Am I on the right track?

[waitingforlove]

Hi everyone,

A little background to my story first. I started going out with this guy a little more than four months ago. He was the one who did the pursuing at first, but then I got really into him and wanted to see if things would progress. About couple months ago, I told him that I didn't normally date only for the sake of dating (implying that I wanted a real relationship). He confessed that he just wanted to have fun and wasn't ready for a relationship. Anyway, the more we talked, the more strain it put on the both of us. He started to back away, and the more he backed off, the more I got scared, so I started caring even more for him. He sensed that and told me that he didn't want me to be so attached to him, and that he had other friends and so he didn't want me to be jealous when he went out with his other friends. Now given that he has a lot of friends in this city because he has lived here for a few years, while this is my first year in this city and I don't have many friends, sometimes I did feel lonely when he would choose to go out with his friends all the time. I did most of the calling and I felt like he could have called also, so it upset me. About a week ago we talked about the possibility of "just being friends." After a lot of discussions, we decided to try to go back to "the way it was" before anything happened. I know that I might never get any level of commitment from this guy, and yet on the other hand, I also think that there's a possibility that he only backed away because I raised the question too early -- at least it was too early for him, and that scared him. And I have decided that I would be happy to take it slow, wherever this leads to, as long as we have a good time together, because we share a great chemistry and I am not ready to completely give up on this just yet.

 

So, after we decided to try to get back the "spark," I decided on my own to change the way I had been acting. I thought that might be the only way to regain the spark and to get him to pursue me again. I stopped calling him and started "playing cool." I stopped asking where he was going or whom he was with. When he mentioned about his plans with his friends, I supported that. Two and a half days after I stopped calling, he called while I was hanging out with some friends from church, so we talked only a couple minutes and I was really nice on the phone as usual, but also tried to end the phone call before he did. Then I continued not to call him. It was really hard! Three days later (yesterday), just when I thought he was never going to call again, he called and I didn't hear the phone ring. Later I found out that he had called, so I called him back, and we had a good conversation -- and he asked me to go to dinner tonight. Well, this morning he called and said he hated to do this to me but he had forgotten that there was a lecture that he had wanted to go to for a long time, that was happening tonight. So he asked me to go out tomorrow but it just so happened that I wouldn't be free tomorrow. So I wanted to play cool and suggested that we just do something some other time. But he kept asking for this time or that time, and finally we found a time to get together just for coffee this afternoon. So I went and it was nice. He had to go after just 45 minutes but I didn't get upset at all, and I told him to enjoy the lecture when he dropped me off. I said bye, turned away without even looking back!

 

I'm not going to call him. I'm just going to wait till he calls again, which I believe won't happen until a few days from now, but that's okay. I'm NOT going to let myself lose this "battle" again! Some say that relationships are always a dance, in that when one person backs off, the other would come forward. He has backed off a lot from me previously, so now I'm going to get him to come back towards me by pulling back myself. Impatience is my biggest enemy and I'm not going to let that ruin this again! Do you think I'm on the right track?

[Yernasia Quorelios]

Certainly sounds like you're on the right track! Good luck .