Can we just be friends ??!!

[David]

Hi all,

 

Why do women always use the line 'can we just be friends' on me ? Am i pushing them too hard ? what is wrong with me ?

 

I met a girl two months ago at a part, we talked..went out dancing and got along great. We hugged and kissed for hours then i walked her home and said good night. Two days later she came over, everything was great still - kissed and touched intimately. She then went home as it was getting late and we both had to work the next day etc. etc.. two days later she visits again and nothing really happens, sat down and watched some tv then kissed her goodbye (lips) quickly and that was it - weird.

 

She went away for the weekend and i told her to be 'good, for me' -and told her 'i thought we had something special' ? to which she said we would talk when she got back. About a week passed, she came and visited, finally. She kept using the excuse she was too tired when i asked to see her

 

When she was over i asked 'what about our talk' again, she said later, shes too tired. She only stayed for around 15 minutes then left.

Week passed, i messaged her and asked how she was going etc... She then came out with 'Why is it all or nothing with you, can't we just be friends?' - now, my heart sank - i was in tears. I said it was typical (my last girlfriend did the same thing after 6 months, so i don't have much faith in girls anymore). She then went off at me, saying that i can get f'd cause in an a-hole and i care more about sex than other peoples feelings. This HURT me so bad. I told her i don't care about sex, i want to be able to be close to her, cuddle her, hold her, be there for her, share our lives 2gether. She ignored me and doesn't answer my calls or replies to my msg's.

 

She also mentioned that i never made an effort to come and see her - i told her i didn't know where she lived (which was true, the times i dropped her often it was late and dark) and never felt welcome or invited. To this she said that "u should have asked but i guess its easier for me to do eveything".

 

So, what can i do ? I this it ? Should i just get rid of her ? Do i have a chance to get back with her ?

I do love her, i don't want to lose her..but i know i can't just be friends with here - at least not when i have such strong feelings towards her as it would kill me to be so close but not being able to have (relationship) or 2 see her with some other guy

 

Please help me out, give me advice or input - i am feeling so depressed and lonely at the moment, i cry myself to sleep and when i finally do get to sleep i never want to wake up cause as soon as i do the pain comes right back.

 

Life without requited love is not worth living.

[Tony T]

Einstein defined insanity as doing something the same way repeatedly but expecting a different result each time. You have got to change your strategies.

 

In your case, you are moving way too fast for these ladies. You aren't presenting any kind of challenge whatsoever. Women don't want love that's just put in front of them right away without some courting, etc. They know that love cast upon them right away is really lust or has no real value.

 

Women say they'd rather be friends for a lot of reasons:

 

1. They don't want to come right out and tell the man to get lost.

 

2. They want to mitigate their guilt feelings about breaking up with him but they really don't want to be friends.

 

3. To get the man to just leave them alone, period.

 

4. Because they have lost all interest or never had any interest in the first place in a romance for various reasons:

 

a) The man is moving way too fast...no challenge.

b) The man is simply not their type.

c) They simply aren't ready for a long term relationship.

d) Perceived spiritual, intellectual, family, money or other differences.

e) The man has bad breath or bad grooming practices.

f) They have other things going that are more promising.

g) They already had a boyfriend but were just trying to see if the man was any better than what they had.

h) They have been eying another guy for a long time and are waiting for him (the other guy) to make a move.

i) They were just using the man to make another guy jealous.

 

5. Sometimes, they really just want to be good friends because they like male friends.

 

Having a good female friend is the greatest thing that could ever happen to a guy looking for females. If she is a real friend and she gets around, she'll introduce you to her other friends...who will then introduce you to their female friends...and ultimately you'll have an entire harem to choose from.

 

But if you don't slow down in the initial stages of dating, you'll never make it except with some crazy lady you'll end up having to have committed because she does the same thing you do.

 

When you meet a lady, don't be so available so soon. Don't call her everyday. Don't do nice things for her all the time. Don't let her know she's the only game you've got going.

 

Hasn't anybody ever told you this stuff???

[David]

Thanks for your Input. But i did try a different strategy and she is the one who came onto me in the first place, she told someone she thought i was cute then made a move on me.

 

After the first time i went out with her, i didn't call her - i let her call me. I did play hard to get for about a week straight, until she went off at me for not showing any interest.

 

I did change my strategy from my EX, but it still led the same ending.

 

I have told her...look, you obviously aren't interested so delete my number (after she said she would visit but pulled out), just let me know when u do so i can lose yours. She went off at this as well and said a lot of stuff.

 

I have said stuff that would allow her to leave me easily if she wanted (like the comment above) but she doesnt.

 

Is she still interested. Is she playing a game ?

 

Thanks again for ur input.

[Tony T]

Sounds to me like she's just playing an immature game. I would write this one off and move on.

[David]

Thanks Tony for all your help and prompt replies.

REALLY appreciated.

I think that is the best advice and the best route to take - ill tell her to quit the games or im gone - and i will stand by it!

 

Thank you

[Tony T]

Why would you even want to tell her to quit the games? That's only going to piss her off. Just tell her you don't want to play games with her and you're out of there....period.

 

Telling her you don't want to play games is like putting her on notice that you want her to stop acting like a child and grow up because you want to get down and get serious. That's not what you want to convey.

 

Just butting out of her life shows her you're a man and you're not going to put up with her crap. She'll respect that a lot more and if she's really interested in you she'll be back in your life and treat you much differently.

[Kat]

Sounds like someone who isn't ready for anything remotely faithful.

 

I met my man through friends, we started hanging out, one thing led to another we where being intimate(not too intamite mind you) and we didnt have a "title" I asked him one night and we ended up being exclusive but not b/f and g/f. This was due to my last relationship being so messed up and he didn't want to lose what we had (he wasn't going to say anything at all if I hadn't cause be was scared of ruining it). About a week later we were together as b/f (I actually started calling him my b/f from teh next day) and a few months later the L word was being used.

 

If they just want to "be friends" or "don't know what they want" LEAVE!

 

Trust me, You either know what you want or don't if you are mature enough for a real relationship. If she is still stuck in highschool limbo then you are right.

[David]

Thank you Kat for your reply and sharing your experience, it really helps - least im not alone Hope everything is working out with you now and thank you again for your advice, appreciated!

 

Tony : You have been a tremendous help, it helps alot that you are so direct, gives me more motivation to push on.

Basically i said something like - i dont want to play games with you. The games over, im out of here.

We will see what happens, but whatever does..i do feel alot better now i have done that.

 

Thank you so much for all your input, GREATLY appreciated!!

[Ally Boo]

Sounds like she might have thought she was ready...but then when it came down to it, she wasn't.