Oh damn that long black hair!

[EC]

Why doesn't it suprise me that I have been drama free in my relationship for as long as I have been off Loveshack and the minute I come back lol

 

Well my bf and I have been doing great lately. We have overcome a lot of obstacles and are finally at a very nice place. I was very jealous and insecure in the past but mostly it was because we had a LDR for about a year..oh yeah and my ex cheated on me and broke my heart. lol

 

Anyways we were doing great and then he joined a Business Frat in college. This brought upon a break up which we went through and survived and have been doing better than ever. I had improved my jealousy and insecurity issues imensely and he had noted that and was happy. We have been happy.

 

There was always this one girl that I just got the creepo beware vibe from though and he knows it. The thing is his frat is co-ed because its a business frat but hes very friendly with this girl. The thing is this frat is all about brotherhood and forming super tight lifelong bonds with everyone in the frat and so they have to go on outings..social gatherings..sleepover camping trips..and its co-ed and it drives me nuts! And i do trust him but there is just something about that girl! Anyways lately she and her roomate have been going over to his apartment everynight to hangout, watch tv, eat w/e and leaving at like 11:00pm. My bf lives with his younger brother across from the college. She is very wild and is on like 'spring break' mode all the time! So that already drives me nuts because I only see h im on the weekend when he doesnt have an event or maybe one day out of the week and shes over there "bonding' with my bf almost everyday! And shes single and pretty

 

Anyways my bf and I were talking a while back and he said I wasn't spontaneous anymore. I was like w/e and then last week when she was over on Sat. he happened to mention how cool she was because she was always spontaneous. So that was a little red flag. Then Mon. I called to say goodnight and she was there like always and he was talking to her while trying to talk to me on the phone. It was so frustrating that he wouldn't get up and go into the other room to speak to me, that I told him goodnight and that I would talk to him in the morning. I was so upset. But i got over it.

 

Then today was like wtf! He picks me up for lunch and I get in his car. Sitting by where you switch gears in his car was a super long black hair strand. I mean I couldn't miss it. I am blonde (now) and she has long black hair. Hmm...

I picked it up and said thats not my hair color. he laughed. He thought i was joking. I said no really who's hair is this? He said your serious. I said yes.

He got upset and said he thought we were over the jealousy issues. he claimed that maybe it was an old hair from when my hair was dark. (that was over 8 months ago) I asked if that girl had been in his car recently and he said no. I asked if maybe he had given friends rides and forgot to tell me thats its ok but he said he hadn't given anyone rides. So i'm like then how did it miraculously appear in your car? He said I dont know? But you need to trust me and drop it. I know what your implying and your wrong.

 

So I dropped it but I can't help feeling bad. I do trust him and we have been doing so damn good. Oh stupid black hair. lol Am I making too much out of this?

[tanbark813]

Well if he's hanging out every night with some other girl when he could be hanging out with you then he's clearly a psychopath.

 

But in all seriousness, I don't think you're making too much out of it. He shouldn't be hanging out with some girl more than his own gf, even if it is because of some business fraternity. I can understand the emphasis on brotherhood for a social fraternity (I was in one in college) but it seems kind of bulls**t in the context of a co-ed business fraternity. The defensiveness also isn't a good sign.

[whichwayisup]

Listen to your gut. If it doesn't 'feel' right, and you've already mentioned red flag - Then something is a-miss.

 

Just seems he like the attention of his new found friend.

 

Make it clear to him that you won't put up with him cheating on you or going out with her one on one. Even if his intentions are innocent, who knows what hers are....

[EC]

Well if he's hanging out every night with some other girl when he could be hanging out with you then he's clearly a psychopath.

 

But in all seriousness, I don't think you're making too much out of it. He shouldn't be hanging out with some girl more than his own gf, even if it is because of some business fraternity. I can understand the emphasis on brotherhood for a social fraternity (I was in one in college) but it seems kind of bulls**t in the context of a co-ed business fraternity. The defensiveness also isn't a good sign.

 

Yeah The thing is we live about an hour away and I work during the week full time and he goes to school so we see eachother on the weekends. But lately its been only a sun or sat because one day out of the weekend the business frat has an event or meeting. She is in the same college, same frat, and lives two mins from his house.

 

Clarification..shes goes over everyday with her roomate and other people from the frat. A total of about 8 people. So its not like its just them two. But still.

 

TB u can see who she is if you still have myspace. She left him a comment on his.

[bridget_jones]

What is the big deal if he gave her a ride in his car? I mean she hangs out with him every night at his place, so why is it any different if she was in his car?

 

I don't trust this guy. I would seriously break up with him. There is a reason behind the jealousy issues you have. It's because he isn't really trustworthy and you know that.

 

Just break up with him, find someone who doesn't cheat. Free yourself.

[EC]

Listen to your gut. If it doesn't 'feel' right, and you've already mentioned red flag - Then something is a-miss.

 

Just seems he like the attention of his new found friend.

 

Make it clear to him that you won't put up with him cheating on you or going out with her one on one. Even if his intentions are innocent, who knows what hers are....

 

Exactly WWIU! He may not be doing anything but he def likes her attention. Usually if we are in a group ...with other girls he waits for them to initiate conversation.. with her he initiates it. He loves the fact that she survived Katrina and has been living all on her own. w/e and they have so much in common.

 

I think Im just jealous...but then still the hair! lol

[tanbark813]

Yeah The thing is we live about an hour away and I work during the week full time and he goes to school so we see eachother on the weekends. But lately its been only a sun or sat because one day out of the weekend the business frat has an event or meeting. She is in the same college, same frat, and lives two mins from his house.

 

Clarification..shes goes over everyday with her roomate and other people from the frat. A total of about 8 people. So its not like its just them two. But still.

 

Ahh, well that's a little different then. It could be something or it could be nothing. (I know, helpful, huh? ) I guess all I can say is go with your gut. Guts are brilliant.

 

TB u can see who she is if you still have myspace. She left him a comment on his.

 

Assuming your man is your #2 with the pic of you two then his profile is private and I can't see the comment.

[whichwayisup]

Well, just keep an eye on things. Don't accuse him of anything, but just pay attention to his moods.

It could just very well a crush, and he's enjoying it for what it is...Just a crush. We all get them, and hopefully he's not stupid enough to DO something if you know what I mean.

 

In the meantime, romance him, cook him a nice meal and have some fun. Make him forget all about her! Shake it up abit and do something unexpected, even plan a trip and spring it on him! Like rent a hotel room downtown, and have a romantic time...

[EC]

Ahh, well that's a little different then. It could be something or it could be nothing. (I know, helpful, huh? ) I guess all I can say is go with your gut. Guts are brilliant.

 

 

 

Assuming your man is your #2 with the pic of you two then his profile is private and I can't see the comment.

 

oh its private neva mind...I wanted you to help me with the 'she bashing' lol

[EC]

Well, just keep an eye on things. Don't accuse him of anything, but just pay attention to his moods.

It could just very well a crush, and he's enjoying it for what it is...Just a crush. We all get them, and hopefully he's not stupid enough to DO something if you know what I mean.

 

In the meantime, romance him, cook him a nice meal and have some fun. Make him forget all about her! Shake it up abit and do something unexpected, even plan a trip and spring it on him! Like rent a hotel room downtown, and have a romantic time...

 

I feel like you know me lol. Thats what I thought because I have had crushes but thats y i guess Im freaking because I never acted on them. And I also didnt spend all day at school with them, was in a frat with them, then hang out at their house:o

 

But your right. Too late for accusing though. Well I didn't accuse him about her but I did question him a whole lot about the damn hair.

 

I don't know..my gut just says somethings fishy..and if not him its her. Hes a nice guy so it wouldnt suprise me if she asks for rides and things on purpose as a fellow 'brother'

 

She has said over and over how shes so lonely and wants a good bf in her life .

[tanbark813]

oh its private neva mind...I wanted you to help me with the 'she bashing' lol

 

Well I don't need to see her to know you're hotter than her.

[allina]

I don't think it's that you have jealousy issues I think it's that he is sort of putting her ahead of you, them having all these activities in common and spending all this time together. I have never been accused of being a jealous gf but no way would I feel okay about this.

[EC]

It has been hard. Im trying to be a supportive gf. I completely understand how GREAT this will look on his resume but mannnn! The also have a mandatory meeting every wed. and then he's part of the something or other of the frat so he has a mandatory meeting on tues. as well. So those days he gets out of the meeting at about 11:00pm everynight and then they go to his house to hang out. Im already alseep by 10:00 because I work the next day and so all I get is a goodnight text.

 

Whats funny is when i go over sometimes on a thursday to sleep pver no one from the frat comes over. ?? Or only the guys will hang out for a bit and leave. I dont get it.

[tanbark813]

I completely understand how GREAT this will look on his resume but mannnn!

 

FWIW, employers don't give two sh*ts about that kind of stuff. It's good for networking but when it comes to job interviews, work experience is 75% of what they're looking at.

[EC]

You know I thought that..but he went on and on about the network thing and how if he goes to an interview and the interviewer happens to be a 'brother' it will give him a heads up.

 

He has no work experience. Zip Zero. Hes only been going to school.

[tanbark813]

You know I thought that..but he went on and on about the network thing and how if he goes to an interview and the interviewer happens to be a 'brother' it will give him a heads up.

 

The chances of that happening are slim, but yeah, in that case he'd definitely have a heads up.

[manders0724]

I have an idea.

 

Why dont you go on a surprise visit to where hes at, when you have time i mean, get there at like 1030ish and just act like its a big surprise for him! Then you will show up unexpected to see if he is misbehaving, and if hes not, he'll be happy for the surprise visit.

[tanbark813]

I have an idea.

 

Why dont you go on a surprise visit to where hes at, when you have time i mean, get there at like 1030ish and just act like its a big surprise for him! Then you will show up unexpected to see if he is misbehaving, and if hes not, he'll be happy for the surprise visit.

 

Ooooooooooooooo, I like this idea.

[allina]

Ooooooooooooooo, I like this idea.

 

I dislike the idea a great deal. One shouldn't have to slump down to fake surprises in order to know what their SO is doing.

 

Plus I think we are focusing too much on if he is *doing* anything with the girl and not the fact that either way he is putting his gf on the back burner. If he falls for this other girl, which can happen so easily in this situation (I can see the conversation clearly "sorry babe, she just understands me so much more, we have a lot in common, we really bonded") it won't matter if he didn't physically cheat, the relationship can still fall apart.

[Trialbyfire]

I agree with WWIU, listen to your gut. He's already starting to do the comparison with the spontaneity thing. You're at a disadvantage because of the minimal time you can spend with him. She's not the only one he can be bonding with, with the Business frat situation. As allina says, he should be focusing on you as the g/f.

 

Women can usually tell when they have real competition.

[EC]

Exactly, I can usually tell who his type is and who can give me competition. She is not his type physically but he always has said her face was really pretty and she would look good if she lost a couple of pounds. ( Him saying this to his brother after his brother said she was cute but lacked something)

 

Alin its so funny what you wrote is what I have thought plenty of times. I keep thinking he'll say one day "I'm sorry we have so much in common blah blah blah" Drives me crazy.

 

We argued last night about things again. He said I had no right to get mad about a stupid hair in his car. That the only reason I would get mad about that was if I was assuming it was there because he was doing something wrong. Which then tells him I don't trust him and If I don't trust him we have bigger issues!

 

UGH! It's not that i dont trust HIM...I dont trust the situation and I def DO NOT truat girls. Especially attention seeking girls like her. He just can't seem to comprehend that. He says over and over that even if the girl comes on to him hard I should trust that he will not do anything because he loves me. But C'mon! lol

 

Then I argued about the times of the meetings and how I couldnt understand why a business frat would have meetings that ran so late in the evening if they had class the next morning. I said those hours seem like bullsh*t to me. Maybe i used the wrong word but he flipped out. Said that I called his frat bullsh*t and that I didn't support him. That he knows I secretly hate the fact he ever joined the frat. Which in a way is true because it caused a damn break up! But I still support HIM I am just not happy with the situatiion. I just feel that he doesn't care sometimes. His frat is his thing and his future and if I don't like it too bad I have to deal with it.

 

The other thing he said last night was that he's never been able to have friends that are girls. That are just FRIENDS and nothing more. That he likes talking to them and getting their point of view and that I need to understand its just a friendship and nothing more. That I am his gf that they all know me and have met me. He says he enjoys their company and its strictly platonic and I shouldn't worry.

 

But I can't help it. I feel sometimes as if he respects them and their opinion more because they are in the frat together and in the same classes with the same major.

 

One time..he needed help reading a book for a class and he didnt have time to read it because he had to go to a frat event that evening ( one which I was invited to) well I offered to help him because i took several speed reading classes so I could zoom through the book at the event while he did his thing. Well he said ok but he said try not to let anyone see you reading it. Then while parking he said matter of fact take the cover off the book I dont want them to see what book your reading. Then later..Matter of fact just forget it read it later when we get home. I was like WTF? ! ?

 

Then once I helped him proof read his resume for a project he had to turn in. I spent so much time adjusting it and editing it. After everything he said thank you babe its perfect. Two minutes later he said you know what though just to be safe Im going to run it by (A. The Girl with the black hair) to see what she says! WTF?! again.

 

I told him I was upset about that but he said its just that she has the same classes and she knows how its supposed to go. HELLO I LIVE IN THE REAL WORLD. I have been to countless jobs and interviews. I KNOW very well how a resume is supposed to look.

 

Wow this wasn't supposed to be so long of a post but i just kept going lol Sorry Im venting.

[EC]

Ugh! What do you do when you both think your right in the matter and no one budges?

 

I refuse to apologize for getting mad about finding a black hair that wasn't mine in his car dammit. lol sheesh

[mental_traveller]

What is the big deal if he gave her a ride in his car? I mean she hangs out with him every night at his place, so why is it any different if she was in his car?

 

I don't trust this guy. I would seriously break up with him. There is a reason behind the jealousy issues you have. It's because he isn't really trustworthy and you know that.

 

Just break up with him, find someone who doesn't cheat. Free yourself.

 

I would also be suspicious. If I was the guy in that situation, and not guilty, then I would at least make some effort to avoid the *appearance* of suspicion, if it was bothering my gf that much. I'd rather hang out with a casual female friend less, than make my gf feel insecure and then dismiss her feelings. Unless of course I desperately wanted to bonk the casual female friend.

 

Yeah you are jealous, so what? It's normal to be jealous in that circumstance. It looks bad to me. I would investigate further, at a minimum. Also, you might want to try backing away. Go on a trip with friends for a few days, or hang out in a mixed group with some guys & girls you know, then if he asks, mention there's this cool guy X who you met etc. Or just suggest a break for a bit. That will let you know his true feelings.

[EC]

I would also be suspicious. If I was the guy in that situation, and not guilty, then I would at least make some effort to avoid the *appearance* of suspicion, if it was bothering my gf that much. I'd rather hang out with a casual female friend less, than make my gf feel insecure and then dismiss her feelings. Unless of course I desperately wanted to bonk the casual female friend.

 

Yeah you are jealous, so what? It's normal to be jealous in that circumstance. It looks bad to me. I would investigate further, at a minimum. Also, you might want to try backing away. Go on a trip with friends for a few days, or hang out in a mixed group with some guys & girls you know, then if he asks, mention there's this cool guy X who you met etc. Or just suggest a break for a bit. That will let you know his true feelings.

 

I thought about that..making a new guy friend and hanging out all the time. And explain how I like the company and he shouldnt worry. That I just like this friends point of view la did dah..but then i thought it would just infuriate him more because he will know I was doing it on purpose.

 

Besides he says guys can have friends that are just girls but if a guy wants to be my friend he just wants to bonk. Well doesnt that go for him too? lmao wtf/

[tanbark813]

The Tahoe Cokewhore used to accuse me of not trusting her, which I didn't. But finding out she went on a trip with a guy and lied and said it was a girlfriend kind of took the air out of that defense. Like I said, go with your gut.

 

Ugh! What do you do when you both think your right in the matter and no one budges?

 

Angry sex. :bunny: