big bad brother

[travel_chick]

Hi. When I grew up my older brother was very emotionally abusive. I did not have emotional skills to deal with it in my adolescence, but as time past I learnt more about life and realised he had problems too. I am 30 now, and still have to live with the knowledge that he does not show love for me. He has a girlfriend, who I am slightly jealous of. Every time I meet him I feel apprehensive because I can't be my true self with him. He does not get along with me. I don't want to cut him out because I like family relations too much. At the same time I am tired of always subduing myself whenever we have family gatherings. Is this something I just have to live with or does anyone have suggestions for dealing?!

[Tony T]

Dealing with your butthole brother at this point is no different than dealing with any other difficult person in life.

 

I disagree that you must interact with him in the interest of family relations. As an adult, you should avoid all people who make your life difficult.

 

Unless he is mentally challenged in some way, you might want to sit down and have a talk with him and let him know how you feel. Start from the beginning and let him know how you feel about the way he abused you as you were growing up. Then ask him exactly what it will take for him to start being civil to you and others.

 

Tell him how you cannot be yourself around him. Find out if there's something the two of you can do to work this out. After all, you ARE brother and sister...not strangers. The two of you are adults...many years removed...and you should be able to work things out civilly.

 

If a talk does no good, at least he'll know where you're coming from and why you will be avoiding him in the future.

[travel_chick]

Thanks for the advice....I posted a reply before but don't think it worked.