Male point of view. New here

[woe_is_me]

what an odd situation .. almost an open relationship really

 

and why doesn't the OP just move out? My guess is he will be saying "im leaving the marriage soon" twenty years down the track...

 

i feel that all of our views of and expectations of a relationship/marriage can be shaped by the dynamics of our parents own relationships.. whether they were happy/sad whether they cheated or not or whether there was aloholism or not ..we all noticed right?

 

so for the OP to say that timing has any effect on the eventual outcome for his children is a bit silly imo

[outofdarkness]

Well, I feel like a traitor. I want you all to know that if I REALLY posted about the way I feel about A's, OW and MM who continue to deceive, I would be banned from LS...So, I try to keep in toned down quite a bit...

[sadbuttrue]

Hey Opening Day...you said you loved your OW more than any person you had ever met in your life. So you love her more than your kids then. Why don't you just move out then since you love her more than your kids?

Also, what's your wife think about you going to the game on June 4th with your girlfriend? Aren't your kids going to be asking "Where'd Dad go?" Wouldn't your kids like to go to the game with you? Why don't you cancel going to the game with your girlfriend and take your kids instead. I think that would be the right thing to do.

 

bj, i agree with wwiu, you are being extremely harsh here. he never said he loved the OW more than his kids. we all know there are different kinds of love. everyone has the right to their own opinion, but i think we can do this without being hateful.

[bridget_jones]

He really did state he loved her more than anyone he had ever met.

 

He's taking his OW to a big baseball game coming up. How do his kids fit in that?

It's a genuine question. Don't see how I was hateful there.

[sadbuttrue]

He really did state he loved her more than anyone he had ever met.

 

He's taking his OW to a big baseball game coming up. How do his kids fit in that?

It's a genuine question. Don't see how I was hateful there.

 

i know he said he loved her more than anyone he had ever met, but i feel certain he did not include his kids in that. do you meet your kids? anyway, so he is taking the OW to a game, that does not mean he neglects his kids.

[stillhere]

Well, I feel like a traitor. I want you all to know that if I REALLY posted about the way I feel about A's, OW and MM who continue to deceive, I would be banned from LS...So, I try to keep in toned down quite a bit...

 

OOD, i enjoy your POV about A's and i'm always willing to listen to you. You have class and compassion.

 

BTW, i have a feeling i know exactly who his OW is. Everyone think long and hard and you will know exactly who it is. She hasn't been on this section for a little while, but she was very outspoken when she was here all the time!

[Jinxx]

i know he said he loved her more than anyone he had ever met, but i feel certain he did not include his kids in that. do you meet your kids? anyway, so he is taking the OW to a game, that does not mean he neglects his kids.

 

I take it that he loves his kids but he is putting his needs first -- something similar my ex-husband did to me, extremely selfish on their part. More important to satisfy his needs and OW's needs first but is not quite ready to jump ship and OW is willing to wait it out. Why should he? His wife is willing to accept the situation as it is so he has the best of both worlds. Doesn't have the reality of paying child support yet or putting up with the reality of what divorce does to a family. However with that said, my ex-husband is now married to OW and has the burden of child support and the lack of seeing his kids when he chooses. Doesn't really matter now because our kids are older with their own lives *but* he missed out big time on many years of their childhood for the sake of *his* happiness. he is doing his wife and kids no favor by sticking around. The kids do just fine when parents split up. Mine have done extremely well.

[Meaplus3]

I wanted to check this site out. My GF has been on here on and off. Yes. I am married and have a GF. She is the love of my life. The reason I am married is basically what most of you would call an excuse. I am home for my kids. For the time being. I do plan on leaving shortly.

 

My wife did find out about the affair. I do admit I was a coward I wish I had the backbone to walk out the door. But we made a decision that staying was in the best interest of one of my children. My wife asked me to break contact with my GF. But I couldnt. I love her more than anyother person i have ever met in my life.

 

I am sure I will be bashed. But I will try and answer questions.

 

Hi Opening day. I was just wondering how long you plan to stay for the children's sake? A year or two or three? Also, How does your wife deal with this? Is your wife seeing someone herself?

 

AP:)

[Guest]

honestly, i'm glad my parents divorced when they did. if my father would have waited and waited just because of me, i would have resented because he would have wasted my mother's time when she could be looking for someone who really loves her.

 

i'm fine just like i am....bc as an adult...i understand now. don't use ur kids as an excuse, ur just being selfish. u want to remain married so it would look good until ur kids get older. ur wife is probablyl just agreeing with you bc that's what women do to win the favor or a man. duh!

[empty906]

Opening Day, I would normally relate to the difficult situation you are putting your family through but looking at some of your posts...well, something isn't right. There is a lie here somewhere.

 

I am married and have a GF. She is the love of my life. The reason I am married is basically what most of you would call an excuse. I am home for my kids. For the time being. I do plan on leaving shortly.

 

My wife did find out about the affair. I do admit I was a coward I wish I had the backbone to walk out the door. But we made a decision that staying was in the best interest of one of my children. My wife asked me to break contact with my GF. But I couldnt. I love her more than anyother person i have ever met in my life.

 

The marriage was pretty much over. I believe she ignores the fact I am in love with my GF. She knows. When I got caught she asked and I did tell her the truth.

 

She knows I am only here for the children at the moment. She also knows that at the proper time I will be leaving.

 

I am with my GF just about everyday. My wife made this decision also to stay for what is best at the moment. As far as am I happy. I am happy being the father to my children. It kills me not being with HER my GF every moment. If I could pick up and take my kids I would in a sec. If my kids werent here. I would have left along time ago.

 

I dont want to lead anyone on. I want what i best for my children- trying to be a great father. I want to be with the woman i love. And I will in time. sooner than later. I want my wife to have a life. Again this was a joint decision about the children. I am not leading my wife on by believing their is a chance. She knows where my heart is. No question in that.

 

I pray everyday for it to get closer to the day that things will be easier. For right now. This is the way it is. One day my kids will see what happiness is suppose to be.

 

she has a job. I will not leave her in financial ruins. We will work all that out when that time comes.

 

I gave her that option when DDay happened. She disagreed. If she did demand then I would do what needed to be done. I would be concerned about my one child.

 

The above quotes don't paint a picture that reflects what you are wanting us to believe. But this last quote tells us a lot more about you:

 

I give the answers to those who really need them.

 

So who needs the answers? Not me, I don't really care whether you stay married or not. I'm not the one who needs the answers, your W is. Tell her the answers to her questions. I can only imagine you answered her questions about getting a divorce like you answered them here: vague enough to be misconstrued so your W will hear what she wants to hear but still avoiding the confrontation a D inherently brings with it. You said you are a coward, you can't take that stance with this situation. Your W and children have shown you enough love and understanding that you owe them the answers they are asking of you.

 

Talk with your W again, I don't think she quite 'heard' what you were saying about leaving her. Be fair and let her be able to protect herself. Surprise attacks are for cowards, Opening Day. Don't surprise her, make sure she understands what is happening in her marriage.

 

As for the OW, how long have you known her? How long have you thought of her as 'the love of your life'?

[Ripples]

BTW, i have a feeling i know exactly who his OW is. Everyone think long and hard and you will know exactly who it is. She hasn't been on this section for a little while, but she was very outspoken when she was here all the time!

 

Hmm. And back posting as OpeningDay, I shouldn't wonder...]

 

Anyway, why can't she just be named?

[outofdarkness]

OOD, i enjoy your POV about A's and i'm always willing to listen to you. You have class and compassion.

 

BTW, i have a feeling i know exactly who his OW is. Everyone think long and hard and you will know exactly who it is. She hasn't been on this section for a little while, but she was very outspoken when she was here all the time!

Thanks, I appreciate you kind words.

[yousaveme]

I really cant take it anymore. For christ sake I am the OW. Okay people

 

I wasnt around yesterday. Found out about this post later in the day. Wasnt happy about it and I am still not.

[Ripples]

Now there's a shock.

 

Life a little boring for you at the moment?

[yousaveme]

Oh Please.

 

This is why I dont post on here anymore. But whatever.

 

 

Now there's a shock.

 

Life a little boring for you at the moment?

[Izzar]

Don't start bickering back n forth now:rolleyes:

[herenow]

Wow, what a shocker! I was actually going to say that opening day and YSM would be a great pair. They are so meant for each other, they even have the same style of writing. And the same vague answers.

 

BTW, I think that people here have not been mean to OD. If he had just answered the questions like he said he would, there would be no problem.

 

I remember that YSM said that the wife found out about that affair, but didn't know that it was still going on. Has this changed or is someone having a hard time keeping the story straight?

 

I agree with whoever said that YSM is bored. I think that YSM may be OD, but I would imagine saying that makes me a bitch. So be it.

[herenow]

Hey YSM, don't under estimate the intelligence of the people here on LS. I don't think you're fooling anyone!

[yousaveme]

Oh please get a life. This forum does nothing but spread hate. I wasnt even home. and I really dont what you or anyone else thinks.

 

I stated before I wouldnt post on here before and havent in awhile. A reference was made towards me I responded and that is that.

[Izzar]

I don't think OD was the person I thought I knew to be the mm of someone here.

Maybe, just maybe OD is in fact a new guest poster.

Who knows anymore??

[herenow]

Oh please get a life. This forum does nothing but spread hate. I wasnt even home. and I really dont what you or anyone else thinks.

 

I stated before I wouldnt post on here before and havent in awhile. A reference was made towards me I responded and that is that.

 

I must have missed it. Where is the reference to you? All I see is someone saying they think they know who OD's OW is and then you popped in. Do you really expect us to believe that out of the blue, you came on and there was one post about an OW who hasn't posted in a little while and you instantly know it's you? Like I said, the people here are not stupid. There are real people here that are not playing games.

 

If this is all true, please tell us how we can help you and OD. Or, is this just another attempt to start drama?

[whichwayisup]

OD, I suggest you open your eyes, go read ALL the threads by YSM, maybe reading her thoughts and what she feels will MAKE you decide one way or another to DO something instead of sit and wait things out.

 

If you love your OW so much, NOTHING should stop you from ending your marriage and moving on with your life. Yes, it will be very difficult for your children, but with the help of therapy, family therapy etc, that can help THEM cope better. You doing nothing and saying you're staying cuz of your children is unfair to them. Many people are in that type of situation, but atleast while they're at home, they MAKE the marriage work, they don't keep two women hanging on the edge of the fence. You gotta sheeyot or get off the pot.

 

If my kids werent here. I would have left along time ago.

 

DO not ever let your kids know this. This is why kids feel divorce is their fault.

[VinaAmez]

This forum does nothing but spread hate.

 

Not everything on here is negative. Sure I'll agree that some people tend to flock towards the more negative threads, but hey some people love drama or can relate to it.

 

This is an advice/relationship forum. So a lot of people are going to be posting problems more than anything IMO.

[herenow]

I don't think OD was the person I thought I knew to be the mm of someone here.

Maybe, just maybe OD is in fact a new guest poster.

Who knows anymore??

 

See, YSM, there are other people on this forum too. Not everyone knew it was you. Stop playing with people who are really trying to help.

[herenow]

DO not ever let your kids know this. This is why kids feel divorce is their fault.

 

 

Exactly WWIU. Children should not be used as an excuse for anything. A MM or MW staying for the kids, will eventually make the kids feel like they are the cause of their parent's unhappiness.