Accused that i cheated, but i think different...

[confused_chick]

I have been with my boyfriend for a year and 7 months, and we've had issues in the past but we've gotten over them and were doing fine.

 

That is until we were down at the lake at night and we were asking each other questions on if we had ever done anything with a girl or guy while we were dating. He answers "Well I kinda had a crush on this chick for a little bit but, no, I haven't done anything". I know how guys can be so that didn't really bug me.

 

Well then he eventually asked me the same question and i had been wanting to tell him about something but i wasn't sure if he would get mad (which i would think he would but jesus, not this much!!), but i was sitting down at the lake with my best guy friend one day and he was acting stupid and said " wow I haven't touched boobs in a long time" and just being stupid I started messing around with him and saying "alright alright touch my boobs, come on just do it " not thinking that he would but he just went for it for half a second and let go. I was surprised as hell. I didn't think he would actually do it. So i was just like "ummm ok didn't think you were actually going to do it".

 

Well i didn't think it was that big of a deal and didn't tell my boyfriend about it till 10 months later, and he freaked out saying that I "cheated" on him. I don't understand that. Would he have rather us kissed or have sexually done something?

 

To me i didn't cheat. What happened was simply stupid and yes i regret it cause i shouldn't have done that and not told him right away. My friend doesn't think it's as big as a deal as i do but agrees that it was just being stupid. His family is extremely stubborn and thinks "once a cheater always a cheater", but the problem is , is that i don't consider what i did as cheating. And now his step mom hates me and thinks i'm a cheating bitch.

 

I honestly don't know what to do in this situation. I'm sure to others this is like "alright you're all making a stupid-ass issue of this, and it's dumb as hell" but i just need a little advice about something, anything.

 

P.S. wasn't planning on making it this long sorry!

[whichwayisup]

That is until we were down at the lake at night and we were asking each other questions on if we had ever done anything with a girl or guy while we were dating

 

This is crucial ... Who started this conversation, you or him?

 

I don't think he overreacted at all. If he touched another girls boobs, or allowed a girl to touch his penis, you would flip out too.

 

You crossed the line, did something inappropriate and it hurt and pissed him off.

 

Let him cool off, then talk to him, tell him how bad you feel and that you regret it. Don't fluff it off as a big joke...To him, it wasn't a joke, and it IS a big deal to him, so downplaying it or telling him he's overreacting is denying him how he truely feels about it.

[confused_chick]

I understand that he reacted the way he did, and i don't blame him for it. I actually started the conversation because i wanted to be honest with him and tell him the truth cause i was sick of keeping it from him.

 

And yes i would flip out but i wouldn't have accused him of cheating. I would have just been upset with it for a couple days.

 

But he has calmed down since then but his step mom still hates me and thinks i'm not good enough for him, and i don't know how many times i can say i'm sorry.

[Javelin]

I wouldn't consider that cheating! It's more or less a very immature and disrespectful thing to do. Anywho, it's nothing to break up over & your boyfriend will get over it.

 

Just keep this in mind: He may not be so quick to turn down another female he's alone with if she attempts to flirt with him in such a way.

[mental_traveller]

I agree with your bf, I would be angry too. IMO that's cheating, even though it's not like kissing or having sex, it's still out of line.

 

Personally I'd break up over this, unless everything else was 100% perfect, in which case I'd just make a huge scene and act like an ******* for several weeks.

[Enema]

If you want to maintain this relationship, you should cut out that "best guy friend" of yours.

 

Clearly, he wants some tang and you don't seem to mind leading him on.

[confused_chick]

Well just for an update, I'm not friends with my guy friend anymore and he hates me and says that everyone completely blew this situation out of proportion and hopes that my boyfriend and his family are happy that they made me lose a best friend.

 

I honestly don't know what to think of this right now.

 

His step mom still won't talk to me and i asked last night to talk to her and she plainly said "no".

 

I'm not sure if i made a mistake or not leaving my friend for a boyfriend.

 

There are too many damn opinions that i don't even know my own.

 

Is it for the best or did i just make another mistake?

[DOA]

That was really bad of you, seriously. And the fact that you question whether or not you should've chosen your friend over your bf makes me believe you'd be happier off having your friend and ridding the bf, and also, exempting yourself from trying to justify to everyone that you didn't cheat.

 

You've created quite an issue between you and your bf now. Don't expect him to completely trust you again.

[Guest]

You should just drop both of these guys - and the step-mom and start fresh! Whatever you do in the future, don't offer to let some guy touch your boobs or whatever as a "joke" because they WILL take you up on it!

[confused_chick]

ALright have i not obviously stated that i regret what i did? The reason it was so hard was because i had known my friend for 4 years. I have and do realize that what i did was wrong, and am trying to put it in the past and learn from my mistake.

 

I'm happy that my boyfriend is giving me another chance and am going to prove to him that he can trust me. I hate admiting that I guess it took a stupid mistake like this to learn how much it can hurt someone i love more than i thought it would.

 

No matter what people think, people REALLY can learn from their mistakes, even if some think "once a cheater always a cheater".

 

I for one am not a ****ing cheater. And i'm proving that to everyone. I know i've disappointed a lot of people and i'm sorry.

 

Evidently from a majority, what i did was immature, disrespectful, and untrustworthy and i know that. I'm thinking now that not being with friends with him anymore was for the best, and so I am careful with what i do.

 

I'm still going to try and keep trying until i can gain a close enough trust back with him from that of what i had before.

 

With him and his family.

[Trialbyfire]

cc, I don't think you cheated but it wasn't the brightest thing to do. It was a live and learn situation. Be the best g/f ever to your b/f. Make sure he understands how you remorseful you are and how you're willing to earn his trust back. Good luck.

[TaylorOneal]

I think you made an immature mistake. I think you where indeed wrong for allowing your friend to touch you or even incouraging it. Cheating meh, to each is own I think it probablly was blown out of porportion and getting rid of the friend was prolly a good way to prove that you are serious. Keep showing your trustworthy and hopefully it will pay off but if he can't move on you should.. just my opinion..