is my situation rare?

[peace_pipe]

Hello all,

 

I am 29, soon to be 30 and single for 3 years. I have had my fair share of relationships and experience with women.

 

Over the past few years, I have dated countless women. Some of them I wasn't interested in and some weren't interested in me.

 

I am successful , independent and in shape physically.

 

Recently, I have been having much trouble meeting "quality" women.

 

Examples:

 

Went on a date with a girl who told me that she was dating 3 other guys. I left her at the club.

 

A friend tries to set me up with her friend. She is a cute gal, but she drinks heavily and takes her clothes off in bars. I lost interest.

 

Met a woman who I was really into, she is successful, smart and beautiful. Problem is that she was separated from her husband and there was much drama associated with that. I won't go into detail but it's pretty ugly. They ended up getting the divorce, but I had already left the situation behind.

 

Met a girl from online who was nice to talk to, but I wasn't really attracted to her. I gave it a whirl anyway and she states she can not date me because I smoke cigs!!! Does this sound melodramatic to you? I mean if you meet someone that has many good qualities do you expect them not to have any flaws?

 

These are just a few examples of my recent dating life. I am not trying to whine, and I have always gotten dates. There just seems to be a lack of quality women out there. Maybe the quality ones are in demand and are all taken... i am not sure.

 

The other thing is I have no children and never married. I have been wanting to find someone for years now that at least has potential to go in that direction.

 

On top of all of this, my folks are getting older and the one thing that I want is for them to see me happy before they pass on. My dad has just been diagnosed with cancer so it makes my situation even more troublesome. There's good chance he will make it through, but it scares the daylights out of me to watch my family pass and then be left with no one, no life meaning.

 

Call me arrogant, but I am happy with myself and always strive to achieve better. I feel ike I have a lot to offer a mate. Why do they pass me up?

[nocturnal_kiss]

Do you think the woman who found smoking a deal breaker was being too picky?

 

Do you think you could be too picky?

[Jinxx]

Call me arrogant, but I am happy with myself and always strive to achieve better. I feel ike I have a lot to offer a mate. Why do they pass me up?

 

I don't know why they pass you up but may your arrogance could have something to with it.

 

If you're happy with yourself then that it what is important. Eventually you will meet the right woman suited for you.

 

BTW -- smoking is deal breaker for me no matter what attraction or connection I have to a man. Cannot/will not date a smoker, ever.

[mental_traveller]

Well, if you didn't smoke then you would have had at least one eligible date. And no, I don't consider it melodramatic to avoid someone who will vastly increase the risk of giving them, their partner, and any children cancer and other ailments. Smoke by all means, but don't then moan when people don't like you for it. Personally I am pretty tolerant of smoke & smokers in most respects, but I would never date a smoking addict. And 99% of smokers are addicts, I only know a small handful of people who can smoke once in a blue moon and not make it a habit.

 

Also, you are being totally hypocritical here. You are complaining that someone doesn't like the fact you smoke cancer sticks, but you turned down one girl for dating around (despite being single), another for drinking and exhibitionism (despite being single), and another for going through a divorce. You want other people to be flawless, but then moan like a baby when someone doesn't like one of your flaws. You sound like a bit of a spoiled and selfish brat to me.

 

Apart from that - welcome to the dating scene! It's hard to meet someone who is a really good match for you, it becomes a numbers game and you just have to keep plugging away.

[Trimmer]

Yeah: for me, smoking = deal breaker. No lectures, no melodrama, no hysteria, just no thanks.

 

"I finally found the perfect woman. Problem was, she was waiting for the perfect man..."

[Trialbyfire]

If you want to meet quality women, you need to frequent quality places.

[bridget_jones]

My two basic criteria are 1. doesn't smoke. and 2. college degree. Of course the personality, physical attraction, chemistry, etc. I met a guy online and it stated in his profile he had a college degree. He admitted during the date he left college when he had a year and a half to graduate. I refused to go out with him again because he lied.

I would rather be single than lower my standards.

[peace_pipe]

Also, you are being totally hypocritical here. You are complaining that someone doesn't like the fact you smoke cancer sticks, but you turned down one girl for dating around (despite being single), another for drinking and exhibitionism (despite being single), and another for going through a divorce. You want other people to be flawless, but then moan like a baby when someone doesn't like one of your flaws. You sound like a bit of a spoiled and selfish brat to me.

 

Since when did smoking become the same as screwing around?

 

I don't see the parallel here.

 

One girl had divorce drama, the other dates 4 men at the same time.... HELLO....MCFLY!!

 

So I guess smoking is as bad as divorce.

 

My point is, I don't have ex-anything drama. Why? Because I made it that way. So why do I have to deal with it?

 

I also don't take my clothes off in front of a room full of strangers wether I am single or not. What does SO status have to do with it? You think this girl is gonna change once she is in a relationship? Wrong!

 

I don't care what you say about dating multiple partners, it's just dumb. Anyone who does that is obviously crying out for attention. Please think.

[peace_pipe]

My two basic criteria are 1. doesn't smoke. and 2. college degree. Of course the personality, physical attraction, chemistry, etc. I met a guy online and it stated in his profile he had a college degree. He admitted during the date he left college when he had a year and a half to graduate. I refused to go out with him again because he lied.

I would rather be single than lower my standards.

 

This thread wasn't intended to be about smoking, but the sheer egocentrism here is mind blowing.

 

Let's say you meet a wonderful man who was a good provider, a good father, treated you well and was handsome - but he smoked. You would turn him down? Have you been reading Cinderella again?

 

Or better yet, you meet this man, marry him then 3 years later he takes up smoking. According to what you wrote you would divorce him..... how dumb.

 

 

Not only that, but some people like me smoke on my own time. I don't smoke in my apartment or my car, around children, or anyone who requests me not to. Now tell me how would this affect you again? I really comes down to control, and i will have no woman tell me how to live my life. If I did that, i would be in the gutter.

 

 

And the college degree - I know plenty of losers with degrees. Don't get me wrong, it can be a great accomplishment. I make more money than a lot of them and I only have credits and certifications. Does it prove anything that some kid with rich parents paid his way through school?

 

So, I suppose you would turn me down because I don't have a degree even though i am a professional in my field and paid for the education that I do have.

 

This makes no sense. Ya'll think I am superficial but this takes the cake..... after all I was willing to give the divorcee and the libretarian a chance... perhaps because I realize people aren't perfect? But then they expect me to be apparently.....

 

Women and your fairy tale prince charmings - time to wake up and get real.

[peace_pipe]

Yeah: for me, smoking = deal breaker. No lectures, no melodrama, no hysteria, just no thanks.

 

"I finally found the perfect woman. Problem was, she was waiting for the perfect man..."

 

 

That's too bad, because folks that think like you don't often stop at smoking. What's next? You gonna dump someone who drinks pabst blue ribbon? Where does it end? It's a downward spiral, too bad you don't realize that.

[peace_pipe]

My two basic criteria are 1. doesn't smoke. and 2. college degree.

 

I never ceased to be amazed.

 

A lot of idiots have degrees........

 

You left out criminals, deadbeats, etc. I guess that's okay cause they don't fit into your criteria.

 

Now I am going to pack up the pipe and enjoy some serenity ......

 

because I don't have some chic telling me I can't.

[polywog]

Hi peace_pipe,

Do you have any hobbies or interests that allow you to hang out with women and get to know them before dating them?

 

From your post, it sounds like you just sort of date and hope that it leads too something. I can't stand the idea of just "dating" a person I barely know. It just seems like a crap shoot. I've always met the men I've had relationships with through my work or things I like to do. I got to interact with them for a while before actually jumping into something with them. Just a thought...

[sunshinegirl]

Let's say you meet a wonderful man who was a good provider, a good father, treated you well and was handsome - but he smoked. You would turn him down? Have you been reading Cinderella again?

 

Or better yet, you meet this man, marry him then 3 years later he takes up smoking. According to what you wrote you would divorce him..... how dumb.

 

 

Not only that, but some people like me smoke on my own time. I don't smoke in my apartment or my car, around children, or anyone who requests me not to. Now tell me how would this affect you again? I really comes down to control, and i will have no woman tell me how to live my life. If I did that, i would be in the gutter.

 

Some people are allergic to smoke, my friend. Like my mom. Of course that didn't stop her from marrying my dad, a chain smoker, 40 years ago, so perhaps you have a point there - if it's the right person, perhaps something like smoking doesn't have to be a dealbreaker.

 

HOWEVER. My dad's smoking became a huge wedge between my parents. Even though my dad stuck to smoking in 'designated' places in the house, the smoke always wafted into other rooms. And, like I said, my mom is allergic.

 

When I was 7 or 8, my dad (on his own volition) quit smoking cold turkey. His health improved as did my parents' relationship. Twenty years later, Dad took up cigars, increasingly becoming a chain smoker once again. And once again it became a big problem between my parents.

 

Fast forward to now: dad's smoking caused restriction of the blood vessels in his legs, causing hip pain and trouble walking. Last week he had surgery to insert stents in one leg to improve the circulation. Doc has told him in no uncertain terms that (a) his smoking is the direct and unambiguous cause of his health problems and (b) he'd damn well better quit unless he wants to eventually lose his legs.

 

Things w/ my mom have been tense around this issue. While my sisters and I have been singing hallelujah that he's finally quitting, Mom's really upset with him that out of sheer stubbornness and "I'll do what I want" attitude, that my dad has jeopardized his health and caused a lot of worry to the family that loves him.

 

I share this story simply to let you know that smoking can be a much more serious issue for relationships or families than you seem to think.

 

It is because of how this has played out between my parents that I refuse to date a smoker.

[konfuzd]

The simple truth is that the older you get, the fewer available women there are (and even fewer without some kind of baggage).

 

Everyone has their own criteria for a partner, and judging from your posts, I'd say your attitude would be much more of a turn off than your smoking. You come onto a public forum asking for opinions, and jump down the throats of those who differ from you.

 

There are a lot of guys who wouldn't find taking clothes off in public such a bad thing. As a matter of fact, there are many who would hunt you down for her number. Dating multiple people is completely acceptable to some, and perhaps she's meeting guys who don't quite fit her criteria either, but while she waits for him to come around, she's just out being social. If you don't find that acceptable, fine you don't have to date her, but that doesn't make her less of a "quality" girl. She's just not right for you. Oh well.

 

I'm not saying you're right or wrong here in not pursuing relationships with these people, you have the right to set your own standards, but maybe a little compassion and understanding that people are entitled to their own lifestyle choices and can reject you for things they don't find acceptable without being a "Cinderella" looking for her "Prince Charming" and accept the fact that you are the "Frog Prince" waiting for some girl who will be willing to kiss a frog to find the prince I'm sure you have buried inside somewhere.

[melodymatters]

For once, i basically agree with everyone here ! On one hand, the OP is getting a little hysterical when people disagree or think differently from him.

 

On the other hand, I agree with the OP that some of these " rules" are ridiculous. Some of the smartest, most succesful people I know don't have the piece of paper degree, but are well read, self taught, and terrific business men or woman. And smoking outside, shouldn't bother anyone unless they are completely healthy and pure in every way themselves.

 

I met a guy online who wrote and called and saw many pics of me and thought I was in his words " gorgeous", but then noticed that I was 5'2 and wrote back that it was a deal breaker because he really could only date woman between 5'7 and 5'9. I was like " good luck to ya buddy"

[mikey2strikes]

hmm, i see what you meen, and can imagine how you feel. but it sounds to me like your dating, but your not doing it properly... (if you dont mind me saying) i used to go out dating alot, but ive set myself up in a great relationhip now. its not that there is a lack of quality girls, i come from the ****test city in my country and managed to date a daughter of a forign president. im just a normal guy, nothing special. i dont really want to voice my opinion on here, but at the same time i do have something to say.

 

if your interested, would you e-mail me at [email protected]

 

 

P.S just because your nearly 30 it doesnt mean you cant date 20 year olds!

[Trimmer]

Yeah: for me, smoking = deal breaker. No lectures, no melodrama, no hysteria, just no thanks.

That's too bad, because folks that think like you don't often stop at smoking. What's next? You gonna dump someone who drinks pabst blue ribbon? Where does it end? It's a downward spiral, too bad you don't realize that.

 

You asked if someone choosing not to date a smoker sounded melodramatic - that was your exact question - and I answered. I didn't suggest that smokers should be legislated or discriminated against, or that you, yourself, shouldn't smoke, or anything about my opinion of what anyone else should do. Just answered your question with my preference.

 

Your response, on the other hand, sounds melodramatic. "It's a downward spiral?" Well, if that's the worst downward spiral I ever find myself on, then somehow I think I'm going to be OK.

 

Good luck with your dating. I can't imagine why they would be passing you up.

[Mary3]

Hello all,

 

I am 29, soon to be 30 and single for 3 years. I have had my fair share of relationships and experience with women.

 

Over the past few years, I have dated countless women. Some of them I wasn't interested in and some weren't interested in me.

 

I am successful , independent and in shape physically.

 

Recently, I have been having much trouble meeting "quality" women.

 

Examples:

 

Went on a date with a girl who told me that she was dating 3 other guys. I left her at the club.

 

A friend tries to set me up with her friend. She is a cute gal, but she drinks heavily and takes her clothes off in bars. I lost interest.

 

Met a woman who I was really into, she is successful, smart and beautiful. Problem is that she was separated from her husband and there was much drama associated with that. I won't go into detail but it's pretty ugly. They ended up getting the divorce, but I had already left the situation behind.

 

Met a girl from online who was nice to talk to, but I wasn't really attracted to her. I gave it a whirl anyway and she states she can not date me because I smoke cigs!!! Does this sound melodramatic to you? I mean if you meet someone that has many good qualities do you expect them not to have any flaws?

 

These are just a few examples of my recent dating life. I am not trying to whine, and I have always gotten dates. There just seems to be a lack of quality women out there. Maybe the quality ones are in demand and are all taken... i am not sure.

 

The other thing is I have no children and never married. I have been wanting to find someone for years now that at least has potential to go in that direction.

 

On top of all of this, my folks are getting older and the one thing that I want is for them to see me happy before they pass on. My dad has just been diagnosed with cancer so it makes my situation even more troublesome. There's good chance he will make it through, but it scares the daylights out of me to watch my family pass and then be left with no one, no life meaning.

 

Call me arrogant, but I am happy with myself and always strive to achieve better. I feel ike I have a lot to offer a mate. Why do they pass me up?

 

First of all your dates seem to be revolved around drinking....what makes you think you can meet quality women in a drunken stupor slogging down the gin and juice ?

 

Secondly , the fact that the girl at the club dated 3 men , well , big deal . A successfully single woman has the world as her choice and can date as many men as she pleases to weed out the losers . Once she fine tunes the right one then thats the prize winner.

 

Note : I didn't say date as in *steadily dating* one man but rather going on many dates with different men and tasting all the goodies , until she picks the one that is right for her

[burning 4 revenge]

P.S just because your nearly 30 it doesnt mean you cant date 20 year olds!

yes it does. any thirty year old man dating a twenty year old girl is a pedophile

[Mary3]

yes it does. any thirty year old man dating a twenty year old girl is a pedophile

 

What about a hot 40 something woman dating a 25 year old man ?

[burning 4 revenge]

What about a hot 40 something woman dating a 25 year old man ?

no, that sounds sexy

[justagirliegirl]

For some people, smoking is an instant deal breaker and that is just the way it is. Smoking is an expensive addiction and I happen to be allergic to the smoke.

 

It causes increased risks for so many health problems and life insurance premiums go up for smokers and up a lot. Their clothes, hair and breath smell. Things in a smoker's home are covered with this light grungy smoke film.

 

I'll stop now.

 

It might be in your best interest to quit smoking. You'll have more of a choice in mates plus saving heaps of $

[FleshNBones]

I never ceased to be amazed.

 

A lot of idiots have degrees........

 

You left out criminals, deadbeats, etc. I guess that's okay cause they don't fit into your criteria.

 

Now I am going to pack up the pipe and enjoy some serenity ......

 

because I don't have some chic telling me I can't.

I agree.

Litmus tests of this sort usually aren't very reliable.

[Rob In NC]

Peace Pipe, you're situation is not rare at all. I'm in the same boat. Unfortuanately, most women who are very attractive have some type of wild side to them. Not all of them, but most have had numerous sexual partners in the past. If they are still young, they like to go to clubs and get wild. Attractive women who are ready to settle down are simply trying to recover from their years of being wild in there 20's.

 

The girls who aren't wild and more down to earth don't look as hot as the wild girls. Is it too shallow to pass up on a girl because she isn't that sexy? Maybe.

 

Basically, when you see a guy with a hot girl, don't ask yourself "how did he score? Is he lucky or what?" He basically just excepted the fact that he girl was hammered by a bunch of guys in the past and he's just happy to get some now, so he doesn't allow her past behaviour to bother him.

 

So basically, we as men have these ideas of a perfect woman, a woman who is hot, loyal, down to earth, can cook, nurturing, supportive, non-nagging, not a former slut etc... That's my idea of a perfect woman. But it is highly unlikely that girl exists today. The most realistic woman who can cook and is nurturing, probably isn't sexy looking. A sexy woman is probably a former slut who can't cook.

[Rob In NC]

What's up with these boards? I tried to edit my other post because I noticed some errors with grammer and it won't let me do it. Does it only let you edit it once or something? That's BS.