Guest Posted March 31, 2007 Share Posted March 31, 2007 Background --- My boyfriend and I have been dating for 4 years. During the first 3 years we lived about 2 hours apart, so we mainly saw each other on the weekends. This past year, I've been living abroad in Asia for my job. I'll be back this summer and we plan to live in the same city (and are thinking about moving in together). He's been very sweet to me especially since I've gone through some rough times lately, with the death of an immediately family member, etc. The betrayal? --- However, I found something that disturbed me. I was home during the holiday season and he came to stay with me for a few days. He has free reign to use my computer while he visits. He logged in to his MySpace page and forgot to log out. I used the computer after while he wasn't around and I snooped I found a series of messages from and to his best friend (a guy), who lives in a city a few hours away. Paraphrase of conversation --- His best friend- Have you banged that hot waitress that you said was into you yet? Boyfriend- No, I went out with her and her friend but they cockblocked me by constantly bringing up my girlfriend. I was totally nauseous. These messages were during the time when I was home for break but I was visiting my family, so he had plenty of free time. The confrontation --- I called him after he visited and danced around the subject for a while, then came out with it. I let him know that I had snooped and what I had read. He briefly paused and then told me that he never went out with this girl. He said that he had bragged to his friend that this waitress was flirting with him. His friend keeped egging him on and was trying to get him to sleep with her. He wasn't thinking about cheating at all, he just felt flattered that she seemed to like him. So he told his friend that he was "cockblocked" to get him off his back. We hung up and I thought about it for a while. It sounded reasonable and he had never given me reason to believe he was cheating before. He called me back after a few minutes and after thinking about it, was really annoyed that I had snooped. He's really big on his privacy and I really broke his trust. I aplogized and life his gone on since then. I'm now back to my job and there's only a few months left before I come home. The problem --- Part 1) Even though I was reassured at first, I keep wondering whether I've been lied to or not. He set his MySpace profile to private soon after the incident. I was suspicious, so I started snooping again I know his password, and although I never used it before, now I started checking his messages. But he has deleted all his messages. I know he checks the account, but there's never anything in there when I check. I hate doing this but I feel compelled to. I want to stop Part 2) If he's telling the truth, what does this say about his character? He sometimes idolizes his best friend, even though they have drifted apart. His best friend is a typical player/user with women and honestly a bit of an *******. My boyfriend's other friends are great guys, but this best friend really bugs me. They have been friends since they were 13. From my MySpace hacking, I know my boyfriend and his best friend are planning a trip to New Orleans, that I haven't heard about yet (although it's still in the very vague planning stages). If my boyfriend feels like he has to lie to keep up his manly facade over the internet, what will he do under direct pressure from his friend? I'm cool with burlesque, strip clubs (not too happy about lap dances), porn, etc but what if this guy wants to pick up some girls? Will he fold? How do I approach this with my boyfriend without telling him I snooped or insulting him? He loves New Orleans and has been there many times. He and I went there together for a trip last year, but he's mentioned in passing since that "New Orleans is not a place for couples. It's really a single guy city" Thanks for reading all this. Help please! Link to post Share on other sites
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