Motor35 Posted April 3, 2007 Share Posted April 3, 2007 Anyone here SI? If so, why do you do it? Does you have a routine? A certain time you prefer to SI? Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted April 3, 2007 Share Posted April 3, 2007 Sometimes I SI when I feel sad. I try not to make it a routine, but lately I've been SI-ing a lot. I am human and I need to be loved. Just like everybody else does. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted April 3, 2007 Share Posted April 3, 2007 I enjoy Sexual Intercourse while I'm reading Sports Illustrated. Of course I have a routine.. but those are trade secrets Link to post Share on other sites
Author Motor35 Posted April 3, 2007 Author Share Posted April 3, 2007 Sometimes I SI when I feel sad. I try not to make it a routine, but lately I've been SI-ing a lot. I am human and I need to be loved. Just like everybody else does. Me too! I mostly do it because I know I am in control of the pain. I think that is the only pain I can control within me. I have been SI-ing a lot lately too. And to make it worse, I lie to my therapist when I do it. Somedays are so rough that all I can do to get through the day is to think about going home to SI. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted April 3, 2007 Share Posted April 3, 2007 Yeah. I was feeling bummed out at work, and I let out a long SI, and my office mate asked me "what's wrong". Link to post Share on other sites
phyrespryte Posted April 3, 2007 Share Posted April 3, 2007 I'm confused... Self-Injury or Self-Improvement? Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted April 3, 2007 Share Posted April 3, 2007 "SI" doesn't stand for "self immolation", does it? If it does, then I had it completely wrong! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 3, 2007 Share Posted April 3, 2007 SI? Oops, thought you were talking about CSI but forgot to put in the C. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Motor35 Posted April 3, 2007 Author Share Posted April 3, 2007 Self-Injury. Is everyone making fun of me Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted April 3, 2007 Share Posted April 3, 2007 I wouldn't have joked around if I had known what you meant. You should stop that. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted April 3, 2007 Share Posted April 3, 2007 Self-Injury. Is everyone making fun of me We didn't know what it meant... What kind of self injury are you doing ? Cutting ? self defeating behavior ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Motor35 Posted April 3, 2007 Author Share Posted April 3, 2007 We didn't know what it meant... What kind of self injury are you doing ? Cutting ? self defeating behavior ? I cut, burn and scrub my face with bleach. I am ashamed I do it, but sometimes it is the only way I can deal with deep emotions... Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted April 3, 2007 Share Posted April 3, 2007 Does anybody you know that you do this ? Do you have anybody to talk to about it ? I've not known anybody that cuts or does SI but it seems to me that you need someone to talk to, someone on your side that you can tell the things that make you cut and burn and use bleach. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted April 3, 2007 Share Posted April 3, 2007 Does posting on LS help the thoughts that drive you to SI ? You can always post here.. We are all your friends.. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 3, 2007 Share Posted April 3, 2007 Moto, I am sorry for my previous post. I didn't know SI was self injury. How long have you been hurting yourself that way? Avoiding pain and hurting yourself isn't the answer...Sure, it may help you in the moment, but long term it isn't going to help you get or feel better. I wish you wouldn't hide it from your therapist, she's/he's there to help you. Trust me, I know how hard therapy can be - I spent 2 years dealing with my anxiety disorder, talking and sorting through issues, fears etc, and as much as I hated feeling the way I did at times, I pushed through it so I could feel better. Having anxiety and losing control sucks. So, I feel for what you are going through, I understand the feeling of not being in control...With me, losing my independence, doing stuff I used to do all the time, just up and go somewhere, do stuff with friends etc, all of that disappeared when I was at my worst. Crap, there were days I was freaked out by even going to bank and get banking done!! But I pushed myself through it all, worked through the fears. It was alot of hard work and there were times I wanted to say F_C it and give up, but I didn't. Please keep posting your thoughts, AC is right, we're here for you and want to help. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Motor35 Posted April 3, 2007 Author Share Posted April 3, 2007 Thank you all for being my friends I've been SI-ing since I was about 16. I stopped for a long time and have recently (in the last few years) started up again. I told my therapist I use to cut, and I don't tell him when I do it now. I know that is rather self-defeating, but I am embarrassed that I do this. My family doesn't know, but the man I love does know. He and I are on the outs and sometimes that is the only way to cope with the heartbreak. It helps me feel in control of my emotions. I feel you, WWIU. I can't even go to the bank. Getting to work and performing is my biggest feat of the day. I dread it (and I love my job). I haven't even done my taxes yet. I forget to pay bills. It even feels burdening to fix food or take a shower. Thank you all so much for listening and offering your time to post. Truly Link to post Share on other sites
My Fair Katie Posted April 3, 2007 Share Posted April 3, 2007 I used to. I didn't cut though. I found that going on an SSRI for depression also alleviated my need to self-harm. PM me if you want details, don't feel comfortable sharing them here. Link to post Share on other sites
princessa Posted April 3, 2007 Share Posted April 3, 2007 Man.. I was laughing my butt off until the post that explained what SI stood for I used to cut myself when I was in university and was very depressed... I used to like the fact that it gave me a reason to sit alone and cry, a physical reason to make up for the lack of understanding of the mental pain I was suffering. I also used to get kicks out of watching myself piss blood from my thighs.. and the stinging from the scars that I could feel permanently afterwards.... Eventually I got tired of being depressed and feeling sad.. I'm not sure how that happened...I started pushing myself towards finding new friends and socializing with people... It was a bit hard to stop cutting myself because by then, although I was happier, it had become a habit... But I forced myself to stop it because I realized that every time I did it, it brought back the old pain that I was trying to move away from. I noticed something similar during the pain I've experienced from my recent break up... This time it wasn't cutting, it was alcohol and cigarettes... I was a heavy smoker and drinker before my relationship, but when I started dating that guy, I instinctively cut back on both. When we would argue, I'd run right back and drink and smoke myself to numbness. I thought it helped me deal with the pain.. when in reality, this self-destructive behavior only accentuated that pain, and wrapped around me all of the previous episodes where I had felt similar pain and performed these same self-desctuctive actions... which made me feel even worse... I think we're also at some level aware that what we're doing is bad for us, which subconsciously makes us even more depressed about ourselves. I've been trying to avoid alcohol and smoking (although I broke down last week and bought a pack.. it had been about a month) since him and I broke up.. I'm trying not to let myself sink in self-destruction, because it's just too easy to slip back in that downwards spiral, and it can only take a few drunken nights for that to happen. That's my experience.. I hope whatever it is that bothers you, you can overcome and decide to be healthy and on to a happier path... things do get better, but sometimes you just have to push yourself a little bit to get there... Good luck... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 3, 2007 Share Posted April 3, 2007 Thank you all for being my friends You're welcome. I've been SI-ing since I was about 16. I stopped for a long time and have recently (in the last few years) started up again. I told my therapist I use to cut, and I don't tell him when I do it now. I know that is rather self-defeating, but I am embarrassed that I do this. My family doesn't know, but the man I love does know. He and I are on the outs and sometimes that is the only way to cope with the heartbreak. It helps me feel in control of my emotions. I really hope you consider telling your therapist the truth. Hiding it and not telling your T is only doing more harm to yourself ... Instead of cutting, or doing any self harm - WRITE OUT your feelings. Either with pen and paper or on the computer...For your eyes only. And, TALK to your therapist about those hurt feelings. take it one session and one day at a time... I feel you, WWIU. I can't even go to the bank. Getting to work and performing is my biggest feat of the day. I dread it (and I love my job). I haven't even done my taxes yet. I forget to pay bills. It even feels burdening to fix food or take a shower. During my worst times, I still pushed myself. Even I didn't make to the bank, I would drive around the block. That helped me push myself to GET tothe bank, even if took an hour. sometimes I would ask a neighbour to come with me, he'd wait in the car while I quickly went in and used the bank machine. So, bring a friend with you if you can't go alone......It helps. Get your therapist to do CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy) with you. Learn how to deal with the fears, breathe through them and slowly do exposure therapy so you can function, get to the bank, take a shower, cook a meal... Baby steps.........And, when do DO get something accomplished, no matter how small it may be - CELEBRATE IT!!! It's a big deal! I would call up my bestfriend and tell her "I didn't have bank phobia!! I did it!" To others, I'm sure they may think 'what's the big deal? I do banking daily...' but, to those suffering with anxiety or depression, and can't get out as much, live normally, it IS a big deal. SO deifnately be positive about the little baby steps. It gives you that extra boost of energy and you can grow upon that. Try it! ANd remember, the fear and all those feelings that come out is all in the head. Nothing will hurt you, you won't faint, you won't die...It's all learned behaviour and can be undone. I'm living proof of this. Thank you all so much for listening and offering your time to post. Truly You're welcome again, and keep posting. Remember your goal and that's to stop cutting and stop hurting yourself. Baby steps...... Link to post Share on other sites
coco_milkshake Posted April 3, 2007 Share Posted April 3, 2007 Hey Motor35, I have been SI-ing for about a year now. My issues are regarding my family and their treatment towards me has shattered my self-esteem and my self-confidence. Due to the abuse, I felt worthless and alone and I took comfort in cutting. I have 14 cuts on my left thigh - I cut not long ago but I am resisting the temptation to do it again. If you would like to talk about it then I am a PM away. Coco Link to post Share on other sites
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