Leikela Posted December 17, 2002 Share Posted December 17, 2002 [color=indigo] Ok, here's my dilemma. I met two guys at the same time. One guy I connected with instantly and we have been together ever since. It has been two months now and we are so in love. When away from him, I miss him like crazy. We talk on the phone every night and can literally just talk for hours upon hours. We have a very deep connection and not only have we developed a romantic relationship, but also a strong friendship as well. He's my best friend and I know he'd do anything for me and I would do anything for him. On the flip side, the other guy I met, we just started out as friends. Over the course of a few months, we have grown a lot closer and he has also become one of my best friends. While I don't miss him as much as I do my boyfriend, I still do miss him when he's not around. One night we went out and I got very drunk. He drove my car and we waited there for about an hour so I could sober up enough to drive. Well, I apparently (I don't remember most of it) put my head on his chest and he gave me a massage and we talked. I told him he was my soul friend and he told me I was his dream woman. I just remember feeling safe and secure in his arms. He would also do anything for me and I for him. The fact that I voluntarily put my head on his chest to cuddle with him (something I never would have done sober) is telling me I also have stronger feelings for him. I hate to admit this, but I could be falling in love with him but I am blocking it out because I am also so deeply in love with my current boyfriend. I can totally see myself with my current boyfriend until the end of time. It just feels right. We fit. The way we got together was so magical that I just know he's "the one". It just baffles my mind now that I am having these other feelings for my other friend. Is it possible to be in love with two people at the same time?!? Thanks in advance for any insights anyone can provide me with as I am pretty mixed up at the moment. [/color] Link to post Share on other sites
Debster Posted December 17, 2002 Share Posted December 17, 2002 I think not. Infatuation, passion - yes. Deep caring - maybe. But love, I'm having a hard time believing that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leikela Posted December 17, 2002 Author Share Posted December 17, 2002 [color=indigo] Debster, Call it as you see it, but you have a limited view since you don't know the specifics. Love is a funny thing and can hit you when you least expect it. I have been in love before (was in an 8 year relationship) and this is by far the most fufilling emotions I have ever experienced. Anyway, debating on whether I am in love or not was not the original purpose of my post. [/color] Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted December 17, 2002 Share Posted December 17, 2002 YOU ASK: "Is it possible to be in love with two people at the same time?!?" Absolutely. You can be in love with a number of people at the same time, some more deeply than others perhaps...some in different ways. But being in love is never limited to one person. There are some people who try to block their emotions or just don't put themselves in the position of falling for more than one person at a time. Love is a decision we make. If we make the decision to love two...or even three people at once...that's a choice we have made. It is not possible to be committed to more than one person at a time. It is also not mandatory to commit to someone just because we are in love with them. In the timeline of history, romantic love did not come upon the scene until relatively recently...say, five hundred years or so ago. Since humans have been around for some millions of years, that's not a very long time. We are still working out all the glitches...and won't it be boring when we finally do. Now it is also possible to have very deep, loving feelings for a friend who is a member of the opposite sex without it having to lead to anything else. I urge you to do yourself a favor and make your life less complicated by making it extremely clear to this newer love that you are in a relationship with a man you want to be with forever and nothing could even come of this. I think it's very possible to retain a friendship with him but you have to release him as a free agent so he can also find love with a lady who is unencumbered and able to fully give herself to him. Congratulations. It's a great feeling, isn't it. Confusing as well. Better to be in love with two people than with none at all...would you say??? Link to post Share on other sites
Debster Posted December 18, 2002 Share Posted December 18, 2002 I disagree, I think you can only be "in love" with one person at a time - but you can love more than one person. I love lots of people, my family, friends, my pet. But being "in love" is the romantic love - and to me - to be "in love" you should want to be with that person above and beyond anyone else. If you develop feelings for someone else, to me - that's a sign that you're not "in love". That's just me though. Link to post Share on other sites
ACE123 Posted December 21, 2002 Share Posted December 21, 2002 Leikela.... ...Just out of curiosity, do the 2 guys know about each other?? This could mean a LOT of problems for you. Another problem is, which one do you want as a boyfriend, and which one do you want as a friend....secondly, will the one accept the other as just that? Oh well, Tony is right. Better to be in love with two people than with none at all Hope all goes well! Cheers! ACE123 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leikela Posted March 14, 2003 Author Share Posted March 14, 2003 [color=indigo] Hi Crazy Dave, This is a very late response to your last post, so it is sort of an update to my situation. First, to answer your original question, yes, they both new about one another. My original boyfriend didn't like my friend because he picked up on the vibes of attraction between the two of us. To make a long story short, I realized my heart really belonged with my friend. I missed him terribly while we were apart and my feelings picked up intensity. It was starting to affect my relationship at the time and my boyfriend started picking up on the fact that I was pulling back. After numerous times of trying to stay away from the friend, it only drew us closer. I finally felt as though I needed to see who was right for me, so I broke things off with my boyfriend and went to "dating" status with him and started dating my friend too. They both agreed to this, amazingly. Yes, hard to fathom, I know. I realized that my friend was who I truly wanted to be with, so recently I cut all ties with my now ex-boyfriend and have started seeing my friend exclusively. So far so good. I think it was better to just be friends with him first, as we took time to get to know one another without the romantic pressure. So I am going to take things one day at a time and see where things go. [/color] Link to post Share on other sites
ACE123 Posted March 14, 2003 Share Posted March 14, 2003 Congrats Leikela! I wish you all the best, and hope it all works out! See, somtimes friendship CAN grow into something more! Cheers! ACE123 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leikela Posted March 17, 2003 Author Share Posted March 17, 2003 [color=indigo] Thanks Dave! Yes, friendships CAN grow into something more. I must say that I am the happiest that I have been in a long time. Thanks for the good wishes! ~Leikela [/color] Link to post Share on other sites
ThisGirlNameKD Posted March 24, 2003 Share Posted March 24, 2003 Do I think it's possible to love more than one person, definitely do. You can be attracted to as many people as possible also. But just because you develop romantic feelings for someone of course does not mean you have to act on them. Love contrary to popular opinion, is not something something that just happens or something that you can't control. You can definitely control who you fall in love with you, and who you don't fall in love with. If you notice you're having romantic feelings for your friend it's because you're allowing yourself to have those feelings. Now, you have a decision to make whether to oust them or whether to allow those feelings to grow deeper. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leikela Posted March 24, 2003 Author Share Posted March 24, 2003 [color=indigo] You're right KD. I did allow love for my friend to grow in my heart. In hindsight, I realize I let that happen because I wasn't 100% satisfied in my other relationship, even though I thought I was. To make a long story short, I am now with my friend so he's my boyfriend now. I had to break it off with my ex-boyfriend when I realized that I was really falling in love with my current boyfriend. So far, I am very happy with how things are going with my new boyfriend. I think it was really important that we were friends first. It gives us that solid foundation. He is the most loving, sweetest guy in the world. I am truly lucky. [/color] Link to post Share on other sites
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