Am I acting like a baby?

[LoveLace]

If you've followed my roommate diaries, you know everything, but he and I decided not to renew the lease together in 4 months and that I will be the one to move out and get a 1 bedroom.

 

In the mean time, he keeps flaunting the chicks in my face to the point that I just can't take it anymore. Last night I was perfectly content, studying for school on the couch, when it was just me, him, and his daughter. But then he gets on the phone with one chick and tells her she's coming over tonight, yadda yadda. I personally wanted to stay in my own living room and study or whatever, but if a chick's coming over, I would have to go into my room. He doesn't even ask me about it. I just got up and went into my bedroom the rest of the night. I'm miserable and I already know he's talked to a buddy about moving in to replace me.

 

So I texted my RM last night after he left to pick up the chick apparently, I just said I love you, (we say that all the time), but what if your buddy could replace me sooner? ....that way, I could move sooner. I got no response in few minutes, so then I said, "Just a thought we can talk another time about it". And I never got a response. I don't know if the chick ever ended up over there, but the bottom line is I can't take it anymore.

 

Am I acting like a baby or would anyone in my situation feel this way?

[Porn_Guy]

Am I acting like a baby or would anyone in my situation feel this way?

Personally I think you are acting like a baby...

[LoveLace]

Well Pornguy, I guess thats too bad; cuz I shouldn't have to tolerate something that makes me uncomfortable if I don't want to. And I could care less if its obvious to him. It feels like he's trying to push me out anyway, so I might be reacting the way he wants me to.

[LoveLace]

...also, I would never think of asking him not to have girls over, etc, cuz I don't have a right to do that; all I wanna do is fix it myself by getting the heck outta there.

[norajane]

Actually, you're being passive/aggressive, I think. Just like the night with Sophia, you got jealous and you felt you had to - right then at that moment! - tell him you wanted to talk to him about moving out. And just like last night, you got jealous - and right then at that moment! - you had to text him about moving out sooner.

 

Instead of directly just coming out and telling him what your real issue is - that you get jealous of other women and it's driving you crazy because you have feelings for him - you do something to try to make him pay attention to you, even if it's to talk about moving out.

 

Seriously, if you don't want to destroy your friendship, you really, really need to just tell him the truth and give him the opportunity to respond to your real concerns. Passive/aggressive BS is a sure-fire way to make someone resent the hell out of you.

 

That's not to say he doesn't show the same behavior pattern - crowing about all his chicks on the line is the same thing as what you're doing. Instead of addressing whatever his real issue is with you, he annoys you by boasting about his ladies. You two really just need to spend 15 minutes being honest with each other and stop playing games.

[a4a]

Actually, you're being passive/aggressive, I think. Just like the night with Sophia, you got jealous and you felt you had to - right then at that moment! - tell him you wanted to talk to him about moving out. And just like last night, you got jealous - and right then at that moment! - you had to text him about moving out sooner.

 

Instead of directly just coming out and telling him what your real issue is - that you get jealous of other women and it's driving you crazy because you have feelings for him - you do something to try to make him pay attention to you, even if it's to talk about moving out.

 

Seriously, if you don't want to destroy your friendship, you really, really need to just tell him the truth and give him the opportunity to respond to your real concerns. Passive/aggressive BS is a sure-fire way to make someone resent the hell out of you.

 

That's not to say he doesn't show the same behavior pattern - crowing about all his chicks on the line is the same thing as what you're doing. Instead of addressing whatever his real issue is with you, he annoys you by boasting about his ladies. You two really just need to spend 15 minutes being honest with each other and stop playing games.

 

WORD! plus some other characters.

[LoveLace]

His real issues with me? I don't know what that means. But this time, I just didn't want to talk to him about it with his daughter right there, so I gave him the text later. I didn't expect immediate attention out of it, but when I think of something to say, I don't want to delay it (obviously), either. He didn't respond so it probably annoyed him, but I just don't care, cuz I feel like he wants me gone anyway. I won't have a prob telling him I'm miserable and why (when we talk about it)...I'm way too distracted by my jealousy so I can't concentrate on studying, etc, and I'd like to end the stress of it all soon if I can.

 

And the fact that I am bothering him the way I am is another reason why I should duck out ASAP. I think our friendship will be fine, if not better, after that.

[LakesideDream]

Is he insinsitive? Sure. Twisting the knife? Absolutely. Why would he do these things? Easy answer, because he can. You are allowing him to use you for an emotional punching bag.

 

In your post you say "I can't take it anymore". But you know full well that you can and will. At some level you enjoy the negitive attention you are receiving.

 

Deciding to live the way you are was silly. Complaining about it after the fact is self serving and immature. You have abdicated your personal power and self esteem by choice and have no credibility when you complain about it now.

 

Find a one bedroom and make your flight. What's the worst thing that can happen, a trip to Judge Judy for abandoning the lease early, where you have a good chance of prevailing anyhow?

[Sevenmack]

Exactly LakesideDream. If she really wanted to get together with him, she'd just spit it out. If she was tired of his nastiness toward her, she'd tell him so and move out. But she doesn't want the former and doesn't want to end the latter. She's a masochist, but unlike S&M masochists, she doesn't have real communication with him or even set groundrules.

 

She'd be better off going to a dungeon to get her rocks off; at least she'd have some self-respect.

[LoveLace]

Is he insinsitive? Sure. Twisting the knife? Absolutely. Why would he do these things? Easy answer, because he can. You are allowing him to use you for an emotional punching bag.

 

In your post you say "I can't take it anymore". But you know full well that you can and will. At some level you enjoy the negitive attention you are receiving.

 

I just told him last night I want to move out sooner. I am miserable, I don't enjoy any of this at all.

[Trialbyfire]

Then sit down and have a mature discussion with him. If he doesn't feel the same way about you as you do about him, at least you know instead of playing mind games.

[dropdeadlegs]

I have read most of your roommate diaries threads. What I'm reading into this last chapter is what is common in many "relationship" break ups. Both sides act in a passive/aggressive manner, effectively heating up a side dish of anger, in an attempt to make the "break" easier. It's silly, really, but I think it's rather common. A sort of self preservation or self defense strategy to make ourselves feel that the break is the best option.

 

It is easier to leave someone you are angry with, someone who has hurt you, than someone you care deeply about.

 

Acting like babies? Not really but acting immaturely, for sure. Both of you.

 

Your ability to remain friends in the future is really at stake here. I don't mean to imply that you will be friends, or that you should or could be friends when this ends.

 

I really think it would have been best to put your feelings out there with dignity some time ago, and every day and every action/reaction is making that harder to do. Now you fear that he will judge you, based on the previous weeks and all that has happened, in a less flattering way. You can still do this and maintain your dignity, but you better come clean soon, and explain all your emotional reactions. It will take more of a leap of faith now than it would have weeks ago. You will have to put your ego aside.

 

In the long run I think you will be better off and have no regrets, even if momentarily you could feel rejected and spurned. Then again, he may be having similar feelings, but this game playing is no way to get to the truth. If he doesn't share your feelings, the possibility of friendship in the future could still remain, but passive/aggressive behavior is hurtful and might be hard to overcome.

[LoveLace]

I think it's more like I want out before I feel hurt or angry, cuz I haven't exactly reached those heights yet. But I guess I feel them coming on, so maybe I'm trying to save the friendship before it gets too messy...I just don't know...

 

The things he's doing are pushing me farther away, and I think I may be doing the same for him cuz everytime I feel jealous I just so happen to wanna talk about moving out (like Norajane said) I'm sure he's picked up on that by now.

But just because it feels like he's playing games on purpose, doesn't mean it is on purpose, it's only me, and I can't handle it, and its driving him crazy, making him anxious for me to be outta there so that he can just live his bachelor life without any interruption! Perhaps I'm making it hard for him to be the free man he wants to be, and I don't want to do that anymore! I have the tendency to let spontaneous, emotional behavior surface at the wrong times, for all different reasons, and the poor guy has to deal with it!