the weekend before last.

 

You have to straighten him out.. lay it out there.. now his emails are getting more intimate.." do you miss me "

 

You ought to email him back and tell him to email his wife and not you.. if you don't lay it out there this is going to snowball

[LucreziaBorgia]

Like I said though I'd rather keep it as friends, could that work?

 

Nope. He will use your "friendship" as a weak point to work on getting himself laid.

 

When a man wants sex - particularly a married man, he will rarely if ever settle for genuine friendship. He might use a "friendship" to move in closer, but he won't ever be your friend in the sincerest form.

 

Any attempt on your part to be "friends" will be exploited by him and used as an excuse to move things farther along.

 

Be honest with yourself here ... why do you want a genuine friendship with this guy? Do you even want a genuine friendship, or do you want a 'no sex' flirtmate - someone who can flatter you and feed your ego, while you do the same for him?

[chill chic]

You have to straighten him out.. lay it out there.. now his emails are getting more intimate.." do you miss me "

 

You ought to email him back and tell him to email his wife and not you.. if you don't lay it out there this is going to snowball

 

 

I should tell him that about his wife but seriously yah I see your point.

[chill chic]

Nope. He will use your "friendship" as a weak point to work on getting himself laid.

 

When a man wants sex - particularly a married man, he will rarely if ever settle for genuine friendship. He might use a "friendship" to move in closer, but he won't ever be your friend in the sincerest form.

 

Any attempt on your part to be "friends" will be exploited by him and used as an excuse to move things farther along.

 

Be honest with yourself here ... why do you want a genuine friendship with this guy? Do you even want a genuine friendship, or do you want a 'no sex' flirtmate - someone who can flatter you and feed your ego, while you do the same for him?

 

to be honest, yah I do like ego feeders it's like a drug addiction almost, I get it alot, so when I'm not "high" I get it from a guy that is danger, meaning I thought it would be a thrill to get it from a married man, but who am I kidding, it's ridiculous, and I can't believe I stooped that low. there is no point, and I just want it to end. I thought it would be fun at the time to start something, but I'm pulling back because I've come to my senses.

[chill chic]

to blow him off, should I do it in person or over email or what?

[Art_Critic]

to blow him off, should I do it in person or over email or what?

 

I don't think it matters how you do it.. the message should be the same on either method you choose..Go with whatever makes you feel like you can speak your mind in.

 

If I was in your shoes I would do it in email.. then if he doesn't get the message ( because he might not want to quit yet ) then do it in person.

[chill chic]

I don't think it matters how you do it.. the message should be the same on either method you choose..Go with whatever makes you feel like you can speak your mind in.

 

If I was in your shoes I would do it in email.. then if he doesn't get the message ( because he might not want to quit yet ) then do it in person.

 

ok sounds like a plan, thanks art

[whichwayisup]

And once you do talk to him or email him, you MUST follow through and not cave in the future. You say it's over, make it over - Both emotionally and physically. (Meaning emotionally and in action.)

[chill chic]

And once you do talk to him or email him, you MUST follow through and not cave in the future. You say it's over, make it over - Both emotionally and physically. (Meaning emotionally and in action.)

 

I just sent him an email to arrange a meeting with him telling him I need to talk with him about a few things. just that, nothing of emotion , just ignoring what he wrote me just before, I'm proud of myself actually so hopefully we can discuss things in person, because people better understand the seriousness of things in person alot better. and I won't cave in, I will be strong. I'm anxious to get this over and done with honestly.

[whichwayisup]

Good luck. Really, be strong and don't fall for ONE WORD that he may throw your way. Men who want to get laid will do and say pretty much anything to make it happen...Even the nice guys can pull that off too.

[Art_Critic]

Good luck. Really, be strong and don't fall for ONE WORD that he may throw your way. Men who want to get laid will do and say pretty much anything to make it happen...Even the nice guys can pull that off too.

 

Word .....

[chill chic]

it's like he's being immature, like a lil boy or something lol. and I just don't get why he'd risk his marriage to mess with me. once I learned he was married I started taking steps back, because I don't mess with that. I've had an f buddy before and that was hard enough, so I could only imagine how hard a married f buddy would be . Not going there. I already learned the hard way with my previous single f buddy.

[whichwayisup]

But Chil, you're playing into his immaturity by flirting back and being all school girlish around him...No offence. You two caught eachothers eye, and it went from there. You both flirted and yes, he should have known better right from the start, but even after you found out he was married, you still were considering going out with him. I am glad that you've changed your mind and aren't going to.

[Trialbyfire]

cc, after all the good advice that people are giving you in this thread, why are you telling him to go away, in person? While I feel this is mandatory in a real relationship, you don't really have a relationship with this guy. I'm getting the impression that you enjoy flirting with danger.

[whichwayisup]

TBF is right, I think telling him through email is better. You don't owe him. Remember that.

[chill chic]

should I just re-email him then?

[Trialbyfire]

I would email him with something a little more strongly worded:

 

"I've thought about this a little more and have decided that it's better if we don't see each other again. I'm getting the impression that this is a game of flirtation. I was serious about looking for someone who isn't previously committed for a long-term relationship.

 

You're already married, therefore, not someone I want to get involved with. I hope you understand where I'm coming from.

 

Take care of yourself, cc."

 

Of course this isn't your wording but you get the idea. A little more direct but still gentle enough that it's not slapping him across the face for even considering you attractive. It gives the impression that it's more the situation than the person.

 

I hope someone else gives their thoughts about the above wording as well.

[Sheba]

Chill - you are not convincing me that you really want to end this flirtation - I think the very fact you planned an in person meeting to "blow him off" is telling. Why would a married man who is sneaking around on his wife deserve such a courtesy? I think you are still very interested in seeing what will happen next, even if only subconsciously.

 

I think a message saying "I may have lead you to believe I was interested in a relationship with you. I am not. Please don't contact me again." would be more than sufficient in the circumstances. More than he is entitled to, really, the lousy bastard.

 

You are more tempted than you are admitting, I believe. If I were a betting woman, I would bet that a face-to-face meeting between the two of you would lead to him getting some of that affection he claims to not get at home.

 

You are young and single and, apparently, cute. It would be very easy for you to find yourself a nice single man I am sure. Keep looking!

[chill chic]

this is what I actually wrote him before I saw the posts on here about not seeing him again, so that's where I stand with it. So yah I have to do a change up and email him again and just give it to him straight, like you said.

 

this is what I sent to him earlier:

"hey I was going to text you just a minute ago, but I don't want to interrupt anything or make someone wonder who you're getting a text from, or if she sees it or what. but I was wondering if you were gonna be online tonight, do you ever use your messenger on here? or we can set aside a time to meet up, because I want to talk to ya about a few things.

take care,"

 

I thought I was playing it safe by not texting, because all I need now is for her to know anything. I want to make a clean break!

so was that good? besides the meeting up part?

[Trialbyfire]

The text sent earlier could give him the impression that you're interested, especially with the tail-end portion of wanting to meet up. Without the meet up portion, it could be construed either way.

[Sheba]

If I were him, that message would leave me with hope - lots of hope, given the meeting part! Chill - I am convinced you are heading down a path hundreds of posters on this site can tell you is a painful one. Painful for you, painful for his wife, maybe even painful for the sneak!

 

I urge you, for the sake of your pride - now or in the future - don't do this to yourself. I am sure you deserve better.

[LucreziaBorgia]

This is what you wrote:

 

"hey I was going to text you just a minute ago, but I don't want to interrupt anything or make someone wonder who you're getting a text from, or if she sees it or what. but I was wondering if you were gonna be online tonight, do you ever use your messenger on here? or we can set aside a time to meet up, because I want to talk to ya about a few things.

take care,"

 

This is how he is going to interpret it:

 

I am discreet and if you are with me, I'll make sure your wife never finds out about us. Can we meet? I'd love to have a few drinks and let you seduce me.

 

I understand your intentions, but you have to realize that when a MM is determined, he reads into things what he wants to read. He hears what he wants to hear. He does what he wants to do. He is interested in one thing and one thing only: the chase and the kill.

 

Anything you say or do that gives him any edge whatsoever - even if it is only a percieved edge, will be a green light for him. He will pull out the stops and try to sweep you off your feet. He will overwhelm you with attention and desire.

 

If you want this to stop, and I mean REALLY want this to stop there is only one way to do that. You need to stop being passive. Give a very firm, clear statement:

 

"I do not associate with married guys, much less date them. If you contact me in any way, shape or form one more time I will contact your wife and tell her everything."

 

There is no mistaking that. No door left open, nada.

 

I can understand why you would not want to do that though. You'll lose his attention entirely if you do this.

 

The only other option is to find yourself sucked slowly into an affair. It happens like clockwork. A girl finds herself the target of MM's attention, and it goes something like this:

 

1. OMG a MM is hitting on me! I would never, ever be involved with a MM.

2. I really like the attention, so maybe we can keep it as friends.

3. I mean, we aren't really doing anything wrong if we aren't having sex, right?

4. He calls every night, texts, and we go out as "friends".

5. He is sharing so much information with me now, we are really getting close.

6. Tonight we kissed! I felt so guilty, but it felt so right.

7. He is so lonely and needy for love right now. It is so wrong that he is stuck with a wife who doesn't love him and want him.

8. Tonight he held me in his arms and told me with tears in his eyes that he was falling in love with me.

9. Tonight we made out, but we didn't have sex! Thank goodness we are still friends though! I don't want to lose our friendship!

10. Tonight he spent the night when his wife was out of town and held me all night long. We made love in the morning. He is my soulmate, and we are in love so what we did isn't wrong. After all, he isn't getting it at home so what is wrong with being with me?

 

 

There you have it. It is so predictable. The scary thing is that you are about halfway there already.

 

You know what else is predictable? The ending. No one goes into it looking at that part, but that part is the most predictable of all.

[chill chic]

Thanks for that explanation LB.

 

I know guys, I wasn't smart how I worded the email. I'm not good with blowing people off that I used to know. If it was a stranger...well then piece of cake! But yah, and actually this is what he wrote back:

 

"what are you doing tonight? she is going shopping after work for a few hours so i can meet somewhere after work for some drinks if you want. just name the place and time"

 

"then half an hour later:

what were you wanting to chat about? good chat or bad chat?"

 

so..should I just say...? help