Insecurity?...maybe just crazy?

[ACE123]

Well folks, I'm not sure what this post should be classified under, but here goes.

 

Last night I found myself sitting at home alone because none of my friends could go out or do anything. (typical sunday night, I work night shifts and my pals work 9 to 5)

 

Anyhow, my GF (who if you remember is a co-worker, and 10 years older than I) went out with one of her girl friends and I assume went partying.

 

Well, I haven't heard from her yet, and we have to work tonight.

I left two messages on her machine last night, you know, the old "hey babe, my plans fell through, call me if you want to meet up" type thing, and one this evening "call me when you wake up"

Nothing out of the ordinary.

anyhow, here is my problem.

I must be really insecure or something because I keep going through this scenario in my mind.

 

I imagine some handsome, older guy introducing himself to her at a bar, while she is 'tipsy' sweeping her off her feet, and taking her home to sleep with her.

 

Now I have no reason to believe she is the 'cheatin kind' but I find myself still worrying about this. I keep telling myself "don't get this way, you're only getting upset over nothing" but had 3 or 4 nightmares last night about her cheating on me.

 

What the hell is wrong with me?!? I love this gal more than anyone I've ever met, but in my head it's too good to be true?

 

Well if it makes any sense, I know she COULD do better than me, maybe better looking, or more cultured or even maybe more financially well off, but she chose me and has said in past conversations (before we were dating) the she believes in monogamy and would not cheat on anyone.

 

Has anyone else had similar experiences to me?

 

What was the result?

 

So far, I have not let on that I feel this way sometimes, and I am certainly not dumb enough to ruin a great relationship with unfounded suspicions.

...Hell, I guess they're not even suspicions, just emotions.

 

Anyhow, any replies would be greatly appreciated!

 

Cheers!

ACE123

[Tony T]

Your post indicates you've got serious self esteem problems. Lots of people do, you're not alone.

 

No matter who you are, your partner can do better...so just forget about that. You've got to get self esteem and confidence and incorporate those into some degree of trust for your lady.

 

Now the biggest problem you have is this: If I were a lady and my bf called me and left a message that said, and I quote you, "hey babe, my plans fell through, call me if you want to meet up" I would be mad as hell and either not talk to him for a while or just flat write him off.

 

I think you need to do some damage control here. If your lady is not confrontational, she will just stew over this and not say anything to you. Do something very special for her to take some of the sting out of this message.

 

As statement like that makes a lady feel inferior in importance...second or third choice for the evening. I know that's not how you meant it but that's the feeling it conveys. If you don't make you lady feel like she is number one always and the most special person in your life, she will leave you in a heartbeat.

 

So work on feeling better about yourself and never, ever make a statement that indicates your lady is anything but top banana, top priority, the most special person in your book of life.

[ACE123]

Actually...I should probably explain that phone message.

 

We both had our own individual plans, and I just phoned to tell her basically that I was home and if she wanted to call me (which she said she was going to do) she could reach me there.

 

Those aren't the exact words I used, and Tony:

 

MY LADY IS THE TOP BANANNA!! And I let her know it every time I see her!!! HER NEEDS TAKES PRIORITY, as far as this Dave is concerned.

 

As far as self esteem, yeah you are right, I do need to work on that, I think it is more subtle than I put forth.

 

I am going to try and feel better about myself, but I think self help books are cheesy.

Any ideas?

[Tony T]

You have to work on self esteem and trust. Don't ever spend a lot of time in a relationship with someone for whom you have no trust.

 

First, the self esteem issue. If you have problems with the cheesy books, then I'm afraid it's just going to be up to you to transform yourself into a more confident, self assured guy who recognizes his value as a human on this planet and insists on being treated with respect.

 

Somewhere, somehow, people who were significant to you obviously cut you down in some ways that have had lasting effects. As an adult, you've got to reverse that damage.

 

On the trust issue, you need to go back in time and find out who in the past has betrayed you and why. Forgive them. Then resolve to put full trust in all people until they give you a reason not to. There are a lot of people out there who lie, cheat and are just plain dishonorable. Your job is to find just one lady for yourself who you can trust...who tells the truth and who is sincere.

 

If all else fails, a good counsellor would be an excellent resource.

 

Now, you do the work.

[pinkroses]

probably didn't call back because she didn't want to be Plan B or Plan C. I agree with Tony about that. Any self-respecting woman would put off calling a guy back if she got a message like that. She wants to feel that she is priority, not someone to hang out with if the guys are unavailable.

 

As far as being insecure, I am too, I think most people struggle with that. The best thing to do is not look for things that aren't there, or your insecurities will start showing, which could drive her away. Be confident in yourself and try to trust her.

[Kat]

Originally posted by pinkroses

probably didn't call back because she didn't want to be Plan B or Plan C. I agree with Tony about that. Any self-respecting woman would put off calling a guy back if she got a message like that. She wants to feel that she is priority, not someone to hang out with if the guys are unavailable.

 

You have got to be kidding????????

How pompus and up yourself do you take women for? That is teh most pathetic thing I have ever seen, and if a women would do that, who wants to be with her anyway. Bloody immature games. Grow up!