Deceived, Confused and Let down........

[Bubbles]

Hello everyone,

 

I have just ended a 7 year relationship with a jealous. possessive, cheating man. You know the type......always accusing you of infidelity and yet he is doing it himself.

 

Well, about 2 months ago I was accused for the last time! I was in the internet chatting with a mutual friend and my ex (the next morning) went into the archives and read our chat. My ex woke me up at 6:05am yelling and screaming at me, "how could you do this to me?" Well, to make a long story short, admittedly; there was some flirting going on (just my friends way of making me feel good) so I told my ex that our relationship was over. If he was going to freak out over some light flirting I certainly would like to know how he would handle it if I was outright cheating on him? (as he has done to me so many times in the past).

 

I know I based our break-up on a lie but I couldn't take it any-more. I have been accused for the last time.

 

Now, here's my problem......the guy that I was chatting with made me beleive that I could talk to him, spend time with him, that he would be there for me because he wanted to be "with me". We used to talk on the telphone many times over the course of a day, he would call and check up with me to make sure that I was o.k. and to make me laugh. We had gotten together quite a few times for coffee and a few of those evenings we were intimate with eachother. Now he doesn't call anymore and as it turns out he was in bed with another woman just days after our rendezvous! I stopped calling all together. I would really like to have my say with this young man and give him a piece of my mind. You know when I stop and think about it, he did exactly what my ex did to me. The only difference is; it took my ex 7 years not 2 weeks.

 

Should I talk to him and tell him exactly how he made me feel and how angry I am at him or should I just let it go and get on with my life?

 

I really could use some direction,

 

Bubbles

[Tony T]

You should take no further action towards anybody. Send all your love and best wishes and then seek to make changes in yourself. Everything you send out surely comes back to you.

 

Somehow, you were subconsciously driven to this cyber relationship as a sort of retaliation for the years of cheating your ex was involved with. It was a miracle he went into your computer, saw the flirtations, confronted you and the relationship ended. It was a bad relationship, never meant to be, and had you stayed in it you would have suffered forever. Your new friend of two weeks did you a major favor for which you should not be angry at him...but for which you should rejoice.

 

Your fling of two weeks no longer calls you because his mission is over, he came into your life for a purpose and that purpose exists no longer. He was a great teacher and you no longer have use for him either. Of course, if you have not learned your lesson, he will return again in another form...time and time again...until you have learned.

 

If you ever do give him a piece of your mind, tell him "thanks" for putting your life in a new, more positive direction...for freeing you from the vice of lies, cheating and fraud.

 

The very best thing you can do is be happy in all this, having learned there is no good purpose for remaining with someone who cheats and lies. You also must learn that if you desire to flirt on the computer or in real life, you should be unattached and free in all ways to do so.

 

I think there will be some hurt and anger for a while, but the person you aim that at will be yourself. Go easy on yourself, though. Anybody can make mistakes. Thankfully, you caught it in time and you can chart a new course.

 

When you are ready, find someone who willl dedicate himself to you and you to him. Do not repeat mistakes of the past. Give your partner freedom to be himself and insist that he do the same for you. To the extent that you grant certain courtesies to others is the extent they will be granted to you.

 

It is only when you purify your thoughts and your intentions that you will find true, real love without the chaos, the fights, the disloyalty, etc. It's out there, and it's great. Few experience it because they fail to prepare their hearts for accepting it.

[Bubbles]

Thanks Tony for your comments. I will take your advise and start the healing process. You are right though, I have to love myself and make pure my thoughts and my heart. It will be a rough road to travel but I know I will get through. There are years of hurt and deceit that must melt away to nothing.

 

Funny how when you are a youngster, you tend to think that when you get older things are supposed get easier. Well, it's not true, nothing is easier..... we are just more tactful in our responces.