alextop30 Posted March 31, 2007 Share Posted March 31, 2007 Yes the question is really this. I don't believe that I am asking it but I have gotten so sick of this world. From 5 years I havent found a good friend that hasn't given up on me in the moment that I really need him. I have gone through my parents almost getting into a physical fight as well as depressions that I am nothing and that noone gives a damn about me. Now I am 19 still in a down fall. Yesterday my last two friends gave up on me and it was on the topic of going to watch a movie. One of them was too busy playing their game and the other was just too busy even though we made plans from 3 weeks before since I know that he is really busy. I had a girl that was just a friend but aparently my culture values conflicted too much with hers. I am the type of guy that loves to be outside of his depressing home, I do not want to tell my friends what is going on at home so I don't get pitty. Lately I am all alone just as I have been for a really long time but the difference is that the shalow friends are gone too. When I look at my cellphone book I have noone to call to go to movie or just talk to. I think I am broken now. How can u search for a girl friend when you hate yourself as much as I do and you have no friends to share something with. Over the last couple of years I have grown to be the biggest pesimist on the planet. I started out with looking at what good can come out but my thinking has changed since I saw nothing but people that gave up. Tell me is this what is really wrong with me or is it something else and if you can suggest a solution, I have even thought of going to the school psycologist. Link to post Share on other sites
melodymatters Posted March 31, 2007 Share Posted March 31, 2007 Well, all I know for sure, is that : when what you are doing, isn't working, do SOMETHING COMPLETLEY DIFFERENT ! Sure, go to the school psychologist, take a day trip somewhere you've never been, volunteer at a soup kitchen,talk to EVERYONE you meet ! I just moved to a new town last week where I know NO ONE, I talked to a 22 yr old kid at a store, and an 80 yr old guy at the beach and now they are both my new " friends". Yeah, sure friends is a strong word, more aqquantances, but the more people you meet, the better chance of meeting somone on your level. Don'y hate yourself, there will be enough people in the world who will dislike you and judge you harshly for reasons that have nothing to do with you. Work on this issue first, it probably stems from your unhappy home life, but don't let your parents disfuntion cloud the rest of YOUR life, learn from it and get stronger. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author alextop30 Posted March 31, 2007 Author Share Posted March 31, 2007 you actually adressed my concern - new people vs. Friends. When I was small me and my best friend did everything together movies- computer games, playing soccer, playing ping pong, we even worked out together. We use to be in the most popular group and we had the best of times. Now everything is different, that friend forgot me about 8 years ago when I moved to USA. I havent found a friend like that - not even close. I have no problem meeting new people but the problem is getting friends. I have plenty of people of school that I say hi how are you doing today. How is school going? but that is superficial friendship in my view. A friendship is when you call you friend in the middle of the night to talk or to ask a favor. Link to post Share on other sites
melodymatters Posted March 31, 2007 Share Posted March 31, 2007 I agree ! But, ya gotta start somewhere ! As we get older it is MUCH harder to find TRUE FRIENDS. They all get too busy with their own lives, families, careers, etc. So, we must try and find new people, perhaps with the same interests. This is why I end up dating when I'm not even ready : my GF's are too busy to do things with me, so I hang out with guys that want to b*ne me, I could be sad, but thats just the way it is. Maybe I'll find true love, or maybe just some cool people to party with here and there. Gotta be open... good luck , i DO understand !!! Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted March 31, 2007 Share Posted March 31, 2007 They say you're lucky if you end up having only a few true good friends over a lifetime. Friends come and go over time. There are people you are close to in school, but when school is over, you drift apart. There people you get close to during different stages of your life - work friends, neighbors, chuch, activities, etc. - but they also may drift away when you change jobs or neighborhoods or get married and have children. It's a part of our ever-changing lifestyles and our mobile society. You won't know who your lifelong friends will be when you first meet them - you only know 10, 20, 50 years later who they are. So treat everyone you meet as a potential lifelong friend and a few will actually turn out to be that. Link to post Share on other sites
luvtoto Posted March 31, 2007 Share Posted March 31, 2007 Yes the question is really this. I don't believe that I am asking it but I have gotten so sick of this world. From 5 years I havent found a good friend that hasn't given up on me in the moment that I really need him. I have gone through my parents almost getting into a physical fight as well as depressions that I am nothing and that noone gives a damn about me. Now I am 19 still in a down fall. Yesterday my last two friends gave up on me and it was on the topic of going to watch a movie. One of them was too busy playing their game and the other was just too busy even though we made plans from 3 weeks before since I know that he is really busy. I had a girl that was just a friend but aparently my culture values conflicted too much with hers. I am the type of guy that loves to be outside of his depressing home, I do not want to tell my friends what is going on at home so I don't get pitty. Lately I am all alone just as I have been for a really long time but the difference is that the shalow friends are gone too. When I look at my cellphone book I have noone to call to go to movie or just talk to. I think I am broken now. How can u search for a girl friend when you hate yourself as much as I do and you have no friends to share something with. Over the last couple of years I have grown to be the biggest pesimist on the planet. I started out with looking at what good can come out but my thinking has changed since I saw nothing but people that gave up. Tell me is this what is really wrong with me or is it something else and if you can suggest a solution, I have even thought of going to the school psycologist. I think you are pushing your friends away by your negativity. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alextop30 Posted March 31, 2007 Author Share Posted March 31, 2007 may be you are right. I do push some friends away because of very strong reasons. Usually it is when I need their help I never do get it even though I have helped them numerous times expecting nothing in return. Either I have trouble grasping the concept of friends doing things for each other or it is just not that way. Yesterday a friend that I have helped get his driverse license, one that I convinced my parents of letting him stay at my house for a month untill he found a place to live when his parents threw him out of home. One that I helped do homework almsot everday. He desided that a game is more important than helping me with some of my bags -- trying to move out of home. How is that friendship or am I suppoce to be the one that makes all of the actions that friend should do and for him just to use me. I dont think so. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted March 31, 2007 Share Posted March 31, 2007 may be you are right. I do push some friends away because of very strong reasons. Usually it is when I need their help I never do get it even though I have helped them numerous times expecting nothing in return. Either I have trouble grasping the concept of friends doing things for each other or it is just not that way. Yesterday a friend that I have helped get his driverse license, one that I convinced my parents of letting him stay at my house for a month untill he found a place to live when his parents threw him out of home. One that I helped do homework almsot everday. He desided that a game is more important than helping me with some of my bags -- trying to move out of home. How is that friendship or am I suppoce to be the one that makes all of the actions that friend should do and for him just to use me. I dont think so. I hope you stated this to him. If he still didn't reprioritize, self-centered friends are not worth keeping. If you didn't mention how important it was to you, sometimes people need a kick before they understand. You're too young to start isolating yourself. Get out, join a club or something where there are people who you can get to know and start feeling comfortable with. If you enjoy baseball, find a league and do it. If you have some cultural preferences, perhaps there are clubs that focus on the music of your nation. Link to post Share on other sites
luvtoto Posted March 31, 2007 Share Posted March 31, 2007 may be you are right. I do push some friends away because of very strong reasons. Usually it is when I need their help I never do get it even though I have helped them numerous times expecting nothing in return. Either I have trouble grasping the concept of friends doing things for each other or it is just not that way. Yesterday a friend that I have helped get his driverse license, one that I convinced my parents of letting him stay at my house for a month untill he found a place to live when his parents threw him out of home. One that I helped do homework almsot everday. He desided that a game is more important than helping me with some of my bags -- trying to move out of home. How is that friendship or am I suppoce to be the one that makes all of the actions that friend should do and for him just to use me. I dont think so. Well, for every one thing that a friend does for you, you should do double back for them. That's what I try to do anyways. Gotta be a friend to have a friend. Also, there are alot of one-sided friendships out there...try to be selective with the friends you pick. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alextop30 Posted March 31, 2007 Author Share Posted March 31, 2007 Are you contradicting yourself - you are saying you do more for your friends than they do for you . I do understand that but they do something for you otherwise you will not be able to measure the twice. You also dont nessary say that the one sided friedship is bad. To me it is using someone merely as a means to an end which is totally immoral and those people do not really deserve to be your friends if they are being immoral in a perspective toward you. Link to post Share on other sites
shellys-trying Posted March 31, 2007 Share Posted March 31, 2007 I've found in the 30 & then some years I've been on this planet that it's fine to have a few friends. You don't want a bunch (more than 3, IMO) because sooner or later, you'll have them sparring with each other and/or you. You'll have a friend who only likes one friend at a time(loser, dump this kind quick), or one who just wants to be friends with everyone(which is the kind of friend to have, really), and of course the friend you really don't know whether you can trust him/her with your spouse/BF/GF alone. Dump this kind of friend too. Who wants to invite this friend over for dinner, only to go out of the room for the salt and come back with them in a hot embrace on the dining table? Anyway, so I have a couple good friends. I'm happy with a 2 or 3. If I have more than that, there's bound to be chaos, and who really needs that in their life? This is just my opinion, of course. Link to post Share on other sites
luvtoto Posted March 31, 2007 Share Posted March 31, 2007 Are you contradicting yourself - you are saying you do more for your friends than they do for you . I do understand that but they do something for you otherwise you will not be able to measure the twice. You also dont nessary say that the one sided friedship is bad. To me it is using someone merely as a means to an end which is totally immoral and those people do not really deserve to be your friends if they are being immoral in a perspective toward you. I am just saying that friendships are all about balance. They'll go out of their way to do something huge for me...like move furniture...and then I'll go out of my way doing little favors for them to make up for the big favor. Just to balance it out. Because I do not have any husband or family, I usually need big favors from my friends. haha! Link to post Share on other sites
soulseeker Posted March 31, 2007 Share Posted March 31, 2007 Hey Alex. Hang in there man. I know what you are going through is rough, been there myself. Just dont let your parents' bull$hit get to you more than is absolutely unavoidable. It really has got nothing to do with you, but you probably know this. 16-23 were the hardest years of my life so far, emotionally. It's when you really have to begin to take stock of your life and be accountable for the person you are. It's very confusing since you are establishing new boundaries with other people and within yourself. Nothing wrong with talking to a psychologist. When you are confused in life, it's helpful to talk to someone who has already been through it, sometimes even more so than it is to talk to someone going through it with you, such as a peer. It would be damaging to keep all of this inside without any sort of verbal release. If this isnt as helpful to you as you would like, don't give up, there are great people in this world you have yet to meet. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alextop30 Posted April 1, 2007 Author Share Posted April 1, 2007 thanks, I think this helped a bit. I am thinking of joing basketball team in my gym so I can interact with people and maybe find a few friends. I also think that I can try to smile a little more and be more pocitive because lately I have very on the bad side. If you have any other advice I would love to hear it. My friend said Life is a constant battle in which the rest between each of the advances is called Hapiness. Maybe he is right!!! Link to post Share on other sites
luvtoto Posted April 1, 2007 Share Posted April 1, 2007 You sound better already. Just want to add that I went through a stage where I was depressed and not strong. Relied on my friends for way too much. I seemed to attract controlling and dominant people to me as my friends. Or people that weren't trustworthy. Once I became a much stronger person and much happier with my life, I slowly started attracting the same kind of people to me. It is weird how that happens. Anyways...best of luck! Link to post Share on other sites
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