She left me for her best friend...what can I do?

[Guest]

Hello. My girlfriend of one year, Casey, broke up with me at the beginning of February asking if she could be "just friends" with me. This is after a VERY intense one year relationship. We had been having a ton of problems and she was very upset with my critical nature and the fact that I was not automatically gung-ho about the idea of her moving with me when I go to college in the Fall. I was very immature during our relationship and made her upset quite often. However, she was always a bit obsessed with me and fawned over me regardless. Evidently my yelling at her to care more about her own future was what ultimately pushed her away and she said that's when she started drifting.

 

Anyway, we seperate. I think at this point we both consider it a break. She spends increasingly more time with this other girl, a mutual friend, Penny. They are best friends so it is not surprising that they are hanging out, but i'm talking A LOT. I'm talking every single day, all day. Obviously there were suspicions. In the meanwhile, Casey makes comments like "I want to get back together but you acting like this ****s everything up!" and "I miss waking up to you" etc. Basically, she quite obviously still had feelings for me and missed our relationship. However, when I finally got it together to stop being angry at her, she did not want to get back together. It was very confusing. Eventually I find out that Casey and Penny had feelings for each other and had been kissing etc. I ask her to choose. She does not choose to get back together with me because she does not "believe I've changed" and will still be constantly critical/mean. I give her a speech about how I just want her to be happy and I will give her time to figure out her feelings. She cries and hugs me etc. I stop asking about Penny and decide to give them space to sort things out.

 

After this...we hang out often and when we do, it's absolutely great. We go out to dinner and have great conversations. She hugs me goodnight but always with her face nuzzled into my neck and kisses on the forehead etc. She's very touchy-feely.

 

Fast forward to today. I wrote her a five page letter spilling my heart. I told her I realized how badly I ****ed up by treating her the way I did and I basically told her I would do anything for her now. After we seperated I realized the extent of my feelings. She called me crying and I went over to her house. She told me to sit next to her because she just wanted to be near me. She wrestled around with me and was playfully tickling me. I told her we needed to talk about the letter. She said it made her really sad but it also made her really happy. However, she refused to leave Penny who she was now officially in a relationship with. She said she loved Penny very much and could never leave her for another person "despite the fact that her feelings might be stronger for the other person". When I asked her if her new relationship was as passionate as ours was she replied "nothing will ever be like that" and also said "I could never care about anyone the way I cared about you". So what gives? The thing is, this new girl is a saint. She was the school slut but dropped all her friends and started hanging out with my girlfriend all the time in December. Casey has a very nurturing nature and basically got her to open up about her past. Now, apparently, after all that talking they are in love with each other. Penny now fawns over Casey and spends all of her time treating her like her child. This is the complete opposite of our relationship. Since Penny is so nice and has "never, ever" done anything to hurt Casey, Casey says she cannot leave her. She cares about her too much to hurt her for no reason.

 

I do not get this. When I asked her to tell me if she still had feelings for me, she wouldn't answer because it would just "cause problems". I don't understand what to do here. She says she wants to be my "best friend" but I don't know how to go from a passionate relationship to a platonic one. It's not that our sex wasn't good and we are better off as friends; it was incredible. And it's not as if she can just say "Look, I don't see you as more than a friend as this point. Get over it."

 

What do I do? Should I go for ignoring her completely to make her miss my presence? I don't want her to have to choose between us because I truly care about her and want her to be as happy as possible. However, I desperately want her back. I seem to be in a bit of a conundrum. She has sent me SO many mixed signals. What should I do?